Eight Years

Eight years with Husband. So many adventures, endless ups and downs. A house, some cars, a couple kids, some pets, some huge losses. This man knows too much about me and I can positively say he has seen me at my very lowest and very worst but has been steadfast through it all. He stumbled upon my blog and knew my secrets and wanted to be with me anyway. It's crazy to me when I sit and think of how easily we could have never happened had he not stumbled upon that movie review and made a rather innocuous comment and had I not decided to reply to it with an email. He was living with someone and I'd been dating someone for years. He lived almost 200 miles away but had actually lived in Oxnard when I was in LA. Considering he's a Michigan man and I'm a California girl, this seems like nothing less than serendipity.
I came so close to messing it all up with him. I was so used to being treated like garbage in my relationships that I was suspicious of how good he was to me. I did that thing where you set someone free and if they come back to you they were yours all along like I was living in some cliche Young Adult novel rather than real life. But I crawled back to him and he embraced me with everything he had and within a month we were engaged. BFF teases me because I am constantly saying how much I love him but he's the best decision I have ever made. I'm so proud to have made him the father of our children and the love of my life.


Weekend Pics

 Husband and I cleaned up nice and went to Suzanne's Cuisine in Ojai.
 Why can't my patch of yard look like this?
 Our 8th consecutive anniversary dinner celebrated here. Perfection.
Those two specks in the distance are deer. 
 I lust after bougainvillea. From Sunday's walk.
 Christa thinks it's good to be queen! 
 Remember how pretty I looked up there? This is what real life looks like.
Poor Betty having to deal with Mabel's codependent ass all the time always.


Haiku Friday

Boy! What a month, huh?
So many celebrations
In-Law visit, too!
They left yesterday
Got my house back in order
Tidy but empty
I'm feeling my age
Recovery took some time
Back to real life now


Book Review

In the middle of February, I had just finished a pretty good streak of reading when my sister-in-law gave me All the Missing Girls by Megan Miranda. I thought I'd dive right into it but here we are, almost two moths to the day later, and I've just finished it. I suppose this book is in the vein of Gone Girl in the sense that is a twist and turn sort of thriller. It starts off with Nic arriving back in her hometown because her father's mental health is declining and he's telling nurses his daughter is in danger. She had left town in a hurry and never really looked back because in high school her best friend had gone missing.
After Nic's arrival, the book begins being told backwards with each new chapter basically starting with the words "The Day Before." I have trouble with books that jump around like this but if you don't, I think you'd probably be able to plow right through this. Nic's childhood sweetheart's new girlfriend goes missing and it's like that high school drama all over again. It's a story of secrets unraveling because in order to understand what is going on with the current missing girl, you have to know what went on back in the day.
It took me until about three quarters of the way in to reading this to really get in to it. The ending was a real pay off for me because all the pieces really fell together nicely with no real loose ends dangling. I liked that it was this clique of people sharing a secret and dramatic past that basically ends up repeating itself. The murder and the mystery and the rumors of a small town felt very realistic. It has inspired me to download The Girl on the Train to my kindle and I'm hoping I can get back on the book a month pace I was on before. Deleting the Facebook app on my phone should really help with that. You turn 40, y'all, and you start making some changes.


Weigh In Wednesday

#fitat40 is the new #fitby40

Weight: 203
Down 1.8 since last week which unbeknownst to me on last Wednesday's weigh-in was a period week. Because of course it was, right? With ALL THE ACTIVITIES planned. I am ecstatic because today I hit 20 pounds lost! I've got 4 pounds to go to be "under 200" which was a #fitby40 goal. Next big goal is to be 190 like my drivers licence claims I am. When I get down to 190, I will have lost the equivalent of what my 3-year old daughter weighs. I have found tackling these small goals makes the big picture not seem so intimidating. My BMI (which whatever) is currently about 30.9 - because I really don't know if I'm 5'7" or 5'8" - so I'm still in the obese category which is anything over 30. Supposedly, to be in the high range of "normal" weight, I should be at 160 so I'm looking at a long journey ahead. Can't stop, won't stop, right?
Lifetime Steps: 2,581.398
That is 52,977 since last Wednesday which averages to 7,568/day. This is not exactly super accurate but honestly I took last week off as far as step counting because it was "Birthday Week" for me and my mother-in-law. We went to the Dodger game and out to lunch on Wednesday and I had a mani pedi and a nap on Thursday. Friday morning I took the fitbit off completely until I got back home from Vegas late Saturday afternoon. So liberating. I'm glad to be back on the horse though. I've hit my step goal every day since despite having a pretty dumb tummy bug that made me almost poop myself on my lunch walk. You're welcome.

Frame of Mind
Despite the massive sleep deficit and maybe days of hangovers, I feel pretty good honestly. Since Wednesday I have had little to no desire for beer which is a first for me. I have had a tummy bug so eating is undesirable. I feel like I have been getting full so much faster and I couldn't even finish my delicious dinner at Yolanda's last night for Taco Tuesday. The margarita I had went straight to my head and I fell asleep putting Casey to bed. Stinkin' lightweight all of a sudden. What's happening to me?!
I had a great week last week with the in-laws here helping out and with all the celebrating of turning 40. This weekend Husband and I have a date for our 8-year wedding anniversary. Yesterday marked a year at my "new" job and I had a great review topped off with a big raise. Starting in June, I will have new and more responsibilities so I'm proud of that. My depression and anxiety have been at an all-time low since I've been moving more and eating better. I'm happy with my body for the first time in a long time. So yeah I think things are good. Here's to a new decade.


Movie Review

It's hard to believe that I saw the first Guardians almost three years ago and it still remains one of my favorites. Our Mother's Day plans to go on a Wildlife Cruise out to the Channel Islands was thwarted by high winds so we ended up taking a big ol' family trip to the movies instead. The in-laws, my mom and us four went to see GOTG2 and I was not disappointed in the least. And from the trailers we saw beforehand, I have a feeling we will be seeing a lot of movies between now and Christmas.
The theme of this sequel, which manages to be as awesome as the first, is "family." We get to meet Peter's dad played by the super handsome Kurt Russell. We also really get to dive deep into Peter's relationship with Yondu who was a pretty bad dude in the first film. I will not lie to you, I totally wept at the end because they hit every family note they could and you know I'm a sentimental mess. Christa was deeply in love with the very lovable Baby Groot who adorably dances through the opening credits. Boy does Rocket make Casey laugh and think he can get away with dropping swear words. I wish that Peter had had more screen time and focus because he is my boyfriend but it wasn't too disappointing. I really liked getting to see more of Drax because he really cracks me up.
Mostly, though, I was so impressed with the background and the visuals. What a spectacular imagination you have to have to dream up a galaxy such as this. The soundtrack slayed again and mom and I sang along more than once. We stayed all the way to the end of the credits for three separate teasers but I'm not sure it would have killed me to have seen them on the DVD. Overall, though, the entire family - young and old - walked out of the theater with smiles on their faces. Highly recommend.


Haiku Weekend Wrap Up

Britney in Vegas
A drunk yet great Dodger game
China Square dinner
Went to the movies
Because wind ruined our plans
Of a day at sea
Way too much eating
Not enough walking, water
Turning 40 rocked


Fit By 40 Weigh In Wednesday Summary

Weight: 204.8
That's down .8 for the week and 18.2 overall. Yesterday I did my "Transformation Tuesday" weigh in and was so excited to see 204.4 but this is fine, too. Reaching the goal of 20 pounds lost by Friday is not going to happen. It's okay. I'm totally at peace with that. This game is not over yet.

Lifetime Steps: 2,528,421
That's 89,694 for the week which averages to 12,813 steps a day. My highest step count was Sunday with 15,634. On Monday, I took a rest day and only got 7,506. I don't regret that rest day. My friend April keeps inviting me to do these Weekend Warrior FitBit challenges and I really find myself aggressively competing. Kind of fun to get that gold.

Frame of Mind
Not going to lie, I'm vibrating this week. It's a wonder I'm getting anything done at work. My in-laws arrived yesterday for a 9-day visit so I have been getting carpets cleaned and windows washed and tidying like crazy so they wouldn't arrive to a pig sty. I took both kids to the doctor yesterday. Dodger game tonight on the 9th anniversary of Husband proposing, pamper day tomorrow, Vegas on Friday and whale watching for Mother's Day on Sunday. Phew! Lots going on.
It was my intention to not walk and not diet this week but I'm just not good at being all the way bad any more. My co-workers and I went to lunch on Monday and I ate half a burrito that was the size of my forearm and didn't walk but still managed to get 7500 steps in. I drank a few beers, had a candy bar, and had zero Effs to give. Yesterday I finished that burrito  for lunch but did walk and did have a few beers. I feel like my body tells me when it has had enough of being good and I listened and I do feel better about things. I'll be back on the ol' wagon with a vengeance on Monday, for sure. With all the celebrating going on, though, I don't want to have to think about that stuff. Just for this week.
I went shopping this weekend with my mom and got regular old, XL shirts. I got some short shorts and some jeans in size 14 which is down 2 sizes since this time last year. I found a foxy dress to wear to Britney and dang it I felt foxy in it. I'm so happy with the progress I have made and I am not upset that I didn't hit a number on a scale because I see how my body has changed. I feel it. And I can't stop, won't stop. This is my lifestyle now: eating better and moving more and drinking less. And I will stick with it because I am actually going to be FIT at FORTY. Not by. Forever now. Because I can't let my kids think it's okay to be sedentary or complacent.


Weekend Pics

 Sister was under the weather. 
First clue was her falling asleep while I ate lunch at the restaurant.
 Texts from Daddy while these guys ran errands and I shopped for clothes.
 Seeming totally fine...
 Then out like a light.
 Tummy bugs are the worst. Everyone but Husband has been cursed.
 On the mend and out for smoothies
 Christa's alter-ego "Lala" which I assume is short for "La Virgen"
Puppy cuddle puddle


Haiku Friday

Cinco de Mayo
One week until I'm 40
It's the final stretch
My thirties were great
Packed with so many events
That were life changing
Excited to see
What the next decade will bring 
Only time will tell


Throwback Thursday

This time last year we were at Disneyland and I want to go to there.

It's also May the 4th so you know what that means...


Weigh In Wednesday

Weight: 205.6
I'm down .4 since last week and 17.4 overall. I have not been very good about "dieting" this past week. I did not abide by my rule of no beer M-Th but I didn't drink every night and if I did it was only one. On Monday and Tuesday I had a pretty bad tummy bug so I think we're all clear to start with the ol' detox with 10 whole days to try and get down a measly three pounds before I turn 40! Yeah, right. Edna opened the bag of peanut M&Ms and I had more than enough because I have no restraint. I've since moved that bag far from me. I had a huge dinner and a beer last night and was still down from like 209 (what!?) on Monday morning so imagine if I'd actually tried?

Lifetime Steps: 2,438,727
That's 87,401 in a week which averages out to 12,486 a day. We had a very active weekend with a color run, a hike and tons of pool time which meant not wearing my fitbit all the time. Despite driving to and from Murrieta (three hours each way) I still managed to hit my 10K steps a day so that was a good feeling. I've hit or exceeded my goal every day since Saturday April 15.
 bravely wearing skin tight everything with only a little shame
random walk selfie but you can see long hidden collarbones

Measurements April vs May 
Bust 39.5 vs 39.5 (November was 44 so down 4.5")
Waist 37 vs 36 (November was 39 so down 3") - not drinking every night matters!
Hips 43 vs 42 (November was 45 so down 3")
Thigh 24.5 vs 24.5 (November was 27 so down 2.5")
Arm 14 vs. 13 (November was 14 so down 1")
Down about 3" in a month and 14" overall. I need to really remember this when I'm mad at the scale for not moving.

Frame of Mind
I have a myriad of feelings about this whole weight-loss journey. Some days I get so down on myself because of the scale. Other days I marvel at how loose my clothes are. I've completely given up making excuses to not walk, even when I have a tummy bug or if it's hot and windy or raining. This activity increase really helped on the hike this weekend, which was easy but had some inclines that normally would have winded me. My SIL and I actually ran for a bit and I've been trying to run across streets more often. My leg muscles are nice and tight and my body is smaller and I'm stoked that I'm actually working toward being "fit" by 40 instead of "thin." Big difference.
Not only that but my drinking has drastically decreased, as has my snacking. I'd be interested in seeing how this has affected my cholesterol levels. My overall eating habits have improved so much. When I go out to eat I find myself ordering healthier options and my water intake is way higher than it used to be. I've stopped adding sugar to my coffee and even that little thing has made a difference. I'm excited to see where this journey will take me and am working hard to not allow the scale to define me. I'm more than a number. I have fat, I will not "BE" fat.


Weekend Pics

 We got our fitness on Saturday morning for Casey's school color run.
 Stopped in Chino Hills for an ice cream on the way to cousins!
 Immediate poolside beers
 Fun with cousins. Nonstop swimming.
 Hot air balloons seen from their yard
 Neon cousins hiking
 Glad she loves her auntie now.
 But she loves no one more than Ethan
 Cheers to Husband who had to stay home
 Sleepy babies
No one said having fun wasn't hard work!