1.10.2017

Mom Blues

Yesterday was back to school for Casey after a three-week holiday break. Tensions were running high this weekend, probably due to that extended period of time where we didn't have the routine of school and homework. It also probably had to do with a little bit of cabin fever that one feels after being home-bound thanks to the entire family being sick and rain keeping us indoors. Maybe it's the return to normalcy after months of holidays and related activities.
On Sunday morning, I finally snapped after telling the children for the thousandth time to be seated at the dinner table and at that moment, Christa spilling her milk all over our table. I truly felt like I was at my wit's end, like one too many tiny instances of discord had resulted in a giant explosion. A Xanax was popped. Children were reprimanded. Mommy vented loudly to daddy. Things settled down. An excursion was executed. Fresh air was breathed. Fun was had. So seems to go the ebbs and flows of being a family and having a mom who can only take so much before her fuse is lit and her bomb is detonated. Despite the drama, everyone went to bed feeling loved and at peace.
Last night, after I picked the kids up from Mamamia's and when I got home, the phone rang. It was Casey's principal. There had been an incident in the morning where another student was "stabbing" Casey with some sort of screw and had told him, "I'm going to kill you." From what it sounds like, Casey got a teacher to intervene, the principal sat them down and apologies were exchanged. I got the phone call simply as a courtesy and an explanation that "We probably made a bigger deal out of this than was warranted but the children need to be reassured that this sort of talk is unacceptable." I explained to the principal that this was the third time I'd gotten a call from the school where Casey had been a target/victim of this sort of nonsense and I wasn't sure what the heck was going on over there but I am not a fan.
How much of this stuff is just the school being cautious? How much of this "bullying" is simply normal childhood behavior? From what I am told and what I can see, Casey is a kind boy who avoids confrontation and is kind to everyone. I've found myself questioning whether I'm doing all I can as a parent. Do I push him harder to be a bit colder, more independent? Have I done enough to help him grow? Is it my fault the children can't sit still and have trouble listening? I talked to a doctor today to see if these thoughts and my constant craving for more control would be best treated with medication. She said it would help the OCD tendencies but instead recommended couples therapy which I am currently considering. I don't feel depressed; I've been down that road and know the signs. My anxiety is not expressed in fear but more like rage. I just sometimes wonder if I am up for all the things being a wife and mother demands of me and if my husband and children are at a disadvantage due to me and my own character flaws and peccadilloes. 

2 comments:

Coodence said...

all good questions. i have no answers but i would be asking the same thing!! couples therapy sounds awesome.

Christine said...

I feel like you are asking all the right questions. I remember kids being super, super mean to me. And I'm surprised my parents never intervened in some cases. But that wasn't the "style" back then. I'm not sure what the answer is. and if these things are just kids being kids or something more sinister. Wish we didn't live in a world where we have to ask those kinds of questions...
Any chance of talking to the teacher? Seeing what she/he thinks? xo