Tough Love

A young woman asked me for help to kind of turn her life around. I wrote this and wonder if it will help.

1. First things first, you need to accept responsibility for all your actions. No one is to blame for your life. No one owes you anything. You are an adult and should be accountable as such.

2. Cut out the people that make you feel bad or do bad things out of your life even if it is the hardest thing on earth to do. I've told you on FB to stop associating with people in jail. My own brother was in jail and I went a year without talking to him because he was being STUPID. It is better to be alone than in bad company. Life is too short to be with someone that is not bringing out the absolute best in you. This is not strictly relationship goals with a love partner but with friends, too.  

3. Make a goal or a plan and stick with it so you can feel the power of achievement and persistence and tenacity. If XXX is what you are passionate about, devote yourself to it. Practice, study, be focused. Nothing helps take up your time like school does. If you do it right, none of those bad folks will have access to you because you won't have time for them to creep back in. You can be and should be and will be the best. 

4. If you have wronged people in your past like you say you have, make amends. Don't be a coward. Apologize. Tell them you were wrong. Be humble. Ask for help. XXX and I had beef for a long time but we fixed it. Relationships are only broken if you leave them that way. Don't be petty and hold grudges. Making things right sucks. It's hard. You feel like shit. But too bad. You probably made those people feel like shit too so that's karma.

5. Think of someone you admire most in your life and picture them beside you in your life even if they are not physically there. If they were with you, would you do the thing you are not sure you should be doing? That was the best advice my dad ever gave me. Never do something I would be ashamed of doing in front of him. 

6. Get a job. When I was your age I worked, went to school and then babysat in my free time. Sometimes I had a full time job and part time job and babysitting jobs just to make ends meet. Nothing in life is free or easy. Work ethic is the best thing you can have. I dropped out of school and it was the biggest regret ever so I got my bachelor's degree when I was six months pregnant with my son and a frickin' 32-yr old newlywed. Had I stuck with it, it would have been way easier but I just didn't quit. There are no excuses.

7. Exercise. Think about what you eat and drink. Treat your body like the temple it is. It will aid in taking up the dangerous free time. It will aid in mental clarity. It will release endorphins to alleviate anxiety and depression. For me, I walk for 45 minutes on my lunch hour and I bump Britney and sing aloud and I don't give a fuck who hears. It's my time. 

8. Stay single. Focus on fixing yourself. You don't attract good people when you are in a bad place. I spent decades dating terrible dudes because I didn't believe in myself. Once I shifted the focus to me, I got Husband. You mentioned on Instagram once I think that we were goals. You can have that too but not with some hood rat gang banger with a prison record. Come on. You're smarter than that. 

9. Be patient. You are VERY young. You have a LONG life ahead of you. Rome wasn't built in a day. Nothing comes easy. All things take time and effort.

10. Know that you are not alone. Facebook is ridiculous. It's a time waster but it has nothing to do with family or friends. Nothing there is real. Your family is real. I know your family and they are a good family. They love you but you need to earn it. 

Listen, no one is perfect. I drink too much beer. I spend too much money. I cuss too much. I'm overweight. I can do better. But? I try. I make effort to keep in touch with my friends. I apologize a lot. I love a lot. I wear a fitbit and try to walk enough and I make salads for lunch to counter the pizza I eat. Life is about balance. I have a happy life but I work hard for it. There is no rest. It's a constant struggle to have this life. Sometimes I fuck up bad with my husband but we work hard to work it out. I hope this helps. I am not here to babysit you or coddle you but I will be real with you.
Love you, girl. Keep your head up.

1 comment:

Lisa..... said...

I know everyone sees Tony Robbins as kind of a caricature, but I seriously bought one of his books when I was 21. Awaken the Giant Within. It totally helped me.