I just like my kids.

 These are their fuzzy heads as they each snuggle under one arm.
This was at the park.

As I was driving home from work for lunch today, a Trace Adkins song came on the radio called "You're gonna miss this." I'll put the lyrics below. Sometimes, like the last twelve weeks of Husband working nights, I get so tired of how hard it is being a mom. Of how tired I am at the end of the day. Of how needed I am all the time for every little thing. But I really will miss this. These little people that complete me while draining me. The helping of the homework. The milestones. Good and bad, they're my everything.

She was staring out that window, of that SUV
Complaining, saying I can't wait to turn 18
She said I'll make my own money, and I'll make my own rules
Mamma put the car in park out there in front of the school
Then she kissed her head and said I was just like you

You're gonna miss this
You're gonna want this back
You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast
These Are Some Good Times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you're gonna miss this

Before she knows it she's a brand new bride
In a one-bedroom apartment, and her daddy stops by
He tells her It's a nice place
She says It'll do for now
Starts talking about babies and buying a house
Daddy shakes his head and says Baby, just slow down

Five years later there's a plumber workin' on the water heater
Dog's barkin', phone's ringin'
One kid's cryin', one kid's screamin'
She keeps apologizin'
He says They don't bother me.
I've got 2 babies of my own.
One's 36, one's 23.
Huh, it's hard to believe, but ...


Busy Damn Weekend Pics!

 This fuzzy bun has been in our yard before. Next time I catch him, he will be mine.
 This is a caterpillar that is devouring my milkweed and will become a Monarch!
 Reagan Library with some out of town guests. Stormy skies and two of my loves.
 Grease Lightning!
 Air Force One and a chopper. 'murca
 My little Who from Whoville
 Me & Mr. Headband Man (monkey on my back)
 Sister Selfie
 The Terrorist Strikes Again
 Betty wanted to be my 5 a.m. buddy on Sunday.
 Eating my right toes...
 And we can't forget the left.
 Up close & personal with the Bun
 Day 2 Headband, SB Zoo bound
 Monkeying Around
My big boy


Goodbye Jan Haiku Friday

Work wife leaves today
She's been with me for nine years
Through four pregnancies
She's my diary
Knows more about me than most
And she still likes me
I sure will miss her
And our lunches together
Man. This is sure sad.


Before & After

 Christa inside January 2014 and outside April 2015.


Legoland Weekend Pics

 Here is the father of my children with my children.
 Christa sure had some fun being able to wreak havoc on the land.
 Literally had to pry Casey away from his BFF Emmet
 He's such a good sport. We took SO MANY pictures with the real camera.
 Nothing is more fun than the Legoland Hotel. Nothing.
 Casey rode on so many rides! He was so brave!
 I love my kids. Sigh.
 Look at this hot mess after a day of theme park good times! Legoland hotel has a buffet where families eat and it was likely more rowdy there than at a Viking round table.
 Hotel pirate selfie! I LOVE THIS HOTEL! AND PIRATES!
Then on Monday after we got burned out entirely we hit the aquarium before heading home. So much fun you guys. I wish I could live at the hotel. And never work again ever.


Blah, Blah, Blah Haiku Friday

It's a holiday
Two different folks brought donuts
To my work today
Tomorrow I have
A funeral to attend
And then a party
Sunday and Monday
We're headed to Legoland
No dull moments here!



One of Husband's friends took this picture on our wedding day from the crowd. I never got the original so I saved the thumbnail from one of those photo-sharing websites. It's probably one of my favorite pictures of all time because after he & I high-fived, all of our guests high-fived and fuck if that isn't the coolest thing I could have ever asked to have happened to kick off my marriage. Happy National High Five Day, everyone. Keep the high five alive.



Despite my Eeyore of a post yesterday, things got better. By late afternoon, despite my naughty children refusing to nap and a brief spat with the spouse, the kids and I were smiling. Legos were being played with. The Princess & The Frog was being watched. I guess my disgruntled attitude was not subtle, so Husband managed to get off early to come home and help with bath and bed times. As much as I hate admitting it, I need him around. I need a snuggle on the couch while catching up on the DVR. I need a hug and a kiss before bedtime. As a woman who didn't get married until her 30s, I have always taken a lot of pride in being able to "do it all" and in being independent so it pains me to put that pride aside and ask for help. Sometimes I forget that as much as it's my job to take care of my husband and kids, it's also a husband's job to take care of his wife and a father's job to take care of his children. Team Friday has two captains. Sometimes our spats lead to actual communication. Sometimes our frustrations turn into a cuddle puddle or a giggle fit. Sometimes mommy needs to literally take a chill pill and remember she's not perfect and to stop putting so much goddamn pressure on herself.

MORAL OF THAT STORY: Our family may not have it all together, but together we have it all. 


Do you ever feel...

Do you ever feel like a plastic bag
Drifting through the wind, wanting to start again?
Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin
Like a house of cards, one blow from caving in?
Do you ever feel already buried deep six feet under?
Screams but no one seems to hear a thing
Do you know that there's still a chance for you
'Cause there's a spark in you?
You just gotta ignite the light and let it shine
Just own the night like the 4th of July
You don't have to feel like a wasted space
You're original, cannot be replaced
If you only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow
Maybe a reason why all the doors are closed
So you could open one that leads you to the perfect road
Like a lightning bolt, your heart will glow
And when it's time you'll know
You just gotta ignite the light and let it shine
Just own the night like the 4th of July

Those are some of the lyrics to Katy Perry's "Firework." I feel like when I write these posts I should start it off like I'm in an AA meeting and say "I'm Randi and I'm a depressed person." Like, that's who I am, a part of me. Like a "recovering" alcoholic is always an alcoholic. Anyway, those lyrics kind of sum up how I feel right now. Sort of overwhelmed. Basically "over" having a Husband who is at work when the rest of the family is home. "Over" Casey's cough/cold that has been a constant since he started preschool over a year ago. "Over" not having had a full night's sleep in like 5 years. "Over" working at a job where there is no way to move up. Just "over it."
This morning, Casey was supposed to have a pretty big dental procedure but when we arrived they decided not to go through with it, despite having this appointment for about three months now, because he has a cough. We'd all rearranged our work schedules and daycare schedules and now Casey's teeth need to remain badly damaged until we can miraculously plan a date in the future when he may not have the cough that never seems to go away. I got mad. Mad at my inability to control things. To have things "just work out" for a change. I dropped the boy and his dad off, popped a Xanax, and drove to a parking lot where I could have a good cry alone. 
This motherhood business? It's not easy. Working full-time and being a single parent in the evenings? Not fun. Living part-time with my husband for five years only to have him home and work nights? Far from ideal. I haven't gone on a real vacation since my honeymoon, using most of my time off to tend to sick kids or go to Michigan for familial obligations.
I know there is a good person in me - a firework, if you will. A light-hearted, funny and fun to be around person. A woman that makes her friends and family and husband and kids smile and feel good about themselves. One who isn't constantly disappointed and frustrated and "always mad." One who doesn't cry in a parking lot because she feels like a loser. One who doesn't have to write blog posts like this in hopes of relieving some of the pressure and bad feelings, mostly self-inflicted. I'm just scared to think that person only exists with the help of a little white pill.


Weekend Pics

 All I do is take pictures of Christa.
 Pajama week at Casey's school was awesome. He has Batman glasses, Spiderman jams and Superman shoes. All our bases covered.
 She looks so damn angelic when she sleeps. You'd never know she was the terrorist she is. With her wee bunny and all that pink. SIGH
 Boy did she love wrecking the bookstore. Glad we're good parents and tidied up after her rampage. And I got a new book for my efforts.
 Post-nap, beer-stealing, chip-snatching, broke-down hot mess.
Since she rips the barrettes out of her hair we tried rubber bands. Hahahahahahahahhahahahahhahhaha


Gone Girl Haiku Friday

Read the Gone Girl book
Obsessive, nonstop reading
Ate up my insides
Such great twists and turns
I knew Nick didn't do it
But couldn't get it
Amy's a monster
And the way it all ended
Made me mad. And sick.


Easter Weekend Pictures!

 Pirate Park on Friday after work. If you zoom in there is a couple in the back on a bench and she is popping his neck pimples. Hooray High Def.
 She's just so cute. I take pictures of her doing all the things, like touching the slide even though it isn't particularly exciting or interesting.
 Free Spring Fair! Free Easter Bunny!
 The girl has NO fear of animals.
 And wanted all the carnival stuffed animals I wouldn't win for her.
 Casey wanted to ride all the rides!
 This was wimpy compared to what he wanted to do!
 So brave!
 She'd just point to him and say "GA!" every time he'd pass by. Her lubs hers brubbers.
 Seriously! I wouldn't do this!
 ZOOM! So fast!
 Easter eggs came out so bright. We learned you can put rice and food coloring in a ziplock bag and shake the egg in there and get the same dang result as dunking them in colored water. Better results frankly. So there you go for next year.
 That tutu lasted two minutes and two seconds. She is not a fan of frilly girly things. Poor thing. She's so cute. I can't stand it. It angers me.
Casey wanted toes like mom so I gave him a multicolored pedicure. Hehehehe