So. Tired.

Did you guys know that I never sleep? As in I can't even remember the last time I slept uninterrupted through the night? Last Friday I left work at noon because I was having an anxiety attack and I knew the only solution was to get medicated and take a nap. Tired feeds the anxiety so I feel like a bundle of nerves right now. I'm almost irrationally short and angry with people over dumb shit. My mom and I had such a huge blowout that we're not even really speaking. Saying my fuse is short is the understatement of the century.
On Monday night, I went to bed early with the hopes of getting a good night's sleep. Husband called me at 11:30 p.m. when he got off work to tell me he'd found our car with two tires slashed. I certainly couldn't just doze off again after a call like that so I was up for hours. Plus, you know, my baby cries at night and loves to wake up around 5:30 a.m. every day of her tiny baby life.
Then we cut to last night! Again, I'm in bed and asleep by 9. I wake up at 10:30 to pee? 11:30 because Husband is home. 12:30 because the baby is crying. 1:30 because Casey is bursting out of his room to go to the bathroom. Finally fall asleep and at 3 he's coughing so hard he wants to barf. Back asleep and the baby cries at 4. Back asleep and someone is calling Husband's phone at 5:30. Back asleep and the baby is awake at 6. Are. You. Fucking. Kidding. Me? That shit really happened! And here I am at work! Expected to function!
Yeah so that's all. I'm tired. I'm irritated. I'm sad. I'm frustrated. I'm all the feelings. This whole thing with Husband working nights (until May I guess?) is a little harder than I thought it would be and regardless of how well I get shit done, things like this take their toll. I have anxiety. And if you don't know what real, stupid, ugly anxiety does to a person can you take a moment to read this link? I've never had something sum up the demons inside me like that did. And if you're reading this, I just want to say thanks for being here for me. It's always appreciated.


libelletage.com said...

Omigosh. That's rough. I love sleep. I want my 8 hours of it too.

Hung said...

I am super effected by my sleep too. Probably not to the clinical level, but string a few days of low-hours or low-quality sleep together and I suck at getting through the day. Fortunately, the kids sleep through the night well now, but for the first 5 months of LV's life, i called him an asshole and people thought he was a teenager. Then I told them that he was a newborn and then they thought I was a dick.

Hung said...