2.05.2015

Dad

With all the house repairs, Casey's teeth, tax appointments and ALLTHETHINGS plus my lady time arriving, I have found myself becoming extremely stressed and anxious several times this week. At one point the other night I literally got in my car and drove away from Husband and the children and just kind of screamed in the car in the parking lot of Vons so I wouldn't lose my shit in front of them. Not my finest moment but whatever. This morning I felt another anxiety attack coming on because we were running late and Christa is always in everything and Casey is the biggest feet-dragger in the morning and AAAAAAAAAAAAAH! So my chest started tightening up a bit on the drive to Maria's and my dad decided he'd show up in the form of a song on the radio. Our song that we danced to at my wedding was Stevie Wonder's "Isn't She Lovely" and I hardly ever hear it play on the radio unless I'm in a bad state. I'm taking it as a sign he is letting me know it will be okay. The other day I was telling someone that if he was alive, I'd like to think some of this drama would be alleviated. 

Isn't she lovely
Isn't she wonderful
Isn't she precious
Less than one minute old
I never thought through love we'd be
Making one as lovely as she
But isn't she lovely made from love

Isn't she pretty
Truly the angel's best
Boy, I'm so happy
We have been heaven blessed
I can't believe what God has done
Through us he's given life to one
But isn't she lovely made from love

Isn't she lovely
Life and love are the same
Life is Aisha
The meaning of her name
Londie, it could have not been done
Without you who conceived the one
That's so very lovely made from love 


When the song ended I felt a lightness in my chest as the tears streamed down my face and stained my shirt, make-up ruined before I even got to work. So, I said to Casey, "I miss papa" and he said he did too. And we held hands. And I felt better. Sometimes I don't know how bad I'm hurting, grieving, missing my dad until the dam breaks.

2 comments:

Coodence said...

aw!! yeah.

Erin Aylsworth said...

You're not the only one with tears on her face. I'll blame my approaching ladytime for excess emotion, but I still wish Casey were here to hold my hand. Time to add a ticker to your blog of the number of times readers have wept! Better add a laughter ticker, too, because I've done that a good bit here. Hang in there!