So. Many. Weekend. Pictures.

Husband & I attended the 2014 NLDS Dodgers Home Game 1 on a warm day.
 Wynonna Judd messed up singing the anthem but this giant flag made me weep uncontrollably. Absolutely amazing. I've never cried so hard in my life.
 Big. Ass. Nachos.
 A little bit of a rumble. Those dummies lost. And I cried a lot.
 The next day I successfully made Spam Musubi from frickin' scratch as part of Husband's 40th birthday Hawaiian spread. It was not as hard as it seemed, but not overly easy, per se. Very yummy though as was the rest of the bounty we had.
 My uncles were here from Germany with their lovely friend Kelley.
 The children dog piling their Gaga.
This picture of Husband looking all giddy made my life.
 Sunday we attended a 50th wedding anniversary party and Christa looked adorable.
 And Casey discovered his love of stemware and eating ice.
And we broke in the dance floor with our friend Adela. 

This weekend for me was full of very high highs and very low lows that I feel warrant some words here. I think I have PMS which is sort of a "new" feeling after not having a period for like a year. Or maybe I'm just textbook depressed. It's hard to say. I drank more beers than I should have and slept very little while working very hard to put on a great party for Husband. I felt like I couldn't reach expectations I had put on myself nor could I reach expectations I felt others had for me. I think my behavior may have ruined parts of the weekend for people I love quite dearly. I know my behavior upset me. It's hard, you know. The first year with a new baby kind of sucks the life out of you. I'm trying to be the best employee at a 40-hour a week job and then I go home to try and be the best mom and wife I can be (which often times means being a housekeeper and an accountant!). And in the hours I'm not struggling to get a good night's sleep, I'm working on trying to be a good daughter and sister and friend. There's only one of me trying to be all these things and quite frankly I'm not sure I'm doing a good job at any of it some days. On top of that, I missed my dad very much this weekend, unbearably so. There is no doubt I am grieving the loss of someone who was my biggest champion and the most amazing mentor and friend as well as just the best dad and man I ever knew. Some days I wonder how I can get out of bed, I guess. It's just one of those times right now.

1 comment:

Christine said...

Dude, at one year postpartum, I am still trying to "do it all" and "be it all". It doesn't always happen, and we all just do the best we can. Give yourself a break. Your home is lovely, your family is great, the kids are fed and that spam whatever it is looks amazing. You rock, chica. Hang in there. xoxo