This weekend will be my first Father's Day without my own father to celebrate. I have really been struggling with this but it's hard to put into words. I come from a family that finds it necessary to celebrate every single stinkin' holiday together but this year I put my foot down and said I only wanted to celebrate Father's Day with Husband because he is the father of my children and basically the only dad I care to be around on that day. I don't think I need the reminder that my dad is not here. His absence is so obvious when we're all together.
The picture above was taken last year on Father's Day. It was such a fun day. My dad had Parkinson's but was already not the most coordinated man and he had fallen down on some rocks and was all cut up and bleeding. He kept hitting his head on the overhang of my brother's camper. I remember it like it was yesterday. Despite all the booboos, he was just so damn happy because he was surrounded by his family and got to play with his three grandchildren on a beautiful day at the beach.
Casey loved his Papa more than anyone on this earth. They were the best of friends. I wish that my dad had gotten the opportunity to hang on a little longer to meet Christa. He would have been wrapped around her little finger and he would have loved every second of it. My dad was such an easy man to love and gave love so easily. I miss him so much every day I can't even stand it. He was so happy seeing the father and man my brother had become and was so glad to have Husband as a son-in-law, taking care of his little girl and our son. I wish I didn't hurt so much. I wish I had my dad.


Des said...

He sounds like he was quite a great dad! I'm sorry for your loss!

Jessica M. said...

Oh Randi, I can relate. It gets easier every year... but it doesn't stop sucking.