Baby Drama

Sunday was a very strange day for me. I got a call in the morning from a very good friend (that is not blog related) telling me she's pregnant again. She and I miscarried around the same time so this was a very nice call to get. However, I sort of ruined her happy news with a panic attack I was having. You see, I woke up on Sunday morning and I felt real good... too good. Like, my nipples weren't tender and I wasn't nauseous. I noticed that my hair was coming out when I brushed it even though when I was pregnant with Casey I never lost a strand. I put on my jeans and buttoned them up and things weren't uncomfortable. I weighed myself and the scale said 219 and that's the lowest it has been in months.
Then, I noticed when I wiped after urinating that there was some discoloration on the paper. Nothing too serious, just a bit off. I tried to shake off the scary intuition I was having that something was wrong with the baby by taking Casey and Ethan to the movies. When I was sitting in the theater, though, I had a weird cramp. I tried to blame it on sitting awkwardly because Casey was on my lap but when we stood up to walk out of the movie, I couldn't shake that crampy feeling. We got home and I decided to lie down for a bit. When I went to the bathroom in the afternoon, I wiped and there was bright red blood on the toilet paper.
I convinced myself when I saw that blood that I had miscarried because of all the other symptoms I was having that morning plus that intuitive feeling that something was just not right. At about 4 in the afternoon, I called my doctor to tell him I thought I was miscarrying and he told me unless I was clotting, bleeding heavily and cramping, he'd see me first thing Monday morning. Yesterday, we went to the office and I was 100% prepared to be sent for a D&C. He did a pelvic exam and said he saw dark blood but he felt like my uterus had gotten bigger. How doctors know such things I will never understand but I went with it. He sent us in for an emergency ultrasound immediately following the pelvic exam. Again, I was nothing but pessimistic.
Because I'm just under 10 weeks, I assumed they'd go straight for the vaginal ultrasound but she just pulled my pants down and put the goop and the wand right on my belly. I was doubtful there would be anything there but lo and behold, there was a blob with 4 little extremities bouncing around in my big old gestational sac. Still unconvinced, I asked if its heart was beating: 170 bpm. It was like that little blob was saying "Hey, mom & dad. I thought we were doing this next week. Just chilling here." I was terribly embarrassed for being such a negative Nelly but also so relieved. Apparently there could have been a small tear in my placenta (Doc mentioned the term: subchorionic tear) that simply healed quickly, no reason for it, just one of those things.
So, there it is. The little blob giving me trouble already. I can just see it as a teenager, while I'm frantically calling the police thinking it is missing, saying "Nah, I was here the whole time. Sorry I freaked you out." I guess I just have to shake off the PTSD the last two miscarriages gave me and accept that this is really happening. Jackpot is a strong little fighter and I don't think it's going to give up on me so maybe I should put a little more faith in it.

1 comment:

libelletage.com said...

Whew, glad he was there. :)