Eleven Weeks

I guess since it's what's on my mind, I will blog about being pregnant today. The fetus is the size of a fig and that makes me laugh because yesterday I ate a fig salad for lunch. I'm pretty pleased that I have all but avoided morning sickness this pregnancy. In fact, aside from that one morning I threw up after eating a plum like it was my last meal on earth, it's been mostly pretty chill in the nausea category although the occasional dry heave/wretch does happen. People keep asking how I feel and the truth is I don't feel bad, I just don't feel really good. Sometimes drinking water makes me feel really gross and sometimes I just want to eat everything in sight and sometimes I don't want to eat at all. Mostly? I just want to sleep. Or lie down. Those two things are incredible.
Being a pregnant mom to a very active nearly-three-year-old has its challenges. There are definitely times when I just want to skip the park after work but Casey will hear none of it and climb into his stroller, essentially forcing me to take him and Betty on a walk that I know is good for me but I just don't want to participate in. He knows to be careful around my tummy now because I tell him he could hurt the baby. He then puts his head on my tummy like he's listening, sometimes talking through the portal that is my belly button then telling me the baby is crying and he wants to go in there. Sorry, son, your time in my tummy is considered served. The other day he asked me where the baby was so I had to explain we have a long wait ahead of us. He talks off and on his brother/sister. It's very cute. Mostly, though, I just wish Casey was as interested in sitting still and sleeping as I am.
On some level I'm sort of concerned about constipation but that's normal at this time. I drink enough liquid to float away and I take fiber supplements so I'm kind of stuck in this department. I also wonder if my body just isn't using every last ounce of nutrients to feed the fetus and that's why I don't really have to go number two so often. I don't feel particularly uncomfortable... yeah... here I am blogging about pooping. I can see why you keep coming back here. Mostly I think I just need to do better when it comes to eating produce but sometimes I just slip in that category. I stinkin' love carbs and dairy, man. There's no getting around it.
There has only been weight loss so far and I'm not actually wearing maternity clothes yet but I have all but discarded the jeans that used to be a daily wardrobe staple. I did pick up the bucket full of maternity wear options last night, though, and may go through it this weekend because I'm tired of wearing the same five things to work every week. I guess now is about the time I start gaining weight but right now I still just look like my same, overweight self. Our next appointment is the Down Syndrome ultrasound screening on the 14th and then I have a follow-up with my OBGYN on the 20th. I suppose we'll officially announce the pregnancy shortly after that although many people already know what's up. I still feel completely in denial that there's a baby on the way. Not sure when reality will sink in.


Weekend Photos Y Wrap-Up

First and foremost: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ANDREA!

Did you know I'm a professional hummingbird watcher now? I like to watch them fight to the death at the feeder. Whomever created our particular feeder with the four little feeder holes was clearly a sociopath because hummingbirds do not share. No, sir. I filled this thing up on Friday before Miss Kitty and I took Casey out on a dinner date and it will be empty by this Friday. Fat little piggie birds. Husband went to a concert with Babe and so I had a nice, leisurely night at home aside from dinner which actually went pretty well. If there are crayons at a restaurant, there is a content Casey to follow.

Saturday no photos were taken because we really did very little other than go swimming at my parents' pool. Casey had a case of the runs on Friday but I thought he was over it until he booted while swimming. Thank goodness we had no witnesses. Didn't stop him from wanting to swim more, though. This morning he told me "We went swimming at Gaga and Papa's pool. I drank the water and threw up the frutas (aka fruit snacks)." So nice he is making memories. Husband threw together a lasagna and three buddies of his from San Diego came up to eat with us after they were done with their Ventura/Santa Barbara beach tour. Casey thought it would be nice if during our meal he went potty all by himself but streaked down the hallway with a naked, dirty butt to be wiped afterwards. I'm sure our guests enjoyed the show. I know I felt like a proud mama.
Here's a view of my son having a sucker on his dad's shoulders while showing the rest of us his plumber's crack. We ended up in Ojai on Sunday after attempting to go to the Santa Paula Citrus Festival. Apparently all the great things like hot air balloons happened on Saturday because by the time we got there on Sunday there was just a shitty band playing in an empty field with zero vendors and zero to do. We left there and took a leisurely drive on the 150 and had lunch at Boccali's and played in the park before stopping at the rad little candy store. While at Boccali's, a trio of tough looking biker dudes sat down beside us. One had a shirt on that said "Fuck like someone's filming" which is just super family friendly. What cracked me up is that they were nice as can be and one ordered a sparkling water (specifically Pellegrino though he was fine with Calastoga) and the other a lemonade. Teehee. Tough indeed.
This is a picture of a tree at the park in Ojai that had been knitted. I don't understand how this was done nor why. But there it is.


Haiku Friday

The most boring blog
Nothing but pregnancy talk
My bad, everyone
It's early to bed
Usually late to rise
Then I go to work
Little going on
I should probably read more
Books not internet


Baby Drama

Sunday was a very strange day for me. I got a call in the morning from a very good friend (that is not blog related) telling me she's pregnant again. She and I miscarried around the same time so this was a very nice call to get. However, I sort of ruined her happy news with a panic attack I was having. You see, I woke up on Sunday morning and I felt real good... too good. Like, my nipples weren't tender and I wasn't nauseous. I noticed that my hair was coming out when I brushed it even though when I was pregnant with Casey I never lost a strand. I put on my jeans and buttoned them up and things weren't uncomfortable. I weighed myself and the scale said 219 and that's the lowest it has been in months.
Then, I noticed when I wiped after urinating that there was some discoloration on the paper. Nothing too serious, just a bit off. I tried to shake off the scary intuition I was having that something was wrong with the baby by taking Casey and Ethan to the movies. When I was sitting in the theater, though, I had a weird cramp. I tried to blame it on sitting awkwardly because Casey was on my lap but when we stood up to walk out of the movie, I couldn't shake that crampy feeling. We got home and I decided to lie down for a bit. When I went to the bathroom in the afternoon, I wiped and there was bright red blood on the toilet paper.
I convinced myself when I saw that blood that I had miscarried because of all the other symptoms I was having that morning plus that intuitive feeling that something was just not right. At about 4 in the afternoon, I called my doctor to tell him I thought I was miscarrying and he told me unless I was clotting, bleeding heavily and cramping, he'd see me first thing Monday morning. Yesterday, we went to the office and I was 100% prepared to be sent for a D&C. He did a pelvic exam and said he saw dark blood but he felt like my uterus had gotten bigger. How doctors know such things I will never understand but I went with it. He sent us in for an emergency ultrasound immediately following the pelvic exam. Again, I was nothing but pessimistic.
Because I'm just under 10 weeks, I assumed they'd go straight for the vaginal ultrasound but she just pulled my pants down and put the goop and the wand right on my belly. I was doubtful there would be anything there but lo and behold, there was a blob with 4 little extremities bouncing around in my big old gestational sac. Still unconvinced, I asked if its heart was beating: 170 bpm. It was like that little blob was saying "Hey, mom & dad. I thought we were doing this next week. Just chilling here." I was terribly embarrassed for being such a negative Nelly but also so relieved. Apparently there could have been a small tear in my placenta (Doc mentioned the term: subchorionic tear) that simply healed quickly, no reason for it, just one of those things.
So, there it is. The little blob giving me trouble already. I can just see it as a teenager, while I'm frantically calling the police thinking it is missing, saying "Nah, I was here the whole time. Sorry I freaked you out." I guess I just have to shake off the PTSD the last two miscarriages gave me and accept that this is really happening. Jackpot is a strong little fighter and I don't think it's going to give up on me so maybe I should put a little more faith in it.


Movie Review Monday

"That was almost the best race movie ever!" exclaimed my 6-year old nephew as we left the movie theater after seeing Turbo. Of course, he thinks Fast & Furious 6 is the BEST so keep that in mind when you are reading this review. Personally, I thought Turbo was pretty run of the mill as far as most cartoon movies go: I didn't hate it or love it. I got more enjoyment watching Casey and his cousin sharing a chair and hugs throughout the movie than I enjoyed the movie itself. However, the children in the theater, and there were quite a few of them, seemed to really love it and were quite vocal about it, cheering and laughing often. This is their movie after all, we're just taking them there. Grown-up movie fans should be pretty impressed with the stellar cast of voices and I can safely say all of us were pretty wowed with the animation. The soundtrack was hip hop and fun, the colors vibrant and lifelike. Naturally the story of an underdog coming out on top was pretty predictable but I really liked the message that was sent throughout to follow your dreams, regardless of how big and unattainable they might seem. Who doesn't need a reminder to live like that every now and then? Ignore the haters and keep on keepin' on.


Damn Internet Haiku Friday

The Boston Bomber
Kate Middleton's Baby Watch
And Marc Anthony
Abortion, poison
Kidnappings, rape, injustice
Gay marriage and fire
No news is good news
The world seems so damn ugly
Makes me want to cry



  • 9 weeks today. Jackpot is grape-sized. I'm not barfing and the nausea is easing up. I get full quickly and tired easily. I don't seem to be gaining weight but my tummy feels big so I wear loose flowing dresses now instead of jeans and it's all very unlike me. Casey still thinks my tummy should be his own personal trampoline. I feel super sensitive to everything so I don't really liked to be touched and I feel super guilty about how this affects Husband who probably would like to be more affectionate than I'm willing to be for now though I know this will pass. 12 more days til the ultrasound.
  • I love my Glee program so the news of Corey Monteith (Finn) dying due to heroin use is affecting me in an irrationally profound way. I keep thinking about how much I loved his character and how happy it made me to see him and Lea Michele (Rachel) as a real life couple. Then I start feeling so sad for her because they looked so in love. Then I start wondering how she felt knowing her man was a heroin user when I get super pissed that Husband chews tobacco. Either way, I can't shake it.
  • Then there's the Trayvon verdict. It makes me mad and sad but I don't want to pick it apart any more because what's done is done. I'm sure the letter of the law and how juries make decisions was all well and good but it still sucks. Then I think about how fucked up Florida is and how many terrible news stories come from there. I wonder how on earth the states of this great nation differ so greatly. Shouldn't we all somehow be on the same page? Why is Texas so fucked up with its crazy abortion agenda? Why did I watch Diane Sawyer's news crew buy fucking war-ready assault weapons out of someone's house in Arizona? WTF!?! It all just makes me depressed and angry.


Weekend Pics and Wrap Up

Here is a picture of Husband taking the role of sidewalk chalk artist very seriously. Casey is obsessed with Monsters so he was drawing a beautiful rendition of Mike. This was before the picture he drew of a Sully from hell that is better left un-photographed. We spent quite a while outdoors enjoying the sunshine this weekend which was really nice.
This photograph of Casey might as well be a mirror-image of how his mama felt all weekend. I came home half-day on Friday because I was so nauseous and spent most of that afternoon horizontal. Saturday, we did a few errands and went to a birthday party. Sunday we went to the harbor for lunch with Miss Kitty and then had my brother and his family over for dinner so we did stuff but when we weren't doing stuff, I was lying down. It's funny because this morning I was feeling recharged and not really nauseous so I was so happy. The next thing I knew I was barfing over the kitchen sink with Casey staring at me in disbelief before we had to head out the door for work. My shame spiral has been renewed. Have I mentioned how mean pregnant is to me? Yeah.


Haiku Friday

Not too much to say
Pregnancy pity party
I just don't feel good
Drowning my sorrows
Starbucks Protein Bisto Box
Hazelnut latte
Since I can't have beer
I don't deny myself much
If it makes me smile


A Mom Thing

Despite feeling so nauseous yesterday that I canceled a dinner date with Miss Kitty, I was talked into taking Casey to the park. Who talked me into it? Well persistent Casey did, of course. He insisted that he go in his stroller despite me telling him mama was sick. When you have to go to the park, you have to go I guess. It's my own fault. I've been taking him to the park down the street after work almost every day for nearly 2 years now so he looks forward to seeing the kids. I can't blame him.
There is one kid in particular that we have been seeing pretty regularly on Mondays and Wednesdays because his sister has soccer practice nearby. He's a couple months older than Casey and his name is Junior. One of the first times they played together, Junior jumped on Casey and kind of split his lip but he apologized and they've been close ever since. It's very cute. Junior even likes Betty and vice versa plus he has a super nice mom I get to chat with about things like potty training.
Last week, we didn't see Junior and his mom either Monday or Wednesday and again this most recent Monday. They were at the park last night and I asked if everything was ok. Funny right? Why should I care? Maybe she just needed a break from the park. I felt a little creepy acknowledging that I missed them. There are always other kids at the park but I like Junior best. It's probably because his dad isn't a crazy Bible banger that's always talking about Christ in my life. Then again, I don't know Junior's dad.
I did finally come to the conclusion after about three weeks to finally acknowledge that Junior's Mom must have a name aside from "Junior's Mom" so I introduced myself. Junior's Mom is actually named Rosie. Now that we've crossed this huge step, I am trying to muster the courage to maybe exchange phone numbers so the kids can have a play date. It's crazy because I feel like this must be what it's like to be a young boy struggling with puppy love and finally getting the courage to ask a girl in his class out on a real date. What do I say? Where will we go? I already know they live near the base and have told Rosie we live near the park. Do I invite her for Casey's birthday cake?
Oh the woes of moms at a park, right?


Week 8

The tough thing about being an overweight person who is pregnant is that you really can't tell if you're showing which I highly doubt I am but whatever. Since I'm 8 weeks today I asked my coworker to take a profile shot but the face I made was so hideous I decided to crop it out. Haha. That's not what we're after here anyway. I definitely have a big belly but I did before I got pregnant, too. The only difference now is that my tummy is so sensitive that I do not want my jeans around my waist so I've been wearing dresses to work lately. My pregnancy dreams are so vivid that I find myself waking myself up to me talking in my sleep. This morning it was something work-related. All night I dreamed I was out shopping with a friend of mine and she was sad she had a big belly because she was a mom and couldn't fit in junior-sized clothing anymore. I am very inspirational in my dreams because I told her she should be proud of her belly and that her son came from there (even though this particular friend IRL adopted her son but whatever) and we all had a good cry. I dreamed that BFF and I rented a condo and a bunch of Indian dudes with turbans on came and crashed our poker game. I mean, I can SEE it all so clearly now. It's very strange. The night before I dreamed I was at Diane Sawyer's house for some reason and I messed up one of her needle point creations and she got pissed at me and wouldn't give me a ride back to Dodger Stadium where my family was. My sister-in-law's cousin happened to be there as well but her friends said I wouldn't fit in their Mustang convertible so I couldn't get a ride. WHATEVER, MAN!
As far as the rest of the time, not much has changed except I'm quite nauseous all day long. When I was pregnant with Casey, I just threw up so this is a little different. If I don't eat something every 30-60 minutes, I find that I feel the most sick. I've been trying to eat lots of fruit and things that are good for me and have been drinking a lot of water to try and feel full but I'm still nauseous. In the morning I try to eat a piece of cheese right away or have a glass of milk to stave off the nausea but I don't know if it's working. I sometimes wonder if vomiting wouldn't be better but I don't want to jinx myself.
And on a final note, since BFF mocked me for calling the fetus "Surprise" because I am the only person she knows that could be surprised that unprotected sex causes pregnancy, we have a new name: Jackpot. This came about when I said to her "Ok well maybe surprise isn't the right word but I certainly wasn't planning on hitting the jackpot after one pull." And there you have it.

Babycenter says:
Your baby is now just over 1/2 inch long, about the size of a kidney bean. New this week: Webbed fingers and toes are poking out from your baby's hands and feet, his eyelids practically cover his eyes, breathing tubes extend from his throat to the branches of his developing lungs, and his "tail" is just about gone. His arms have lengthened, too, and his hands are now flexed at the wrist and meet over his heart. His knee joints have formed, and his feet may be long enough to meet in front of his body. In his brain, nerve cells are branching out to connect with one another, forming primitive neural pathways.


Movie Review Monday

Since Casey did such a great job at the movies last weekend we thought we would try our luck again this weekend and go see Despicable Me 2 in the theater with him. May as well milk this free admission thing for the next 6 or so weeks, right? I remember liking the first one okay but kind of being disappointed by it so I didn't have too many expectations going into the sequel aside from hoping Casey would like it and we could kill a couple hours. Gru is a big old softie dad now who has been recruited to the defeat the evil among us while going undercover as a shop-owner at the mall. The minions are still adorable. El Macho, the villain, was particularly funny. It was a fun matinee to see with my wee family. What's funny, looking back, is that I was pregnant with my son when I saw the first one and I'm pregnant now so I found myself crying once again at the themes of parenthood and family. But I also laughed a whole lot and I think I liked the sequel better than the original. Casey also really liked "The Pickle Mewmie" so I guess that's really all that matters.

We also finally got around to watching a grown-up movie from Netflix: Silver Linings Playbook. I have heard very good things about this one and really just think Jennifer Lawrence is great but I can tell you I was really impressed with all the performances beyond expectation. I was surprised I laughed as much as I did but also felt conflicted about laughing because this movie deals mainly with the very heavy theme of mental illness. Bradley Cooper's Pat is bipolar and just released from a mental hospital for nearly beating his wife's lover to death. His father, played exquisitely and subtly by Robert DeNiro, is an unemployed gambler afflicted with OCD. The the two of them living together with Pat's passive mother is essentially a recipe for disaster. I was so thrilled to see Chris Tucker come out of nowhere playing a great supporting role as Pat's friend from the mental hospital. Jennifer Lawrence killed it as a medicated and depressed young widow who recruits Pat to be her dance partner in exchange for communicating with his wife who currently has a restraining order against him. See what I mean? Heavy. Yet it's also funny and sweet and touching and sad. The dance contest was completely unexpected and I just really recommend you watch it.


Why Am I Working Haiku Friday

 We had a great 4th
Friends and family in our yard
Eating and drinking
 Broke out the sno-cones
Added booze for the adults
Work hard and play hard
Kids played til they dropped
Watched fireworks from our front lawn
We sure have it good


Happy Bump... er HUMP Day

According to babycenter, today starts my 7th week of pregnancy so Suprise (Yes, I named it Surprise.) is the size of a blueberry. I thought I'd take today to update despite Monday's post for a couple of tracking reasons. Today was the first time in my life I have forgotten a medical appointment which leads me to believe "baby brain" is happening already. I voluntarily went in to get my thyroid checked right after I had my first positive pee test a couple weeks ago and then went back today for the full-on pregnancy panel: 6 vials of blood and a sample of urine. My appointment was for 7:45 and I had even emailed the whole office last night saying I'd be late this morning but no. I was early, came in and checked my email to see my missed reminder and headed to the blood draw 45 minutes late. Rad.
I guess this is about the time I start showing so I think maybe this time around I'll take more regular side profile shots to watch the bump grow. I had a little bit of a concern last night because I noticed some darker "discharge" for lack of a better word when I went to the bathroom. Right after my ultrasound on Monday, I had experienced something similar so I was a little concerned but wondered if it didn't have something to do with being penetrated by a wand. Can't wait to see what those last few words generate when it comes to keyword blog searches. When I miscarried in December of 2012, dark discharge was something I experienced but it was much more than this and when I had called the nurses they said to only be concerned if it was heavy, more reddish blood. This is darker, not heavy at all and has all but disappeared as of this morning. I'll keep an eye on it, however, from the reading I've done, it's not exactly abnormal to experience such a thing.
You're welcome for all that, by the way. All the gross. And if that wasn't enough, I will relay to you the story my phlebotomist told me this morning. I noticed there was a lady in the hallway pacing around confusedly with her urine sample in hand so I alerted the staff so they could to direct her to the proper return place. The guy that was not taking my blood but just happened to be in the room said that a lady brought in a urine sample this morning in a plastic grocery bag. Not in a container in the grocery bag, but in the grocery bag itself. When he told her "no" she tried to dispose of it in the waste can in the waiting room at which point he had to tell her "no" again and actually had to instruct her to dispose of it in the restroom. Lord help the idiots that walk among us. And Lord help the phlebotomist lady who took my blood because had she tied that tourniquet any tighter, I may have lost my arm from the elbow down this morning due to complete lack of circulation. 


Monsters University

For a while now we have been considering taking Casey to his first movie in the theater, a bit nervous about it because he as a rule never sits still. We thought it would probably be Disney's Planes in August but Monsters University beat it to the theaters so we took him this last Sunday. We really wanted to make it a big event for him so we talked a lot about the movie and watched the trailers on our phones with him quite often. On Saturday we went to the Disney store and got a Monsters shirt and some of the little plastic character toys that he lives (and no that's not a typo for loves) to play with. Most of all, though, we really tried to talk to him about what it meant to go to the movies like being quiet and eating popcorn. He was pumped and talked about it all morning long.
We had earned $10 off admission when my folks bought Monsters Inc. on BluRay and we redeemed the points through the Disney Movie Rewards program. A pleasant surprise we got at the box office was finding out that since Casey's under 3, he got free admission. We figured if things went horribly awry we would just walk out, no harm done and better yet, only a total of $3 lost thanks to low matinee prices. Casey did not disappoint. He was thrilled with the posters in the lobby and we walked in the theater just as the previews began so he was stunned by the biggest movie screen he had ever seen already in action. He watched each preview intently and adorably exclaimed "All done" after each one ended. He sat quietly through the Pixar's The Blue Umbrella short that made me well up with tears. He even cheered when the movie began and exclaimed "Monsters Differfity!" Casey sat quietly through the entire film and never once tried to get up or cause a fuss despite the fact that his chair kept folding on him until I put him on my lap. It was no less than MAGIC.
As for Husband and myself, we just loved the movie. I'm sure we were somewhat biased because we were watching it through our son's eyes to some degree but mostly it was just a fun movie to watch starring some characters we already loved and new characters that were easy to love. The cast is exceptional, the animation is extraordinary and the story is really amusing and made us laugh frequently. What was nice, too, is that they could have simply had a nice and tidy happy ending for Mike and Sully but there was a twist that taught a moral without being preachy. I highly recommend it for both children and adults alike. Now we're just waiting to see if Casey's going to pitch a fit when he realizes he can't watch it on demand for a while to come...


The Results Are In

Today was the big day: my first OBGYN appointment since finding out I was pregnant. I went in and filled out the paperwork I needed to fill out and realized this is my fifth pregnancy. Crazy. The nurse called me back and got me settled with paperwork for bloodwork and prenatal vitamin samples. Doc came in and said "So you decided to try again!" and I had to tell him how this one was totally not planned. He asked how it happened and I told him my horndog husband and I couldn't keep our hands off each other and he said "That's sweet." Sweet indeed.
He asked if I'd like to have an ultrasound and I said yes so he told me to get dressed and I'd be the next one in. I spotted a penny on the floor in the exam room, heads up, and I figured that was a good sign. We skipped the external and went right for the internal ultrasound and immediately we saw that flashing light synonymous with a heartbeat. She said "There's the embryo!" and I said "That means baby right?" because I was so excited I actually got confused. Of course it was the baby! And then we got to listen to the heartbeat. It was supposed to be at least 100 bpm and she said it was 117 bpm! Not bad for something that is the size of a lentil (5.9 mm)! I can't figure it out because one ultrasound says both 6w3d and 6w6wd and the other one says 6w5d but she put the delivery date at late February.
I forgot how fun this whole pregnancy thing is! You have two terrible experiences and you don't remember the joy of hearing your child's heartbeat for the first time. Doc said the heartbeat is a great sign and drastically reduces the chance of a miscarriage but I'll be going for another ultrasound on July 29 to make sure everything is still looking good. We're still erring very much on the side of caution so until then, we'll just see where this ride will take us. Hooray for this!