3.14.2013

Family

Inspired by a post I just read I thought I would take a moment to reflect on family drama. About ten years ago I decided that after spending most of my 20s in Los Angeles, away from my family, I wanted to move back home to Oxnard. When Husband and I got engaged, even though he was living in San Diego at the time, we decided that we wanted our married life to be here as well. My grandparents, my brother and his family and my parents all within 5 miles of one another. When my grandpa passed away, we moved into my grandparents house and Gran still lives about 5 miles away in an independent-living old folks apartment building. It has its ups and downs being this close to everyone but I'm very family oriented and I think I knew it would be my responsibility to care for my parents in their so-called Golden Years so this is how it has to be.
 After my grandpa passed away, Gran moved to an apartment alone where she was recovering from a broken hip. My mother, being a dutiful daughter, took it upon herself to bring Gran dinner nightly. That was almost two years ago now and Gran's hip has healed and she is actually pretty independent for a soon-to-be 88-year old. She has a lady that comes in the morning to help her bathe and prepares her breakfast and lunch. Gran has the afternoon to herself and my parents bring her dinner most nights. Recently, my father's Parkinson's has been getting worse so we all suggested that they cut back on bringing Gran dinner so that my mother could be more rested. My mother had simply bitten off more than she could chew and we were hearing about her strife a bit too much.
Rather than just tell my forgetful Gran that she wouldn't come the day before taking a day off, my mother told Gran we all had a family meeting and decided it was best if she didn't come as much so she'd be taking two nights off. That was a month ago and since then Gran has decided my uncle and I were the ringleaders of this diabolical plan and she has been nothing but nasty about it to all of us, but specifically toward me. This is the ONE THING SHE WILL NEVER FORGET and she has been sure to tell everyone in my family how nasty I am and naturally they have all told me what she has said. Because I am very emotional right now, I decided to stop trying to ignore it and let it pass and decided to confront my Gran about her behavior this morning because try as I may I just can't seem to alleviate unnecessary stress from my life. This was one thing I was going to bury once and for all.
Naturally, she acted like she had no idea what I was talking about. I reminded her that it was Husband and I that helped move grandpa to the home, that we were the ones that helped her pack up and move. We were the ones that have her over for dinner all the time. We are the ones trying constantly to make sure she gets enough time with her great-grandson. She had every opportunity to speak her mind but chose not to so when my piece was said, I left. I don't know if I feel better or worse but I know I have expressed my feelings and now I will try to walk away from it. It's hard, you know, because it is plain as day that she suffers from dementia but that doesn't stop her behavior from hurting my feelings. It hurts to see how easy it was for her to make me some kind of villain when I have been nothing but a good granddaughter for her. Old age and hard feelings are not a good combination.

1 comment:

Coodence said...

Old people. Man!