New Year, No Excuses - End of Week 5

Well last week I was 223 and this week I'm 224 so I'm up one from last week but still down .5 overall so I guess that's that. I finally broke down and bought a scale for my house so I no longer need to weigh myself in front of my co-workers in the warehouse. I don't know how accurate that thing is but that's fine, too. I'd rather weigh in the comfort of my nudity at home so there. According to this, my clothes weigh about 1.6 pounds which seems way too low but I guess that's reality. I can no longer live in denial.
I'm smack dab in the middle of my period and coming off of a weekend of binge eating and drinking (thanks, Super Bowl!) so frankly I think I'm doing ok. I'm maintaining at least. My "No Beer February" has not started yet but I'm not surprised. I live to make unachievable goals. I've not really exercised since last weigh-in and I've been slacking on the salads. So... yeah. I either need to try harder or accept that I weigh this much and move on with my life.
This week this link has been circulating and shared by many of my Facebook friends that I read and it gave me some perspective. It relates to me because I am always behind the camera and whenever someone takes a picture of me I scrutinize it to death and usually try to delete its existence. I don't know when I stopped being based in reality, but the reality is I weigh what I weigh and it is no one's fault but my own. I know my son couldn't care less how heavy I am; all he wants to do is play and cuddle. My Husband must think I'm still sexy because our fat sex is pretty super. In the future we will all enjoy looking back at pictures of ALL of us and we won't be looking at how fat mommy is, but how much fun we all had together.
While weight is highly scrutinized in my family, I have learned to mostly ignore the "joking" insults. I know this weight is unhealthy but I'm not going to live every second wondering how many calories I'm consuming and burning. I love food and I love beer. I don't binge eat packs of hot dogs and barrels of candy. Unfortunately, I have a desk job and busy evenings that make exercise a challenge. Until I can figure out how to add more hours to my day and be less exhausted, I suppose things will sort of just stay this way. And frankly? I'm kind of ok with that for now.


Coodence said...

Nice dude! great article, too!

Christine said...

Just wanted to chime in with a bit of encouragement. Nobody said this was easy, and you are going to experience setbacks, just like any long process. Perhaps it's better to focus on how you feel, rather than the number on the scale (I know you're in a challenge, so perhaps after it's over?). It's so easy to get caught up in the thought of failure, when, really, you should be celebrating (not berating) when you do something right. For example, does going for a walk make you feel like you have a little bit more energy? Get more accomplished? Have a bit of time to decompress? Does goofing off with the kiddo make you feel good? Does taking Betty for a walk make your life a bit easier (maybe she's not as psycho, listens better, makes your life easier?). It's these reasons (and any others that are meaningful to you) that will cause real, long-term change in your life. It's not that I want to look like Pamela Anderson, it's that I am a horrible person when I don't exercise. I lash out at my husband and my co-workers, life gets harder and harder, and I can't seem to do anything right. Taking some time every day for myself, even if it's just a walk, means that I am a better wife, a better co-worker and a better daughter. And that's what keeps me motivated, not the number on the scale. xoxo

libelletage.com said...

I agree with Christine, and I have been trying to tell myself (when I remember) that I love my body. it sounds silly but I am tired of looking in the mirror and feeling bad. I want too feel good.