1.31.2013

Torn

On Perez Hilton this morning, I saw an exclamatory headline about Beyonce opening up about her miscarriage. It had come out after she announced she was pregnant or right after she had her baby that she had previously miscarried. I think it was something Jay Z said. Either way, I have mixed emotions right now and instead of putting it on Facebook, I've decided to just put it here instead.
It's no secret here that I had a miscarriage in December of 2011. It is, however, sort of still a secret on Facebook and I'm not sure why but either way, that's the way it is. Lately, I've been talking a little more openly about it in comment form and whatnot but I never really addressed the fact that I had posted about being pregnant and then after the miscarriage, I basically deleted any reference to it. After that incident, I posted a little more about beer and figured everyone would just sort of put two and two together on their own. I'm friends with a lot of Husband's family and friends and he is much more private about such things than I am. It's the same reason we never really publicly announced Kiyah had been put down.
Personally, I don't know how I feel about Beyonce being some sort of spokesperson for miscarriage all of a sudden. It seems strange to me. Am I making this uglier than it needs to be? Maybe. Deep down inside, I feel like this is a tactic to bring attention to her new album and that we are expected to applaud Beyonce for her bravery. She basically said she used the sadness following her loss to write the first song on her new album. I'm also curious as to whether Beyonce talking about her miscarriage will be helpful to anyone. It sure would be nice if her "coming out" would take some of the taboo away from miscarriages which are obviously far more frequent than anyone wants to talk about until you've had one but I'm just not sure that's what will happen here.
There. I feel better now.

3 comments:

Andrea said...

Are miscarriages taboo? I had no idea. I know that, just like anything, some people are more private about that than others but I didn't think it was a taboo subject.

I do, however, feel this is a marketing ploy on B's part and I kinda hate that I think that and I kinda hate that I'm pretty sure I'm right.

Boo.

Christine said...

I think one way to take the stigma out of something (homosexuality, let's say, or autism) is to talk about it. Virtually every woman I know over the age of 30 (who desired to have kids) has miscarried, making this such a common experience it would be hard NOT to discuss. Like any loss (divorce, death, etc), people grieve in different ways. Some people talk about it, buy remembrances, share their experiences, and hopefully that makes them feel better. While others deal with it privately, with close family and friends. In terms of Beyonce, I am sure this is part of a marketing ploy. Everything she does is planned. However, artists tend to do their best work reflecting on pain or loss, so perhaps this album might speak to some on a different level. It's also nice to know that the daily struggles we face are faced by women at the top of the game too.
Sorry for the novel, but I want to address one other topic: that miscarriage is taboo. I don't necessarily think it's taboo. I think it's devastating, and like most situations of loss, we are uncomfortable talking about it. That doesn't mean that most of us don't want to hear about it, or that we wouldn't be empathetic. It just means that social exchanges are quite awkward and often problematic, as not everyone knows what to say and do. Sharing your story on FB? Not at all necessary. You don't owe anyone any explanations on that site, and I doubt anyone would bring it up. Sharing your story when you're ready with someone you are personally connected with? Lovely and wonderful. xoxo, dude.

Gen said...

Can't help but agree with everything written by everyone.

1) You owe no explanation to anyone as to why you don't discuss your m/c. It's a very painful experience and you are entitled to grieve in your own way, at your own time. Having been there myself, I 100% understand your feelings.

2) Definitely sounds like some type of marketing ploy. Yes, Jay-Z discussed it in his song Glory but then they had a beautiful baby girl - not that that makes the m/c any less significant - but you just can't help but question the motive behind the timing.

3) I'm an oversharer and Dan is very private. Makes for awkward FB posts - thankfully we have these blogs!