Ciao, September Haiku Friday

My job's killing me
I'm a walking ball of stress
And it's not worth it
Gained back all my weight
Hurt my foot then Curves shut down
And I stopped caring
Reality check
I have to make things happen
Get my shit in gear


Book Review

Remember how I told you I was going to have to buy and read everything David Sedaris has ever written? Well I sort of did and the most recent of my completed reads was Squirrel Seeks Chipmunk: A Modest Bestiary. What was best about this book was that I got the hardcover out of the Barnes & Noble Bargain section for under $6. Frankly, I'm glad I didn't spend more than that. Illustrated by the gentleman that does the Olivia books, this is a collection of short stories about animals behaving badly; however, not as animals do but as people do. One story that stands out is from the point of view of a purebred dog whose mutt wife cheats on him with the dog across the street. The dog across the street attacks someone and gets put down while the wife has his "illegitimate" pups that eventually get sold. The purebred is very smug about the whole thing. His "work" is being a breeding stud but after this series of events he actually enjoys what he does rather than just considering it a job to be done. Yeah, that sort of thing. I really can't put into words how very bizarre these stories were but once I start a book, I generally commit to finishing it. I had told my pal Cindy over the weekend that I would finish the book this week and then told Andrea my goal of not turning the TV on so that I could do just that last night. And thus, I did, enabling myself to proceed to read a book that is a little less on the weird side and a little more on the humorous side. Let me say this, however: although this book wasn't necessarily up my alley, Sedaris is still a master of spinning a yarn.


Movie Review Monday

Safe House is a little out of my wheelhouse but it must have appealed to me on some level since it ended up on the Netflix queue. I don't think Husband added it. Maybe? Either way, Ryan Reynolds and Denzel make for some good eye candy so we watched it because it had already been delivered to our house. This movie is chock-full of chases and guns and blood. What is lacking, however, is a solid story-line. I would have preferred a little more depth.
Vera Farmiga is in this, too, and I don't like looking at her but that's ok. The story is a bit of a "I don't know who the bad guy is" kind of tale and it had me guessing up until the last moment. Then it turned into some sort of WikiLeaks thingamabob. There were far too many moments where I had to suspend belief and say "Oh, come on." Yeah. I didn't love it. I also didn't love Denzel's hair when it was all big and gray. And I guess I just cant take Ryan Reynold's seriously because of Van Wilder and that cute love story movie he was in with Sandra Bullock. I prefer goofy, snarky Ryan Reynolds. Without a shirt on.


Haiku Friday

My day started off
Getting a drink from Starbucks
In Vehicular
Britney Spears playing
Husband has Casey duty
I'm doing it right
And then after work
I get to get a tattoo
All by myself. YAY!


Tummy Tuesday

Tummy Tuesday was a regular feature when I was pregnant with Casey so I think I will bring it back for my latest venture. Today is about a month since I last went to Curves and now it's not an option since it is out of business. I suppose it would be just about weigh-in time so I went out back to the warehouse scale this morning after breakfast and my two cups of coffee and it said 221. This was while wearing a pair of chucks, socks, a bra, panties, jeans and a tee shirt so I put myself at about 216. I'm up 5 pounds since August 14th. Not good.

I am trying to get back to walking for exercise because I love it but this foot injury of mine doesn't make that very easy. Yesterday I was home with Casey and we took Betty on a two 20-minute walks, one in the morning and one in the afternoon. Any longer than that just hurts but we have started doing our walks to the park in the afternoons again. I'm thinking that in another week, I can get back to a more regular walking schedule. My goal is to walk during my lunch hour now that Curves is no longer.

I went off of birth control on Thursday August 30th. According to the google'd conception calendar, this past weekend should be my fertile time so we took advantage of that. Today, I started back on my healthy eating routine. I'm back to oatmeal for breakfast and salads for lunch. Snacks will be fruit and nuts. Maybe a veggie here and there. Dinner will be free time I guess. I figure I should probably ease back on the drinking sooner than later so I guess we'll get the jump on that tonight too. No sense in trying to go cold turkey if/when I get knocked up, eh?

I know, readers of this blog, that I have stated time and time again that Casey would be it for me but something changed I guess. I see him with his cousins and he is just so damn happy. I worry about him playing with the dog and overhearing him say to her "Come on, Betty, ope-it!" like she should be playing back. I want him to have a confidant and a lifelong friend or at least a connection like that only a sibling really shares. After we lost Segundo, I was in a world of hurt and fear. I think 9 months later, I'm feeling a little better about it. The sadness is gone. The fear, though, is still there. And I'm sure it will be until I hear a heartbeat coming from my tummy.

This will be our last attempt though. I can't stand the thought of another loss. However, I do really like being off the birth control and off the Prozac/Zoloft. The only real side effect I have noticed is that I get super weepy when I watch TV and there is anything sentimentally family or friendship related. I can deal with the weepies. If this one doesn't work out, I guess it will be time to get the ol' tubes tied. Another story for another day.


Pay It Forward Haiku Friday

My mother-in-law
Posted about a nice thing
On her facebook page
A stranger bought her
Coffee in the drive thru lane
She was really pleased
So I did that too
When I bought my pumpkin drink
And it felt real good


Movie Review

Have you seen Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy? I recall reading about it long ago and decided to add it to the Netflix queue. James Bond appeals to me and he is a British spy so I assumed that this British spy movie with a cast of well-regarded actors would also be appealing. I was quite wrong. You see, an hour into it, I was literally falling asleep. Never in my life have I been witness to a slower cinematic experience. If I wanted to watch Gary Oldman stare off into the distance and slowly shuffle about, then this movie would have been a hit. And frankly, after an hour of trying to really get interested, I gave up and there is not a part of me that regrets that decision. If someone were to tell me, "Oh but Randi! The ending is AMAZING!" I would literally have no fucks available to give. I just can't believe how a movie with Colin Firth could make me so very, very disappointed.

MORAL OF THAT STORY: They can't all be winners.


Book Review

Crusty got me this book for my beeday in May but I clearly have not been reading like I should. I'm not sure what prompted me to pick up When You Are Engulfed in Flames out of all the other unread titles on my bookshelf, but I sure am glad I chose this one. First of all, I really like the format of short essays. Some are longer than others but all are very entertaining and some are down-right hysterical. Secondly, I love when a book leaves me screeching in laughter until tears stream down my face. I already knew his sister Amy was hilarious thanks to many episodes of Strangers With Candy so it was nice to see that comedy runs in the family.
Most of the reviews mention how wonderful David Sedaris is at making the mundane incredibly funny and basically that's what this book is: Hilarity in Daily Life. I hate to abuse the word "hilarious" but I truly can't think of a better adjective. I was anxious to finish it so that I could share it with everyone I wanted to make laugh. Sadly, Betty decided it was not only hilarious, it was also delicious and she proceeded to eat the damn thing. I immediately went out the next day and with my yard sale earnings I bought another paperpack copy as well as Me Talk Pretty One Day, Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim, Squirrel Meets Chipmunk: A Modest Bestiary and Barrel Fever: Stories and Essays. Looks like I'm back in the reading game!


Childhood Love

On Friday afternoon I had nothing better to do than play on the internet so I stumbled upon this video. Fair warning, if you had a childhood toy you loved, you will not be able to watch this without crying. And if you do? You are a stronger man than I. If you would rather not watch the video, I will summarize it for you. There is a little boy who has a blue monkey named Ah-ah. He took that monkey everywhere he went, even to pre-school. One camping trip, Ah-ah was lost. Three years later, the little boy's mom found the very monkey they lost on e-bay. She knew it was the same monkey because of the way the tag was cut and because of some drier damage it had suffered on its hairdo.
The boy and the mom are talking about the monkey and he recalls how it went missing three years ago on this camping trip. The mom tells the story of her e-bay adventure and reunites the boy and Ah-ah. This prompts the boy to burst into tears saying "I thought you were lying the whole time!" The video closes with this approximately 6-year old kid kissing and hugging his monkey with tears in his eyes. It's quite heartwarming.
It also led me to search for my own, long-lost childhood love: Bear. I got Bear when I was a little girl. I slept with him nearly every night until I was in my 20s. At that point, Bear had to go into storage. Unfortunately, he was threadbare from my love. He no longer had a mouth. He had been stuffed and re-stuffed a couple of times so his body was misshapen at best, and his throat was worn thin into a hole. He suffered some residual damage in storage after a fire left most of my things covered in ash. I tried to wash his shell of a body but the water did more harm than good. I kept that empty shell of a bear for a long time until we had to make room for Casey. Basically, my 30-year old bear had to go in the trash.
I never really stopped thinking about Bear and that video prompted me to see if I could find him again. How does one go about looking for a 30-year old bear? I didn't know his brand or make. I just knew what he looked like. So I spent hours scrolling through pictures of teddy bears on e-bay and my efforts paid off. I found him. He's from 1981, a May Co. bear. I think that May Co. has been out of business for about 20 years. Thank God for collectors willing to sell for I am buying him this week in hopes that he can fill the whole that Bear left when I had to let him go.


Damn Foot Haiku Friday

I have a shoe on
Not a flip flop, a sneaker
Still bruised, not swollen
Sprain recovery
Is painful and not so quick
Ditched the crutches though
I'll stick to limping
Ice, Ibu and Vicodin
Washed down with cold beer


Movie Review

As a woman of a certain age, I have lots of friends that have children. Sometimes, we get so busy being parents that we sort of forget how to hang out as friends unless it's at one of the kids' birthday parties. When EW reviewed Friends With Kids, I thought to myself that I could probably relate to this movie. Not only does it have a spectacular cast of funny people, but the story seemed to be timed right with what I'm experiencing as a mother with mothers for friends. Plus, EW sort of raved about it so why not.
Well, I guess the why not is that I'm not a super hip, wealthy, urban New York parent who is more concerned about status than about being a mom. I also like my husband much more than these women seem to like the fathers of their children. Sure, being a mom is hard but I don't think it makes me miserable to be around. I pray to God that I don't talk to my husband like he is a worthless piece of shit in front of our friends. That was kind of the aura of this movie. It was sort of awkward and unhappy rather than how funny it should have been.
Basically, a girl and her guy BFF realize that their friends are getting married and reproducing and while they have yet to find their "person" they both know they want children and they aren't getting any younger. Since they live in the same apartment building and have been friends since college, they decide to have a kid together, 50/50 without the trappings of romance that seem to make their friends miserable. Nice premise but as I'm sure you guessed, it doesn't quite work out that way. I can't really give this one a thumbs down, per se, my thumb just isn't telling you to rent this. It literally ends with the line "Fuck the shit out of me." Take that as you may.


Long Weekend Wrap-Up

Pro: Got off work early.
Con: Casey cried like a crazy person at the doctor during his 2-year check-up even though he had no shots or real reason to.
Pro: Chances are pretty good that he won't need testicle surgery after all.
Pro: We got to go to Sea Fresh and sit outside have dinner at a restaurant just the three of us.

Con: Family portraits were a disaster. Casey has PTSD and never wants to be in a photo studio in the mall ever again. 12 times in the first 12 months of life leaves scars I guess.
Pro: He was a good boy everywhere else at the mall and went home to take a great nap.
Pro: Got a good beer buzz on before the Michigan game.
Con: Fell over my son's toy while chasing a bunny and hurt myself badly.
Con: Michigan lost.
Pro: Got to watch a DVD.
Con: It kind of sucked, review to follow.

Con: Started off the day at the ER. Badly sprained a foot tendon. Was told I would have been better off breaking my foot.
Pro: Got to read most of a book and laugh my ass off while waiting for x-rays.
Con: Leaving on crutches.
Pro: Vicodin.
Con: Not going to Santa Ynez or the local car show.
Con: Finding out Curves is closing.

Pro: French toast breakfast at my mom's.
Con: Started my period.
Pro: Nice dinner with the whole fan damily.
Con: Sort of fighting with Husband off and on all weekend.

And the hits just keep on coming because this morning Husband left to go back to San Diego until Thursday and then Casey woke up at 4:30 for good. Then I had to punish Betty for stealing his snack cup and when I hollered at her she peed all over my carpet. Today's pro? Vicodin at work. Thank God for small favors.