I weighed myself today and am back at 211 after fluctuating a bit in the last week thanks to old Aunt Flo. Today is the last time I will weigh myself until next month's Curves check-in. I need to stop worrying so much about the numbers on that scale. What I do need to put that energy toward is effort. I have been to Curves 7 out of 13 days and that's what is important. I know that my problem is portion size, dessert and beer. I don't need to have more than one beer a night during the week. I don't need to have dessert EVER but it always seems to show up. And I need to be the one to control how much I eat.
What inspired this was my trip to Curves yesterday. We were talking about obesity. According to the BMI scale, I am currently obese. I would have to lose more than 50 pounds just to be in the "normal" weight range. I really just don't see that happening. But I need to stop looking at FIFTY and start smaller than that. My current goal is just to get to 200 for goodness sake. That's attainable. That's real. But rather than stress about it, I'll just do the best I can. I know Curves works, I just have to be the one to make the rest of my life work. I was running around after Casey all night last night, cleaning and gardening all weekend... that is being sabotaged by beer and snacks. By me. I'm owning that shit.
Also at Curves, one of the gals said I was chubby. That is not a very flattering word no matter the context. It's like being called sturdy by my uncle. I have a larger frame, it's true, but that frame does not need to be padded with chubbiness. The same lady is quite petite and told me to hide the scale, cut the carbs and stop with the beer. She was being helpful and it was coming from a very nice place. Most of all, she was encouraging. I can do this. I will do it.