And when you're gone he might regret it
Think about the love he once had
Try to carry on, but he just won't get it
He'll be back on his knees

I heard those lyrics this morning and for some reason it was like a ray of light. Oh, Madonna. It's too bad you have turned into such a self-righteous cunt. As a child and even into my 20s you were IT for me. Now you're an old lady pretending to be a teenager and it's just awkward. Anyway, back to the lyrics. Sometimes you get caught up in thinking about what you once had or might have had and it's this altered reality, right? Somehow all the bad just gets erased and you get distracted. Something along those lines happened yesterday and rather than send me into some fantasy land, it made me really appreciate my life and what it has become.
Husband has been sick since Saturday and he is a little bit difficult to get along with when he is not 100%. He considers himself a burden and I don't so we're a bit at odds. We kind of had a spat over that and I started to get a little irritated until I took the time to think of who he is in my life. He is a natural father, a wonderful husband and a great friend. He makes me laugh, sacrifices so much to give us a good life and really is a perfect match for me. I think of all the times he has put up with my craziness, especially postpartum, and I could not be more appreciative. He really is a catch and we fit together like hand in glove.
I realized last week that Prozac had pretty much stopped working for me. I think I have been on it for close to five years now. I noticed I still had too much anxiety and was too easily irritated so my doctor put me on Zoloft. I don't know that it is working yet but I hope it will soon. I would like to be an even-keeled wife and mother. I'd like to be able to give to Husband all the things he has given to me in terms of emotional support and availability. I'm not sure where I'm going with all of this other than just to put into writing that I am so grateful I'm one of the lucky ones who actually married the love of her life. I'm thankful for the things in my past that may have hurt the two of us but managed to bring us closer together and I'm hopeful it's forever.


Coodence said...

It's too bad you have turned into such a self-righteous cunt.


Andrea said...

You're very crass.