I turned 35 recently and I'm not sure if a switch went off or what but something feels different. Work has been close to unbearable. My boss and I fight like husband and wife. I have had it up to here with the littlest of things and after six years in the same job, I'm beginning to wonder if it might be time for a change. But really? I'm not a fan of change. I like consistency. I like security. I'm quite dull, I suppose.
Let's face it, I have a mortgage, a toddler, student loans and a car payment. It's not like I can just up and leave. I wonder sometimes if I would be good at another job. I've never worked anywhere for as long as I have at this job. But there's the flexibility of this job that allows me to come and go as I please to take care of my house and my toddler and my puppy who has decided that jumping over our fence is her new favorite thing.
Yesterday, I was at the point of walking out the door and not turning back. Today, my boss suggested I might have multiple personalities. I asked "multiple personality disorder?" to which he replied "well, not necessarily a disorder..." So I have to think about it. I mean, I am moody as fuck. I snap, I cuss, I speak my mind AND HE LET'S ME! It's not exactly easy to reign me in. And as dysfunctional as it is, I think I am the yin to my boss's yang, so to speak. Good cop, bad cop.
I think about all this and I wonder how terrible this shit would be if I wasn't on Prozac. I mean, let's face it, my life is hard work. Husband is still only up here part time. I basically wake up, handle the child, handle the dog, go to work and come home and do the same thing again until I go to sleep. I get a minute to drink a beer and it's pretty much bed time. Not much alone time. Not much me time other than going to Curves and even that I'm not exactly excelling at. Lots of family obligations. Sometimes I feel like work should be where I can get away from it all. It's just nutty.
I'm not exactly sure where I'm going with any of this but I thought I might as well blog about it on the off chance a reader has some words of wisdom. I really am trying to keep this in the "grateful to have a job in this economy" column but sometimes I just don't like the way it is and have to bitch about it. So bitch I have done.