Been working since 7 a.m. because some people just can't get their shit together.
Jangles for bringing cookies to work and me for eating them.
My mood because my work is seriously going to make me sick.
The Ugly (aka I'm Ranting)
I know women want to motivate themselves to exercise and lose weight but I am so sick and tired of seeing motivational pictures of chicks with rock hard abs and sweat beaded on them on facebook posts. Enough. You're never going to have that body. Just love yourself. Eat well, be fit, just get over it! California Gurls in particular.
People who cheat on their spouses, ESPECIALLY when they are parents! God damn it. Even Don Draper, who I love, infuriates me when he cheats or thinks of cheating or anyone around him is cheating and Don Draper is quite possibly the love of my life in my fantasy dating world. Sex is great and all but come on. Keep your legs crossed and your dick in your pants. You're not animals, show some self-control. Or just divorce your spouse before you fuck around.
Anyone who is boycotting Oreos for loving the gays. Or anyone who hates the gays for that matter. Stop wasting your fucking time worrying about anyone's life aside your own, you fucking idiots. Why do you care? No one is going to convert you to be homosexual. Homosexuals are not sexual predators. Well, maybe some are, but come on. Man this fight is getting tiresome.
This week has been a particularly rough one for me. Basically, it's my due date week. Like I could be hugely pregnant or going into labor or giving birth this week. But I'm not. Instead I'm weighing myself and hoping the numbers are going down. I seem to be holding steady at 210 which is fine, I guess. I put on some size 14s today that haven't been on since pre-Casey so I'm pretty stoked about that. My mother commented that she could tell I lost weight "Especially in your bathing suit, there seems to be less rolls." She has a lovely way with words. The ladies at Curves have mentioned they can tell and my adorable co-worker tells me I'm tiny. She's crazy but I'll take the compliment nonetheless.
The Size 14 thing couldn't have come at a better time because I was starting to wonder if all this effort is even worth it. I've been to Curves 13 times this month which is more or less every other day. I am hoping to go three more times before the month ends but I won't be hitting my goal of 20. I think I'm okay with that. When I'm not at Curves I'm either going on a bike ride or walking the dog so at least I'm not sedentary.
As for the miscarriage thing, I know it was a blessing in disguise. I'm quite content with my family of three and with a bunny and a puppy there definitely isn't much time to spare. Even though I'm ok with all of it, it still sucks right now. And that's about all that can be said about that.
MORAL OF THAT STORY EDIT:
I weighed myself at the gym then at the office. 210.5. Not too bad
considering I am post-workout, socks, panties, sports bra, workout pants and
tank-top, with 2 cups of coffee, three cookies (oops!) and oatmeal later. That's down about 12 pounds since March 12.
I just realized it's been almost two months since I finished my last book and that, frankly, is unacceptable. The Help was a nice and easy read because, well, I'd already seen the movie. There were a few changes here and there but mostly, the story was the same. I'd heard quite a bit of chatter that Stockett should have never dared write this book because she is a white woman speaking in the voice of a black servant. Very taboo. At the end of the book, however, Stockett has a nice aside about growing up with her own black maid and how that impacted her life. I didn't find her portrayal of the characters to be racist or stereotypical but what do I know? I found that Hilly, the white girl, to be the least likeable character in the book, just as she was in the film. I hated her. I thought Skeeter was inspirational, Minnie was hilarious and Aibileen was a character I sympathized for because she sweetly devoted her life to children who weren't her own. It's a good story that I'm glad was told, regardless of the race of the author. I would recommend this book to anyone.
Our Friday night viewing wasThe Sitter, starring Jonah Hill. I will say right off the bat, I expected nothing from this movie and ultimately only rented it because I like Jonah Hill. If you decide to watch it, I would suggest you go in with zero expectations as well because as such, it ends up being an okay movie. Basically Jonah Hill's character does his mom a favor and watches the neighbor kids so she can meet a potential suitor. What happens next is like an R-rated Adventures in Babysittinginvolving Sam Rockwell as a hilarious drug dealer, some not-so-annoying child actors in adult situations and a fair amount of explosions and violence and a chuckle here and there. Nothing wrong with that. What is wrong is that I just realized Adventures in Babysitting came out when I was TEN years old - TWENTY-FIVE years ago... Jesus Christ, I'm geriatric.
Yesterday afternoon while Casey napped after our rigorous morning of bike-riding and swimming, Husband and I hunkered down for some relaxing time to watch Jeff, Who Lives At Home. Once again, I confess, I only rented this because of Jason Segel and after it arrived at our house I read an article in the E-Dub about how this "melancholy" movie was the brainchild of the same dude who brought us Cyrus. Siiiiigh. I guess his work is pretty critically acclaimed in the indie scene but I should have known better. This movie is essentially about Jeff, a bit of a stoner living in his mother's basement, who gets a call for a guy named Kevin even though no Kevin resides there. Because Jeff is a believer in signs - inspired by the Mel Gibson Film - he follows some Kevin-related clues around all day. He ends up with his brother, Pat, and they go on a life changing adventure of a day. Yeah. I mean, I didn't hate it, but I didn't love it either. I need to stray from indie emo movies, I think. That's not to say this isn't a great movie, it's just not for me.
I would really like to report that I have lost more weight but I haven't. I did my naked weigh-in on Tuesday and it was 210. I'm not really fluctuating upwards, so that is good, but I would love to see 205 show up one of these days. I guess it's better than 220. Then again, I have no one to blame but myself. I only went to Curves three times last week and I already skipped a day this week.
There has to be some way to motivate myself but I can't figure out what it
is. I literally sat at my desk and ate five brownies yesterday. Five. I
have to believe there is some depression involved in my current state of
mind. As has happened in the past, I have come to a point where I maybe am not super sad about being a fatty now. I like that I'm exercising and am still doing the oatmeal and salad thing at work. What I really think I need is to go harder core on the dieting at home part but the fact of the matter is I like to eat good food and drink good beer.
Below there is a picture of what I weighed 17 years and 60 pounds ago. Those days are gone. Long gone. But am I dieting to look like that again or to stay off medicine? Likely, it's the latter. That and being able to keep up with my son and to live a long life as his mom. After all, I have to live long enough to drive him crazy in my old age. Karma.
MORAL OF THAT STORY: Hopefully this is the conclusion of Debbie Downer posts brought to you by June Gloom.
I turned 35 recently and I'm not sure if a switch went off or what but something feels different. Work has been close to unbearable. My boss and I fight like husband and wife. I have had it up to here with the littlest of things and after six years in the same job, I'm beginning to wonder if it might be time for a change. But really? I'm not a fan of change. I like consistency. I like security. I'm quite dull, I suppose.
Let's face it, I have a mortgage, a toddler, student loans and a car payment. It's not like I can just up and leave. I wonder sometimes if I would be good at another job. I've never worked anywhere for as long as I have at this job. But there's the flexibility of this job that allows me to come and go as I please to take care of my house and my toddler and my puppy who has decided that jumping over our fence is her new favorite thing.
Yesterday, I was at the point of walking out the door and not turning back. Today, my boss suggested I might have multiple personalities. I asked "multiple personality disorder?" to which he replied "well, not necessarily a disorder..." So I have to think about it. I mean, I am moody as fuck. I snap, I cuss, I speak my mind AND HE LET'S ME! It's not exactly easy to reign me in. And as dysfunctional as it is, I think I am the yin to my boss's yang, so to speak. Good cop, bad cop.
I think about all this and I wonder how terrible this shit would be if I wasn't on Prozac. I mean, let's face it, my life is hard work. Husband is still only up here part time. I basically wake up, handle the child, handle the dog, go to work and come home and do the same thing again until I go to sleep. I get a minute to drink a beer and it's pretty much bed time. Not much alone time. Not much me time other than going to Curves and even that I'm not exactly excelling at. Lots of family obligations. Sometimes I feel like work should be where I can get away from it all. It's just nutty.
I'm not exactly sure where I'm going with any of this but I thought I might as well blog about it on the off chance a reader has some words of wisdom. I really am trying to keep this in the "grateful to have a job in this economy" column but sometimes I just don't like the way it is and have to bitch about it. So bitch I have done.
It took taking a day off work to do it but I actually got through two movies this week. The first was Chinatown, a movie three years older than me. I know there is controversy surrounding Roman Polanski but he sure does know how to make a complex movie. I really enjoyed this one. Jack Nicholson looks like a teenager. Faye Dunaway has an eyebrow situation that I wasn't entirely comfortable with. Aside from that, it was so neat to see old time Los Angeles! To hear the characters talking about Ventura County! This was a mystery that had layer after layer revealed until we close out the film with a bang! It's always on the top 100 movie lists and I highly recommend you watch it if only to broaden your knowledge of cinematic history. But also because it was a really good movie.
Second up is Real Steel. I loved this movie. Period and The End. Hugh Jackman is hot. The kid playing his son is not annoying. The Robot kicked serious ass. And on top of it, there was a good little story about fathers and sons and reuniting and it feeling so good. I laughed, I wanted to cry, I cheered. Yeah. This movie is was produced by Spielberg so it had the feeling his movies all tend to have: it brings out the child in you. I thought to myself "How excited would I be if I had a bigger-than-life robot that I could play with and control?" Plus? This robot dances! Yeah, guys, this movie was a real good time. I liked it a lot.
I've been to Curves 6 times already this month so I feel confident I'll hit my goal of 20.
209.6 was the number on the digital scale on Sunday. I was actually able to weigh myself naked, pre-shower, with only a cup of coffee in my tummy. This was nice to see as I can't ever really read my scale at home so well and I'm always dressed on the work scale which is where I derive my weight when I post.
When I put my clothes and shoes on, that same scale said 214.6 which is exactly 5 pounds so I can go ahead and assume I'm doing alright when the work scale this morning said 215. Did you know a pair of sneakers is 2 pounds? Now you do.
I actually put on, zipped and button two different pairs of size 14 jeans. I still have some work to do but hopefully I'll be in them comfortably by the end of the month.
I totally blew my no drinking during the week rule but I'm still aiming for only 1 a night. I did well last night. Day by day, you know. It's the only way to do it.
This weekend we only got through one movie and that wasKnight and Day starring Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz. I chose to link Rotten Tomatoes to this particular title because if you look at the reviews, you can see this movie was not well received. I, however, laughed so very hard at this movie I was almost embarrassed about it. My folks had seen it in the theater and said they liked it and it's been on cable lately so I thought why not. There's a lot of action and the story line is completely asinine but by golly was it a fun ride. Basically Tom Cruise is some secret agent and Cameron Diaz gets mixed up in his mess even though she has no business being involved in any of it and naturally they fall in love. Of course they do. Riley from Buffy the Vampire Slayer even has a bit part in this movie that also made me laugh. Oh, laughter. I wonder if my 4 quickly drunk beers had any impact on my enjoyment of this film... I'm sure it did. But also? Tom Cruise is just a movie star and is really freaking likeable and good and ripped.
3 Months (total inches since March 9):
Weight -10 lbs
Body Fat -1.50%
That's a total of 5.5" lost. That's nearly half a foot of me that is no longer there. I'm not sweating the gain in the thighs because I was told that's muscle. As for my waist, I actually feel like there are muscles there now, too. I can feel them when I move whereas before it was just a gelatinous wasteland. So there's that. Today we did Zumba during lunch and I think that change once a week is really going to help break the routine.
I failed my no beer thing last night. Had 2. Had wine the night before. I think I'm not going to sweat that so much, though. I'm moving more, eating better and quite frankly I've made a lot of changes in the last three months that I think warrant my beer reward. So there you have it. I can't wait to see where I'll be by May 2013.
On June 1, my weight was 212.5clothed. Today I weighed myself and it said 212 clothed. On May 12, the day I turned 35, I weighed 210 clothed. This is not a positive trajectory for my weight-loss goals. My goal last month was to go to the gym 20 times but I only went 16 times (17 if you count the time I did Zumba after the circuit). I started May at 214 pounds, though, so at least the number is going down.
A new month means new goals so this month my goal is to go to Curves 20 times and to limit my beer intake to strictly Friday through Sunday. Last night was my 1st night without having a beer in months and I'm not sure I love it. I thought to myself, well I'll just have a tiny Pepsi to take the edge off because I grow weary of drinking water. To my surprise and chagrin, that tiny Pepsi had like 150 calories in it where as a delicious Firestone Double Barrel Ale has about 166. I may as well have had the beer.
Luckily, I think I worked those calories off anyway when I gave Casey his bath and discovered he had a tick on the nape of his neck. It must have hitched a ride on his stroller after our hike on Sunday because I obviously had to bathe the dog right after and found nary a tick on her. Then, because I'm grossed out by the whole idea of bugs in my house, I vacuumed the hell out of it with my 300-pound Kirby vacuum cleaner. Speaking of that hike, this weekend was super active and I'm pretty proud of the things we did. Saturday was a long walk with Betty while pushing Casey in his stroller. Sunday was a hike and a bike ride. Last night I walked Casey and Betty to the park. I think that's going to help things right along, you know? The little extras and less beer. Here's to hoping, anyway!
And? A side note? It has been 18 weeks since I have had candy at work!
After reading Jane Lynch's autobiography, I realized I hadn't seen her in Christopher Guest's movieFor Your Consideration. It's basically the story of a little movie called Home for Purim and how its actors hear that there is Oscar buzz surrounding their film and their performances. Things don't exactly turn out as everyone has expected but it's a silly ride up until the end. The thing about Guest's movies is that I'm not exactly sure they are for everyone. You really need to take them for what they are as you watch them and that is completely improvised. I admire the cast of recurring actors that come up with interesting, off-the-wall characters that are likeable and believable and in each film, completely original from the last one.
This weekend we decided to make a theme out of watching movies everyone has probably already seen so we watched Secretariat. Secretariat is a horse that broke records by winning the Triple Crown back in the 70s. Because I am a sucker for Disney movies about underdog champions, I wanted to see this one. I have to admit, it was a good movie that just didn't live up to my expectations. Diane Lane plays Penny Chenery, Secretariat's owner, and the story is more about her than the horse. She's a housewife who basically inherits the farm when her mother dies and her senile father is dying. She pretty much leaves her husband and their four kids behind to handle her business and ends up with this winning horse. Her husband is not exactly understanding when his housewife wants to be this horse-racing celebrity and it made me want to punch him in the mouth. So there's that. These sure were two underwhelming movie reviews.