3.12.2012

Movie Review Monday

I have read all the Twilight books except for the last one. I don't know why I never got around to it, I just never did. The first three were dreadful and then I remember reading some spoiler that Edward eats the devil baby out of Bella and I just couldn't. I have seen all of the movies so far so of course I had to watch The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part I when I got the opportunity. What opportunity might that be? Well, no one else could share in my shame. Husband had to be away. It had to be shrouded in secrecy and guilt.
This all sounds a bit hysterical and dramatic but it is what it is. I don't know why I continue to participate in this aspect of pop culture but now that I have gotten this far, I just can't stop. So after I put Casey to bed on Friday night, I watched this DVD alone. In the dark. With a beer. And sadness in my heart. Just as I suspected, it was godawful. There's not another word I can use to describe it. The acting is simply dreadful and the story was pretty lame... not sure why it had to be broken up into two movies other than making that paper. Basically Bella and Edward finally get married. The wedding is just lovely. Then they spend a super long time on their honeymoon making sexy times and playing in a beautiful paradise. Then Bella gets knocked up with Edward's undead demon baby. The fetus is basically eating Bella from the inside and the wolves are pissed and Edward's pissed and there's all this danger. And then the baby is born. And then Bella kind of dies but Edward turns her into a vampire.
Yeah. That's about it. I can't even tell you how ashamed I feel to tell you all of this. I can't in good conscience recommend anyone even watch this drivel unless you just want to stare at Robert Pattinson. Because basically? That's what this boils down to for me. Him. Looking at him. I think I'd have been better off renting Water for Elephants because he's in it and I read that book and at least I know it's good. Oh well. I'll watch that one eventually. And I know I'm going to be watching that last Breaking Dawn when it comes out for rent too. Because I have no will power even though I know it's no good for me. Or for anyone.

2 comments:

Christine said...

I have not read the books, but I believe that her baby ends up getting with one of the wolves. Which just seems weird to me. I guess that's what you can expect from a book aimed at getting teens to be abstinent until married? Even when she does have sex with him, it ends up killing her...just like those slutty slut slut whores who want birth control....oh....sorry...lost my mind there a bit :)

Gen said...

I read the books and watched all the movies ... I'll watch the last one with you ;)

I prefer to stare at Jacob, now that he's officially legal and has a beautiful chest. Edward is too white and glittery for me. I agree about the acting, it could be better.

And yeah, the story is just so weird but I love it!!