1.18.2012

The Pursuit of Happiness

I wonder when that was written for our Declaration of Independence, if the writer knew that the attainment of happiness was a far fetched idea. Like, you can try for it but I wouldn't expect it. I've been thinking a lot of the "idea" of happiness. Here are a couple definitions:
a : a state of well-being and contentment : joy
b
: a pleasurable or satisfying experience
Is happiness fleeting? Is that what that means? One is a "state" and the other is an "experience" and neither of them scream "permanence" to me. What I read is that ultimately there are only moments of happiness but ultimately it's going to be a majority of bad experiences or mediocrity? Is it futile to expect more?
I really hope the feelings I am having this week are caused by PMS (please, God!) otherwise I may have reason to worry. My son has entered a stage in his life where he must cry or have some kind of fit just about all of the time. Sure, there are moments of laughter and playfulness but ultimately, he is a struggle. With him entering this stage of his life in addition to having no spousal support in the home, I'm starting to feel unhappy more often. So often, in fact, that I wonder sometimes if it is permanent.
With my home life being a struggle, my sleep suffers. When my sleep suffers, my mood is affected. When my mood is affected, my relationships become tense. This not only affects my relationship with Husband but with my family, friends and co-workers. Because I am the kind of person that tends to air her dirty laundry, I worry about how I am perceived by the friends I vent to. It's a vicious cycle and I'm exhausted by it.
In yesterday's comments, Jessica told me I should give myself some slack because it had been a rough year.
It's entirely possible I'm simply being too hard on myself. I may be expecting too much as well. Lately it's been harder to be optimistic and count my blessings, though. Lately, I'm just tired.

MORAL OF THAT STORY: I'd rather lay it out here than be Debby Downer on Facebook.

3 comments:

Andrea said...

Here's my take on being happy:

Feeling happy and being happy are two different things.

You can be happy and feel sad, irritated, whatever. If you're able to deal with those things in a productive manner and any other minor annoyances along the road, then that's a fairly good sign that you're, generally, happy.

But if you're generally walking around being miserable and are unable to deal with the crap that does, in fact, litter our lives, and only have those moments of peace if and when outside forces are making you smile and feel happy..well then you're only feeling happy. It's not a true happy.

Being content in the day to day. Doesn't mean you walk around with a smile on your face. I believe that truly being happy simply means that you roll with the punches that come along easier and get over the really sad stuff quicker and yeah.

Gen said...

Definitely agree about cutting yourself some slack. Do you have a therapist? Sometimes a third party with no previous knowledge of anything brings a brighter perspective to life.

I can't imagine how hard it is without the hubby. I'd be willing to hangout with the CD monster to give you an hour of you time. Just let me know :)

Coodence said...

I always thought it was Debbie Downer.