Morbidly Obese Monday

Funny how that kind of spells MOM right? Because I am both a mom and morbidly obese this Monday? OK, maybe I won't go that far but I am definitely pushing it. Whether I claim 5'7" or 5'8" (I'm somewhere in between, I think), the old BMI definitely says obese. I really have no excuse for this other than sheer laziness and gluttony. I don't exercise and basically I eat whatever I want, whenever I want it. Or don't want it as is what happened this morning.
Seems like every Monday I stake a claim that today is going to be the day the diet begins. Today started off innocently enough. I packed my bag for work with my oatmeal squares and almond milk in my attempt to lower my cholesterol before I have to see my primary physician on the 20th. I grabbed the bananas, blueberries and blackberries to snack on. Then, out of nowhere, my co-worker comes in and hands me a sausage mcmuffin. This is after I've had my breakfast. I can't say no, so I eat it. WHY CAN'T I SAY NO?!?!
I even have a big ol' thing of gum on my desk so I can chew that rather than dip into the candy drawer. Does that stop me? Not always. I keep water in the fridge at all times because supposedly water helps you feel full. Can we just admit this is a bullshit thing to believe? Because it does not ever make me feel full. It just makes me run back and forth to the restroom all day which is essentially the majority of the exercise I get.
My jeans are tight and these are the fat jeans. I will not get another fucking size bigger. I will not do it. I can't believe these fat jeans are tight. It's astonishing. But I should believe it, right? Because yesterday I threw caution to the wind and devoured snacks and beers while watching the Green Bay game like it was my God-given right! Thank goodness I attempt to diet at work otherwise where would I be?
So now that I fucked up by eating the sausage mcmuffin, I'm not going to eat lunch. I'll just go home and watch Husband eat. To remind me of what I have done. And just like last week, I will have salads for lunch for the remaining 4 days of the work week. Because I have to. I just can't keep on like this. I need to literally lose at least 50 pounds to be even remotely within my healthy range. Diabetes runs in my family, for chrissake! I do not want to get "the sugar."
There. End of rant.

April 20 - May 20
The opportunity to make a change in your life, which you may have been contemplating for a long time, could finally manifest itself today, Taurus. This could be a move to a new neighborhood, a return to school for an advanced degree, an entirely new profession, or all of the above. Whichever it is, expect to spend a lot of time throughout the day discussing it with friends and family. Then move ahead with whatever plans you have.


Christine said...

I have often heard (and personally found) that the smallest changes make the biggest differences. Instead of not eating anything as a punishment, you might want to turn that negative into a positive and just say that you will take a walk after dinner tonight. Or that you will eat healthy the rest of the day. Or something like that. I understand your rant, and I do it myself all the time, but the truth is, it's just not constructive to beat ourselves up for what we've done because we can't change it. Just my two cents :)

April said...

Right after I got married, I packed on 15 pounds. I'm only 5'4" so 15 pounds is pretty damn noticeable. (well, I think so anyway) Considering that I'm lazy as fuck and I know I won't exercise. And I know I won't "diet" I decided to just do the portion control thing. What I found, for me, was that I was just as full only eating half of my meal than I was eating the whole thing. I lost the 15 pounds and then some in no time.

Maybe this won't be the case for you, but once I mentally committed myself to this portion control idea, I was REALLY committed to it. I didn't eat salads or healthy foods. I ate everything I normally ate, only in smaller portions. I'm just trying to throw out another idea out there to help you, if you want it. I know you didn't ask for advice so I apologize for giving it to you.

Coodence said...

Nice comments, peeps!

You're not lazy ho. Whatever you say, that you're not.