11.09.2011

Family

One of the reasons I live in Oxnard is because my family is here. This has its pros and cons. A couple pros are: I am never homesick; and there's almost always a sitter if I need one. I'm sure there's more than that but I'm drawing a blank. The cons are: there seems to always be drama we end up involved in; lots of random obligations; and most glaringly obvious is that there is a lack of privacy? alone time? with my own family that consists of Husband, me and Casey.
I love having my family around because I know it's good for Casey to know his aunts and uncles and cousins and grandparents. I'm fortunate that his great-grandma is still alive and spending time with him. I'm also fortunate that my family is closely connected relationship-wise as well as vicinity-wise. These are really good things. However, sometimes it gets to be a bit much. For example, I see my folks at least a couple times during the week and inevitably once or more during the weekend. Husband is usually only home on the weekends and I firmly believe kicking it with the in-laws is probably not high on his priority list.
My folks left for Palm Springs last Sunday so I made an effort to go to dinner with them on Thursday night and they came for a visit on Saturday. They returned yesterday and brought dinner and Gran over to the house last night with them. I will also be seeing them this coming Saturday for birthday festivities in honor of my brother and mother. I'd say that shit qualifies as frequent.
Last night, I made the declaration that during the three-day weekend following Thanksgiving, I would be unavailable and basically didn't want to have any plans with them. My mother responded that my request was lofty as they needed to come and get my Gran's Christmas decorations out of the rafters that weekend. I thought about letting that blow over but today I told her no to which she responded by telling me I was selfish.
I'm sure she's just being a smart ass like usual and I should ignore her but my "selfish" ass always takes care of Gran when my folks blow out of town, is arranging a birthday dinner for her and also makes an exerted effort to let her see her grandson far more frequently than she ever saw my niece or nephew. I guess I'm just here to vent and I will chalk my inability to let this go up to pregnancy hormones.

MORAL OF THAT STORY: Family: can't live with them, can't live without them.

3 comments:

Coodence said...

Don't you understand, Randi? It is ABSOLUTELY CRITICAL that they get the holiday decorations on that day and couldn't possibly get them on any other day.

Sheesh.

My word verification is dymbegi which sounds like dimebaggy.

Andrea said...

I love my family. I really, really do. But I'm super glad that I have my physical distance from them.

I do not enjoy drama and family is drama. I'm getting ready to go home for a week. You know they are amping up the drama just for me and pulling me into already. I'm being zen and not letting it affect me.

You also know that I had to deal with being called selfish last year when I finally made the decision to let my life be MINE and not anyone else's. It's not selfish, it's just not what THEY want and yeah.

If you stick to your guns, they will get used to it. Because you are allowed, deserve, and should have your own time and your own space and your own everything.

She can come get the decorations anytime before Thanksgiving or sometime after those three days. You know this, she knows this.

Selfish is code in family for "How dare you change!"

April said...

I'm super fortunate to have crazy family drama on my mom's side and my dad's side. Thankfully, neither side lives in VA, which is really nice. Most of the drama that would impact me the most involves my dad and he's in Florida. When I finally washed my hands clean of my dad and his manipulative ways, my sister and brother stayed and dealt with him. They both called me all kinds of names, maybe selfish was one of them. I told them that they were also able to wash their hands of him.

I informed them that we did not get to choose who we were born to and that just because he was our father, we didn't HAVE to keep him in our lives. I didn't make my choice lightly. I didn't make it over night. I made it over years and years and years of being manipulated and pulled into his life of turmoil.

If that makes me selfish, then so be it.

It took them both a while, but they finally saw what I saw and they, too, have cut him out of their lives.

Now, I'm by no means suggesting you cut your family out of your life. I am just saying that I think it's crazy that YOU are SELFISH because this ONE weekend you are not making yourself available to get holiday decorations. It's not like they need medication. It's decorations for Christ's sake!

So, no, it's not your pregnancy hormones. You're right. And I hope you stand your ground and don't give in.