So Long, September Haiku Friday

It's out with the "old"
Dad's officially retired
I guess I'm the "new"
Tomorrow Crust weds
So tonight we shall rehearse
First? Mani, pedi
Only work 'til noon
So much work to accomplish
So I goof off here


The Good, The Bad, The Ugly

The Good
  • Pay day
  • Husband is home for a week and a half
  • It's National Coffee Day
The Bad
  • I don't know if it's "bad" or "sad" or both but my Dad's retirement dinner is tonight. He's the boss of me, you know. It's going to be super hard coming to work without the bonus of seeing my Dad almost every day in the office down the hall.
The Ugly
  • I went off birth control and thus my face decided to break out and I'm cramping even though I am not men-stru-ating.
  • The heartburn I had last night threw me into a crazy dream where I was telling Husband I was pregnant. Pregnancy and heartburn go hand in hand for me. I hate it.
  • A bug bit me on the side of the face so I hope the swelling goes down before taking pictures on Saturday.
  • Having to wear glasses at Crusty's boda because, let's face it, I'm blind without them.



I got my hair trimmed last night so I wouldn't look like I have a mullet for Crusty's boda. Afterward, I went over to her folks' house and saw her dress and how skinny she is and the beautiful shade of auburn her hair is now. What a bride she will make, friends! Anywho, apparently my insecurities about being a fat matron crept over into my dreams because this is what went down in Slumber Town last night:
  • I had the most complicated dress in the history of dresses. It had at least three pieces to it and I had to try several times to get into it.
  • My dress was straight and tight and I could barely walk in it. Thus, my strappy shoes were literally rubbing together as I tried to walk and kept getting tangled into one another.
  • All of Crusty's old college roommates decided they wanted to be in the wedding, too, so they all became last minute bridesmaids and we all had very different dresses on.
  • Crusty's veil was this animatronic number with a Sesame Street theme (like, puppets attached) that actually sang the Sesame Street song while she wore it.
  • The wedding was being held in what was basically a dirty ol' Moose Lodge.
  • The "choir" started singing Christmas carols instead of the Wedding March.
  • Crusty was blonde so I knew it wasn't real.
Right? What the hell? I guess I have wedding on the brain. My dress should be ready to be picked up from the dry cleaners this afternoon and I get to try it on with my new Spanx undergarments. I tried on the actual girdle last night and dear Lord that sucker is tight. When I rolled it off, my panties came off with it. I will say the bra-llelujah is the most comfortable and nice fitting bra I have ever worn even if it is not attractive in the least. And, Spanx? If you're listening, maybe a more discreet packaging is in order when you ship your undergarments. I don't think my office needed to see SPANX in bold print splattered on the side of your box. Ordering a girdle should be more subtle... like ordering a dildo. Plain, unmarked boxes, people.

MORAL OF THAT STORY: I apparently need to lay off the methamphetamines before bedtime.


Busy Week Begins

Today: Work, pick Casey up from Maria's, drop Casey off with his grandparents, get my haircut, pick Casey up, go see Crusty, buy milk, go home.
Tomorrow: Nothing solid on the books other than work but methinks there will be boda-related activities so I am at Crusty's disposal. Also, Husband comes home.
Thursday: Pay day! Work, orientation for Casey's new sitter, go to my dad's retirement dinner.
Friday: Work half day, go to lunch with Crusty (unconfirmed), get our mani/pedi, pick up Casey and Husband, go to rehearsal and rehearsal dinner.
Saturday: Be at the bride's disposal and offer to be her shuttle service, be a part of picture taking and wedding festivities, party hearty and get to spend the night at the Pierpont in Ventura.
Sunday: Family party for Husband's birthday which is actually not until next Wednesday but why not tack on a few more things on an already hectic week?


Weekend Wrap Up

Friday Night
It's been a couple years since I've had my soon to be 5 year-old nephew over for a sleepover so we decided to do that. His folks dropped him off and he was wearing Skurvy pajamas that he saved just for the sleepover so I put mine on, too, so we could match. He loves the movie Cars so Husband made him "fast car" chicken nuggets. He and Casey played with all of Casey's toys. It was a lot of fun. I consider it practice. He and Husband played Playstation. It was very interesting to hear Ethan talk and recognize him speaking in the same cadence as my brother. It was also kind of hilarious to hear his stories about sharks and how often he called Husband "dude."

Let's just say that 5-year old nephews are loud. He woke up and hit the ground running. He wanted to eat and drink just about anything we had for breakfast. When his mom picked him up he said he had fun until she picked him up because he never wanted to leave. That was sweet to hear. After they left, my folks took me and Husband and Casey to Ojai for lunch. I have to brag that for a one year-old, Casey is so good at restaurants. He just loves to go out. Mom and I shopped for a bit while he played in the park with Dad and Husband. We also cleaned out the rafters to try and get rid of my grandparents' old stuff. I was hoping to find treasure like on American Pickers but all we found were some stinky old Samsonite luggage and some 50-year old Tiki torches in horrible condition. Later that night we bbq'd tri tip and had Kitty over for dinner, many beers and Bridesmaids. Have you seen that movie? Oxnard is in it. And it's hilarious.

We did very little aside from go to Ethan's teeball game at 9 a.m. The marine layer was so thick it was practically raining. Casey got to tire himself out at the park and ended up taking a 2.5 hour nap. We stayed home for the rest of the day and in the afternoon Casey and I took a nap for an hour and a half. Lazy Fridays. I got to watch New Girl and I think it's a very funny show but I'm on the fence if liking it makes me a hipster.


Welcome Autumn Haiku Friday

First Day of Autumn
Wee raindrops on my windshield
Skies and clouds are gray
The sun will peek out
For a bit this afternoon
Nice, mild, fall weather
Darker earlier
My favorite time of the year
Perfect for snuggles


The Good, The Bad & The Ugly

The Good
  • Sweater weather
  • Fall arriving officially on Friday
  • Pretty soon I can start putting out Halloween decorations
The Bad
  • Casey waking me up at 5 a.m. so we could get a head start on the day
  • My dog acting like she's starving and stealing Casey's cheese
  • Dealing with insurance companies
The Ugly
  • Buying "super duper" control Spanx in XL
  • Paying as much for said Spanx as I did for my Matron dress
  • Spanx calling their back fat eliminating bra the "Bra-lellujah"


Conclusion of Weight Watching Wednesday

So I quit myfitnesspal.com. I'd like to apologize if I recruited you only to ditch you. I have to say, I lost interest pretty quickly with the whole logging what I eat thing. I think it was an eye-opening experience and it helped to actually see what I was eating and that it was in no way in my calorie range. Then again, I'm not even sure I was calculating my serving sizes properly. Either way, I was eating more than I should. It definitely assisted me in kicking the snack habit. I don't really do that much any more. The workplace candy dish, for the most part, is left alone. I have a couple cups of coffee, breakfast, lunch and dinner. I still aim to only have a beer a night. It's good to have goals.
I also couldn't figure out how to add my exercise on that thing and didn't really put forth too much effort in learning how to do so. No, I don't go on walks. I don't lift weights. I don't participate in an exercise program. However, I do spend most of my evening chasing after Casey or carrying him to and from places he should or shouldn't be. I also am constantly cleaning up at home and constantly running around the office. I don't feel sedentary, per se, but I don't feel particularly active, either. Maybe later, things will be less hectic and I will have a husband that doesn't live in another city for most of the week and I can actually have a fitness program. I guess this is just the way it is for the time being.
Last Sunday, we took the baby and the dog for a long walk to the Coffee Bean about a mile away. We played in the park. I cleaned the house for most of the afternoon. I feel like I accomplished something. Then, I blew it all with too many beers, leftover pizza and chips & dip. I paid for it, too, with some serious heartburn. I guess what it all boils down to is, I weigh what I weigh right now. I can try to move more and eat less but I just can't check in on a website or step on a scale every time I turn around. The best I can do is try to enforce that thing called self-control a little more often and not obsess. Clearly, obsessing is not working for me.


Movie Review Monday

In a move that was quite extraordinary, we finally made it back to the movie theater to watch a film on the big screen. We ended up seeing Drive with Ryan Gosling. I was misled by the trailer because I anticipated an action movie in the vein of Gone in 60 Seconds. The reviews on this movie are golden. The critics are raving about how it's the perfect date movie because it has a romantic angle. The cast is stellar. Truly, this movie should have rocked my socks off. Sadly, it didn't. A lot of that "romance" was long stares between Gosling and the very cute Carey Mulligan with little to no dialogue. We only got to see two car chase scenes and the rest was pretty basic driving. I will say, though, that there are some of the most violent images I have seen on screen in this movie. Ryan Gosling is truly a fantastic actor. He can say so much without saying a word. His subtle expressions and body language make him truly unique in his field. As for the movie itself, Husband noted it's like they pull you in with a smattering of action and violence and just when you're on the edge of your seat, we're back to the scenes of zero dialogue and staring. Meh. I guess it was ok but for my first trip back to the theater, I expected way more. We probably should have gone to see The Warrior.


Morning Commute Haiku Friday

Casey helps me out
He opens the garage door
With his wee finger
Strapped in the car seat
He gets his wow-wow and truck
Vinylmation toys
His window rolled down
Grown ass men waving, smiling
To Casey's straight face


The Good, The Bad & The Ugly

The Good
  • Only had one beer last night!
  • It's starting to feel like fall.
  • Pay day!
The Bad
  • Making our first car payment.
  • Not getting any sleep last night.
The Ugly
  • Casey vomiting before bedtime, up all night crying because he can't breathe out of his nose and the sound he made as he rolled off the bed because of all the tossing and turning he was doing. I would have stopped him but I was in a Benadryl coma.
  • Why Benadryl? My flu shot had a crazy reaction and now I have a 5" in diameter red splotch under my arm at the injection site.


Weight Watching Wednesday

So I've been using myfitnesspal.com for about two weeks now. I haven't gained or lost from what I can tell but it is definitely helping me learn a thing or two about what I put in my mouth. I mostly log on Monday through Friday during working hours. Weekends I just don't want to be bothered with being online or on my phone app which I find increasingly annoying to play with.
Last week's goal was to have a drink a night and I totally passed that test with flying colors. I only had two Hershey kisses out of the snack drawer at work whereas before I'd take about 2 an hour. Or more. Yeah... candy drawers are the devil.
Naturally, the weekend messes up everything. My mother and I went shopping and I was all excited about the extra walking I was getting in when she told me about her free piece of candy at Godiva card and that she had a gift certificate for The Cheesecake Factory and we were all going to eat it. And eat it we did. I had a red velvet cheesecake. Are you kidding me? But whatever. We walked and then I walked later at the park.
This week, my goal is to snack less. Monday was a birthday at work so we had cake but yesterday I didn't have a single snack. Too bad I had two beers on Monday and three last night. Damn you, company! Why must you come over and encourage me to imbibe.
So yeah. That's how things have been going. I don't really need to blog it here as I have that other website to track things but what's the fun in that if the blog gets neglected?


TMI Tuesday

This used to be a place where I'd come and do some sort of sexualized meme but for today it is where I will share some soul-baring bullshit. Strap yourselves in, it's going to be a bumpy ride. When I was in high school, I had a friend named M. She was a little on the butch side and played soccer. She was very funny and random and shared a love of Muppets. I genuinely considered her one of my closest girlfriends. She used to come over to my house and I always gave her back rubs and made her popcorn after soccer practice. I know where your mind is going right about now, but I was a junior in high school and went to a Catholic school my whole life. I was totally naive about homosexuality aside from whatever experiences I had with my uncle and his "roommates." Ok? For me, she was just a friend.
Then, she started writing me some really romantic sounding notes and it started to get a little weird. She was part of my circle of friends so I didn't make too big of a deal about it but I definitely was getting a vibe from her. Once, she got super mad at me in my bedroom with my parents downstairs and kind of attacked me? Yeah. My dad had to ask her to leave. Once, I was babysitting BFF's doggies while her family was away and when I came outside she was sitting there waiting for me with a mix tape of some R&B songs she made for me. That seemed more like something you'd do for a boyfriend (and seemed a bit like she was following and/or stalking me) and I'd be lying if I said shit wasn't starting to get real awkward.
Once, she spent the night at my folks' house while they were out of town. It was a bunch of us girls and we were drinking and she wanted to sleep in my parents' bed with me but I wouldn't let her and so she slept in the doorway of their room. She also wouldn't stop fucking with me one morning and our friend Walter leaped over and tackled her like she was a dude. The last straw, though, was when we were spending the night at a mutual friend's house after graduation. We had all been drinking (our parents let us do that shit and it was not a big deal because no one was driving so don't judge) and we all slept in the same room. In the middle of the night I felt a hand rubbing my midsection and just under my boobs. Yeah. It was her. I leaped out of bed and locked myself in the bathroom and bolted as soon as I could, leaving her far behind.
I didn't talk to her for years and years after that and all was good in the world. Then, being the forgiving and eternally optimistic person I am, I allowed her back into my life briefly about three years ago though I can't recall the reason why. Shortly after we had started talking again on the phone, she sent flowers to me at my office. Gerber daisies. My favorite. Then she sent me a quite pricey Dodgers pullover. Shortly thereafter, she said she was sending me a plane ticket so I could go visit her in Florida. I accepted the other gifts sort of unwillingly prior to that but this made me put my foot down. I told her she was being inappropriate and immediately cut off contact once again.
This past Sunday I get a text from a number I don't recognize saying something about how tragedies like 9/11 shouldn't be the reason we tell people how we feel about them but "I love you and am glad you are a part of my life." Something like that. I replied "Thank you for the sentiment, I'm not sure who this is as you are not in my contacts." The response read something like "If this is still Randi, this is M, also known as Voldemort. You still cross my mind." She knows she is someone who must not be named. She knew she shouldn't have texted me; I know that. What I don't know is that why I'm still on her mind. Why can't she let a sleeping dog lie? Husband wanted me to send her a message that he didn't want her talking to me but I just let it go. I deleted the text and didn't respond and never intend to. There is nothing worse than that kind of blast from the past. I can't escape that shit. Any of my actual exes I would be fine talking with, and the fact that I refer to her in the same category as an ex pretty much makes me want to throw up in my mouth. There. Thanks for letting me get that off my chest.


Weekend Recap

  • Friday night we did NOTHING and it was AWESOME. Husband was burning off the grill to make us steaks so there was a plume of smoke rising from the back of the house. A neighbor from across the street actually came over and knocked on the door to check and make sure we weren't being burned alive.
  • Saturday morning we did the annual block-wide yard sale at my folks' compound (a.k.a. gated community). I got to see a couple of my childhood friends' parents. There was a wee thunder shower. I made a whole $25. I got a steal on a gurgle jug. Kind of a funny story. The lady had a tag on it for $30 and I asked if that was really how much she wanted and she said she'd take $15. I asked if she'd take $10 and she met me in the middle at $12 but I walked away. I regretted it later and when I went back the jug was gone. When I asked her about it she said she wasn't going to sell it after all but lots of people had told her what it was and she was going to give it to her son and he'd love it because he loved fish and on and on. I was super sad and made it known. She said she'd call me if she decided to sell it later. I pouted a bit more and told her I'd really like it and that it was still there so it must be a sign I should have it. After a bit of begging, I bought it off her for $20. Nice job, Randi. Could've had it for $12.
  • We skipped the festival I haiku'd about but our friends did come over and we spent $150 on Chinese take out and ate it all like a bunch of pigs and got drunk on Taiwan Beer. Then we played Glee Wii Karaoke and made fools of ourselves. It's fun being around a 5th and 7th grader. Their folks were a blast, too. Oh and Michigan won so Husband was elated.
  • Sunday was dress shopping for Crusty's boda. I found something at Nordstrom's thankfully but let me tell you, no one sells fancy dresses this time of year apparently. What a nightmare of a shopping experience. Luckily the dress was less than $150 and still looks great. I also got a steal on some chucks. $25! Must be my bargain weekend.
  • Krystee came over for a visit. Chargers won. Dodgers lost. I ate a red velvet cheesecake from The Cheesecake Factory and I'm pretty sure it wrecked my stomach. We took a long walk and played at the park. Awesome weekend.


Hooray for Short Weeks Haiku Friday

Thank God it's Friday
5 days work in 4 days time
Ready to relax
Yard sale tomorrow
Then out of town visitors
A beach festival
Shopping on Sunday
A dress quest with my mother
Wish me lots of luck


Good, Bad and Ugly

The Good
  • For the past two days I have stuck to my goal of water at lunch and one drink a night. I had 2 Hershey's kisses yesterday but that's an improvement over the handfuls of candy I was taking out of the work dish on a daily basis.
  • Casey slept from 7:30 pm to 6:30 am with hardly a peep. He sort of cried in his sleep for a bit around 2:30 am but I didn't go in to soothe him and he seemed to stop on his own. Awesome.
  • Husband comes home today and we have company coming this weekend!
The Bad
  • I looked up my BMI and it said the word "obese."
  • I'm waiting on quite a few things in the mail that I want here now but aren't here like: insurance refunds, my Disney Rewards toy, my vanity plates for the Flex. TGIFWGN. Get it? Ha! But yeah, I have none of those things.
The Ugly
  • I ate Filipino food yesterday and got exploding ass syndrome (EAS for short). How does one count calories when lunch blows right through you? Literally?
  • Casey choked on a pasta noodle the other night at dinner and totally booted. So gross.


Humpday Musings

Do you see that picture there? That's me wearing the Muppet shirt I was hell bent on wearing. When I got it, it was almost too small. As in, it was skin tight. And it was a "girly" fit XXL. I cautiously stretched that thing out and wore it over to BFF's place this weekend for her Labor Day BBQ. Her sister snapped that picture and at first I was like "At what point was Casey playing with a beached whale?" and then I realized "Wow, that's ME." I'm sure it's a bad angle or whatever but there is no denying the fact that the person in that picture is a 210-pound Randi. And I am pretty sure that beer in my hand, one of many that day, is part of the problem.
I am going to be a bridesmaid in Crusty's wedding soon and I'm disgusted to know that I will be photographed multiple times at this current girth. I know, no one is there to see me; they're there to see the bride and groom. But still. There's this thing I have called pride and I'm not proud of the fact that I have let myself go. I want to wear the clothing in my closet without wondering if it is hugging every roll of fat on my body. I want to button my pants effortlessly and I'd really like it if those pants were the size 12s currently hanging in my closet that haven't been worn in over 2 years.
Yesterday started "Day One" of my September weight-loss program. Andrea introduced me to a website called myfitnesspal.com so I'm logging the food I eat during the day, at least during work hours. I'm trying to cut my drinking waaaaaay back this month so my goal is not to crack a beer or pour a glass of wine until 7 pm. The key words there are "a beer" or "a glass." That's got to be my weekly goal so I can avoid drinking empty calories. I also need to avoid the candy dish at work at all costs. I'm picking water over soda for lunch. I'm being more cautious ordering off the menu.
It's got to be baby steps or I will fail and there is simply too much at risk to fail. I'm in my mid-30s. I'm a mother of a one-year old and I am planning on getting pregnant again real soon. I cannot and will not be a statistic or a stereotypical, overweight American. There is no excuse for me to weigh this much. Period.

MORAL OF THAT STORY: A picture is worth a thousand words.


Food Truck Haiku Friday

It was called Ahn-Joo
Korean snack bar food truck
Run by
Debbie Lee
A finalist on
The Next Food Network Star show
Oxnard is so hip
We waited so long
The food was pretty great though
Thanks, Heritage Square