My "Aha!" Moment

I got my period today. I only mention this because I was thinking back to my last period and we were in Michigan. Basically, since then, we've (obviously) gone to Michigan and back, packed up an apartment and moved into a house. Before the packing and moving, though, there were renovations and clean-ups to arrange and do. In the middle of all that I also had a 9-month old child demanding the majority of my free-time. On top of that, there were hospital visits to welcome my new niece into the world and to see my grandmother who broke her hip. I also experienced the death of someone very close to me for the first time: my grandfather.
I remember mentioning to Husband that once everything slowed down I was sure I was going to get sick. I expected my body to just shut down and I would be bedridden with some stupid cold brought on by sheer exhaustion. Rather than a physical breakdown, however, I experienced a mental breakdown. Remember how I mentioned I turned into a psycho when I wasn't fed on time Sunday? Well add to that extreme PMS and a 10-month old who has overnight developed sleeping problems thus leading to a sleep-deprived me. Yeah. I lost it.
Sometimes I forget that I have a "mental illness." Sure, I'm not schizophrenic or bipolar, but I do suffer from depression and I do take medicine (Prozac) for said depression. I am actively treating a chemical imbalance. And rather than take note of that and really watch what I say and do because of it, I let the "crazy" shine through sometimes. I take little tiny bits and pieces of my life that are getting on my nerves and I compile them until they become this overwhelming monster of a problem. Like, one tiny bee isn't really a huge problem until his friends join him and they become a swarm.
I wonder if anyone that reads this blog experiences anything like that and can maybe share a tip or two about how to prevent a blow-up. Some coping mechanisms, if you will. Just like the hunger making me a madwoman, I know the cause of my emotions and anger, I just can't stop myself from letting the anger out. Know what I mean? How do I squelch the flame rather than fan it?

MORAL OF THAT STORY: When in doubt, ask the interwebz.


Andrea said...

The only thing that has ever really worked for in this regard is to learn to either let the little crap go or address it immediately. Don't let anything fester. It helps.

My Dad is a big holder in of all of the little crap that is important in some ways and then finding that there is no more cheese and then the OHMAHGAWD!! WHO ATE THE LAST OF THE FUCKING CHEESE?!?!?! shit storm ensues.

I do this sometimes. I know this. I've ruined my relationship with some people based on this aspect of my personality.

The best thing is to try to let go and when you can't, address immediately.


212degreedesigns said...

HIGH FIVE for honesty and trying... yea I know that feeling of which you speak... and it will jack up a good day in about .2 seconds.
for the record though... the longer I live the more I am CERTAIN that this particular brand of "crazy" is a side effect of having kids. lol

MOST importantly... try to remember that you are human and from time to time... everyone's human leaks out. ; }

Coodence said...

Cut yourself some slack, prolly.

Have a glass of wine or a smoke or a smoke.