I got my period today. I only mention this because I was thinking back to my last period and we were in Michigan. Basically, since then, we've (obviously) gone to Michigan and back, packed up an apartment and moved into a house. Before the packing and moving, though, there were renovations and clean-ups to arrange and do. In the middle of all that I also had a 9-month old child demanding the majority of my free-time. On top of that, there were hospital visits to welcome my new niece into the world and to see my grandmother who broke her hip. I also experienced the death of someone very close to me for the first time: my grandfather.
I remember mentioning to Husband that once everything slowed down I was sure I was going to get sick. I expected my body to just shut down and I would be bedridden with some stupid cold brought on by sheer exhaustion. Rather than a physical breakdown, however, I experienced a mental breakdown. Remember how I mentioned I turned into a psycho when I wasn't fed on time Sunday? Well add to that extreme PMS and a 10-month old who has overnight developed sleeping problems thus leading to a sleep-deprived me. Yeah. I lost it.
Sometimes I forget that I have a "mental illness." Sure, I'm not schizophrenic or bipolar, but I do suffer from depression and I do take medicine (Prozac) for said depression. I am actively treating a chemical imbalance. And rather than take note of that and really watch what I say and do because of it, I let the "crazy" shine through sometimes. I take little tiny bits and pieces of my life that are getting on my nerves and I compile them until they become this overwhelming monster of a problem. Like, one tiny bee isn't really a huge problem until his friends join him and they become a swarm.
I wonder if anyone that reads this blog experiences anything like that and can maybe share a tip or two about how to prevent a blow-up. Some coping mechanisms, if you will. Just like the hunger making me a madwoman, I know the cause of my emotions and anger, I just can't stop myself from letting the anger out. Know what I mean? How do I squelch the flame rather than fan it?
MORAL OF THAT STORY: When in doubt, ask the interwebz.