My "Aha!" Moment

I got my period today. I only mention this because I was thinking back to my last period and we were in Michigan. Basically, since then, we've (obviously) gone to Michigan and back, packed up an apartment and moved into a house. Before the packing and moving, though, there were renovations and clean-ups to arrange and do. In the middle of all that I also had a 9-month old child demanding the majority of my free-time. On top of that, there were hospital visits to welcome my new niece into the world and to see my grandmother who broke her hip. I also experienced the death of someone very close to me for the first time: my grandfather.
I remember mentioning to Husband that once everything slowed down I was sure I was going to get sick. I expected my body to just shut down and I would be bedridden with some stupid cold brought on by sheer exhaustion. Rather than a physical breakdown, however, I experienced a mental breakdown. Remember how I mentioned I turned into a psycho when I wasn't fed on time Sunday? Well add to that extreme PMS and a 10-month old who has overnight developed sleeping problems thus leading to a sleep-deprived me. Yeah. I lost it.
Sometimes I forget that I have a "mental illness." Sure, I'm not schizophrenic or bipolar, but I do suffer from depression and I do take medicine (Prozac) for said depression. I am actively treating a chemical imbalance. And rather than take note of that and really watch what I say and do because of it, I let the "crazy" shine through sometimes. I take little tiny bits and pieces of my life that are getting on my nerves and I compile them until they become this overwhelming monster of a problem. Like, one tiny bee isn't really a huge problem until his friends join him and they become a swarm.
I wonder if anyone that reads this blog experiences anything like that and can maybe share a tip or two about how to prevent a blow-up. Some coping mechanisms, if you will. Just like the hunger making me a madwoman, I know the cause of my emotions and anger, I just can't stop myself from letting the anger out. Know what I mean? How do I squelch the flame rather than fan it?

MORAL OF THAT STORY: When in doubt, ask the interwebz.


Casey Tuesday

Casey is 44 weeks old today. It is the second week of his 10th month. Per usual, his monthly portraits from JC Penney can be seen HERE. Maybe it's because I have been up since 5 o'clock with this little rascal, but I'm just not feeling super stoked on being a mom right now. He's currently going through a phase that consists of crying. All the time. Crying during diaper changes. Crying during meals. Crying during bottles. Crying if you walk past him. Crying if the wind blows. God help me, he cried for an hour straight last night at about midnight and then did it again this morning. He doesn't really love waking up in that crib. Maybe he's having a rough time adjusting to the house? Teething? Growth spurt? I don't know why he cries but I do now understand the meaning of "Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about." Most of the time Casey is super happy and can really lay on the charm. Take for instance yesterday evening. I strapped him into the chest carrier thingy and we took the dog for a walk as a family. He made all kinds of sounds and laughs and was a jolly good time. My wee Jekyll and Hyde, he is. I love him more than a fat kid loves cake but he definitely knows how to push my buttons.


Monday Musings

This weekend was super very busy. We did a lot of hanging of pictures and mounting of fixtures. The task list is still quite long but I feel like I could definitely have visitors over and not have to say "Excuse the mess, we're still in the process of moving." Because, really? We're moved. And unpacked. The big tasks that lie before us is the garage and backyard cleanup. We really need to get things organized in order to have another garage sale that spans both days of the weekend. Then after that, we'll probably just trash or donate everything else. Once that is accomplished we can really get settled and start putting things in their final resting places.
On Sunday, I was determined that Casey, Husband and I do something fun that wasn't some sort of obligation. We ended up at the Ventura Harbor where we had a lovely French lunch and spent some time playing on the grass near the boats. A wee girl was walking by that was Casey's size. She was FIFTEEN MONTHS OLD! Wow right? Same exact height and weight as Casey who is 5 months her junior. I was blown away. My kid is huge. He can palm a sippy cup. Crazy.
Before we got the French lunch from Heaven, we tried a couple other spots and I was starving and in a pissy mood. I was totally aware of myself being an anxiety ridden bitch and knew it was because I was hungry and I still couldn't stop myself. I asked Husband what he wanted to do and his response was, "Get food into you as soon as possible." Prozac may not be working otherwise PMS is working overtime.
And that's that. Life is slowly settling down. Gran is recovering from her broken hip. My grandpa will be cremated on Wednesday. Casey's becoming a big boy. My parents are grandparents. My aching back is leading me to believe that I'm becoming middle-aged. But the best thing of all? Having my besty close - SO VERY CLOSE - so very soon.


Homeowner Haiku Friday

Goodbye, apartment
Hello, first mortgage payment
So long, "paying rent"
I'm a home-owner
No landlord to answer to
My repairs are mine
Have my own driveway
Front and backyard, a garage
And so much dang room!



My grandpa, my mother's father, passed away on June 17th at the age of 86. I went to see him on Sunday, June 12th with my son and he had a cough but, in true grandpa fashion, he was making it seem like a big joke and over-exaggerated every one. I held his coffee so he could take sips and he and Casey shared a banana and a donut. It was a surreal moment, me feeding both my grandfather and his great-grandson, but it was comforting and wonderful at the same time. On Thursday, June 16th, my mother called me after visiting grandpa and she sounded sad. She said he wasn't eating or drinking and she was going to try and find him a CD player so he could be soothed. I had a feeling in my gut that I should bee-line over there to see him.
I immediately left work at around 2:30 in the afternoon and headed to the Shoreline Care Center nursing home where Grandpa has been for months. His eyes were wide and scared, his cough was worse and his eyes and mouth were a bit crusted. I tried to help him drink his milkshake. He couldn't suck through the straw. I tried to pour it in his mouth. He coughed afterward and turned his head. He never said a word to me the whole time I was there but I sat with him, held his hand, rubbed his chest and smoothed his hair. I told him I loved him and how he was the best Grandpa I ever had and how lucky Casey was to have met him. I told him we'd take care of grandma if he didn't want to hang on. As I was leaving, several nurses stopped to tell me how he was refusing to eat and drink, how his oxygen intake was low. The hospice person told me they would administer liquid morphine to make him more comfortable.
The next morning, grandpa died. The man that was always quick with a joke or a crude song. The one who would practically insult you with his teasing although he always said those things with love. The man who would take me to play "alley" when I was a little girl when "alley" was nothing more than playing next to the 31 Flavors in the old Carriage Square shopping center. The man who loved Christmas more than anyone I have ever known and lived to spoil his children and grandchildren. The big, strong man I watched go from a golfer and poker player, to someone who walked with a cane, then a walker. The man I watched my husband lift into and out of his car for every family gathering we brought him to. The man who eventually needed to be put in a nursing home, away from his wife of 64 years who also shared his birthday.
Even though we saw this coming, it's still sad. You're never really prepared to lose someone so close to you. I'm comforted in knowing he is no longer alone. No longer being fed yucky hospital food. No longer having to sleep in an uncomfortable hospital bed. No longer having to be around "the crazies." I'm comforted in knowing I got a chance to tell him I loved him before he left us.

MORAL OF THAT STORY: As cliche as it sounds, life is short. Let your loved ones know you love them. Take the time to make that phone call or send that email or drop by.


Casey Tuesday

Casey is 43 weeks old today. It's the first week of his tenth month; he'll be 10 months old on Friday. He doesn't know it right now but he's experienced his first death in the family because his great-grandpa died last Friday. It has been a very busy month for Casey. He's living at the second address of his wee lifetime and it just so happens to be our first house. In that house, we decided it was best if he actually used his own room for sleeping. The first night - after moving all day - was too much stimulation for him so there was no putting him in that crib and he ended up sleeping with Mom and Dad. For the past 2 nights, though, he has slept in his crib from around 8 til 5. Saturday night he didn't wake up at all but last night he woke up just after midnight. Both mornings I brought him into bed with me at around 5 so we could sleep a little longer. I have to admit, I definitely sleep better without his tiny feet kicking me all night. Now if I could just do something about Husband's snoring...



I saw the trailer for Conviction on a rental we'd gotten not long ago and it looked like a solid cast and a good story so we rented it. The movie is based on the true story of a lady named Betty Ann Waters whose brother was wrongly convicted of murder. Her determination to prove his innocence drove her to basically push her own family aside as she worked her way up from a waitress to a lawyer in order to get her brother out of jail. I think the story was there but Conviction got lost in a mishmash of flashbacks. Hillary Swank always seems to play the same kind of character but she's definitely good at it. Minnie Driver doesn't really do much other than play the supportive friend. Sam Rockwell is simply a fantastic actor. The highlight of this movie for me, though, is the rare appearance Juliette Lewis makes. I wonder why she doesn't act more. She's really a gem. I suppose I'd give this movie a C+. It's not great but it's not awful. Then again, who am I to judge? I watched it while I was totally exhausted and chasing a baby around the house.


Circle of Life Haiku Friday

Beanie's girl was born
Just like a Cabbage Patch Kid
As cute as can be
Grandpa lies dying
Won't drink, eat, speak or get up
Next step is morphine
Makes other problems
Seem so insignificant
Reality check


The Good
  • Tonight is the last night we have to sleep in the apartment!
  • We had a bunch of rose bushes in front of the house (17 to be exact) and thanks to the "Free" section of craigslist, Salvadore took them all away last night. One less thing for me to do!
  • We have cheap help with his own truck to help Husband move tomorrow.
The Bad
  • I still have to pack up the kitchen and our closets and drawers and I am out of boxes.
  • I think Casey's getting more teeth and he gets all crazy frustrated and bites things like the rail of his crib and the toilet until he cries.
  • The amount of things we still need to sell to clean out the garage but the weather and lack of time has not permitted another yard sale.
The Ugly
  • All the tiny bruises I have acquired from moving and packing.
  • The construction mess that still lingers at the new house.
  • My apartment now that it's mostly empty. I guess I'm only noticing it is ugly now because I have a beautiful new house to move into.


Moving Right Along

So very busy! My goodness. I spend every free second moving or packing or unpacking or hanging pictures or cleaning. It's a very exciting time. Every moment I spend in the apartment seems like punishment. I want to be in our house already. We're really making a dent in this whole moving thing. The only things left to do are pack up the kitchen and our bedrooms and get it on over to the NEW HOUSE. The rest of it is just the heavy stuff that I will leave to the manly men for Friday while I toil away, not breaking a sweat at my desk. Ha!
On another note, we inherited a Kirby vacuum cleaner. Have you heard of these? They are heavy duty sons of bitches but I'm convinced you can suck the color off the carpet with them. They have totally changed the way I feel about vacuuming. I am pretty sure I'm able to suction up the particles beneath the foam of the carpet. I'm not exaggerating. I guess these things sell for almost a grand a piece. Friends, if you are paying that kind of money for a vacuum, you take your cleaning very seriously. It is not a joke.
So yeah, that sums up my life. Cleaning, packing, moving, unpacking. It's a jolly good time if you have it. Time that is.

MORAL OF THAT STORY: "Don't count every hour of the day, make every hour in the day count."


Casey Tuesday

Casey is 42 weeks old today. It is the 4th week of his 9th month. I can't believe that next week he will be 10 months old. It's simply ridiculous how quickly time flies. My niece was just born and I can't even remember Casey being that small even though she was actually bigger than him when she was born. In development news, Casey has his two front top teeth and two bottom front teeth. He likes to bite my fingers and when I say ouch he laughs. He also can't stop himself from grabbing on to anything available and standing up. I have a feeling he will be walking before he is a year old. Husband and I are convinced he's figured out the difference between "mama" and "dada" and he uses them to sort of get our attention. It's crazy. I don't count that as a first word sort of thing. I'm waiting for him to say something outrageous like Kiyah and then I'll be convinced he's talking. He "sings" in the car now. It's sort of hilarious listening to him experiment with different sounds and volumes. He's my little Starvin' Marvin right now with all the tongue clicking he's doing. I simply can't get enough of my little buddy... I think that has to do with the fact that he follows me from room to room. A little bit of a mommy complex right now and I LOVE IT!


Movie Review Monday

After watching it gather dust on our TV stand for about two weeks, we finally popped in Winter's Bone. We rented this one because it was nominated for Oscars and won a lot of Independent Movie awards. We buy into that hype, you know. The main actress, Jennifer Lawrence, has also gotten raves for this role. She is currently attracting a lot of attention because she got cast as the lead in the Hunger Games movies based on the popular books that BFF has read but I have not.
The movie is set in the Ozarks and the gist of the plot is the main girl, Ree, is responsible for her younger brother and sister and her mother. Dad makes crank but has gone missing. The law is after him and if he jumps bond, the family loses their house. Ree sets out to find him and runs into a bunch of unsavory characters along the way. And scene.
I will say that this young woman is an incredible actress. The story was sort of "meh" but the visuals are simply stunning. The actors just look country. Is that the right word? All I could think of were The Wild and Wonderful Whites of West Virginia. Very authentic. The dialogue was great and many scenes were quite realistic and graphic.
I don't know if you're going to miss much if you don't see this one though. Both Husband and I sort of gave it two thumbs down. Maybe it was the buildup of wanting to find a second of time to watch it over the past two weeks. Maybe it was because we were exhausted from moving all weekend. I just don't feel like this movie was worth the time I spent to watch it but I do think Jennifer Lawrence has quite a career ahead of her. She's the only thing that stood out to me.


June Gloom Haiku Friday

Gray skies match my mood
Time for an emo haiku
Wee pity party
Too much at one time
Sick grandparents and packing
Moving and repairs
Thank God for babies
My new little niecy-poo
And Casey Capood


Mish Mash

Missed Haiku Friday
Don't know how to blog from phone
Need to get with it
Trip was a success
We sure hit the ground running
And haven't stopped since
Grandma broke her hip
Frances went into labor
We shouldn't leave town


Casey is 41 weeks old. It is the 3rd week of his 9th month. Lots of firsts: bus ride, airplane ride, wedding, meeting the cousins and uncles... The list goes on an on. He did great on both flights, never seemed to mind the endless driving and adapted well to sleeping in a different place every night. He fell off the bed for the second time in his life. Normally he doesn't cross the pillow barrier when taking a nap on the bed but he decided to mix it up a little bit and landed on his face. You can see the bumps and scrapes pretty well in this picture. His nose is now a giant scab. Grandma Friday made it all better with an orange popsicle. Thank goodness for Grandmas. The highlight of the trip was watching Casey almost tear up a bible in a Baptist Church. That church is also where he decided to learn how to climb stairs. God help me.

The Good
My niece, Alicia Corrine was born.

The Bad
Coming back from a whirlwind trip to find all my work waiting for me. Gran breaking her hip.

The Ugly
The huge scab on Casey's face.


MORAL OF THAT STORY: I didn't quit my blog. I'm just running late.