When I was younger, I always wondered why my parents didn't have more friends. I always had lots of friends I talked to or visited or did things with and my parents just seemed to have each other. I thought it was so weird and that they were kind of lame because of it. Here I am, years later, married and a mother, and I look at my life and I realize I've become my parents. Sure, I still have friends but I'm lucky if I talk to them once or twice a month on the phone and maybe if see them once or twice a year in person. We're scattered all across the country and we're busy with our own jobs and families. My husband has become my best friend and he is the one I talk to and do things with. My spare time is completely devoted to him, the baby, our extended family, chores and errands and at the end of every weekend I want to kick myself that I didn't find the time to make overdue phone calls to catch up with my girls. I find myself thinking about my friendships quite often and always try my best to acknowledge my girlfriends with emails or cards ore pictures of the baby each month. I want them to know that although our communications have dwindled, they are always in my heart and in my thoughts. Sometimes I feel a bit melancholy and mourn the loss of the girls' nights out and hour long gossip sessions that made the telephone burn up my ear but I imagine those will return in time when I am not a single, working mother for most of the week and spending my weekends trying to make up for lost time with my husband. I want to be able to do nice things like buy Christmas and birthday presents for our friends but our budget is tight because Husband and I are buying a house yet continue to live two separate lives in two separate cities. Plus, we're parents now and any spare change really belongs to Casey. However, when I say these things aloud, they always sound like excuses I'm making to justify why I am failing as a friend. I don't know what brought on this overwhelming sense of loss and sadness but here it is. Spilled on the pages of this blog to lighten the burden on my mind.
MORAL OF THIS STORY: Girlfriends, if you are reading this, please know I still love you and hold you in the utmost highest regard, I just haven't figured out how to balance my life yet. I wouldn't be the woman I am without you and can't imagine a future where I couldn't call you friend.