End of July Haiku Friday

An influx of bills
Husband's truck broken into
When it rains, it pours
It balances though
Our baby is getting spoiled
Too many wee gifts
So it could be worse
But I would like the calm now
Before the birth storm


Happy Birthday, Andrea

A - Awesome with a camera
N - Not a fan of pants
D - Decidedly brave for moving cross country
R - Really makes a lovely bridesmaid
E - Even more wee in person than she appears in pictures
A - Arizona dwelling, junk food eating, graphic tee wearing, all around swell gal.

Happy birthday, you beautiful woman. I can't wait for your next visit.


Miss Manners

I stumbled upon these blog posts via a friend's link on Facebook. They're basically a somewhat comedic take on Miss Manners articles of the glory days. My mother? Thrives on shit like this. Etiquette lessons and cotillion were things my brother and I took part in when we were young. Are we perfect? No. But we could be a hell of a lot worse off had she not taken the time to at least attempt to instill such virtues in us.

Don't Be Rude, Part I: Kindness

Don't Be Rude, Part II: Relationships

Don't Be Rude, Part III: Socializing

MORAL OF THE STORY: These things are written for a reason. To be read, to be learned, to be shared. If not, let us fear for the future.


Tummy Tuesday

My shower is this weekend. Husband's co-workers are throwing him a shower on Thursday. We should see quite the influx of baby goods this week. I've sort of been putting off doing anything baby related until after the shower but I also feel like I've put it off too long. The nursery is still looking pretty mediocre. There are baby clothes to be washed. I also haven't made my "bearph" playlist for the iPod. Nor have I written a birth plan. Nor have I packed my bag for the hospital. Denial? Maybe.
I found my first under-the-tummy stretch mark on Monday morning and I can't say I'm pleased about this. I'm also not crazy about how close I came to peeing the bed on Sunday night. Or how often I have heartburn even though I did learn about the medicinal powers of Ginger Ale when it comes to this particular ailment. Or how uncomfortable walking and lifting my legs have become. Last Thursday, the doctor did tell me that he was pleased with how I was doing and I looked really good. He scheduled an ultrasound for the 4th to make sure baby's in the right position though he seems to think he is by jabbing his fingers into my lower abdomen. Rock on, Doc. And cut that shit out.

Here's what babycenter.com says about 36 weeks (4 to go!):
Your baby is still packing on the pounds — at the rate of about an ounce a day. He now weighs almost 6 pounds (like a Crenshaw Melon
[L dot A dot Crenshaw Boulevard?]) and is more than 18.5 inches long. He's shedding most of the downy covering of hair that covered his body as well as the vernix caseosa, the waxy substance that covered and protected his skin during his 9-month amniotic bath. Your baby swallows both of these substances, along with other secretions, resulting in a blackish mixture, called meconium, will form the contents of his first bowel movement (Anyone who is pregnant knows the importance of poop. I mean this.). At the end of this week, your baby will be considered full-term. (Full-term is 37 to 42 weeks; babies born before 37 weeks are pre-term and those born after 42 are post-term.) Most likely he's in a head-down position. But if he isn't, your practitioner may suggest scheduling an appointment to try to coax your baby into a head-down position by manipulating him from the outside of your belly.


Movie Review Monday

Let's play a word game. Inception was:
Incredible. Intense. Indescribable. Insane. Interesting. Inconceivable?
In other words? I really liked it. And honestly? While I thought the previews looked really unique with sort of mind-boggling special effects, I had my reservations walking in the front door because I'm not really one for sci fi. Husband and I both agree that for the first ten minutes you really don't know what you've walked into. However, if you are patient, that patience will be rewarded. By the end of the movie, I didn't even want to blink. I didn't want to miss one effect, one clue, one piece of information. I was even satisfied by the somewhat "cliffhanger" closing scene.
Is it the best thing ever? I don't know. But it definitely lived up to the hype which has been rare in some of the movies we have seen of late (i.e. Despicable Me). I'm not sure what a second viewing would bring either. I'm still not convinced that Ellen Page was the wisest choice for an architect wunderkind but it's nice to see she was able to break away from being typecast as Juno forever. Joseph Gordon Levitt is also definitely no longer the kid from 3rd Rock from the Sun either! Man. I'd say he stole the show from Leo DiCaprio but who am I really? In my humble opinion, Inception and Toy Story 3 are this summer's "It" movies.


Fetus Haiku Friday

Thought that my due date
Was a month from yesterday
I guess I was wrong
August twenty-fifth
I messed up the office pool
False advertising
More time gestating
Unless Casey comes early
That's ok by me



When you have a big ol'belly because there's a baby in it, some things get harder. Like bending over. Bending over is quite essential to grooming, I've learned, especially when it comes time to clip my toenails. I thought I had this figured out but it turns out, not so much. Husband and I took the dog to the beach this weekend and frolicked in the sea and sand. Unfortunately, my 3+ week old pedicure did not respond well to that and, lo and behold, the polish began to chip away. Since I am pretty much stuck wearing flip flops I can't very well walk around with tarnished tooties so I tried to cut them down a bit so it wouldn't be so obvoius how badly chipped the paint had become. I ended up cutting two of my toenails down waaaaaaaaaaay too short and my God does that hurt. In the end I called my pedicurist and asked her to see me and she made my feet look beautiful again. All in less than 30 minutes.

MORAL OF THAT STORY: Pay the $8 to have someone take care of your foot needs whilst preggo and avoid bloodshed. It's worth the money.

Bonus chat with my mother about grooming:
Mom: Hope you have a good day, how do your feet look? You need to make an appointment for the week before delivery, the doctor may as well have something interesting to look at.
Me: I got them a bright orange/coral color. They're pretty since I'm tan. I'll be sure to be well groomed and pedicured for the birth.
Mom: Need your hair trimmed too as you will not have much time for a little while after. Pamper yourself a little.
Me: Oh, mother. Yes I know. I have a haircut scheduled for the day before the shower. I'm sure I can get another trim prior to pushing.
Mom: I could do it in the hospital to kill some time.
Me: I'm sure. I have childhood photographs that make it illegal for you to be in possession of scissors near my hair.
Mom: go to hell, lol. Talk to you later
Me: love you!!! xoxo


Tummy Tuesday

Discomfort is the name of the game here in the last few weeks of pregnancy. We've got leg cramps, trouble sleeping, and heartburn. Oh, Lord, the heartburn. I could eat a breath mint and get heartburn. Speaking of breath mints? Wintergreen Ice Breakers are a total craving of mine now. That and chewing ice cubes. I have no idea what that means.
We pre-registered at the hospital on Friday. I thought this would have been a more in-depth process but it literally took us five minutes. We had one-side of a sheet of paper to fill out. I've had procedures done at another hospital where the pre-registration took forever so this was a nice surprise.
Another nice surprise? Auntie Crusty brought us some books and pajamas this week so we feel extra spoiled. I also feel very reassured because she kept telling me I wasn't huge and that all my weight gain is in my belly. Thank God for nice friends. Hopefully she's not just a big ol' liarmouth trying to make me feel better. Ha! Grandma (a.k.a. my mom) also can't stop the shopping impulse and has been buying us diapers and blankets and Winnie-the-Pooh hair brushes and SO MUCH STUFF. Even my vendors from work are spoiling this baby. Amazing. I can't wait to see what the shower brings on the 31st.

Here's what babycenter.com has to say about 35 weeks (5 to go!):
Your baby doesn't have much room to maneuver now that he's over 18 inches long and tips the scales at 5-1/4 pounds (pick up a honeydew melon). Because it's so snug in your womb, he isn't likely to be doing somersaults anymore, but the number of times he kicks should remain about the same. His kidneys are fully developed now, and his liver can process some waste products. Most of his basic physical development is now complete — he'll spend the next few weeks putting on weight.


Movie Review Monday

So many of my favorite actors do voices in Despicable Me: Steve Carell, Kristen Wiig, Russell Brand and Jason Segel to name a few. Oh and Julie Andrews. How could I forget her? I heard some good feedback from friends on Facebook and I was really expecting a lot. And frankly the minions could not be cuter. Unfortunately, I didn't think it was as funny as I wanted it to be. I still really liked it, I just sort of expected more. I guess that's the shame about word of mouth. You start to hear lots of good things and your expectations build to a point where they're unlikely to be met.
The story of this movie is basically one evil villain, Gru, trying to outdo another, Vector. They trump one another by stealing monuments. In order to infiltrate Vector's fortress to steal a miniaturizing weapon that will allow him to steal the moon, Gru adopts three orphan girls who originally penetrated the perimeter while selling cookies. Ah, cookies, the undoing of us all. This is a story of redemption I suppose you could say. And since it involved the theme of "Family" and/or "Parenthood," it, like so many movies before it, tugged at my heartstrings and left me blotting the tears from my eyes. I'm ashamed of me. Despicable, pregnant me.


Half-July Haiku Friday

At the hospital today
Time is running out
Crusty is in town
So we plan to dine tonight
On Husband's cooking
Maybe play Rock Band
Definitely just hang out
Take it real easy


Book Review Thursday

I'm at the tail end of this book - about 100 easy pages to go - so I figured I would review it even though I'm not technically done. Mostly, Russell Brand's My Booky Wook: A Memoir of Sex, Drugs, and Stand-Up is just that: a collection of memories. It doesn't have much of a sense of flow or cohesion but is more of a series of anecdotes reflecting on a young life full of debauchery and shenanigans. There is a vague sense that it is chronologically detailing such events but he will bounce back and forth between memories of being a juvenile and then a teenager. It's really kind of fun. It's no secret that I adore the British and you can just hear in your head the way he speaks through the way he places words on a page. I think one of my favorite aspects are the little footnotes where he'll break away to describe a certain British pop culture phenomenon or some lingo that we Yanks probably have never heard of. And? There's the extra special treat of colored photographs stuck in the middle so you can see him growing up. Quite cute. Russell Brand is very funny and clearly very smart and reminds you of a naughty little boy that is constantly testing you... You never really know when he's being cheeky or sincere but it's a good time nonetheless.


Tick Tock

Ever since we started putting the nursery together I've felt this sort of impending doom... well, not necessarily doom, per se, but a heavy feeling that time is running out. I have the urge to make all these task lists and am harboring a feeling like I'm not getting things done quickly enough. Did the bedding for the crib really need to be washed 6 weeks ahead of time? Probably not. But it's done! I'm going to try and hold off on washing baby clothes until the shower which is a mere 17 days away but don't you think it's not constantly on my mind. Because it is.
Also, as a college graduate, I get the joy of having my student loans go into repayment status. This is not the kind of thing I need considering next month my salary will be slashed in half and we'll barely make enough money between Husband and myself to pay the few bills we have now. So I went through the lengthy consolidation and deferment process and that is another box checked off the list. Soon after baby arrives, though, it'll be like having a car payment again only this time with nothing to show for it other than a diploma. I certainly can't boast my big brain.
I feel like I'm handling our business in a big way right now and have never felt more organized. I better enjoy the feeling while it lasts and not get used to it because methinks a baby's sole purpose is to bring upheaval to a once tidy little life - as darling as an upheaval he may be.

MORAL OF THAT STORY: "Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it is not all mixed up." - A.A. Milne


Tummy Tuesday

This past weekend was very fetus-filled. We got the changing table and crib up in the spare room so it's officially looking like a nursery. It has a long way to go but should Casey arrive early at least he will have somewhere to sleep and be changed. My co-worker bought us some Winnie-the-Pooh bedding so it inspired me to get things ready and also sort of pressured me into registering at Babies "R" Us even though I was totally resistant to that at first. They just have more stuff.
We also had the birth class and learned a lot, even took a tour of the hospital where we will pre-register this Friday after work. I'm glad we did the weekend class so we wouldn't have to go see the same folks week after week. We were provided a lot of stimulating information that was a catalyst for some conversations we'd not had yet. This week I'll also write up a "birth plan" and make a playlist for my iPod called "Bearph" at Husband's request. It was a classic case of "small world syndrome" when a fellow high school alumnus was also in our class. There was one point where we were doing the hee-hee-hee-hoo breathing exercise and Husband made a face that made me burst into a fit of giggles that left me weeping in my bean bag chair. Those Fridays can't go anywhere without causing trouble.
And finally, at the behest of BFF, I got a yoga ball (a.ka. balance ball a.k.a. Swiss ball) for the house. Attention all pregnant women or people thinking about being huge and pregnant at some point: GET ONE OF THESE. My God. The relief in the hips, the rocking, all of it - to. die. for. $9.99 at Target and worth every single cent.

Here's what babycenter.com says about 34 weeks (6 more to go!):
Your baby now weighs about 4-3/4 pounds (like your average cantaloupe) and is almost 18 inches long. His fat layers — which will help regulate his body temperature once he's born — are filling him out, making him rounder. His skin is also smoother than ever. His central nervous system is maturing and his lungs are continuing to mature as well. If you've been nervous about preterm labor, you'll be happy to know that babies born between 34 and 37 weeks who have no other health problems generally do fine. They may need a short stay in the neonatal nursery and may have a few short-term health issues, but in the long run, they usually do as well as full-term babies. (According to What To Expect, his testicles are dropping this week. Holler. His fingernails are also almost to the tips of his fingers. TEE!)


Movie Review Monday

This is the only movie we watched this weekend aside from birthing videos and I'm positive you don't want me to talk about those. Some things, once seen, can't be unseen. And I wonder why they make moms-to-be watch those things when technically, I'm not really going to see what's going on down there when I give birth anyway.
So, we rented The Express. Husband informed me that he put this on Netlfix because I wanted to watch it when I saw the previews for its arrival to the movie theaters about 2 years ago. I have no way to prove or disprove this claim so I'll give him the benefit of the doubt. This movie is about Ernie Davis, who runs super fast, gets recruited by Syracuse during some racist times to play football and is the first black dude to win the Heisman Trophy. I hope I didn't give too much away. Most times I really like football movies (i.e. Remember the Titans, Invincible, etc.) but this one didn't really do it for me. Dennis Quaid was the coach and he failed to give me the goosebumps whilst rallying the team with his motivational speeches. And the dude who played Ernie Davis had about as much emotion portraying his character as I would have and, well, that says it all.
So another movie fail for us. Go Team!


Haiku Friday

Getting out of bed
Was quite a challenge today
Wanted to stay home
Hit every red light
From home to work this morning
Doesn't happen much
A busy weekend
Ten hours, two days of birth class
Kinda sounds like work



  • Yesterday was my parents' 41st wedding anniversary. I'll be 73 when I celebrate mine. My folks are 63. Weird.
  • I had a meltdown when I learned my replacement is starting on August 2nd. I'm due August 22nd. Doesn't leave much time for training as baby can come really any time he pleases.
  • I may have heard a kidnapping take place outside my window at 12 AM this morning. I didn't look to see. I just heard a chick screaming and some running. Very much like teenagerly fun gone awry.
  • I'm about 1/2 way through reading Russell Brand's My Booky Wook. It's quite funny.
  • Remember when I had to go to the doctor for those optical migraines? Just got a bill for $210. I don't think I'm going to pay it.
  • Husband and I are attending our birth classes this weekend: 9:30-4:30 on Saturday and 9:30-12:30 on Sunday. Ugh.


Tummy Tuesday

The doctor's appointment on Thursday was quite anticlimactic. I think I weighed in at about 230 which is horrifying yet satisfying at the same time. Horrifying because I've never seen a scale so high, satisfying because I've technically only gained about 15 pounds since conception. Holler and again, mad props to morning sickness for helping me keep the weight down. Doc measured my belly and said "nice growth!" and I was on my way.
In a huge step, Husband broke down the guest room over the weekend and moved the boxes of baby furniture upstairs. Assembly should be complete by the end of this coming weekend and we'll sort of officially have a "nursery." I guess this shit is real, folks. A baby is on his way.
While shopping this weekend I had one woman ask me "When are you due? Tomorrow?" and another man tell me "It's almost over." I am still sort of baffled as to why strangers need to say such crazy shit. I much prefer the gaze and smile technique as when a crotchety old woman spies my burgeoning belly and her face melts from stone cold to Granny warm.

Here's what babycenter.com says about 33 weeks (7 weeks to go!):
This week your baby weighs a little over 4 pounds (pineapple) and has passed the 17-inch mark. He's rapidly losing that wrinkled, alien look and his skeleton is hardening. The bones in his skull aren't fused together, which allows them to move and slightly overlap, thus making it easier for him to fit through the birth canal. (The pressure on the head during birth is so intense that many babies are born with a cone-head like appearance.) These bones don't entirely fuse until early adulthood, so they can grow as his brain and other tissue expands during infancy and childhood.


America's Birthday Haiku Friday

Thank God it's Friday
And a three-day weekend, too
I'm due for a break
Nothing huge is planned
A cookout with the family
Hot dogs, wings and beer*
A whole bunch of naps
Maybe clean the pad a bit
Mostly though? Housebound.

*Author's note: No beer for me (insert sobbing here).


"Turn That Down!"

Dear Next Door Neighbor,
Yesterday I came home at the lovely dusk hour of 7 pm to find that you were blaring what I can only assume was Swing Out Sister at concert volume levels with all of your windows open, clearly enjoying the cool summer breeze. My husband, with whom I was on the phone at the time, even asked where I was. I assume he thought I had decided to hit a bar or a club in my huge, pregnant state. I decided to give the benefit of the doubt that you just loved that particular song and I walked the dog before knocking on your door and telling you how inappropriate that decibel level is in an apartment setting.
Lo and behold, when I returned from my 20-minute waddle, that music was still cranked to 11. I knocked on your door and gave you what is commonly referred to as the stink eye and said "You've gotta turn that down, dude." You looked at me so dumbfounded, repeated "turn it down" and I asked if you wanted to listen to your music with me outside. That got me a door in the face which I probably deserved but you turned it off - not even down - and I felt like a winner.
I didn't realize that you took that to mean "Play it again super loud at midnight while screaming over the sound that 'It's a Bose' to whomever you were playing your demonstration for." You've made me into that neighbor that calls the landlord. And calls the other neighbors to tell them to tell you to turn it down as well so I don't look like the asshole in the complex. I didn't want to be that neighbor. I thought after my Husband told you nicely a month ago that you couldn't have the bass shaking the building that we were cool, but it's clear we're not. Know what else isn't cool? You're 60 fucking years old and drink all day. Yeah. Not cool.
Your frustrated, 8-month pregnant, "I just want some peace and quiet" neighbor