11.19.2009

Day 3

I wasn't really going to discuss this here but why the hell not. If nothing else, I might get some activity from search engine keywords on my Google Analytics page. On Monday I had the double pleasure of starting my period and going off Prozac. If that isn't a recipe for crazy bitch I don't know what is. Tuesday went pretty smoothly and aside from a brief altercation that I may or may not have imagined between the head of the Spanish department and myself last night, I think yesterday went well too. Today, I feel like maybe things aren't going that well. I'm pretty good at my job and today was faced with an obstacle I didn't know how to solve. When I asked for help, I felt like I was talking to a brick wall. I got frustrated and lashed out and then I kind of felt like crying. And now I'm worried. I'm worried that I can't go off Prozac because I'll be more prone to losing my shit. I'm worried that I am somehow damaged and over-emotional. I'm worried that I won't be able to regain my ability to orgasm and that I'll never be able to lose the weight I gained while seeking solace in a prescription pill. I'm worried that by taking that very first pill over a year ago, that I opened a door I won't be able to shut and that I'll be reliant on medicinal assistance for the rest of my life. So that makes me sad. And that's all I wanted to share.

5 comments:

212degreedesigns said...

you aren't damaged
you're just playing with the chemicals in your body.

remember the BE PATIENT part? ; }

i know it's hard, but there really is life after this. promise.

i'm proud of you!!!

Coodence said...

Good on ya, dude. If you can't tell your blog who can you tell.

ceedee said...

Take a deep breath. Everyone has a bad day / loses their shit / lashes out at people. You are no different. Everything takes time, and this will likely take time too.
Find something that makes you happy that you can turn to whenever things get bad - a person to call, a favorite book or video, the Muppets, etc and don't feel guilty about indulging yourself on it. You're doing awesome and I know you'll get through this! LYLAS

Lisa..... said...

I worry all the time about my inability to be cheerful and wonder if I am "dammaged." My mom and my sister already take antidepressants and I wonder when I will end up on them. I worry that I am not as strong as other people. I should probably get some therapy or something, which is what I would tell anyone else, but I haven't. It feels so difficult sometimes to say this shit is hard and maybe I need help. I thought I would share back.

I hope you know that people around you want good things for you.

hotdrwife said...

I love that you are able to let it out on the blog, and on the head of the Spanish Dept. :) I'm hoping the next part of this journey proves easier for you ... good for you, honey.