As I mentioned in last week's haiku, beer and I are on a break. What it boils down to is that I have been binge drinking like a college frat boy and it's starting to show in my arms, hips, thighs, ass and gut. And probably my double chin. My weight is the highest it has ever been and I think sobriety is a good way to face that issue. If you don't agree, that's fine. I just don't want to hear about it.
Anywho, that defensive bitchiness is a result of menses. My blunder. What I really came here to tell you is that last weekend it was very warm and I was looking for a cool, refreshing, alcoholic beverage that was not beer. Cuz ... baby steps right? First I wean off beer, then wine, then the puffing.... Anyway. I thought "Why not have a wine cooler?" Yeah. I know. A wine cooler. I'm 32. This isn't junior high. But whatver, I bought a 4-pack of these Bartles & Jaymes Mojitos for $4 and figured I'd give them a shot. But guess what? This shit isn't even "wine!" It's "flavored beer." WTF? So I didn't even open a bottle because I saw "beer" and I'm trying to be good and that's that.
Well, Crusty is in town and she came over the other night and wanted a tasty alcoholic beverage so I made her my guinea pig and asked her to drink this alleged wine cooler doppelganger and tell me what it tasted like. Her response was classic:
"Tastes like 10th grade."
Then she made a face and I told her she didn't need to finish it, we poured it down the drain together and she washed the taste out of her mouth with a classically delicious Budweiser American Ale and that was the end of our journey. There are three more in my fridge if you want to be a part of the experimental process.