4.30.2009

Signs

"My fiancee is a die-hard Dodger fan and remembers that moment as one of the defining events in her Dodger fan memory. I'm a Tigers fan, so obviously Kirk Gibson played a big roll in my youth as well. Anyway, now that we're consolidating households and building our future together I wanted a memento that would mean a lot to both of us, and this is the very item that ties it together, and I can't thank you enough for the opportunity to get it. Thanks again!"
Buzz bought me this autographed picture to celebrate us moving in together just a little under a year ago. It's hanging on the wall on his side of the bed and I look at it every time I'm in our room. Today is the first time I realized Gibson is wearing 23 and we're to be married on May 23rd. Technically, we should be husband and wife by now. Our initial plans were to get hitched in Vegas on April 18th. I'm a bit superstitious and am now pretty convinced that May 23rd is probably the day for a reason.

4.29.2009

Just The Way You Are

Don’t go changing, to try and please me
You never let me down before
Don’t imagine you’re too familiar
And I don’t see you anymore

I wouldn’t leave you in times of trouble
We never could have come this far
I took the good times; I’ll take the bad times
I’ll take you just the way you are

Don’t go trying some new fashion
Don’t change the color of your hair
You always have my unspoken passion
Although I might not seem to care

I don’t want clever conversation
I never want to work that hard
I just want someone that I can talk to
I want you just the way you are.

I need to know that you will always be
The same old someone that I knew
What will it take till you believe in me
The way that I believe in you.

I said I love you and that's forever
And this I promise from the heart
I could not love you any better
I love you just the way you are.

These are the lyrics to the Billy Joel song Buzz & I will dance our first dance to as a married couple. Lately, I have been giving these sentiments a lot of thought. I think it's because I dyed my hair blond this weekend and have been getting compliments left and right because of the change. I'm now sporting fake nails and have plans to do some fake'n'bake sessions at the local tanning salon prior to the ceremony to rid myself of the ever-present wife beater tans I rock since the ol' gown is strapless. I've been promising myself I'll go to the gym, that I'll diet, that I'll weigh less for the ceremony so I can take beautiful pictures. I cringed after looking at pictures of my bridal shower when I saw how my upper arms have expanded to a degree that was no less than shocking to see captured on film. Or digital. Whatever.

The angel and devil of morality that sit upon my shoulders have been having a hell of a debate about a lot of this and I spake with BFF last night to sort of get some things off my chest. She responded with a question that had been posed to her on the same topic: Why do brides insist on losing weight for their wedding and looking a specific way when they will never look that way again? My fiance loves me just the way I am, just like I love him just the way he is. He has never once hinted at me losing weight or changing anything about my appearance. If anything, he has always been 100% supportive of me just being myself.

So while I won't give up all hope and dive head first into a sea of Ben & Jerry's, I've given up torturing myself. I'm not going to the gym. I am busy enough walking my dog, going to work, attending classes during my lunch hour and generally handling biznass when it comes to keeping the house clean and tidy. I will eat well and in moderation but I will not starve myself or consider weightloss pills to reach some ideal that isn't even my own. If we were all supposed to look like Barbie dolls, God would have given us all enough money to get extensive cosmetic surgery.

MORAL OF THAT STORY: I love me just the way I am. (But I really dig the blond hair and fake nails.)

4.28.2009

Tip for Tuesday

Two weeks 'til I turn 32...
My Amazon.com Wish List
Recession? What recession?

4.24.2009

Favor?

Hello, lady readers of this here blog.
I am putting together a website for my Spanish final and thought it would be fun to offer you the opportunity to appear on it!
I am trying to compare and contrast the roles women play in today's society.
If you would like to write a paragraph for me giving your thoughts on the matter and send me a picture of you, I will gladly add your story (en espaƱol of course!) to my homework blog.
xoxo,
randi77@gmail.com

795th Post Haiku Friday

I've been wondering
Has my dear blog run its course?
Tell me your thoughts please
***
Mi vida loca
With a wedding, school and chores
Makes blogging boring
***
I haven't lost weight
So I could bitch about that
And put you to sleep

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

4.22.2009

Happy Earth Day

MORAL OF THAT STORY: We've only got one, so treat her right. Reduce, reuse, recycle. Plant a tree. Carry a Chico Bag (thanks for mine, BFF).

4.20.2009

Monday Shnippets

  • I bought a pair of size 14 shorts. They fit ok in the Macy's fitting room but by the end of the day we had a whole lot of shorts left over. I have learned my waist is a size 10, my ass is a size 14 and that clothes simply aren't made that way.
  • Saturday was On Field Fan Photo Day at Dodger Stadium. That link will take you to the shots I snapped. The Dodgers SLAUGHTERED the Rockies all weekend. Holler.
  • Got my first sunburn of the year on Saturday.
  • Record high heat in Ventura County over the weekend.
  • Netflix is enabling us to see the movies we didn't catch in the theater without the commitment of purchasing the DVD. The Incredible Hulk taught us there was a reason we didn't see the movie in the theater. Poor Liv Tyler can't act her way out of a paper bag. Should've hung it up after Armageddon. Mamma Mia! never even made it into the DVD player. Nice joke, Buzz.
  • Dear Fox, I love the extra new episodes of Bones, don't get me wrong, but if you could keep it consistently on the same day it'd be much appreciated. I don't track stuff like this well and I could have potentially missed tonight's new episode because it is not on Thursday as your regularly scheduled programming promised me.

4.17.2009

Bones Obsession Haiku Friday

I am so obsessed
I jumped on the message boards
But didn't log in
***
Fan fiction? Really?
At least I'm not that far gone
On the precipice
***
Oh, Booth and Brennan
It is time to consummate
I know you're in love

4.16.2009

A Day of Positivity

  • Buzz comes home tonight!
  • Only three more weeks left of school!
  • Only 36 days until I marry!
  • 2 new Bones episodes last night and another tonight!
  • I'm employed!
  • I got field tickets for Saturday night's Dodger game!
  • My man is a bomb cook and we'll have Shish Kabob Sunday!
  • Tomorrow I get off at 4!
  • My future mother-in-law can't be cuter!
  • The wind has stopped blowing 1000 mph!
  • I have the best stinkin' friends a girl could ask for!

4.15.2009

Chatty Cathy's Pretty Penny

I got my ticket in the mail for talking on the phone whilst driving a vehicle. There had been rumors that there was a one-time "warning" fee and that it would incrementally increase the more tickets you got. Well I will tell you this, I may not have a moving violation but I did get a ticket in the amount of $132. What happened to the $40 fine that was rumored? Ugh. What a waste of money. I guess those obnoxious bumper stickers that say "Hang Up and Drive" are offering us some solid advice. Damn you, California and your debt!

MORAL OF THAT STORY: Let me be your lesson learned.

4.13.2009

He's No Paul Blart

My love for Seth Rogen is no secret around these parts. I don't know if it's the curly hair, the hilarity or the fact that he looks as cuddly as a teddy bear but I just think he's the greatest. Buzz and I didn't even go to a matinee for Observe and Report, we paid full price for entry on opening weekend so you know it's serious. Anyone mistaking this movie for Kevin James' innocent Paul Blart Mall Cop is in for a rude awakening.
O&R is Blart meets Cable Guy meets Pineapple Express. There's full frontal nudity (though not the desirable kind), gratuitous and graphic violence, F-bombs dropping, drug use, and bipolar disorder. What starts out as a pretty silly premise evolves into some crazy shit that no one was expecting.
We laughed and we laughed hard. Buzz laughed so hard he had the whole audience laughing along with him five minutes after the punchline. Or in this case: a 90s style sweater, a gold chain sitting atop a turtle neck and some schooly pants rocking some zippered pockets.

4.10.2009

El Viernes Santo Haiku Friday



I made Jesus cry

And ate candy during Lent

I'm a liar mouth

***

In LOL speak
Will power - I no haz it

No surprise there huh?

***
I have lost 3 pounds
So I must have cut back
But
I'm still a sinner

4.09.2009

Jumping The Shark

I used to be a big fan of Scrubs when it was on NBC. I have even caught many a rerun on Comedy Central in my day. Last night, while searching desperately for entertainment on the boob tube, I decided to give Scrubs a chance on its new network, ABC. Apparently this is the final season but it's the first episode I've caught in a long time. It would appear that JD and Elliot have decided to give dating another go, Carla and Turk are expecting baby number two and Janitor is getting hitched to Lady in the Bahamas.
Now it's bad enough that this once adored comedy had to leave the network it was born to and take up residence at another one, but the entire cast going on vacation together? In the tropics? Does that remind you of... I dunno... the Saved By The Bell summer episodes? And riddle me this, how can the majority of the hospital staff go on vacation all at once? It kind of bummed me out that a show that used to make me laugh pretty hard has gotten so lame. Clearly, I need something better to fill my time.

4.08.2009

Practice What You Preach

On Sunday my sister-in-law participated in the beer Olympics with her brother and some friends. Apparently at the end of it, my brother went to pick them up to avoid any of them getting a DUI. What a nice brother. I spoke to my SIL later and she told me that because it was so hot and the games took so long and they really weren't drinking large quantities of beer, she never even caught a buzz. She said that she could have driven herself home.
Well, since everyone I know has a DUI and clearly the cops would be staked out waiting for the participants of the beer Olympics to get in their car and drive away, I'm pretty sure it was a good idea they had a chauffeur. I told her as much, even going as far as to say "You really need to be careful out there on the road. The cops are issuing tickets like madmen since California has no money in its budget."
Those words ended up being the kiss of death for me on my ride home from work on Monday evening. I have long felt that the hands free rule of the road is a crock of shit and maybe intentionally refused to purchase the sign of the douche known as a blue tooth ear piece. I did attempt to use the speaker option of the phone, but BFF said there was an echo and I could barely hear anyway so I said fuggedaboutit. Well, I was on the phone with BFF when I looked in my mirror and saw the familiar blue and red lights of a motorcycle cop pulling me over. If you can believe it, I actually got a ticket for talking on my cell phone while driving. I'm like the only person I know to receive such a ticket. Sonofabitch.

MORAL OF THAT STORY: I am not above the law. I will respect "authoritah."

4.07.2009

TMI Tuesday

1. Marriage and children aside, what has been your greatest accomplishment in life?
Going back to college after dropping out when I could have easily and cheaply remained without a degree. I've got my AA and the Bachelors should be mine in another year.
2. Aside from healthy and happy children, what is your greatest ambition for the future?
That the words "Til death do us part" ring true for my marriage.
3. If we were to enter your real name in a search engine, what would we find?
Reviews of online purchases, my wedding registries (Macy's & Target! Wanna buy me stuff? See if you can find us!) and my Amazon Wish List. Material girl indeed!
4. Who is the most famous person you ever met (not just in the same room as, but actually spoke with)?
I helped Holly Marie Combs from Charmed purchase a fence while working at the Home Depot. I also rang up Ryan McNeill (Home Depot again) and John Silva (Staples) from Young & The Restless. Jimmy Kimmel at Staples. Sometimes it pays to work retail in the San Fernando Valley.
5. Parents aside, who is your biggest hero?
This is going to sound utterly lame and ridiculous but I really admire Britney Spears. She's been working since she was wee, has managed to build an empire, have a break down and restore her image before the age of 30. Her music helped me through some pretty rough times and I just think that though it is unfortunate she lives her life in the spotlight, she seems to keep it "real" (see: interview with Matt Lauer, Chaotic, etc.). Also? I just think she's gorgeous and is an amazing performer.
6. Someone once worked out the sexual version of Six Degrees of Separation - Celebrity A slept with B, who slept with C, who slept with D, making as sort of connection between A and D. Are you connected to anyone famous through six or fewer bonks?
I'm not sure that I have any sexual connection with a celebrity but I was sexually active while living in and around Los Angeles so I suppose anything is possible, eh?

Questions are from here.

4.06.2009

We're Getting Too Old For This Shit

While standing alone, the ingredients of this movie have the potential for hilarity: an amusement park in the 80s, a bunch of 20-something employees fresh out of college, Ryan Reynolds, Kristen Wiig, Bill Heder, dope smoking and some boozing and super charged libidos directed by the same dude that brought us Superbad. Unfortunately, Adventureland is not doing for the 80s what Dazed and Confused did for the 70s. Buzz and I were duped into seeing this by some cleverly arranged advertisements on the television. We were tricked into believing this movie would have us rolling in the aisles, not rolling our eyes. Weren't the 80s, and for that matter your 20s, a great time? Not for these actors. Tweens across the land may have fallen in love with Kristen Stewart thanks to her vampire romancing but in Adventureland, all she's giving the audience is her portrayal of a poor little rich girl torn between sex and love... only her face portrays zero emotion. And why hire some random kid for the lead role if you really want Michael Cera? My theory is that Michael Cera wanted nothing to do with this ill-assembled, emo rubbish. Want my synopsis? Can a naive college graduate with zero work experience manage to lose his virginity before the several joints his buddy left him in a bag for the summer run out? Do you want to know the answer? Nah. Me neither.

4.03.2009

Vaginal Ultrasound Haiku Friday

KY Jelly glob
Penetration with a wand
But zero foreplay
***
She was a nice tech
With friendly bedside manner
A woman's soft touch
***
Good conversation
But lacking stimulation
No satisfaction

4.02.2009

Happy Thoughts Thursday


  • I had a week's relapse back onto the candy, etc. but am back on track.
  • Spring Break is over and my routine has returned to "normal."
  • I have my 2nd dress fitting tonight.
  • I get to go to a pre-season Dodger game on Saturday.
  • Buzz comes home tonight!
  • I have a beautiful fake French manicure once again.
  • I haven't had a beer since Sunday (which is REALLY sayings something).
  • Increased dog walking is leading to tingly and tightening leg muscles.
  • I "Spring Cleaned" a bunch of closets and drawers. Nothing like a good purge.
  • I haven't cheated once in the past three days on the diet.
  • Only 5 weeks left of school!

4.01.2009

Fool Me Once...



On Monday night I was taken hostage while in a convenience store. The perpetrators proceeded to torture and rape me in front of the other hostages until I cleverly managed to escape. I ran for miles and miles through neighborhoods and homes, being pursued by the bad guys until I finally found shelter at a Mexican restaurant. Upon arrival, I immediately headed to the restroom only to be greeted by holes in the floor in lieu of toilets. Every where I went, I was faced with less than appealing circumstances... that is until I ended up in bed with a drunken Seth Rogen... Random shit went on all night like this until I finally woke up at 5:50AM.

MORAL OF THAT STORY: Going to sleep without a goodnight kiss from Mary Jane is a little bit of a nightmare.

Oh and Happy April Fool's Day.