12.23.2009

Until Next Year

I doubt I'll be doing much on the computer whilst in Mayville, Michigan for the holidays so I would like to take this opportunity to wish you all a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New year.

Lots of love.
xoxo

12.22.2009

TMI Tuesday

***EDIT***
According to the good doctor, we are 6 weeks pregnant. That means that before Husband left me to head out for Virginia after Veteran's Day he decided to leave me with something to remember him by. Go figure. Due date is 8/22/10 and if the Chinese Gender Predictor is correct and my mom gets what she's wishing for, we've got a girl coming our way.


I've always been very open on this blog. I've talked about everything from my struggles with my weight, to my depression, to my "romances" be they good or bad. Heck, I've made friends with a lot of you. Met some of you in person. Have you as buddies on my facebook. A few of you were bridesmaids in my wedding. Another one of you I married!
A while back I mentioned I was going off of birth control. We've had friends of ours getting knocked up or birthing left and right. We were ready to ready to give it a shot and were under the impression that we'd be "trying" for at least a year to get pregnant. Well here we are, about four months later ...
This is all I'm thinking of. I've taken three of them in the past week, all with the same little result. I'm terrified that I'm jumping the gun talking about it but I want to get it off my chest. I'd also like it documented on this wee blog of mine so if I choose to do so I can look back on these moments. Mostly, right now, I'm scared to death it's a chemical pregnancy or ectopic or some other horrible thing. We go to the OBGYN today at 1:30 to see what's what. I'll update later.

BUT PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD IF YOU ARE READING THIS AND ARE IN MICHIGAN AND KNOW MY MOTHER IN LAW KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT!!!
Oh and please no facebook comments. Thanks mucho faithful readers. xoxo

12.21.2009

Movie Review Monday

I guess this could be considered a book review and a movie review. I totally read The Secret Life of Bees back in the day and totally loved it. I think that's what inspired me to put the movie on my Netflix. For those of you that haven't read the book, it's about a young girl that escapes her abusive father with her black nanny that had just gotten beaten while trying to register to vote in the racist south just as the civil rights amendment was passing. Phew. That was a mouthful. Anyway, they make their way to Tiburon because the girl's late mother had a honey label featuring a black Madonna on it made in that city. The two of them end up staying with three sisters named August, May and June. August is a beekeeper, June is all up in the NAACP and May spends most of her time utterly depressed and isn't quite right in the head. A wonderfully uplifting story follows.
Can I just say that I spent probably 60 of the 110 minutes of this movie crying my eyes out? Dakota Fanning has a fantastic future in film ahead of her if she can avoid the trappings of young fame. She is amazing. Queen Latifah? She's muy maternal and I just would like to hug her. Alicia Keys plays a very convincing bitch, Jennifer Hudson is just a pleasure to watch and Sophie Okonedo is quite talented portraying a simple young woman. I don't know if I can recommend the movie over the book but if you're in the mood for a weepfest, I'd say throw this on your queue of movies to rent.

12.18.2009

Mug Saga Haiku Friday

You may remember
Me boasting about this cup
4 haikus ago
Bad things happen to
Mugs whose owners are too proud
Shattered to pieces
But Santa Bossman
Brought me the one on the left
Husband, the right one

12.17.2009

Does this count...

as an HNT since Husband is striking such a sexy pose behind me? Mostly I just wanted to show off my new hairdo.

12.16.2009

In Bruges

I've had this on the Netflix queue for some time now. I've even read a review about it written by my dear pal Crusty. I suppose now it's time to write my own even though I normally reserve my reviews for Mondays. Oh well. The holidays have me all kinds of off track as far as this ol' blogging gig goes. Anyhoo, Husband and I watched In Bruges last night. I had heard some good things about this movie and thus I wanted to see it. Plus, Colin Farrell is very easy on the eyes and I can't recall actually seeing him act in anything so I thought I'd give it a go. That's probably not even a true statement, by the way. It's just easier to say that than try and remember what the hell I've seen him in.
So this is a story of two hit-men that are sent to Bruges, Belgium to go into hiding. You see, one of them killed a kid (accidentally) but that goes over like a fart in church in the underworld it seems. They're supposed to lay low until a decision is made on how to rectify the situation but you know how that goes. Mischief and mayhem ensues and all that jazz. Husband and I both agree that the dialogue in this movie is simply epic. It's very funny and it's all said in a British or Irish accent so it's doubly entertaining. Like, they say "Fuke" for fuck and "Coont" for cunt and that's just hilarious. However, this movie, while very funny, is also very dark and very gory. I really recommend it because it's quite unlike most of the movies I have seen. Dare I say it's "daring?" I may. Plus Ralph Fiennes is just such a good bad guy! Harry Potter much? Voldemort? Yeah. You know what I'm talking about.

MORAL OF THAT STORY: "Try it, you might like it." - Danny Wood of NKOTB fame... Or was it Donnie Wahlberg. Crust?

12.15.2009

TMI Tuesday

1. Have you ever mooned/flashed anyone? How long ago?
Yup! Flash Husband almost every night we're together so last night would have been the last time... or this morning when he saw me all nudie getting ready for work. Hard to say if that counts.

2. Pick an animal that best displays your personality.
Bear. I like to eat fish and frolic in the wilderness and hibernating just sounds like the best deal ever and if someone messes with me I'll rip their f*cking head off.

3. Do you mail out holiday cards, and if so, how do you pick the list?
I did mail about 125 cards this year. The list was based on folks we invited to our wedding but mostly it's friends and family. Certainly won't be sending them to strangers now will I?

4. How often do you wear something sexy to get attention (lingerie, low cut dress, silk boxers, etc...)?
Never. Naked works too well so why bother being uncomfortable? You know sexy never equals comfort.

5. Have you ever tasted breast milk SINCE you were an adult?
Um, I don't think I even tasted breast milk as a baby. Gross.

Bonus: Do you like "talking" when you have sex?
The second we commence intercourse I ask Husband about his day. No. Not really.

Double Bonus: If Santa is a guy, how is it that he never seems to get lost?
Because the reindeer know where they're going. Duh.

Questions are from here.

12.11.2009

Happy Hanukkah Haiku Friday

Rainy days again
But hubby is coming home
So it's not too bad
***
Thank God it's Friday
The end of a dismal week
And our last name too!
***
School's out for winter
Michigan in 12 more days,
Christmas, then New Years!

12.10.2009

Exhale

After a very trying three days I am happy to report I am not feeling homicidal as of right now. My finals are behind me and it seems the chaos at work has subsided for now. I'm going to throw out a Thankful Thursday just because I feel like breaking away from the negativity and taking a deep, cleansing breath to move forward.
  • 5 solid weeks with no school.
  • Starting Friday, Husband and I will be together every day for 3 whole weeks and a few days. This will be the longest we've been physically together ever.
  • Christmas cards have been mailed.
  • Christmas gifts have been purchased.
  • Christmas lights have been hung.
  • Christmas tree is up and adorable.
  • Christmas decorations are out.
  • 2 weeks from yesterday I will be in Michigan for my first white Christmas.
  • I have 2 parties to attend this weekend.
  • A few girls I know are pregnant and that makes me smile.
  • I get to make pizzelle with my Gran and my mom tonight.

12.08.2009

TMI Tuesday

1. Which is more important of the two in "chemisty," physical attractiveness or emotional attractiveness?
There is a saying that the eyes are the first to fall in love and I guess I agree with that to a certain degree. However, the best chemistry comes along with the person you fall in love with and physical attractiveness only goes so far. The more comfortable I am with someone, the more sparks I see.

2. On a scale from 1-10, how kinky are you?
I would say 7 but only because it's my lucky number.

3. Sitting on Santa's lap... fun or creepy?
Fun. I find the idea of anyone thinking Santa's lap creepy very sad.

4. Have you ever fallen asleep or passed out during sex?
Um... rohypnol much?

5. Do you wear socks to bed? Is that okay or totally unsexy?
No way. Totally unsexy. Especially if they're black socks. Then again, I think pajamas are unsexy.

Bonus: What is your greatest strength? Weakness?
Greatest strength - my ability to make people laugh.
Greatest weakness - making everything about me while trying to please everyone at the same time.

Questions are from here.

12.04.2009

Resolution Haiku Friday

It's that time of year
Setting new goals to achieve
Trying to improve
***
Lots of diet talk
Promises to hit the gym
More self-awareness
***
But why do I wait?
Why not do that all year long?
Such a conundrum

12.02.2009

Needy

Ok, college graduates, I need your help. I have no idea how to think of a final thesis/Capstone project on my own so I come to you.

Here's what I need to do:

Using the topics social change in Spain/civilizations & cultures of Spain I have to either:
*write an essay
*do an investigative project
*some sort of original "work of art or literature"
*service learning

Going to Spain isn't an option and I need to turn in my proposal by Tuesday...
Any thoughts?

MORAL OF THAT STORY: When in doubt, ask the internet.

12.01.2009

Pink Glove Dance

This was on ABC World News last night and I wept watching it. I really recommend you watch this if you know of anyone ever affected by breast cancer.

CLICK HERE

Save the tatas.

11.30.2009

Movie Review Monday


'Tis the season for holiday movies and I'm happy to say we went to see Disney's A Christmas Carol to kick it off. In 3-D even. And I didn't get a migraine. Winners all the way around. The best part about this movie was being able to see it with Husband and my uncle who flew in for Thanksgiving from Germany and it was a total surprise. I have nothing but good things to say about this movie. It was very beautiful and dark and interesting. I can't say I've ever seen anything like it. I had my doubts at first because of how terrifying Tom Hanks looked in that Polar Express movie I never saw but they've come a long way with the animation. I love how it stayed very true to Dicken's story.

And of course seeing that made me nostalgic for a couple other classics:

Did you all watch this growing up? Mickey's Christmas Carol was probably my first introduction to this story and I get all misty thinking about it. I was about 6 years old and Santa brought it to me on VHS and I loved it so much. I was thrilled to find out Husband carries fond memories of this movie as well. If you haven't seen it, go and get it. It's muy wonderful.


And of course, Scrooged. What's funny about this particular movie is that it came up in conversation after we left the theater and it just happened to be on that night on HBO. My God this movie is hilarious. They just don't make them like this any more. Bill Murray is a comedic genius and with just a goofy face can throw me into hysterics.

So there you go. If you're not in the Christmas spirit yet, warm up your DVD player and get into it now.

11.28.2009

Haiku Friday on a Saturday

Babe in a beer glass

Ode to Babe's birthday
Are you wondering "Who's Babe?"
BFF's Husband
***
And yet so much more
Brother from another Mom
Funny and charming
***
Don't forget big brains
Success in New York City
Mr. Architect

Happy Birthday, Babe!

LYLAB

11.26.2009

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

From our table to yours... Happy Turkey Day

11.25.2009

Question

If you had an extra $1,000 lying around, what would you do with it?

And, no, paying bills is not an option.

11.24.2009

Thankful Tuesday

I am thankful:
  • that my husband has the week off to spend at home with me
  • that we celebrated our 6-month mark as a married couple
  • that we are getting a new washer and dryer today
  • that we get to do fun things like go to Kings games in the VIP section
  • that I get a bonus this week from work
  • that there are only two days of classes and two finals left in the semester
  • that I graduate in six months
  • that my grandparents are still alive to celebrate another Thanksgiving
  • that they didn't find new polyps in my bladder at my last checkup
  • that I'm off of Prozac and birth control
  • that I'm losing weight slowly but Shirley (hehe)
  • that this is only a three-day work week

11.23.2009

A Very Special Monday

Happy 32nd birthday to my sister from another mister: Crusty! Go wish her a happy, happy!


Happy 1/2-iversary to me and Husband! Can you believe it's been 6 months since we wed? Me neither!

11.20.2009

Ode To Coffee Haiku Friday

My Seattle mug
Bigger than your average cup
And so colorful
***
Filled with robust brew
Perfect dose of skim, Splenda
Right up to the brim
***
It's my "mother's milk"
Toasty nectar of the gods
Addicted? You bet.

11.19.2009

Day 3

I wasn't really going to discuss this here but why the hell not. If nothing else, I might get some activity from search engine keywords on my Google Analytics page. On Monday I had the double pleasure of starting my period and going off Prozac. If that isn't a recipe for crazy bitch I don't know what is. Tuesday went pretty smoothly and aside from a brief altercation that I may or may not have imagined between the head of the Spanish department and myself last night, I think yesterday went well too. Today, I feel like maybe things aren't going that well. I'm pretty good at my job and today was faced with an obstacle I didn't know how to solve. When I asked for help, I felt like I was talking to a brick wall. I got frustrated and lashed out and then I kind of felt like crying. And now I'm worried. I'm worried that I can't go off Prozac because I'll be more prone to losing my shit. I'm worried that I am somehow damaged and over-emotional. I'm worried that I won't be able to regain my ability to orgasm and that I'll never be able to lose the weight I gained while seeking solace in a prescription pill. I'm worried that by taking that very first pill over a year ago, that I opened a door I won't be able to shut and that I'll be reliant on medicinal assistance for the rest of my life. So that makes me sad. And that's all I wanted to share.

11.18.2009

Lights, Camera, Action!

One of my responsibilities here at the old workplace is to provide the necessary paperwork that allows trucks full of our product to cross the Mexican border. It's nothing too difficult, I merely make an invoice and fax it to the trucker and the broker and I'm on my way. However, it does require that I get a bill of lading from our vendor so I am pretty much at their mercy when it comes to getting paperwork ready. Sometimes, I'm forced to come in on a Saturday morning and that happened to be the case this past weekend.
Since I am the only one in the office at 7 AM on a Saturday, I usually just throw on my pajamas and head on into the office with Kiyah as my sidekick. This past Saturday I was wearing the oh-so-sexy attire of a purple Kings hat, a black Nightmare Before Christmas sweatshirt that proudly boasts Jack Skellington's big ol' face, my blue pajama pants bedecked with moose that say "I don't do mornings" and my slip-on, Ugg-wannabe slippers. I have to admit, I was a vision without make-up, without even having brushed my teeth, maybe with some eye boogers still crusted in the corners of my eyes. In other word? The hotness. Shock of all shocks, when I pulled into my parking lot at work, it was full of crew members setting up for a Ford commercial shoot that a co-worker of mine is starring in. There was even a tent for craft services. Luckily for me, I had Kiyah - the cutest, most popular dog ever - as a distraction so no one really paid attention to the hot mess I was. Funny, they never even offered to cast me as an extra.

MORAL OF THAT STORY: Always leave the house dressed for success, you never know who you might meet.

11.17.2009

Multicultural Tuesday

Last night in lieu of class my professor asked us to attend a performance by Sarah Aroeste. She sings in Ladino which is an antiquated, Sephardic Judeo-Spanish. I didn't know this little tidbit at the time of the performance, but when she sang it immediately reminded me of some of the Hebrew music I listened to while working at Jew U. She was backed up by a dude on acoustic guitar and another dude playing drums with his hands. It sounded like it was going to be ok but then she started singing and I was all "No." I left after the third song. I'm not one to judge another person's singing voice as my own could shatter glass, but then again, I'm not trying to get up in front of an auditorium full of students either. It was a bummer too because I was really looking forward to hearing some World music and maybe stumbling upon something new. I think what sort of made me not like her was the fact that prior to singing her song Cafe de Amanacer, roughly translated to Cafe of Daybreak, she "confessed" to having Starbucks for breakfast and then later said that "where she came from" (New York) they had Starbucks on every corner and she didn't know if we could relate. Um, get out of here you pretentious ass. Dang.

11.16.2009

Monday Schnippets

  • Weight this morning: 206; Pounds lost: 4
  • I've yet to conceive (Damn you, aunt flo! Stop comin' 'round here!)
  • I'm sitting on 79% in both of my classes
  • Only 3 weeks of classes left
  • For I think the first time in my life I'm reading two books simultaneously and both happen to be written in Spanish by Laura Esquivel: Como agua para chocolate and La ley del Amor
  • Horton Hears A Who is a fantastic children's movie that makes me ell-oh-ell
  • I am not very good at Cars Race O Rama for Playstation 3
  • An "over-nighter" with my nephew the monkey bear has made me realize I am way past my prime for childbearing
  • This game can keep a 3 year old entertained for some time surprisingly

11.13.2009

Lonely Weekend Haiku Friday

Since we got engaged
Husband's been home on weekends
But not this weekend
***
Tonight is dinner
Celebrating my mom and
My brother's birthdays
***
Then on Saturday
A slumber party with my
Nephew, then school stuff

11.12.2009

Thankful Thursday


Thankful I:
  • have a boss that's in China for 10 days
  • went to Target and got the CD pictured above
  • have had my husband home for two days mid-week
  • have less than a month left of this semester
  • didn't have class last night
  • can fit in a pair of jeans that was just a bit too snug a while ago
  • lost 2 pounds since 10/26
  • get to have my nephew for a sleepover on Saturday
  • got a B on my test!

11.11.2009

Happy Veteran's Day

Seems like there is a trend right now amongst many of my acquaintances to hop on the diet train. I told you all last week that I got prescribed diet pills but I think I'm going to skip going down that road because, frankly, I'm nuts enough without voluntarily taking speed. Thank you very much. On Saturday I got a call from my doctor who informed me that my cholesterol is high. Shocking. Overweight and high cholesterol? Who'da thunk? He said he wanted me to diet (already started that) and then naturally jumped to the next most popular route: MORE PILLS! He even mentioned something about if my arms and legs cramp up that he'll need to take me off of them. How about no? I don't feel bad so why take pills that will make me feel bad? I have come to the conclusion that health care is a fucking racket! I was lethargic and gaining weight about 5 years ago and they decided I had hypothyroid so they gave me a prescription. Guess what. Dozens of blood tests and years of pill popping later - I am still lethargic and still gaining weight. I have allergies so I have a prescription for Allegra. Guess what. I still have a stuffy head and sinus problems and I don't exactly know wtf Allegra is doing for me aside from emptying my wallet. I have been weaning myself off of Prozac for the last several months and come Monday, that last pill will have been taken. I have decided that instead of just going to the doctor because they want me to, I'm going to start going only if I am in severe pain or there is a blatant wound on my body. I'll go ahead and save my prescription costs and co-payments and put that toward a new pair of running shoes or buying healthy food.

MORAL OF THAT STORY: I am over you, Doctor T.

11.10.2009

Happy 28th Birthday, Brother!

I can't believe my "baby" or "little" 6'4" brother is 28 years old today. It feels like only yesterday I was pinning his shoulders to the ground with my knees and tickling him until he pooped himself. If I tried that now, he'd literally be able to break me in half. I'm thankful that you are the father of my favorite nephew... and that we no longer live to destroy one another.

I love you, Curtis!

11.09.2009

Thankful

So a Facebook friend suggested that from now until Thanksgiving, we try to list at least one thing we are thankful for.

Today? I am thankful that Husband's check was deposited in our account.

11.06.2009

Kinda Poor Haiku Friday

Dear US Navy,
What the hell have you done with
My husband's pay check?
***
It has been a week
And still no where to be found.
Just how hard is it?
***
It was your error
Now give him his hard earned pay
You sons of bitches

11.05.2009

November Blows

This morning I learned just how easy it is to break into my apartment. But more on that later. So far? November is not my friend.
  • November 1 - we were unable to pay rent because Husband's paycheck got lost somewhere in between and we're waiting for it to be re-routed.
  • November 2 - Vehicular overheats on the way to school. I must miss my 2nd class because I am waiting for a tow.
  • November 3 - had a doctor put me on diet pills because I have 40 pounds to lose.
  • November 4 - find out the damage to Vehicular is going to be $1244 and change.
  • November 5 - realized halfway through my 6 a.m. walk with Kiyah that my house keys are not in my pocket.
So.... yeah. I'm over it. I hoped with all hope that maybe I left my front door unlocked but upon arrival realized that was not the case. Luckily I had cracked the window for the cat about 10 inches but didn't think my Hugh Jass could fit through that and because I am so safety conscious I have a screw on lock thingy to secure the window. Turns out, with a few shoves, that thing budges. Safety indeed. Regardless, I got through the window and didn't have to end up waking The Birthday Girl or my mother to let me in. Hooray for small accomplishments. I can't wait to see what tomorrow brings.

11.04.2009

Diet Pills

So, here's the story. I weigh 210 pounds. I am at least 40 pounds overweight. I have hypothyroid and a never ending candy dish at work. I love beer and my husband is from the mid-west and really cooks like we still live on a farm and have manual labor to do and cold winters to face. And I love his cooking. A lot. Butter? Yes please. Bacon? You bet.
But? For the most part, I eat ok. I even logged my eating habits for a week, showed them to an endocrinologist and she agreed with me. Sure, I can do better, but can't we all? And? I have a big dumb dog I walk at least twice a day and I walk all over campus twice a week and I'm generally a bit of a tweaker and don't sit still for very long. All that means is that I'm not living a sedentary lifestyle.
So since I'm pretty good and active the doctor decided to prescribe me fentramine which is basically a diet pill that suppresses hunger and gets the old metabolism going so that I'll lose about 2 pounds a week. This does not give me permission to indulge, however. It's just an aid that she only recommends for short term use.
So... I stocked up on fruits and veggies and am swearing off beer. She said red wine is best. So that's that. I go off prozac in less than two weeks and will start my diet pills then. Here goes nothing.

MORAL OF THAT STORY: I guess diet and exercise isn't always enough.

11.03.2009

Spoiled

Harbor House
On Friday night, Husband surprised me with a wee overnight getaway to the Harbor House Inn bed & breakfast in Santa Barbara, CA.

We got a complimentary breakfast basket complete with assorted fruits and juices and some of the best banana bread I have ever had.
Bed & Breakfast
This bed was made to envelop you in its cushy goodness with two separate down comforters, lots of fluffy pillows and a padded head and foot-board. We seriously slept for ten straight hours. It was so quiet you could hear a pin drop!
Complimentary Bikes
They even offer complimentary use of their bicycles so we got to ride around State Street instead of fighting the traffic congestion and seeking out hard to find parking.

Our room was also conveniently located next to the Santa Barbara FisHouse, which we walked to for dinner. The weather was nice enough to allow outside dining near their fire pit under an almost full moon. For an appetizer, we enjoyed the bacon wrapped scallops. Husband had the cioppino which had some of the most delicious broth I've ever had the pleasure of dipping my bread in. I had the halibut and it was divine. The garlic was so strong I think I killed any chance of late night smooches. Hopefully the savory bottle of house wine killed some of the stench. For dessert, husband had the Crème Brulee and I had the Mud Pie. We both recommend everything about this place, right down to the wine.

The following morning we decided to skip the breakfast basket and head out. Turns out State Street doesn't really have easily accessible, quaint little breakfast spots so we went over a block and stumbled upon Pacific Crepes French Food. Our waitress spoke nary a lick of English so that was lots of fun and helped the authenticity factor. Husband and I each had our own
La Compléte - ham, Swiss and mozzarella and mushrooms. They served some of the most divine coffee I've ever had the pleasure of sipping. Why can't I make coffee like that at home I wonder? The best part about this breakfast is that Frenchy (who strangely resembled Owen's Momma) only billed us for one crepe! Hooray for buy one get one free especially when it comes to pricey breakfasts! We totally ran out the door before they figured out their error. We're naughty like that.

So the next time you're planning an overnight stay in Santa Barbara, maybe you'd like to recreate our little piece of heaven away from home.

11.02.2009

Happy Birthday, BFF

VA 097

Please wish BFF a happy happy today.
She's got a nice round number to celebrate!

10.30.2009

End of October Haiku Friday

Kings hockey last night
Overtime and a shoot out
Too bad they still lost
***
Woke up all stuffy
Sneezy, achy, exhausted
Then I called in sick
***
Next: pumpkin carving
Stocking up on candy, too
For Trick or Treaters

Happy Halloween!

10.29.2009

Almost Halloween!

Cute nephew quote of the month:
(after hanging streamers for his Spongebob birthday party)

Uncle B: With these leftover streamers I can make you a mummy!
Nephew: No, make me a daddy.

Uncle Brad

10.28.2009

Sampling

Ever since the Shia LeBeouf digital short "Dear Sister" on SNL I have loved the chorus of Imogen Heap's Hide and Seek (2:54 mark). Now I'm hooked on this terrible R&B/rap son by Jason Derulo. So I'm sharing it with you. I'm good like that.



MORAL OF THAT STORY: This blog is really going to hell in a hand basket.

10.27.2009

TMI Tuesday

1.) What are three mistakes someone could make on the first date with you that would automatically make you turn down a second date with them?
a.) be late
b.) have poor hygiene or dress like a dirty hipster - one in the same
c.) not act like a gentleman (i.e. open doors, offer to pay, not be a self-absorbed prick)

2) Pick an animal that best displays your personality.
I would say a dog. I love to sleep and eat and go for long walks. I'm very affectionate, too, but if you get too close to my stuff or my loved ones and I perceive you as a threat I'll tear your throat out with my super sharp fangs. I also have a mean bark that is as bad as my bite.

3) If your S.O. stopped having sex with you, how long would you stay?
If it was my husband, forever. Our relationship is not based on sex. Anyone who defines their relationship on sex alone is in for some heartache once the ol' penis stops a workin' for good which is what eventually happens to ALL men. Sorry fellas.

4) Are you more passive or aggressive when the relationship becomes physical?
Depends on the mood I would suppose. We all have our moments.

5) Have you ever been INSIDE a store that sold adult themed toys and videos?
Yes! OMG I've even spent money INSIDE a store just like that! LOL

Bonus (as in optional)
: What percentage of women do you think are capable of handling being in a "friends with benefits" relationship? How about men?
Men? 100%. Women? 50%. (These percentages are not based on scientific studies but on my lame opinion alone.)

Questions from here.

10.23.2009

Lifestyle Change Haiku Friday

The scale read two ten
"You've gained some weight, Mrs. F"
Echoes through my ears
***
Newlywed weight gain?
But it's so much more than that
It's time to get real
***
Healthy and less food
Drink water by the gallon
More and longer walks

10.22.2009

I Bought These

Since all I do is walk my dog and I never go to they gym like I say I'm going to, I decided to buy into this sudden trend of shoes that supposedly help your muscles just by wearing them. I know. Next thing you know I'm going to buy a freakin' Thighmaster or some other piece of garbage I see on Sunday morning paid-advertising.
But back to the shoes. I saw the ads for those weird looking Skechers Shape-Ups but decided that those looked too "special." Special as in short bus. Special as in, one leg is shorter than the other so I wear Frankenstein/Spice Girl platform sneakers. No thanks.
Then Reebok came along with these EasyTones and I thought - now that looks like a normal sneaker. I'll give them a go. In the store, they felt just like standing on pillows filled with air. After a week of walking in them, I can already feel the effects in my calves, the back of my thighs and even a little bit in my butt. Wow.
I have to admit they're taking some getting used to. The backs are a little low so my socks keep getting pulled down around my heel and I don't love that. I also can't seem to gauge how tight they need to be... maybe it's the extra elevation from the air pillows. Anyway, just thought I would endorse these for those of you looking for an additional way to boost your work out if all you do is walk.

10.21.2009

White Trash In The House!

The Devil Dog decided to eat the door the other day. I'm sure it's due to her lack of fiber intake. Probably not. She's just a spoiled little beast.

But since that bitch will not leave well enough alone (hey, that's a technical term - she's a female dog) I decided to take matters into my own hand and repair that shit (that's just an expletive):

MORAL OF THAT STORY: Duct tape really can fix anything!

10.16.2009

Bad Week Haiku Friday

This week's for the birds
Yesterday I'm writing off
PMS week? Yes.
***
It's all the small things
Straw that broke the camel's back
You know how it goes
***
Dodgers better win
I'm getting pampered today
Turn this shit around

10.12.2009

Movie Review Monday

Every now and then a movie comes along with a cast that seems perfect for downright hilarity. Couples Retreat seemed as such but by the end of the film, I'm not sure it lived up to my expectations. Sure, I laughed... How could you not with Vince Vaughn, Jason Bateman and Jon Favreau? I also felt a little preached to. Here are four couples that decide to go on a vacation together to help one couple save their marriage. Along the way we realize at least 3/4 of them are miserable and 1/4 of them might not be as happy and functional as they thought they were. Where are the laughs in that? Basically this is a "moral of the story" kind of movie that reminds us all that we'll be happiest in our relationships if we work hard at them and remain true to ourselves. I don't think I needed comedians to teach me this lesson. I have parents for that.

10.09.2009

Dodger Lovin' Haiku Friday

Way to rally, boys!
Sure the Cards made some errors
But you made them work
***
That was great baseball
Torre raised you from the dead
Now you guys are champs
***
Let's clinch this third game
Maybe take it all the way
World Series Winners

10.07.2009

EW!

So, recently we were working in the yard (that will never be finished because of a naughty dog that loves to dig when she's not licking feet) and I unearthed this beast:
Grody Bug Back
I believe my exact words were "Dear GOD! Babe, come see this!"
Grody Bug Belly
So we examined this nasty little bug (what is it?) and watched him move his ugly mouth around and then since it didn't do anything to me, we let him burrow his ass back in his hole.
Grody Bug Butt

MORAL OF THAT STORY: If you're good to me, I set you free.

10.06.2009

Airing Dirty Laundry

My dog can't hold her licker. Like, she licks everything in excess. She licks dog treats. She licks the metal underneath our couches. She licks the carpet. She licks faces, arms, legs, anything really. That tongue is always going. But her favorite thing to lick in the world? Feet. That's right. My dog has a foot fetish. If I didn't stop her, I'm pretty sure my husband would let her lick the flesh right off his foot bone. To further encourage this ridiculous behavior, my brother and his wife bought her this:
So Gross

Kiyah's Foot
That squeaky toy is at least a man's size 11 and has painted toenails. Could anything be grosser? Ew. Figures it's her favorite toy ever!

10.05.2009

Back to the Cinema

After a lengthy hiatus that I blame mostly on Netflix, we finally made it back to the movie theater. Since it was Husband's birthday weekend (Happy actual birthday, Buzz!), he got to pick so we got to take in Zombieland at the regular retail price. Damn I dislike missing the matinee discount. Anyhoo, this is your typical shoot 'em up, zombie movie but I will say the following:

  • Emma Stone is Linday Lohan 2.0 - super cute and foxy but ditch the "S" talking because it drives Husband nuts.
  • Woody Harrelson can play the bad ass, redneck, Twinkie-obsessed psycho any time and I'm game!
  • Abigail Breslin has really grown into a lovely young woman and I liked her in this as much as I liked her in Little Miss Sunshine.
  • Again, Jesse Eisenberg? We already have Michael Cera. I just don't need you.
  • Zombies? Evil clowns? Yeah I'll scream out loud every time. I have no shame.
Finally, there is a cameo here that can't be missed and made this movie worth the price of admission. But guess what! I'm not going to tell you who it is. Hehe. I'm mean that way.

10.02.2009

New Tattoo Haiku Friday

October's flower,
A marigold, with a bee.
On my left rib cage
***
Sparked a change in me
Feels like a new beginning
Or a closed chapter
***
I feel empowered
I want to take on the world
One day at a time

10.01.2009

Happy Birthday, The Cat

The Cat for President

Dear The Cat,
The vet made today your birthday. How about that? It's too bad you don't have a real birthday or a real name. I really don't know that much about you. All I know is someone else didn't want you so I took you home. And you scratched the shit out of me. And you tried to run away a bunch of times. You're a lot better now and I'm proud of you for staying in the yard and not fucking me up any more. Your dad and I like to call you The Fat and Jabba the Cat and other mean names because you are obese. And sometimes you fall off the table and make us laugh. And we really like it when you throw down with Kiyah.
Anyway, I didn't think I loved you but I do.
Love,
Your mom (LOL?)

9.25.2009

3 Months Til Xmas Haiku Friday

Where does the time go?
Fall brings with it holidays
And many birthdays
***
5 semester weeks
Securely under my belt
About a third through
***
Before you know it
Halloween and Thanksgiving
Christmas and New Years

9.23.2009

Big Winner Humpday

Have you ever had a friend that was going to Vegas so you gave them a dollar and asked them to play it for you? I gave my friend Jangles $5 and wrote my name on it and wished her luck. I came back today to find that she made that five dollar bill into $46.75! That's like 9 times the money I gave her! Holler!

MORAL OF THAT STORY: Let it ride!

9.22.2009

TMI Tuesday

1. You can flip a switch that will wipe any band or musical artist out of existence. Which one will it be?
Neil Young

2. You seem to be having an excellent day because you just came across a hundred-dollar bill on the sidewalk. Holy crap, a hundred bucks! How are you gonna spend it?
On DVDs and music of course!

3. Rufus appears out of nowhere with a time-traveling phone booth. You can go anytime in the PAST. What time are you traveling to and what are you going to do when you get there?
Go to my brother's funeral and console my mother since her mother wasn't there to do so.

4. What is your favorite curse word?
Fuck.

5. You have the opportunity to sleep with the movie celebrity of your choice. We are talking no-strings-attached sex and it can only happen once. Who is the lucky celebrity of your choice?
Mike Rowe (even linked to Google images so you can see why!)

Bonus (as in optional):You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what's even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What's it gonna be?
The ability to have a rockin' hot bod at all times without worrying about diet or exercise.

Questions are from here.

9.18.2009

Ode To Last Night Haiku Friday

A French manicure
Dinner from the Bottle Shop
Stroll around the block
***
Bones and The Office
Chewbongka and IPA
Me, Kiyah, The Cat
***
Almost back a week
The routine, she starts again
At home, in Oxnard

9.16.2009

Hump Day Morality

Dear Randi XXXXXX:

Thank you for your recent stay and positive feedback regarding your visit to our hotel the Doubletree Richmond Downtown. We will share it with the team. We will also investigate the water situation in 516, as your husband said a "thirsty camel could have spit more out." We typically get better reviews on our water pressure, so we will investigate.

We sincerely appreciate your feedback from you, a valued customer. We hope to have another opportunity to serve you when your travels bring you back to Richmond.

Sincerely,

John Cario
General Manager
Doubletree Hotel

MORAL OF THAT STORY: Companies really do read their online surveys!

9.15.2009

TMI Tuesday

Forget the questions, here is an equation:

(Denim skirt + thighs that rub together)humidity + walking whilst sightseeing = chaffing

Put that under "Things I learned in Virginia"

9.04.2009

Vacation Haiku Friday

Gone to Virginia
The blog is on hiatus
Until the 14th
***
Our faux honeymoon
And watching friends get married
Hittin' DC too
***
A whole week away
Lotsa QT with my man
I really need it!

9.03.2009

Nerd

  • Main Entry: nerd
  • Pronunciation: \ˈnərd\
  • Function: noun
  • Etymology: perhaps from nerd, a creature in the children's book If I Ran the Zoo (1950) by Dr. Seuss (Theodor Geisel)
  • Date: 1951

: an unstylish, unattractive, or socially inept person; especially : one slavishly devoted to intellectual or academic pursuits nerds


9.02.2009

Hump Day

This ol' blog has been pretty quiet lately. I don't want to be all bold and "quit" my blog but I don't know that daily posting is going to be occurring here any more. Frankly, I'm busy with school and nothing super exciting has been going on lately. I give a presentation today in one of my classes. I'm leaving for Virginia on Friday for a week. My first vacation since Berlin in May of 2008. Wow.
Going to see one of my best and oldest friends get married. We're going to see Richmond and Williamsburg and DC. You know, get some historical goodness going on. I suppose this is our "faux" honeymoon since we never went on one but I don't think I want to call it my honeymoon because to me, honeymoons mean tropical beaches and fruity drinks with paper umbrellas in them directly after the wedding. Not hot ass, humid Virginia in September - 3 months after our nuptials.

So yah. There you have it.

MORAL OF THAT STORY: If it's not there, don't fake it.

8.28.2009

Weird Food Haiku Friday

See that weird food there?
Devine Pastabilities
A pasta sandwich
***
Hollowed out French roll
That's stuffed with different pastas
In San Diego
***
Can't say it was bad
But definitely unique
No need to try more

8.26.2009

So Close

Last Tuesday I went to meet with my academic adviser to make sure I am on the fast track to graduation. She gave me some unfortunate news that I had 6 units taken away from my transferred credits and I was 1 unit short of my lower division Spanish requirements. The good news she gave me was that I only needed two classes this semester and 1 class and a capstone in the spring and I was good to go. All I had to do was contest with records that they had made a mistake and then petition to the chair of my department that I had some other classes under my belt that should cover that 1 missing unit.
Last night I got an email saying that it was indeed a mistake that the 6 units were taken away so they reinstated them and now that is one less thing I need to think about. Today I get to meet with the chair and plead my case. I cannot believe I am three classes and a capstone away from graduating with a bachelors in Spanish. It's really happening. I'll be the first person in my immediate family to graduate from college.

MORAL OF THAT STORY: Persistence pays off.

8.25.2009

TMI Tuesday: Sleep Edition

1. Do you have "your" side of the bed? Which side?
I do. If we are lying down, I am on Husband's right hand side, closest to the window. Unless he's not in bed with me, then I sleep on his side or basically dominate the entire California King.

2. How old is your pillow and what condition is it in?
It's not too old but it's nice and smooshy. Thank God for the extra big ones we just got or Husband would crush me in my sleep instead of them.

3. What is your favorite position to sleep in?
I'm usually on my side in the fetal position with my head covered by the blanket.

4. How often do you change your sheets?
Once a week, usually the morning of Husband's return.

5. What helps you fall asleep when insomnia strikes?
Smoking dope though I can't say I recall ever having had insomnia.

6. Does sex make you sleepy or energized?
Doesn't really make me either...

7. What is the minimum amount of sleep that you need to be functional the next day.
I generally sleep about 9 hours a night. I wake up a few times a night because of the animals or to go potty. I don't know that there is a minimum amount but I definitely don't like not getting a full night's sleep. It's truly my favorite thing. Sleeping.

Bonus (as in optional):Describe your most vivid dream.
Last night I dreamed that both HLP and my friend Laurie had died. That was weird. Most of my dreams are pretty vivid though... I just don't really retain them. Memory's shot.

Questions are from here.

8.24.2009

Inglourious Basterds

I guess you can say I am a Quentin Tarantino fan. Ever since I took a community college course on movie appreciation and we dissected Pulp Fiction, I've been pretty interested in the films he directs. Is that to say I have liked them all? No, not really. But each time I have seen one of his movies, I walk away with an appreciation for their originality and what they mean in cinematic terms. That's pretty much the way I felt about the highly anticipated Inglourious Basterds.
Some things I liked:
1. Dialogue in French, German and English. I admire the fact that this is Nazi occupied France and that the characters didn't all have the prerequisite British accent even though they are supposed to be French and German.
2. Mike Myers' cameo. Like Husband said, he is always best in small doses and while his appearance may have been less than needed, it was much appreciated.
3. The way this movie looked and sounded and felt. Quentin Tarantino knows how to direct a movie and make it totally original and utterly interesting. His characters are unrivaled.
Some things I could have done without:
1. The nearly 3-hour running time. Jesus, people, let's go back to the days of 90-minute movies. Disney did it with Bolt (Netflix, bitches), I know they're not the only ones capable of making a reasonably long movie.
2. The dialogue. Man, Quentin Tarantino can run his mouth. There is a lot of talking in this movie. Probably one of the reasons it ran almost three hours long.
3. Lack of back story. This movie is entitled Inglourious Basterds after a group of soldiers that share the same name yet we learn nothing about how they came to be or who they were. I think we got the back story on a couple of the guys but I wanted to know about the others, too. And maybe understand why Brad Pitt's character spoke with a jutted out lower jaw like Sling Blade.

So there you have it. I don't know whether to recommend this movie or not... I didn't like it or dislike it... I appreciated it. So if you can do that, I'd say go for it. Otherwise... it might not be for you.

8.21.2009

Big News Haiku Friday

Going off NuvaRing
Sunday, August 23rd
It is official
***
Got the doc's ok
Letting nature take its course
Maybe a baby
***
Want to be off "drugs"
Not getting any younger
Ready to be "mom"

8.20.2009

Shameful

Last night I purchased two Jessica Simpson belts and a pair of J-Lo earrings.

Who am I again?

8.19.2009

Volver

The word "volver" is Spanish for the verb "to return." Yesterday was a volver kind of day because I went back to campus for the first time since school got out for summer. I had to meet with an academic adviser to make sure I was on the right track to graduate in May. Turns out, I am a credit short on one requirement so I have to petition to the Spanish Chair to see if she will count some other classes toward that one missing credit since classes are mostly 3 credits minimum and I don't need those other 2. We also discovered that 6 of my transfer credits were adjusted and removed from my transcripts. Not sure why but I had to submit a rebuttal to the records department to make sure that it is merely an error on their end. Good news? I only have to take one upper division classes and my capstone in the spring. I originally thought I had to take two classes so that was nice to hear. IF the records department IS right, I will have to take 5 extra random units so I can graduate next summer. So there ya go!
Since school starts again on Monday I've been trying to slowly dive back into the world of Spanish speaking so I ordered Volver on the Netflix. I really liked this movie. I guess Almodóvar is kind of like the Spanish Hitchcock with his thrillers and twists and turns. This one wasn't as heavy as Bad Education but equally intriguing and very noir. Actually... the topic matter was pretty heavy but the film had a lighter feel to it. Penélope Cruz definitely gave an Oscar worthy performance and is a much better actress in her native language than she is when she is speaking English. I can see how she became Almodóvar's muse.

8.18.2009

I Wish We Had HBO

Have I mentioned how much I love Will Ferrell? Or how I think he has a magic touch for being a part of comedy creation save for the epic misstep Land of the Lost? Well he and Adam McKay - co-founders of Funny or Die - are a key part of HBO's Eastbound & Down and it is utterly hilarious. Danny McBride's hair stands alone as comedic genius but I really, really like this show. We don't have cable so ended up watching the first DVD of Season One on Netflix. And I guess weird hair is the way to go because if you don't laugh when Will Ferrell makes a cameo as a BMW salesman with his superior 'do, well you just don't know what funny is. Plus, how can you dislike a show with gratuitous drug use, nudity and all around bad behavior? Clearly my life is chock full of interesting shit right now because all I do is talk about what I rent from Netflix. Lord help me.

8.17.2009

District 9

One word summary: GROSS. Seriously. I left this movie repeatedly telling Husband "Babe? That was gross." There is a lot of exploding bodies, cow heads being sliced in two, pigs being obliterated by alien weaponry, nasty looking prawn aliens, freaky eyeballs, teeth falling out, fingernails falling off, and the list goes on and on. I was totally disturbed by D-9. Not only is it science fiction, it's also a social commentary on slums and prejudice and all that jazz. I can say for certainty that District 9 was unlike any other movie I have seen before. It didn't dawn on me how much I appreciated it as "cinema" until later in the evening I found myself analyzing it over and over, trying to figure out what made it stick with me. Was it the disturbing imagery? The idea that we aren't so different from those around us we consider threatening? I don't know. I will say that for a relatively inexpensive film with no big name stars, it held its own as a summer blockbuster. And it was gross.

8.14.2009

Miscellaneous Haiku Friday

10 more days, school starts
Summer is almost over
For this I am glad
***
Went three weeks, no beer
Decided "eff it" and had
Two bottles last night
***
No plans this weekend
Other than watch DVDs
Maybe District 9

8.13.2009

Huey Lewis Kind Of Summer

Back In Time

Husband and I for some reason got on a Back to the Future kick a while back and we bought the DVD. If you haven't watched it in a while, I highly recommend it. It hasn't lost any of its original charm, in my opinion, thought it is extremely cheesy. Ah, the 80s. We happened to take note of Huey Lewis' cameo and his appearance on the soundtrack. In passing, Husband said we should buy a greatest hits album. Shortly thereafter, when the posters came out advertising the Ventura County fair, I happened to see that none other than Huey Lewis and the News would be performing. We, of course, had to go. And we did. And we had a great time and even bought the tee shirts you see above. Then things started to get weird. The next day we decided to go to our local used CD vendor, Salzer's Records, to purchase a greatest hits CD to commemorate our concert attendance. Under the actual Huey Lewis slot, we only found Sports and Fore! but no greatest hits. I wasn't about to settle for these CDs so I headed over to the new arrivals and lo and behold - there it was, the CD you see above. What are the odds that someone recently sold their greatest hits CD just for me? When we compared the tracks on the GH CD to the tracks on Sports and Fore! we saw there was only song not represented, a favorite of BFF,"Hip to be Square." We decided we could live without it and purchased 1 instead of 2 Huey Lewis CDs. Here's where it gets weirdest. After our trip to Salzers, we decided to go to the market. Wouldn't you know it, on the overhead music being piped into our local Vons, "Hip to be Square" was playing. There is a larger force at hand here. I'm not sure if I should be in awe or filled with terror. Oh, Huey.

8.12.2009

Only At The Fair

Chocolate. Covered. Bacon.

MORAL OF THAT STORY: There is such thing as going too far.

8.11.2009

Another Movie Review

Since school starts two weeks from yesterday and I have not practiced my Spanish at all this summer, I thought it would be a good idea to watch a Spanish language film. I have read a lot about Pedro Almodóvar and his muse Penelope Cruz but I can't say that I have ever seen one of his movies prior to watching Bad Education last night. You may have heard about it before because it stars Gael García Bernal dressed in drag. Well there is more to it than him looking like Julia Roberts' not so feminine twin. It's a murder mystery and a story within a story within a story. Almodóvar dives into some very taboo topics like cross dressing, gay romance, child molestation and drug abuse without them ever seeming cliché or exploitative. Thank goodness this bad boy came with subtítulos in English because these fellas speak Spanish faster than I could listen to it. I recommend this movie if you don't mind reading though. The twists and turns are many and for the most part (at least to me) totally unpredictable.

8.10.2009

Movie Review Monday

Today's Netflix review is for the movie Taken starring Liam Neeson. I would like to take this opportunity to give Husband credit for not bringing another craptacular flick into our home. This movie is cuh-razy. Liam Neeson is a retired government "preventer" that keeps bad things from happening. He's like a super savvy dude that can sniff out the bad guys and kill them without hesitation. His super spoiled 17-year old daughter lies to her dad to get to France to allegedly check out some culture but really wants to follow U2 around on their European tour. She ends up getting snatched up by some dude that sells her into the sex trade. Famke Janssen (a.k.a. Jean Grey) plays his super bitchy ex-wife who is now some rich dude's trophy wife. While this movie was far from believable, it kicked some serious ass. There is a lot of killing going on in this one and on more than one occasion Husband and I either had our mouths agape or were shouting "Damn!" So I recommend it... though Liam Neeson's accent gave me agita.

This review was brought to you by the word "super."