Now I Get It

I never know how personal to get on this blog as I met my fiance via blogger and clearly he blogs too and reads my blog pretty much on the daily. So I'll just run with it and if it comes back to bite me on the ass I'll know better for future postings. I was watching How I Met Your Mother last night. If you don't watch it, you're missing out. It's a really funny show and I generally am not a fan of prime time basic cable sitcoms. Its lead in, Big Bang Theory, and its follow up show Two and a Half Men are mini versions of torture for me.
Last night's HIMYM was supposed to be Ted and Stella's wedding. One of the dilemmas was Ted is still good friends with his ex, Robin, and Stella was not pleased that he invited her to their wedding. Ted ends up inviting Stella's ex and (backfire of the century) Stella ends up reuniting with her ex and leaving Ted just before the wedding.
Do you guys see where I'm going here? Until viewing last night's episode, I was convinced that it should be fine if exes remain friends. I actually considered inviting my ex, who used to be one of my closest friends, to our wedding. Now? No. Now? I have no desire to even remain friends with my ex. Know why? BECAUSE HE IS MY EX. He's my ex for a reason. He's been nothing but a headache for poor Buzz and I have been blindly trying to force our "friendship" on him.
Man I feel like a douche. How I Met Your Mother got the message through to me but BFF couldn't? What kind of a fucking moron am I?
And what was the straw that broke this camel's back? Seeing a "dream sequence" where Robin is shaking Stella's hand and saying "You know, your husband used to give it to me good like 3 times a day." Awkward...
So tell me, what are your thoughts?


Andrea said...

I think it's a case by case answer. I don't think one can say that yes it will work or no it will not work and have it cover all situations. Some people can be friends, some people cannot. Some people have to maintain a relationship with an ex because of children, and then each of those situations are unique to the parties involved.

There's just so many factors that come into plan. The personality of each person involved. Their maturity level. The depth of their feelings toward each person. Are they really over it? Have they really moved on? What was the basis of becoming exes. Was it because they just didn't work as a couple? I've seen friends decide that since they were such good friends that maybe they could be a couple, but they were forcing the issues. They're friends. They're now exes but they can retain a friendship.

Then you got the new relationship factor. Levels of trust. Levels of security. Can a new person handle such things.

So many factors. Can't just say yes or no.

I wanted to remain friends with the ex-husband. I truly did. I didn't expect his level of maturity to decrease and his need for control to increase. That was unexpected. So, I've had to reasses. We gotta continue to look at situations, asses them as a whole, and then make the decision that's the best for everyone. I've determined that in this situation? I need to just let it go. Stop replying to seemingly innocent emails. I need to finally cut the cord, if you will. So, that's what I'm doing.

Now I'm rambling. Just to say that my thoughts are that you can't give a general yes or no answer to your question. *whew*

Coodence said...

Good post, sister. And good response, Andrea.

Maybe TV should be your new BFF?


april said...

I believe what Andrea said. It completely depends on how secure and trusting the people in the relationship are. My wonderful boyfriend, Joe, and I don't have any problems with either of our ex's. Shit, one of his best friends in the whole wide world is an ex of his. It doesn't bother me one bit because I know that he loves me and wants to be with me. Not her. She is an ex. And like you said, exes are exes for a reason. If he wanted to be with her, he wouldn't be with me. However, not everyone can be secure enough to be comfortable with their significant other remaining friends with an ex. And that's ok too.

The show is just a show and her getting back with her ex as a story plot, which of course you know. But if you said that Buzz is not comfortable with you being friends with your ex, then you need to decide what's more important to you. Which it sounds like you've already done. Good job! And good luck!

JJ said...

Two things:

1. I tested the waters by posting some personal updates on my site. Both my ex and my wife's ex found it. And they both had very negative reactions. I took down the post. I never wanted to hurt anyone's feelings, I just wanted to talk about my life with my blog-friends. Soon enough I'll try again - with something a little less "in your face".

2. My wife and I are keeping a reasonable distance between ourselves and our ex's. It has been difficult. In a city as big as Philly, you'd be surprised how often you run into people you know. But luckily, everything has been pretty smooth. No real problems yet.

Trojan said...

Oy Vey...I try to leave it all in the "X Files"...

Since it would mean a new life has begun, I'd probably leave the past...well in the past. My ex would understand..

To each his own..

Lisa..... said...

I would have to agree, exes are exes for a reason. That said, my husband and I have kids with our exes and have to be friendly. His ex did come to our wedding, albeit with her husband. If she wasn't the mother of my stepson though, she would have never gotten an invite. I say move on.

on a blog note, I have gotten positive reactions on stuff I thought would piss people of, and negative reactions on things I hadn't even considered. But the most important person has the final say, me.