Scene From A Sushi Bar Haiku Friday

Alberto Javier
My Mexican Sushi Chef
Hooks it up tasty
Table next to us
Crazy Domestic Dispute
Spanish Arguing
Like a soap opera
She threw a beer in his face


End Of The Week Snippets

  • Jon & Kate Plus 8? That is a "reality show" I can get behind. Those kids are cute, Kate kicks ass, Jon is just so kind and they seem to come across as such a genuine couple and family.
  • I bought three pairs of jeans last night. They were all size 12. I am totally ok with that.
  • The "diet blog" has been deleted.
  • One pair of said jeans cost as much as the other two combined.
  • This morning I took the dog for a walk and I realized I had brought my car key with me instead of my house key. Locked out, I had to drive half an hour round trip to get my spare key from my mother.
  • While getting into the car to drive to work, I shut the door on every one of my left toes. That is not a good feeling.
  • As of today, I am really digging mis profesores y mis clases. 4 days a week, an hour a day, all Spanish. I think I'll be bilingual by the end of the semester. To "practice" I listen to Spanish AM talk radio while driving about town. ¡Que interesante!
  • If I don't get sushi tonight, heads will roll.


Bally Total Doucheness

I have finally come to my senses and realize that I am simply not destined for "the gym." I don't like it. I don't like going in the locker room to change. I don't like wiping down sweaty equipment. I don't like seeing other people sweat. I don't like wondering if I look ridiculous in my gym clothes when I see muscular young women walking around in flesh exposing leotard-like items. I do not like it, Randi I am.
Silly me, in October of 2007 I thought it would be brilliant if I signed a three year contract for membership at Bally Total Fitness in Oxnard. At the time, it was a mere three miles from my home. Since then I have moved and now live eight miles away. A sixteen mile round trip to exercise for a half hour does not seem reasonable to me especially when I now have a dog that I walk twice a day, morning and night. And so there's that. Before? I was single and had weekends free for the most part. Now I'm engaged and my weekends are full.
Ugh. Anyway, I'm not trying to say I have it harder than anyone else but that $30 a month I'm paying to go to a gym I simply don't go to could be much better spent on a half a tank of gas. So I tried to quit the gym. Guess what. They won't let me. Even though the dude on the phone said my cancellation would be accepted as long as my change of address was 7 miles from the gym. Even though I can honestly say I have not stepped foot in that gym for a minimum of 6 months. Even though I politely requested that my contract be canceled. Even though I have never been late ONCE for a payment. And on top of that? They were totally rude on the phone and made me wait no less than 30 minutes on hold. Bastards.

MORAL OF THAT STORY: Bally Total Fitness has no soul and sits on a throne of lies.


TMI Tuesday

What is the one thing you would change about your body?
I would change the part of my brain that makes me spend so much time thinking about how I can improve my body when in reality it's just fine thank you.
What is the one personality trait you would change?
I would change my bluntness perhaps. I speak off the cuff so often that it occasionally not only gets me in trouble but also hurts people's feelers.
What is the one thing about your job you would change?
I would change the rigidity of a 40-hour work week. Having a flexible schedule without someone tracking the time I take off would make me positively giddy.
What is the one thing about your home you would change?
My back yard looks like shit and my fiancé isn't there nearly as much as I'd like him to be.
What is the one thing about your significant other you would change?
I would change the fact that he still lives in San Diego because the military lags and doesn't seem nearly as anxious as I am to transfer his ass up to Oxnard...
Who is the one person you would poof out of your life and why?
I honestly can't think of anyone. I have poofed out the unwanted people already and plan on keeping it that way.
Who is the one person you would poof back in and why?
I would poof back my brother Christy. He died when he was just a baby so I think he deserves the opportunity to live a long, healthy life. Plus I'd like to know what it's like to be a middle child with an older and a younger brother...

Questions are from here.


Hello, Cleveland!!!

I miss The Office. I really do. So when I saw there would be a summer movie starring Dwight Schrute, er, I mean Rainn Wilson I was all over it like white on rice. Add to that the fact that Will Arnett makes a cameo and I was convinced it would be a hit. How could it not be? So on Saturday we decided to go and see The Rocker.
I won't say this movie is bad, per se, but I also won't say it was great. It was entertaining enough. It killed a couple of hours without killing me so I can't complain. There are a few hilarious moments like the opening scene that gives a little back story of the 80s hair band Vesuvius but other than that the movie sort of just continues on harmlessly.
The music is pretty good, too. Teddy Geiger, a one-hit wonder pop star of recent times, is the emotional singer/songwriter for a high school garage band named A.D.D. Frankly, he is talented though borderline "emo" and good looking so listening to him sing was pleasant enough. There's a cute little romance between his character and the lone girl in the band played by Emma Stone. We last saw her in Superbad though I don't recall her lisp being quite as noticeable in that one. It was quite distracting for Buzz and because of that, it was all I could focus on.
So... yeah. Mediocre. I think ultimately this genre just wasn't directed at me. I'm neither a failed rock star pining for what could have been nor a teenager in a band with all my angst. But if you have nothing going on and you don't mind killing some time, The Rocker isn't that bad. How's that for noncommittal?


Double Deuce Haiku Friday

Drove behind "THETWAN"
On the way to my workplace
Um... more like "THEDOUCHE"
Personalized plates
Mine just says VHICULR
No vanity there
Kind of like tattoos
I mock others who have them
Yet I have my own



So remember not that long ago when I asked you guys for ideas for my 365 group on Flickr? Yeah. I already quit. Frankly I'm impressed I made it 35 days. You see, my laptop at home has decided it needs to go to the emergency room so there's that. Also? I think I have enough going on right now that I don't need to try and squeeze in an additional daily task. I think there's a group called A Year of Sundays. Maybe I'll try that one instead.
Realistically I just can't keep giving myself stuff to do. My number one priority is losing weight. Well, maybe it's school. Or the gym. Or my yard. Or my family. Or my fiance. Either way, I know it's not photography which happens to be my hobby - something to do for fun.
I noticed I wasn't really giving those pictures my all anyway. I don't find myself to be that interesting of a subject so I was mostly just phoning it in. Doing the minimum to git'r'done. That's not my style. I'm pretty proud that I was able to recognize I might have been on the verge of overwhelming myself and rather than have a nervous breakdown, I was able to nip it in the bud.
Look at me. Growing up.


Sickie Hump Day

When I woke up this morning, all was not well in the world. It started with a sort of restless night and then waking up to nausea, headache and dizziness. I stayed in bed instead of getting up for work and didn't stir until Buzz called to check on me. When I woke, The Cat and Kiyah were surrounding me with their love. Funny how animals know. I slept a total of 12 hours... that's ridiculous. My dreams were peppered with oddities. First, I was invited by Crusty's folks to hang but then was told I couldn't so I ended up going to a costume party with Perez Hilton. As if that wasn't strange enough, I also dreamed a lot about work. Apparently in my dreams, all my buddies work with me at QPS. Go figure. Just want to give an imaginary shout out to PJP for relaying messages about brokered boxes to my dad.
Does this make sense? No. But neither does me being at work right now.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Maybe spicy crab spread on crackers before bedtime isn't the wisest idea... and maybe neither is falling asleep to TLC's insane programming.


I Lover. Can't Help It.

Just To Post Something

Yesterday marked one week until school starts for me again. This semester it's all in Spanish. Did I study or practice at all over this long summer break? That would be a negative. Did I do any reading for pleasure? That would be a hardly. Isn't it funny how I always aim high with these big plans and then do nothing I intended to do? I think so too.
So it's that time again. To make plans I may or may not follow through with. My goals are lofty, it's true. I have another blog tracking my diet progress but even that is sporadic at best. My love of junk food is a love that can't be tamed I guess. I have managed to lose 5 pounds in a month but most of that credit goes to Kiyah and her twice daily walks. I have until September 20th, one month from tomorrow, to drop another 5. Let's see if I can do it.
I also have every intention of being super disciplined once school starts. I figure it's about time I use the gym membership I pay for. It's about time to put down the bong. It's about time to act like a grown ass woman. I have a large apartment to keep clean, pets to care for and a wedding to plan. I have bills that need to be paid, money that needs to be saved and general business to take care of.
They say there's no better time than the present and it's true. I need focus. I need goals. I need time lines and schedules. It's safe to say my summer is coming to a screeching halt. Watch out fall, here I come.


Movie Review: Snippet Style

Though I think he is hilarious, I have a tendency to "not love" Ben Stiller movies for the most part (save for Dodgeball). I owe him a "well played" for Tropic Thunder.
  • You will pretty much forget Robert Downey, Jr. is in reality a white man.
  • Tom Cruise dancing to hip hop? Yes.
  • Jack Black played it a bit safe but it's still a joy to see his half naked ass running.
  • Ben Stiller is RIPPED in this role.
  • Cameos galore!
  • Dirty jokes and sharp dialogue? Check.
  • Undeclared alumni? You betcha! Way to go, Jay!
  • I see a big future for Danny McBride and Bill Hader if they continue choosing supporting rolls wisely like in Pineapple Express and Forgetting Sarah Marshall respectively.
Buzz was un poco irritated when we had to pay full price for a 2:05 showing even though it was a mere five minutes past the matinee price cut off but after a truckload of chuckles we decided we'd pass on the complaint. Our movie going experience was well worth the price of admission.


Mid-August Haiku Friday

Thunder and lightning
We had quite a storm last night
At least for SoCal
Dodgers swept the Phils
Can't say I'm not super pleased
Go Blue! Kick some ass!
Haven't really watched
Much of the Olympic Games
Does that make me bad?


San Diego... At Random

Finally got to get away for the weekend to see my honey and BFF. I can't tell you how nice it was to dodge chores and grown up responsibilities for two whole days. The weather was gorgeous. The company was amazing. The food delicious... well for the most part. What a wonderful weekend.

Me & Brad
So Cheesy...
Mmm... Kobe Beef.
Lakanilau Roll from Roy's - Get one. I mean it. Seared Kobe Beef
wrapped around Snow Crab, Tempura Asparagus and Avocado
Pomegranate Patron Silver Mojito
Pomegranate Patrón Mojito - That's all tequila.
BFF & Me
BFF and myself looking a little "happy"
Took the Rickshaw
The Serbian Pedi-cab operator.
That ride was all uphill. eeee...er...eeee...er
Del Mar Beach
Del Mar Beach. Can you say gorgeous?
Yucky Pinkberry
Pinkberry. Officially sucks. Ew.
This shit tastes like spoiled milk. Sour.
Horton Plaza
Horton Plaza. Crazy Mall.


Reality Check Humpday

When Buzz moved up here he brought a washer and dryer with him. I was so excited. I have never as an adult had my own washer and dryer. I've used my parents' stuff, used the stuff that belonged to people I've lived with and I've used a laundromat. But this was going to be our stuff. In our house. So cool.
Unfortunately, we had problems with the dryer from the get go. The plug didn't match the socket. No heat. So we resorted to doing the wash at home and drying at the laundromat. No biggie. The washer, however, decided to stop doing its spin cycle all together last night. So I was left with soaking wet clothes I wouldn't even really consider dragging to the laundromat. Needless to say, this is sort of irritating but not terrible. I mean, I easily brought it all over to my ma this morning and it will get done. Spin and dry.
In addition to that mild irritant, our couch was somewhat damaged in the move and I've been stuck with a wobbly arm for about two months. Rather than be bothered with it any longer, I dismantled the couch last night and repaired the damn thing. Another problem solved. So what happens next? The computer takes a shit. My charger no longer works and I was unable to post my 365 picture, play Scrabble or surf the web.
All of this sort of culminated into me becoming a super bitch on PMS and I proceeded to act a bit like a spoiled brat and be not-so-nice to my loving and caring fiance. So when I came into work and saw an email from my uncle that his husband's recently discovered cancer was becoming even more serious, I wanted to slap myself a bit. All my problems? Will be fixed with a little bit of overspending. Hub's "problem" is out of his hands completely. It's up to doctors and treatment and faith. Sort of puts things in perspective doesn't it?

MORAL OF THAT STORY: Count your blessings instead of your misfortunes.

P.S. For all of you religious folks out there, please say a prayer for Hub and for all those without a prayer, maybe drop a dime for cancer research.


Separated At Birth?

Beaker of Jim Henson's The Muppet Show fame
with perhaps a dash of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew.
Me after a long drive in the
opposite direction of my honey.
Day 26


Puff. Puff. Pass.

Gratuitous violence. Hilarity. Pot smoking. Action. Pineapple Express has it all but in a very unconventional way. James Franco should win an award for his portrayal of a stoner. Dead on. Seth Rogen is just your average working man who puffs and is playing it the straightest of all the cast. This is probably one of the better "buddy" movies I've seen in a while.
The storyline is a bit disjointed and there are quite a few loose ends and improbable situations but it doesn't matter one bit. This is a summer movie. Meant to entertain. To provide some laughs. A "feel good" movie, if you will. There is no rhyme or reason to it but it's worth watching. And I have a feeling it will be one of those movies that will be worth watching multiple times.
Pineapple Express had that Apatow feel to it that I thought Drillbit Taylor was lacking. All that was missing was a cameo by Paul Rudd. I think as long as I stick to seeing movies that consist of a majority of actors from Freaks & Geeks and Undeclared I won't go wrong in the movie going experience. Perhaps there's that feel of familiarity that makes me happy. Perhaps it's just because those folks? Are really, really funny.


TGI Haiku Friday

Day 23

Thank God for girl time
And thank God for Fridays too
Ends of the week rule
The Whale's Vagina
Going down on Saturday
That sounds nasty right?
Visiting my man
And BFF and her fam
So much fun, you guys!!!


We've Hit The Hump

Have you ever had one of those weeks where you feel you're sort of at the end of your rope? That was this week for me. Or rather, has been this week for me. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that last week I was super spoiled because I got to go to back to back Dodger games and spend extra time with my honey. This past weekend was also super fun-filled because we got to see a movie and go to the fair and see professional football players practicing in my tiny home town that is unlikely to ever host its own NFL team.
At work we're going through a pretty big transition with a bunch of new hires and we are transferring over to a new computer program. Tensions are running a bit high. Add to that the fact that my Bossman is borderline paranoid schizophrenic and has the unfortunate combination of low self esteem and high expectations, and you've got a recipe for disaster. I'm not crazy about a nasty tone of voice. I dislike chaos and disorder. Frankly, I'm already medicated daily and I don't think there is much more I can do to dodge the slings and arrows of outrageous misfortune (man am I stoked I got to do Hamlet in 8th grade).
Last night I was sort of at my breaking point so I decided it was time to pamper myself a bit. I went and got a haircut from a new lady. Her name was Katt (not to be mistaken with "The Cat") and she massaged my scalp and my neck and shoulders and in the span of a mere 30 seconds took away most of the tension I'd been carrying in those very spots of my body. After that, Kiyah and I went on a long, brisk walk and I proceeded to make the laundry my bitch. Guests are coming so I stripped the spare bed and such. Man. That was a lot of labor and sweat. But guess what? It took my mind off the bullshit at work and made me feel good. Crazy right?
I'm not sure where I'm going with this but that's just the way it is today.

MORAL OF THAT STORY: Idle hands are the devil's workshop but sometimes a bitch just needs a haircut and half a bottle of Riesling.


A Favor

I recently decided to participate in the 365 days of self portraits on Flickr. Since I have 345 days to go, I would like to ask "the people" of the internet to give me some ideas. This is also an attempt to get the lurkers to come out and introduce themselves and show me what they're working with. So comment for me today. Give this blogger something to smile about.

Day 20
BFF gave me a list of 25 ideas.
This shot killed 2 of them:
#3 - Making funny faces
#19 - Sticking your head in the freezer.



Have you seen The Queen? Helen Mirren, I love you.

Not only were you awarded a Best Actress Oscar for your performance in this very interesting and unique film, but you look hot in a bikini and you're twice my age. I commend you.

And how about some snippets:
  • I've lost 4.5 pounds in three weeks. Seems I need to work a bit harder because I lost four of those pounds in the first week.
  • You know the economy is shit when you can go to the county fair on a Saturday night and not only hit no traffic but you can park with ease.
  • You know that society is in the shitter when grown men practically tackle small children to get a Frisbee thrown by Rowdy the Dallas Cowboys mascot.
  • Took a lot of pictures of both the fair and the training camp if you want to check them out. They're on Flickr because if I put them all on the blog it would be un poco overwhelming.


I'm not going to lie. I love Batman. He is my most favorite super hero. I think it's because he's super rich and has some dope toys. I also think it's because he's just man. He has no special powers, just determination to clean up his 'hood. I would say "Sort of like Iron Man" but Iron Man has that thing in his heart that makes him... less than human? More than human? You know what I'm saying.
But back to The Dark Knight. I am really not sure why we didn't see this right away. Mostly, I'm not in love with a crowded theater. Turns out a matinee on Saturday weeks later can be just as annoying when stupid parents bring their fucking two year olds to a violent, dark, noisy and scary movie. Lord help me. Amen.
But it was worth the wait. Man. Christian Bale just nails it. And I'm not going to echo every other critic and blogger that says Heath Ledger should get a posthumous Oscar nod for this performance. I will say he did one helluva job and the nuances he gave his character, such as when he licks his lips repeatedly like an individual with scarred cheeks would do, are just part of the reason why he will be remembered as an incredible actor.
Maggie Gyllenhaal didn't impress me any more than Katie Holmes did in the first movie to be totally honest. Aaron Eckhart? I could do without your eyeball but thanks for the nightmares. Don't ask. You'll figure it out when you see the movie. Which you totally should. Because it's super good.


Hello, August Haiku Friday

Work like a dog day
So says my desk calendar
Friday? No one works.
Busy weekend, kids
Got the fair, Dallas Cowboys
and Batman as well
Wonder if we'll see
Tony Romo's lady friend
Jessica Simpson