7.31.2008

7.30.2008

Hump Day

Silly Pooperdopolis
Ok... so what I want to know is who is teaching who that this is the proper way for animals to sleep? On their backs. Like humans. Oh no... I didn't just catch them candidly like this. This is how these dummies sleep.
Silly Keekers.

MORAL OF THAT STORY: I got nothin'.

7.29.2008

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ANDREA!!!!

Beautimous Wimmins
Go send my girl some birthday love!!!

And on my 600th 601st post here no less....

7.27.2008

The Fuckin' Catalina Wine Mixer

Who or what do I love more than Will Ferrell? It's hard to say. I've been waiting for Step Brothers for too long. I was almost insulted when Buzz suggested we wait until a Saturday matinee because I am a firm believer that Will Ferrell deserves full price. No bargains. Then I got super happy when that first beer hit my lips and we couldn't go on Friday night anyway. Go figure.
Back to the movie. Um... it is really stupid. Like, I like stupid but this one pushes it a bit. For a while I couldn't determine whether these characters were retarded. Special? Is that more PC? Either way, Reilly and Ferrell have a platform to act like a couple of 8 year-olds with hardly a plot to guide them.
That's not to say I didn't laugh. I laughed. Believe me. I have physical proof. I literally split the seams of my shorts when I bellowed out my first guffaw. At first I thought it was only the side of my shorts but when I removed them at home, the crotch was blown out as well. That just goes to teach me that I shouldn't be buying fabrics that don't have the stretch option.
I guess you can tell by that last paragraph that I don't have much to say about this one. I don't want to say anything bad because, I mean, it's a Will Ferrell movie... but yeah... I don't have too many good things to say about it either.
Buzz was right about the matinee. Atta boy.

7.25.2008

Last Haiku Friday Of July

Carnage on the beach
Two dead birds and a dead seal
Not all that pleasant
***
Took Kiyah walking
Grabbed my car keys, not house keys
Crawled through the window
***
I get four whole days
With my honey this visit
5 o'clock? GET HERE!

7.24.2008

Book Review Thursday

Last night I finished Steve Martin's autobiography Born Standing Up. This was probably one of the easiest reads of late. There isn't much to it other than him sharing how he got his start. Did you know that as a teen he worked at Disneyland as a magician? As an actor at a playhouse in Knott's Berry Farm? Neither did I.
There is the inevitable tales of a stern father that he could never impress and a few tales of lady lovers along the way. Mostly, this book focuses on his teenage life and pretty much wraps up when he got his big break on Saturday Night Live and ended up being a superstar stand-up comic performing for sell-out crowds.
I really liked the way this book read like he was just reminiscing for friends. He shares pieces of his act, stories from the road and the book is peppered with old snapshots.
I don't know that I necessarily recommend Born Standing Up unless you are a die hard Steve Martin fan or are an aspiring comedian. It didn't exactly knock my socks off or impress me. It was just a nice summer read that hopefully will get me going on picking up some more books for pleasure before school starts again.

7.23.2008

Moral Of The Story Hump Day

When I was a wee girl I once chucked a handful of change in a parking lot. When my dad asked what the heck I thought I was doing I could feel my cheeks flush with embarrassment. "But, Dad! They're only pennies!" I got a stern talking to that day about the value of money.
When Buzz and I went to Disneyland in April, he did almost the same thing: chucking handfuls of change into every fountain we passed. I was mortified. I told him it was OK to make a wish on pennies but throwing silver coins (needless to say several of them at a time) away was practically blasphemy. Those coins will buy us a house one day!!! He may have thought I was off my rocker but I was serious.
Since I've been walking Kiyah, I have found many, many pennies on the ground and each and every time, I pocket them to bring home with me. Sure, there's the luck aspect but ultimately I wouldn't want my dad to find out I was passing the opportunity to collect money. I heard on the radio the other day that a certain runner saved all the change he found on his runs over the course of many years and ended up with something like $8,000. Go figure. I usually just save all the change I get or find until the end of the year and usually end up with at least $50.
In this tough economy and current recession, I thought I would pass this information along because I'm a giver. It's what I do. No need to thank me.
MORAL OF THIS STORY: A penny saved is a penny earned.

7.22.2008

TMI Tuesday: The Fart Edition

1. Are your farts:
a. Silent but deadly
b. All sound, no fury
c. Loud and stinky
I am proud to say that I can answer this question: d. All of the above.

2. Have you ever farted in front of a lover? Who was the 1st one to do it? How did they or you handle it?
Recently the fart seal was broken between me and Buzz. I was the first one. We were on the way home from a Dodger game and I believe it was the night he proposed. I was all nerves and was trying to hold it on all the way home in the car. When we got in the garage I boosted and it's possible that I broke the sound barrier. Things have never been the same. We handled it like we handle most things: by laughing our asses off.

3. Have you ever farted and tried to blame someone else? Who and did you get away with it?
I tried to blame my shoe once when I was a highschooler. I was out with BFF and Miss Kitty. I didn't get away with it. No. But now we can reminisce on this moment by saying "That was my shoe."

4. What food triggers you?
I'm going to go ahead and say "all food" here, Bob.

5. Varts (Vaginal Farts) Scary, or an indication of a good time being had by all?
I thought these were called queefs? I would say these are pretty mortifying but if you are with the right person at the right time (a.k.a. secksy time) they have the potential to be pretty hilarious.

Bonus (as in optional): When you do fart with someone in your bed, do you cover their head with the sheet and hold them under?
The temptation is there but no. I think it's a helluva silly thing to do but mostly pretty disgusting. But just to make this question mine, what do you call this particular act? I call it "covered wagon." I've also heard dutch oven...

Questions are from here.

7.21.2008

Product Endorsement Monday

This is the Bissell Lift-Off Revolution Pet Vacuum:

This was our housewarming gift from my folks. We have a short-haired domestic cat and a fluffy she-beast of a Malamute/Husky.
These are testimonial pictures. That's about a month's worth of fur and dust (but not really).

Holy. Shit.

You see... the vacuum has a brush I wasn't aware had to be turned on to suck the hair out of the carpet. So even though I vacuumed at least twice a week, I wasn't seeing the results I wanted. Lo and behold, Buzz figured out how to use it properly and we got that bucket of yuck out of our carpet. And that's just the downstairs.

Our Bissell Pet Vac RULZ!!!

So, Bissell? We applaud you for a job well done. That vacuum is worth every penny we didn't spend on it.

7.18.2008

Eye In The Sky Haiku Friday

Another website
Wanted to use my picture
Am I famous yet?
***
Followed by the Schmap!! website
Pretty flattering
***
Not sure if it's me
Or if it is the camera
They go hand in hand

7.17.2008

Is It An HNT?

365: Day 1
I started the 365 Day thingamabob on Flickr.
This was my first valiant attempt.
Happy HNT either way.
45113638_202b79dc11

7.16.2008

Here We Go Again

As BFF so eloquently stated, this year is halfway over. Now it's time for me to shit or get off the pot as far as my new year's resolution for a leaner, meaner me. I don't know if I have shared this information with you before but on September 20th I get to be a bridesmaid in my brother's wedding. I don't know if you recall the last time I was a bridesmaid, but it was almost exactly two years ago. That particular dress drove me to hire a trainer at the gym and go on Weight Watchers. That day was probably the least I've weighed ever since.
Since then I have put on about twenty pounds. That's ten pounds a year. I guess that is about normal for those of us that pay no mind to what we put in our mouth, but it is not acceptable. So on Monday I started another diet. I know, I know. We have been down this road before. But rather than do extreme shit, I decided to just cut about 500 calories a day from my diet and walk an hour a day. So far so good. I haven't been drinking beer at night or popping bite sized candies and junk food in my mouth every thirty seconds in the office. I walk Kiyah once in the morning and once at night. I figure eventually I will go to the gym... probably next week though. One thing at a time.
My goal is to lose 10 pounds by my brother's wedding, 25 by my own in April of '09. I will be keeping a diet blog so that this one won't turn into "All I Think About Is Weight: A Never Ending Rant by Randi." I think it's going to be the least interesting reading of all time but I think it will help me.

MORAL OF THAT STORY: Sure, the boy cried wolf more than he should have but eventually that wolf showed up didn't he? Yes he did.

7.15.2008

TMI Tuesday: Class of '95 Edition

1. What were you known as in HS (Jock, Princess, Geek)?
Hard to say. I was smart (ASB, Speech team, Honor Roll) but I also was pretty friendly and knew people from all the cliques. Not exactly a geek but not exactly popular. If anything I guess I was known as a druggie. I mean, my nickname was Shroom for goodness sake and even though Trondela swore it was because of my bob hair-do I think he was lying.
2. What were you really?
I guess I really was an experimental drug user but I worked hard, babysat, had an after school job and participated in extracurricular activities like cheering at basketball games, etc. so I wasn't a total outcast, a geek or any particular high school cliche.
3. If you could go back and tell your 16 year old self one thing, what would it be?
Dear 16-year old self,
You really should study harder and not sell yourself short because not going away to college will be one of your biggest regrets later.
Love,
31-year old self
4. If you could erase one moment from your school days what would it be?
Dating Doug.
5. Who did you not date (or more) that you wish you did?
Travis Borneman. Good Lord. He had just drunk a beer with a chili pepper in it and kissing him made my lips tingle and burned my mouth a little bit. I wasn't giving it up back in the day so when I wouldn't let him go all the way he promised he'd marry me if I would. LOL
Bonus (as in optional): If you went to prom, describe your outfit.
I wore an ankle length dress with a sweetheart neckline, spaghetti straps and a slit up to the middle of my right thigh. It was red sequins and it was amazing. Picture a flat chested Jessica Rabbit. I wore silver shoes just to be different. I even slept in my prom dress that night. Never even took off my pantyhose. Poor Willie.

Questions are from here as always.

7.14.2008

Skadouche.

Saturday was our Asian Fusion day. We started off with a matinee of Kung Fu Panda and then we went to the Obon Festival at the Buddhist Temple for some Udon and deliciously flavored Teriyaki chicken and beef. Too bad we couldn't manage to squeeze in a visit with Miss Kitty as she is half-Japanese and our plans were foiled to partake in a Vietnamese or Korean dinner. Oh well. Next year.
Anyway, back to the flick. Buzz and I have decided this is probably one of the best movies we have seen this summer. Is anyone more hilarious than Jack Black? I just don't think so. He makes me laugh so hard I think I'll pee myself. Add to that Seth Rogen as Mantis and I'm just as pleased as punch.
This was a great story with lots of laughs. The animation is awesome. The voices are perfectly matched to the characters. It still amazes me that cartoons lately trump most real life action movies I've seen.
And Lord help me, Angelina Jolie is in this one too and I just love her. I do. I crossed over and I think she's just swell. Congrats on birthin' the twins. Good luck conquering the world.

7.11.2008

Beach Walks With Kiyah Haiku Friday

Mama Dog
Lab puppy kisses
Man walks dog in a stroller
That was just last night
***
On the ground today
A Magnum condom wrapper
With one still inside
***
What will I see next?
Folks making whoopie while parked?
Maybe pot smokers?

7.10.2008

Almost There!

You guys! BFF is doing such a great job raising money for boobs! Check it out:She only has to raise $258 more dollars to meet her goal. With your help, she can not only get there but far surpass what she intended to raise. Please take this opportunity to show your support. Even $5 can help!
Now go. Here. And I shan't ask again.
xoxo

7.09.2008

Hump Day!!!

Writer's block certainly sucks.
Each blog post takes more effort than the last.
Do you ever have that problem?
Not having much to say?
Everything seemingly mundane in you life?
So you try to make something out of nothing,
Do your damndest to entertain "the people"
And you realize you're falling horribly short?
Yeah, I thought so.

Going to the Dodger game tonight... that's all.

MORAL OF THAT STORY: Ask and ye shall receive. Knock and the door shall open.

7.08.2008

7 Deadly Sins TMI Tuesday

1. LUST: Besides your current Significant Other who do you lust for or have you lusted for?
Jim from The Office? Shia LaBeouf? Daniel Craig? Antonio Banderas? Hehe. I have a thing for actors I guess.
2. GLUTTONY: What food brings out your inner glutton?
Only food that fits in my mouth. Goddamn my pants are snug these days! Oh, chips and dip and independence day cookies! How I love thee.
3. GREED: What are you greedy for?
Time with my honey.
4. SLOTH: What is your plan for an ideal day of sloth?
Pajama Jammy Jam on a rainy or overcast day where I can wrap up in a quilt, eat junk food and watch a day's worth of DVDs stopping only to use the facilities or take sporadic naps.
5. WRATH: Describe a time that you let out a can of whoop ass on someone.
Whoop ass? No. Not me. I more often than not state simply and bluntly what it is you are doing to irritate the ever living shit out of me. Chances are good you will hear things you never knew I felt because I've kept it bottled in for a bit too long and you'll walk away with your feelings hurt. And it's even more likely that I'll not have raised my voice or dropped cuss words at all while doing so. Then I'll probably do everything in my power to reinstate peace. Fuckin' Sweden y'all.
6. ENVY: Who or what do you envy? Why?
I envy the fans of World Series winning baseball teams because it's been a loooong time since my boys in blue took that bad boy home (though we are tied for first in our division currently!)
7. PRIDE: Have you ever had to swallow your pride? What are you proud of?
It's hard for me to admit when I'm wrong or to take criticism because most of the time I think I'm always right. That requires a lot of pride swallowing. I am proud of my dog for not digging out of the yard yesterday.

Questions, as always, are from here.

7.07.2008

Long Weekend Wrap Up

  • Got to see so many friends! Hooray for out of towners John and HLP!
  • Police on horseback broke up fireworks on the beach.
  • We didn't have to drive to the beach. We walked. Twice, maybe thrice.
  • I hope Buzz will post his recipe for Midwestern Enchiladas - delicious!
  • I plucked a bee's freshly injected stinger from Buzz's arm whilst he was driving.
  • Young Frankenstein is a must see for all Mel Brooks fans.
  • Nothing beats a nap on an overcast Sunday.
  • According to today's calendar, today is Chocolate Day.
  • It is also my parents' 39th wedding anniversary. '69!!!
    MOM DRINKING WOAH

7.04.2008

Happy Independence Day Haiku Friday

The sun is shining
We've got beach weather to spare
No marine layer
***
Break out the grills, Peeps
It's time to cook meat products
And drink up some beer
***
Freakin' block parties
Enjoying a long weekend
Firework finale

7.03.2008

Nostalgia or Writer's Block: You Be The Judge

Two and a half years ago I posted about Officer Bird on the other blog. No one had really heard of nor remembered the parrot I spoke of.
Shortly thereafter, Maine informed me the correct spelling was Officer Byrd. The mystery was solved.
Years later, that blog post is still getting comments.
I guess for today I wanted to take a trip back to when times were simple. When I didn't have my own place to maintain, animals to care for, a job to go to or a bachelor's degree to pursue. I want to remember The Smurfs. The Snorks. Fraggle Rock. The Muppet Show. The Muppet Babies, for that matter.
Drop me a line today and take me back... way back. What do you miss most from when you were carefree? For me it was being able to watch Garfield on the Saturday morning cartoons. As long as my brother, Crusty and I didn't wake my mom, we could sit downstairs and have Oreos in milk for breakfast. Wearing footie jammies likely. Under a fort made of pillows and blankets.
Ah... the good ol' days.

7.02.2008

How Much Is That Doggy In The Window?

When I was a wee girl of two years of age, my parents bought me a black kitten for Christmas. We used to watch a lot of Bewitched so we named that little girl Samantha. My brother was born a while later and when we grew up we wanted a puppy. We got an Akita and named her Ona. One fateful summer day I opened the front door, she tried to make a break for it and got run over by a neighbor in the street in front of our house. Needless to say, she died. I currently work for the brother of the man that killed her.
About a year later we welcomed the next puppy, Tippi, into our lives. She was a Border Collie/Labrador mix and she had an extra toe that you could completely twist around and she felt nothing. You could ask her "Tippi, where's Jesus? Tippi, where's grandpa?" and she would make sounds like she was responding. She loved an Oreo in the morning in lieu of a dog biscuit. She was the best thing that had ever happened to me.
When Tippi died I was about 19 years old. I still have her picture on my bookshelf and draped on it is a chain with her dog tag. I loved Tippi too much. Since her passing all I've ever wanted was another dog. There was an ill-fated attempt when I was about 21 when I tried to get a puppy but our apartment didn't allow it so I had to give her to a friend. After that I sort of gave up.
Then Buzz came into my life and along with him came his Husky/Malamute mix - Kiyah. Oh Kiyah. Not only is she beautiful but she is a lover, buddy dog. She's well behaved and loved immediately by anyone who sees her. She's a bit full of herself because she knows how gorgeous she is but I love her just the same. And boy does that dog love me. We're thick as thieves.
However, Kiyah is a bit spoiled and loves to be indoors. She doesn't mind sleeping on the bed. Unfortunately, me working 40-hours a week while her dad is down in San Diego is not conducive to maintaining the lifestyle she had grown accustomed to so we had to rig up a high line/harness deal for her be able to roam the yard while safely secured. Kiyah is a bit of an escape artist. A modern day Houdini, if you will. When Buzz and I got engaged we had left her in Crusty's parents' yard and she managed to get out while we were in Los Angeles at the Dodger game. That was a tense several innings but made for a memorable engagement tale. We got her home safe and sound.
Well yesterday, Kiyah managed to wrap her leash around the leg of the table in our yard, twist herself out of her harness and dig a hole to the front of the apartment. When I came home, she was gone and the yard was a mess. Luckily, we have dope neighbors and they found her and took her in. I started to wonder... did I really want a dog? To have this much worry and responsibility? To clean up so much poop? To vacuum up so much hair?
And then I see her happy bunny butt bouncing along on the beach or get one of her kisses or hear the joy in her whiny welcome and I think she's the cat's pajamas.

MORAL OF THAT STORY: Be careful what you wish for.

7.01.2008

TMI About The Dodgers Tuesday

My eBay won, for the low low price of $14.99 + S&H, 1999 Dodgers Barbie that has a certificate of authenticity came in a box that had this to say so I thought I would share:

The Los Angeles Dodgers were born in 1890 - in Brooklyn, NY (home of BFF). They were called the "Bridegrooms" but many fans and sportswriters called them the "Trolley Dodgers," referring to Brooklyn residents who often had to "dodge" the horse-drawn trolley cars in the streets. In 1914, they became the "Robins" Finally in 1932, the franchise gave in to tradition and officially became the "Dodgers."
The 1947 season marked the beginning of Dodgers dominance. It was also the year that the Dodgers made history by signing up the first African-American Major League player of the 20th century, bringing to an end the game's color line.
From 1947 to 1957 the Dodgers won six National League pennants and the 1955 World Series. Still, they were nicknamed the "Brooklyn Bums" for their inability to win it all (I see not much has changed...)
In 1958, the franchise moved to Los Angeles. The Dodgers won three pennants and two World Series during the 60s when great pitching became a Dodgers hallmark. In 1981 and 1988, the Dodgers took home two more World Series victories (Something I wouldn't mind seeing again in my lifetime).

Happy 50th Anniversary in Los Angeles, Boys in Blue!