3.31.2008

Crampenstein

Dear Uterus,
Hi. It's the rest of the body talking. We hate you and want you to leave. There really is no two ways about it. For years you have been giving me nothing but problems. You used to make me puke when I was wee and now you just annoy the ever living shit out of me. Why must you taunt me so? Do you like making me bleed? Do you like making me double over in pain? Is it not enough that the cramps you create destroy my abdominal area that you had to spread them to my lower back and upper thighs? Really?
I have slowly been trying to drug you to death with Naproxen and birth control. You sure know how to take a lickin' and keep on tickin'. When the birth control decided you were invincible it started giving me migraines on a fairly regular basis. Since the sexin' stopped, so did the pill and here you are again, rearing your nasty head. You're all but useless to me. I don't see you giving me babies any time soon so until then why don't you take a long walk off a short cliff.
I don't know who shit in your Cheerios, but I am tired of getting the brunt of your bullshit. Stop lashing out at me once a month and get down to the source of your issues and handle them. Why don't you pick on someone your own size, you big bully?
Signed,
Randi
Queen of the Menses

3 comments:

Lisa..... said...

Amen, sista!!!

Hella said...

OMG Randi you are hysterical!!!
That is the best thing ever!!!

Sassy One said...

Sign my name on that too??

Sooo funny.