To All My Ladies...

Thank you for being a friend
Traveled down the road and back again
Your heart is true, you're a pal and a confidant.
And if you threw a party
Invited everyone you knew
You would see the biggest gift would be from me
And the card attached would say thank you for being a friend.

I know I am not the easiest friend to have. I have a tendency to be wishy-washy, unable to commit to a simple decision. Everything in my mind is black or white, making consideration of gray shades a colossal event. One second I want to be married with children, the next I embrace my independence and single status. Every action I take, every move I make, is an attempt to make sure everyone is happy - my friends, myself, my family, my coworkers. Everyone. What this stems from, I'm not sure.
I have memories of a summer spent with HLP when we were wee girls where I would say I liked something and if she'd dislike that very thing, I would shoot back immediately with "Well I guess you're right I don't really like it that much." Was I afraid if we didn't like all the same things our friendship would crumble? There is a desire deep within me that makes me long for acceptance and love from everyone. Perhaps that is how I have ended up being a best friend to so many. And even though I can call on any number of people at any given time, I often feel terribly alone and insecure.
Girls, I know I put you through a lot... Lately I have been feeling like a broken record that has repeated the same awful tune for close to five years now. I'd like this post to be a testament to you that I am trying my hardest to make this the last loop on that broken record. I don't think it is fair to you that I make you experience the same drama over and over. Fine one second, falling apart the next. I want to be strong for you, for me, for everyone. This isn't an apology for who I am, it is a statement that I want to work harder on being the best me.
So thank you for being my friend. I can only hope that I have been your friend through all of this as well.


Itchy said...

I could have written most of this. It's true. Just keep in mind that you only need to make you happy at the moment.

ceedee said...

I hope we can grow old together. But I want to be Blanche :)
Dude, you're the awesomest friend a girl could ask for. LYLAS!

PS: my word verification is kfuobo, which reminds me for some reason of "The House of Butta-fu-oco" LOL!

exile said...

um... where are my props?
(me being the most awsome guy you know)