1.31.2008

Undeclared

Have you guys seen this show? Apparently it was on TV in the year 2001 and it completely flew under my radar. However, since The 40-Year Old Virgin and Knocked Up I have pretty much been obsessed with any and all things Judd Apatow. Did you know he produced and wrote Jim Carrey's Cable Guy? Me neither... and oddly enough I liked that movie even though it seemed no one else did. I suggest you re-watch it if only for the scene where they are at Medieval Times. Classic. But back to Undeclared. Everyone makes a cameo in this show: Adam Sandler, Will Ferrell, Ben Stiller... it's like the Frat Pack before that was even a goofy ass nickname for these hilarious men-children. I just finished the last episode of the DVD collection and it was a bittersweet moment because I know there will never be another episode. How sad, right? Like, I bought this whole series because of the cast and the blessed touch of Mr. Apatow and now it's over. I guess I'll have to go out and grab Apatow's other cancelled TV attempt, Freaks and Geeks. By the way? Watching Undeclared is like watching Knocked Up: The College Years. Same peeps, same hilarity... check it out.

If that got you even remotely interested... go here. You won't be sorry.

Addendum Letter:

Dear Fry's employee,
Do you remember me? I'm the customer that called you on the phone to confirm you had Freaks and Geeks in stock. You took a while to answer my question so I assumed you were actually checking the floor. When you said it you had it for the low price of $45, I asked if you would you hold it for me. You said you weren't allowed to put stuff on hold any more. I said I'd be right over, jumped in Vehicular and headed your way. When I got there, I could find no Freaks and Geeks. The television show DVDs went from Fraggle Rock to French & Saunders, with a lovely little space where my product should have been. When I asked for your help you proudly proclaimed that you were the one I spoke to! I asked where the DVD was and you had no answer. I reiterated that I called for a reason and next time you should check the floor before a customer drives her tired ass all the way across town. You copped major 'tude and acted like I put you out. I know you probably make minimum wage and could give two shits about your job, but guess what? It's your job so you should do it well. The good people at Best Buy value my patronage more than you so I gave them the sale even though they were nearly $10 more expensive.
Just thought I'd let you know.
Sincerely,
An Obsessed Apatow Fan

1.30.2008

Grillz Fo' Ma' Teef: The Conclusion

In a time long ago, I got a plaster cast made of my 12-year old teeth so I could have a memory of what they looked like before braces made them the stunning specimen they are today. I have been saving the mold all these years for no apparent reason. It is the white one below, to the right of the newer, golden mold Dr. B threw together for the bite guard. I now have a collection.

Close

Just for shits and giggles I thought it would be fun to show you the amazing view of my mouth open wider than it will ever be in the history of our time. Don't say I never gave you anything. Oh and disregard the stain on the roof of the white one... I think I may have used it as an incense burner at one time. Classy.

Open

Can you see that I am missing a tooth in the mold on the left? If you can, I will give you a gold star. Once upon a time there was a mutant tooth inhabiting that space (upper back right, you blind ass). It barely broke through the surface of the gum and was more of a nuisance than anything, what with its ability to act as a magnet to any and all food particles. I spent more time sucking out morsels than Monica spent sucking on Bill. Zing! Dentists from Los Angeles to Oxnard tried with a vengeance to get that sucker to grow out of the gum to join the rest of my teeth in a pretty little row but to no avail. I finally let one of them pull it.

Mutant Tooth

Is that something? See how the left side of the root is slightly crooked? That is why the stubborn piece of shit wouldn't come down. It was literally hinged above the tooth next to it. I know you are all fascinated by now. There's even a wee filling in this monster. I save it solely for the freak factor. Maybe I'll make a necklace out of it someday like ScarJo did for Ryan Reynolds.

The Grillz

That right there is what $400 will buy you. Doesn't that one on the left look a little off kilter to you? Yeah! It's cuz I'm toofless. LOL. Anywho, the freak out of a lifetime came along with those. You see, I picked up this extravagant purchase at approximately 5 p.m. After I was done at the dentist, I proceeded to simultaneously do my homework and exercise on the stationary bicycle at the gym. I got home, started to unpack my day's worth of baggage and realized that one fluorescent orange case containing my bite guard was no where to be found. I threw things hither and yon, ran down to the car to search through the trunk and anywhere else I could think of and nothing. NOTHING! I have owned this pricey purchase for no more than 90 minutes and it has disappeared! Needless to say, I frantically sped back to the gym parking lot and on hands and knees scoured the space where I could have possibly dropped this stupid container. Nothing. I went to the Golfsmith nearby to see if it had been turned in. Nothing. I went to Bally's to see if anything had been returned. Nothing. I felt like I was in junior high and accidentally threw away my very expensive retainer into the garbage (Parenthood anyone?). So I did what any mature, responsible, grown ass woman would do: I sat in the back seat of Vehicular and cried some big, heaving sobs of self pity. And what did I see when I was back there? The. mother. fucking. fluorescent. orange. container.
Moral of that story: It's always the last place you look. No shit.

1.29.2008

Back To School

Can you believe this is what I get to look at on my commute to school? Damn. California is awesome. Not only do we get agriculture and beaches, we also get snow capped mountains. Like, the Pacific Ocean would technically be right behind you if this is what you are viewing. Maybe a little to your right but you get the gist. Incredible. So far so good on the school front. My Spanish class is pretty much completely in Spanish - go figure - but I'm actually able to understand everything. When it comes to speaking and writing, I clam up like crazy. What's with the nerves? Maybe I should just do a tequila shot before class. Did you know tequila is one of the only liquors that acts as as stimulant? That's a little tidbit for you to drop at cocktail parties. You'll thank me later. My California History professor looks like he could be Jack Black's father. He's got the best voice and he's totally hilarious. I have a feeling this semester will prove to be very interesting. Already, an 18-year old has invited me to accompany her to Mexico to go clubbing... So... I mean... Anything is possible, right?

1.28.2008

NKOTB Reunion?

According to People, the boys are reuniting. BFF has a poll going on over at her spot. You guys should go tell her who your favorite member of New Kids On The Block was. For me? Donnie Wahlberg.... sigh. Crusty, you ready to re-wallpaper your bedroom? Ha! Below are pics of my friend Paddlechips who bumped into the brothers Knight at a radio station in July of '06. No matter how old we get, we're still giddy little school girls when it comes to Danny, Jordan, Joey, Jon and Donnie.

UPDATE: Perez Hilton has Danny Wood denying rumors of a reunion via his MySpace page.

1.27.2008

Juno How It Is

There is a reason Juno received four Oscar nominations (best film, actress, screenplay and director); simply put, it is a great movie. The cast couldn't have been more perfect with each actor so comfortable in and owning their character. I have loved Allison Janney in offbeat roles like this since she played Loretta in Drop Dead Gorgeous. Michael Cera, well he's had my heart since Arrested Development so it was nice to see him reunite with former cast mate Jason Bateman even if they shared nary a scene together. And could Jennifer Garner be cuter? I mean, really? How it took me this long to make it to this movie is beyond me but I have a word of advice similar to the one Buzz gave me weeks ago: if you haven't seen it yet, drop whatever you are doing and go.
The film's writer, Diablo Cody, is actually one of the rotating authors for Entertainment Weekly's last page so I read her stuff before I saw her words given life in this film. I've had people compliment me that I write the way I speak and it makes me seem more approachable. I can say the same for Cody. Her dialogue was fresh and current and didn't seem remotely forced. Ellen Page, playing the titular character, really becomes a wise-beyond-her-years 16-year old. While I don't necessarily buy her "too cool for school" vibe as far as her supposed interest in 70s punk rock and horror films, I do think she embodied the role of a confident young person who had to make an incredibly mature decision. She is precariously balanced on a tightrope where she is both a child and a woman. She deserves any and all accolades she receives and I'll be anxious to see her other work.
There have been many debates about whether Juno is a pro-choice or pro-life movie. In my humble opinion, I don't think it is either. Quite frankly, I felt the story was a mostly realistic portrayal of teen pregnancy but few are lucky enough to have a support system like Juno's. Not every teenager has parents that will calmly take the news that their daughter is impregnated. Not every teenager has the maturity level to make a decision that requires such serious sacrifice and I find it hard to believe that the adoption process can be "that easy." However, I don't think that is what Juno is about nor do I believe that Diablo Cody is out to teach anyone morality. I think, quite simply, Juno is meant to entertain. I laughed, I cried, I recommend.

1.25.2008

Weird Weather Haiku Friday

Rain, rain, go away
Come again some other day
One wet 805
***
Now the east winds blow
The kind that are warm and fierce
Just what we needed
***
Snow in Ventura
Jan saw it falling downtown
What's next I ask you?

1.24.2008

Alternate Thursday HNT

I was going for an entirely different photo here. I was actually intending a profile shot and when I bent down to set the camera, I didn't realize I'd shut the timer off and snapped this picture accidentally. I remembered Itchy's wise advice regarding Picasa... and well, this was my end result.

45113638_202b79dc11
Hope you have a happy one.

1.23.2008

Grillz Fo' Ma' Teef

Ok, so I didn't get this kind but wouldn't it be neat if I did? I always wonder how badly these things must smell. Ew. Yesterday afternoon I went for my biannual check up at the dentist. My regular dentist, Dr. S, was busy with a root canal so I got a substitute dentist for my cleaning, Dr. B. Right off the bat, I knew something was different about Dr. B. He greeted me at the door with the dental technician and guided me down the hallway with his hand on my shoulder. When I was nestled safely into the dental chair he complimented how lovely my teeth were and went on to ask if my hair was its natural color because he thought it was so beautiful. Not exactly what I expected as far as bedside manner is concerned but I was lapping it up like a kitty at a bowl of sweet cream.
I explained to Dr. B that I have had problems clenching my jaw and grinding my teeth at night to the point that the ringing in my ears from the pressure will wake me from a deep sleep. This leads to symptoms of TMJ, massive headaches and all around discomfort. My brilliant plan of attack was to buy an athletic mouth guard at Big 5 for $1.99. My mouth, however, outsmarted me and decided to spit that sucker out the second I started sawing logs. Dr. B was a little more realistic and recommended I splurge for a custom fit sleep guard. Little did I know, those bad boys run about $400 each. Not for a set. Top or bottom. Being the nice guy that he is, though, he decided that he would give me both for the price of one. The woman who took my money said, "Wow, Dr. B must really like you."
He went on to ask me if anyone had witnessed my night time oral activities (minds out of the gutter, people) and I told him my ex had woken me up more than once to tell me I was grinding my teeth. He repeated, "Your ex" and smiled. Apparently, when the technician took the mold of my teeth, she decided to leave most of the plaster on my chin. Dr. B was kind enough to gently pick the remnants off and comment that my skin must be sensitive because each time he touched me, I flushed red. As he finished my cleaning he rose to his feet and gently cupped my face with the palm of his hand saying he'd see me next week when I picked up my mouth guard.
Could he be smitten?
MORAL OF THAT STORY: Cleanings twice a year are good for your teeth and your self esteem if you've got the right dentist.

1.22.2008

TMI Tuesday

1. What was your favorite book as a kid?
If we are talking little kid, I had a fondness for Corduroy the Bear. Bigger kid? Tiger Eyes or essentially anything by Judy Blume and The Babysitters Club series.
2. If you were stranded on that proverbial desert island (again!), what book or books (up to 5) would you want to have with you?
I think I'd like to have the Harry Potter collection, a dictionary and the bible. Those ought to last. Yes, I know that's more than 5. No, I don't care. I'm not planning on packing for my desert island stranding anyway so back off!
3. What was the first "naughty" book you read and in what way was it naughty?
Some godawful Harlequin romance novel of my Grandma Elsie's that spoke of thrusting and quivering. That pretty much says it all.
4. If you were to publish your autobiography today, what would be the title?
Since the ol' blog is as close to an autobiography I plan on writing I would call it Randi's Random Rantings.
5. Would you rather look at nude pictures/pornography or read erotic fiction and why?
I don't have a penchant for any of these things. Nude pictures don't turn me on so much however I do think the nude human body is a perfect subject for photography and art. Erotic fiction bores me because it doesn't really teach me anything. I rarely read to get off. Porn gets old after a while. My imagination works best.
Bonus (as in optional):Do you know the whereabouts today of the first person with whom you had sex?
Last time I saw him he was at the Pacific View mall in Ventura with his 2 daughters and his wife. His wife with whom he happened to have been sleeping with while we were still dating. One of those daughters to be born 9 months to the day of our break up. Oh, to be 18 again. Anyway, this leads me to believe he is still local.
Questions from here

1.21.2008

Birthdays Was the Worst Days

  • What a way to celebrate the birth of the good Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. - working. Um... I don't think so. But I'd also like to give birthday shout outs to BFF's sister Ang and my childhood buddy, Nissan. Hope you have a happy one.
  • I want to thank those of you who left comments 2 posts down for your words of support and encouragement. I cried a bit on Friday night... well a lot... but that was and will be the last time I shed tears over this. No sense crying over spilled milk.
  • If today wasn't a holiday, I would be starting school.
  • I may officially no longer be able to consume fried foods. Have you heard of Buffalo Blasts at the Cheesecake Factory? Chicken Breast, Cheese and Spicy Buffalo Sauce, all stuffed in a Spiced Wrapper and fried until crisp. Served with Celery Sticks and Blue Cheese Dressing? Yeah. That also equals an illin' Randi. Sheesh.
  • Fuck the Patriots. Seriously. Tom Brady? I'm over you and I don't even watch football.

I think that's all I've got in me. No one's likely to read today anyway. Hope you all enjoy your day off work, bastards.

:op

1.20.2008

Mothers Be Good To Your Daughters

Two semesters ago, while taking LGBT studies, I read an autobiographical short story written by Dorothy Allison. She is the author of Bastard Out of Carolina and she wrote about being raised as poor white trash and a lesbian struggling to find a place in a world she never seemed to belong to. Her life as an outcast seeps into her storytelling. Allison has the ability to make the most mundane daily events come to vivid life while maintaining a sense that you can relate to her regardless of how foreign the events she writes about may be.
Bastard Out of Carolina is thirteen years of Ruth Anne "Bone" Boatright's uncharmed life after being born to an unwed girl only fifteen years of age. Nothing in life comes easy to the Boatright family and Anney, Bone's mother, is no stranger to struggle. Bone's birth father is never in the picture. Anney marries another man, births another daughter and becomes a widow in just a short time. To fill the void in her life and seek a daddy for her girls, she ends up somewhat reluctantly marrying Daddy Glen after a lengthy courtship.
The struggles that ensue are dark ones, but Bone is nothing short of hardened and resilient. Daddy Glen's resentment towards her is eventually expressed through physical and verbal abuse. Anney is torn between being a mother and a lover. Ultimately, this book is about the impact of family relations - flawed, healthy and otherwise. I truly did not want this book to end. Although there is rarely a happy moment throughout, the story is brilliantly told. A true classic.

1.19.2008

Sometimes The Good Is The Enemy To The Best

Bossman sent me those words of wisdom via cell phone this morning. They were in response to the text I sent him last night that read "I've been dumped, Bossman." I don't think that's correct phrasing, per se. If anything, I was the catalyst to the end of what I considered a very serious relationship. I was the one that offered the ultimatum. I was the one that disrupted the mediocrity and comfort. Four and a half years of on-again/off-again. A roller coaster of emotions: friends and lovers; sober and drunk; ups and downs; good and bad. Ultimately, though, our feelings for one another were not mutual and it is for the best that we part ways.
I dragged so many people into this. Spent so much time. Cried so many tears. Not any more. BFF said, "What a way to start 2008." I agree. And that can easily be taken two ways, naturally the ever present black and white. There is the black that represents the sad, the bittersweet memories and the all around upheaval of what was my day to day life. Then there is the white. The white that represents new beginnings, the unknown, and a fresh start. No shades of gray this time. No, sir. There will be no remaining friends or seeing what the future holds. Only goodbye.
This chapter of my life is closed. For good. From here on out there will be no settling. There will be no more good enough. There will only be what is best for me. What I deserve. I am alone now, but not lonely. I'm ready for this.

1.18.2008

BFF's A Master Squared Haiku Friday

Another Friday
Seems like only yesterday
I wrote a haiku
***
Seems like yesterday

I dropped off Vehicular
Yet she's gone again
***
Seems like yesterday
Cod got her first of degrees

1.17.2008

To All My Ladies...

Thank you for being a friend
Traveled down the road and back again
Your heart is true, you're a pal and a confidant.
And if you threw a party
Invited everyone you knew
You would see the biggest gift would be from me
And the card attached would say thank you for being a friend.

I know I am not the easiest friend to have. I have a tendency to be wishy-washy, unable to commit to a simple decision. Everything in my mind is black or white, making consideration of gray shades a colossal event. One second I want to be married with children, the next I embrace my independence and single status. Every action I take, every move I make, is an attempt to make sure everyone is happy - my friends, myself, my family, my coworkers. Everyone. What this stems from, I'm not sure.
I have memories of a summer spent with HLP when we were wee girls where I would say I liked something and if she'd dislike that very thing, I would shoot back immediately with "Well I guess you're right I don't really like it that much." Was I afraid if we didn't like all the same things our friendship would crumble? There is a desire deep within me that makes me long for acceptance and love from everyone. Perhaps that is how I have ended up being a best friend to so many. And even though I can call on any number of people at any given time, I often feel terribly alone and insecure.
Girls, I know I put you through a lot... Lately I have been feeling like a broken record that has repeated the same awful tune for close to five years now. I'd like this post to be a testament to you that I am trying my hardest to make this the last loop on that broken record. I don't think it is fair to you that I make you experience the same drama over and over. Fine one second, falling apart the next. I want to be strong for you, for me, for everyone. This isn't an apology for who I am, it is a statement that I want to work harder on being the best me.
So thank you for being my friend. I can only hope that I have been your friend through all of this as well.
xoxo,
Randi

1.16.2008

Spent On A Humpday - Holla.

Yesterday I had to drop Vehicular off at VW for yet another tiny problem. It appears the airbag harness or something or other decided that now that the warranty has expired, it should break. Isn't that sweet? Because had this happened 3,000 miles ago, I would now be $400 richer. Grrr. Anywho, after that wee debacle and the ultimatum still lingering in the air, I have to confess I was a bit spent last night. To hell with the gym. I said I'd go three days a week, they don't have to be consecutive. I made a few phone calls to see if someone would accompany me to sushi but with HLP in Arizona, Miss Kitty recuperating, my brother needing to be with his own family, my parents going out and Eli working nights and being temporarily suspended from the picture, I was left with nary a dinner date. I guess I could have called Granules... but no. Now what should I do? I am feeling sad and irritated and have the added bonus of being the queen of PMS. Do I nuke a microwave dinner? Eat yet another blue box of mac'n'cheese? Order an entire medium pizza that I know I'll devour, without a doubt, in its entirety? All the while alone with my blue thoughts and bad attitude? Nah. I said fuck it. I picked up my book and headed out the door for a sushi dinner alone. And you know what? It was delicious. It was good to get out of the house. No one shunned me because I was without a partner at the sushi bar. I just sat there and read my book, feeling peaceful and serene.
Moral of that story: Sorry, Three Dog Night. One isn't the loneliest number that you'll ever do.

1.15.2008

Pretty Please, Babe???

I want this. Ordered it off my wish list over the weekend and everything. Asked BFF if she has heard of it. She has it. Owns it. I asked if I could have it but she has to ask Babe. I hope he says yes because I canceled my order.
El mundo es un pañuelo, people. Un pañuelo.

TMI Tuesday

1. If you could live in any home on a television series, what would it be?
The loft that Rachel and Monica shared on Friends. Not only is it super cute and funky (much like myself) but it's in the Big Apple and it would be much easier for me to visit BFF.
2. If you had a clone, what would you make it do so you could have free time?
I would make it go to school for me. I don't mind the cleaning or the shopping or working or the working out, but sitting in a classroom and doing homework will really be the death of me at my age. However, silver lining here, I found out last night I only have 23 units to graduate and I should be able to knock that out in 4 semesters at the rate I'm going. That translates to two years, by the way. Yikes.
3. Who was your best friend when you were 8? When you were 13?
Miss Crusty takes this title for both ages! Hooray! She was and pretty much has been a best friend since the age of 2. If she ain't learned by now to run screaming in the other direction, she ain't never gonna.
4. If you could travel anywhere, where would it be & why?
I would travel around the world on a cruise ship. Put me on a boat for an unrestricted amount of time and let her rip. Why choose one destination when I have the world at my fingertips?
5. Would you hate loosing your sight or hearing most?
I would hate losing sight the most. I love music but I love reading more. I could still watch movies con subtitulos and could still see the brilliance of the world around me. Plus, if I didn't have my hearing I wouldn't have to listen to the noisy neighbors, the naysayers or the general unpleasant cacophony of sounds that surrounds me daily. Can't see anything wrong with that.
Bonus (as in optional): Nature or nurture?
Nature and nurture. Why does it have to be one or the other? I think inherently there is something in us that tells us who we will be and what we will desire. If we nurture that it will grow. If we don't, who is to say? Why does everything need to be defined?

Questions are from here.

1.14.2008

Sad

Yesterday I finished Janine Latus's If I Am Missing Or Dead: A Sister's Story of Love, Murder, and Liberation. This book has been sitting on my Amazon wish list for some time but HLP left it for me when she moved so I didn't have to drop a dime on it. Nice. What wasn't nice, however, is the theme of this book - abuse. Mental. Physical. You name it. I have to be honest, when I saw this book I thought it was going to be more in the vein of a true crime story or a murder investigation because the author's sister, Amy, ends up dead at the hands of a boyfriend. I was under the impression that it was going to be her story. Instead, for the first 230 some odd pages, Janine Latus tells her own story of an "overly affectionate" father, several molestations, a rape, an abusive relationship and eventually her marriage to an overbearing, controlling, jealous husband. Amy is mostly a confidant sharing her struggles with unhealthy relationships and obesity while her sister is trying her hardest to pretend her life is perfect and that her husband loves her despite their problems. For anyone that has been in an abusive relationship, I'd say this is a good read in the sense that it teaches women that there are people out there willing to help, we just have to ask for it. For me, however, I spent most of the time seriously frustrated with the author and how she tolerated and defended such an asshole of a husband. Perhaps I saw a bit of myself in her, a person who simply wasn't aware of how wonderful she was and how much more she deserved out of life and love.

1.11.2008

Mother Britney Pray For Me Haiku Friday

(picture stolen from Perez Hilton)
Oh, what have I done?
The best thing or worst ever?
So many doubts now
***
Thinking with my heart
Not my reliable head
May bring me trouble
***
A choice must be made
For a future or closure
Keep me in your thoughts

1.10.2008

Comeback HNT?

My Giant Cookie
My Giant Cookie

Happy HNT!
45113638_202b79dc11

1.09.2008

Ready For More Hump Day Morality?

Yesterday we welcomed a new moon. Generally, I don't buy into the idea that our life here on earth is affected by that beautiful globe in the sky that is best seen when night falls but I'm becoming a believer. My ex and I haven't spoken in some time because I felt it was becoming inappropriate but guess who sent me a happy new year text message? Yup. He did. Random people coming out of the woodwork. He and I somehow broached the topic of why I was no longer on MySpace and I mentioned there were certain people on there that I didn't necessarily feel I needed to remain in contact with. Well apparently by mentioning those you don't want in your life by name, you end up inviting them right back in... much in the vein of Harry Potter's peeps summoning Voldemort simply by naming he who shan't be named or a vampire being able to cross the threshold of your home simply because you opened the door for them. On the drive to the game, my brother got a phone call from a guy he had pretty much lost touch with. Out of the blue. And that seemed to set the tone for the evening ahead of me because the very person I never wanted to hear from again felt the urge to send me a text message asking permission to call me. I responded with a simple "No." and thought that would suffice. Instead the texts kept coming.
Now I ask you, what is it about me that makes me irreplaceable in the lives of those who have hurt me in the past? When they have me they don't want me but the second I recover from the pain and move on with my life they seem to want to dive back in. I simply do not understand. I have found it close to impossible to cut people out of my life completely. All of my exes end up my friends. I justify this by giving people the benefit of the doubt that they can change, that time heals all wounds, and then I end up in a bad way again. Why does closure elude me? How is it that I can refuse to answer your calls and texts for months at a time yet you still keep calling? How is it that the worse I treat you, the more you want to stick around? I am a grown ass woman and I don't need you! Hell, I don't want you! GET THE FUCK OVER IT!!!
Moral of that story: No means no.

1.08.2008

TMI Tuesday

1) Do you have/ever had any dating or sex superstitions? (Wear 'lucky jeans' on first date, always light a vanilla candle, etc.) If so, what are they?
Now that I'm grown I believe you shouldn't sleep with someone on the first date. Other than that, nah. I wouldn't even say that is a superstition, just good advice. Thank you, BFF, for drilling that morsel into me.

2) If you were stranded on the old deserted island, and a genie appeared who could only grant you one wish -- to bring one of the following people to join you, who would it be?
- your spouse/significant other
- an unrequited love or some person you've had a crush on
- an old/past love
- your best friend
Since I am spouseless, I would without a doubt choose my best friend though they would likely be irritated that I chose for them to be stranded on a desert island with me... stealing them away from their good times. I know for a fact that person would make me feel comfortable, safe and entertained. And if push comes to shove, who better to get down and dirty with than your best friend?

3) Tell us "weather or not" you're in the mood -- how does rain, snow, sleet, scorching heat, sweltering humidity etc. affect your libido.
The best time for intimacy is when it's cold and/or rainy outside. Period. There is nothing sexy about two sweaty people unless it's the two of you making the sweat.

4) Are you a crying drunk, an angry drunk, a 'I'm drunk, let's screw' sort of a drinker? (And, if you do not drink -- which one of those things is the reason?)
Red wine makes me a crying drunk, tequila makes me an angry drunk and beer makes me a screwing drunk. Because of the hostile beast that emerges when I do shots, there is no more tequila in my life.

5) Who turns you on the most & why: the activist, the author, the care-giver/healer, the comedian, the educator, the model, the musician, the politician, the scientist?
Can I say all of or none of the above? I don't get turned on by what people do so much as by what they look like or how they are as a person.

Bonus (as in optional): Looking back, what's the one thing you've done which was supposed to be erotic, but didn't quite work out?
Anything involving food and/or hot candle wax seems appealing until you realize how messy that shit is.

Questions from here.

1.07.2008

Farewell, HLP

HLP & Me

As of right now, HLP is on her way to her new home in Buckeye, Arizona. Last night I accompanied her, her beau and her family to a farewell dinner and we sent her on her way with hugs that couldn't last long enough and well wishes in our hearts. She mentioned that the rain didn't come until she shut the back door of the moving truck. Methinks that was God shedding tears for me from the heavens because I will miss her muy mucho. However, I fully support her decision and see only good things in the future for her. Miss Cleo signing off. "Call me now!"

Edit: According to my desk calender, today is "Thank God, It's Monday" day. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.

1.04.2008

How To Pack A Gym Bag Haiku Friday

Remember white socks
Black dress socks don't look that nice
With white running shoes
***
Pack loose, not tight, shorts
Otherwise your crotch eats them
Camel toe's no good
***
Water is a must
When you are gasping for air
Very out of shape

1.03.2008

I Recommend:

  • Lily Allen's CD Alright, Still even though it's from last year. BFF burned it for me and I've had it on steady, if not constant, rotation since her December 26th visit.
  • Amy's Kitchen frozen cuisine. Since I live alone and despise touching meat for food preparation, I veer towards sandwiches and pre-prepared meals mostly. I was not disappointed with the Indian Palak Paneer for last night's dinner. Low in calories and tasty? The hell you say.
  • Four-chamber bubblers. For tobacco-smoking purposes, of course.
  • Going to the gym. Good Lord. Last night was my first time back in ages and while I wasn't exactly going full speed, just spending 30 minutes at a steady pace on the treadmill with my MP3 player was enough zone out time to actually feel relaxed.
  • Taking time for yourself.

Edit: According to my desk calendar, today is National Chocolate Covered Cherries Day. Celebrate as you will.

1.02.2008

Happy New Year Hump Day!

You just can't do everything at once, dear Taurus. How do you expect to recuperate and reduce your stress while at the same time continue to be a superstar performer in every area of your life? Don't pressure yourself to "perform" today. If you do, you are likely to deplete your reserves even further. Take it easy, rest, and relax! You've earned this little break!

Last night I listed about 25 resolutions for the new year. I won't be sharing them because should I fail, I do not want to hear about my shortcomings from anyone. I need to stop living to fulfill society's expectations of who or where I should be at my age. I need to embrace who I am as a 30-year old, single woman without children. I need to celebrate my independence. I need to challenge myself. Ultimately, December has made me realize that I need to start putting me first and that is what I will be doing. And that's that.

Happy new year to all of you, bloggers and lurkers alike. Let's hope '08 is great for all of us.