12.31.2008

So Long, Farewell, Auf Wiedersehen, Adieu

2008. It was a great year. In no particular order I:
  • turned 31.
  • knocked out 4 more classes toward my degree.
  • got engaged to a blogger.
  • met another blogger and gained a friend for life.
  • saw my brother get married.
  • added another stamp to my passport.
  • got my first male lap dance.
  • moved to the beach.
  • went to quite a few funerals.
  • paid off my car.
  • acquired a dog and adopted a cat.
  • saw a lot of California.
  • took the 1 from northern Cali aaaaaall the way back to Oxnard.
  • conquered the Disney trifecta: Disneyland, Downtown Disney and California Adventure.
  • saw a lot of movies.
  • got my tineh poneh picture on Cute Overload.
  • got asked by a couple websites for permission to use my pictures.
  • quit the gym.
  • saw a non-white male get elected president.
  • saw females running in presidential/vice-presidential positions.
  • went to Michigan for the first time.
  • rode a quad alone for the first time.
  • saw Britney pull it together.
  • gained a lot of weight.
MORAL OF THAT STORY: Happy New Year! I can't wait to meet you, 2009!!!

12.30.2008

TMI Tuesday

1. Last week was "The Most Wonderful time of the Year", but what are your favorite 2008 memories?
I would have to say getting engaged, my trip to Berlin with BFF & Co. and cohabitation with a boy for the very first time. Oh and probably my brother's wedding.
2. What is the best thing you learned in 2008?
That I am a superwoman. I can go to school part-time, work full-time, keep a household and still manage to party like a rock star and travel the world.
3. On a scale of 1-10, how good was your 2008?
I would have to go with a ten here. Getting engaged was about the coolest thing to happen to me so far and no one in my immediate family died so I guess we're 2 for 2.
4. What is your wish for 2009? What is your wish for someone else for 2009?
My wish for 2009 is that the first half of the year isn't ruined by wedding planning. My wish for someone else in 2009 is that you meet Mr. Right. I will just have to assume that person knows I'm speaking to her.
5. Where was the first place you ever passionately kissed?
I couldn't tell you. But I look forward to only passionately kissing Buzz for the rest of my life.
Bonus (as in optional):Do you make New Year's resolutions? What is/are yours for 2009?
  • Lose 40 pounds by my wedding
  • Clean up my sailor mouth
  • Brush my teeth before bedtime
  • Quit smoking dope
  • Hike more
  • See more movies
  • Read more books
  • Get my cumulative GPA up to a 3.0
Questions are from here.

12.29.2008

Movie Review Monday

For what seems like the last several months I have been seeing the trailer for Yes Man and each time I would say "I'd like to see that." Well the time finally came and we made it to a matinee which we entered free courtesy of a Christmas gift card. Buzz and I each got $100 worth of movie entries so be ready for a steady stream of reviews.
It always bums me out when comedians feel the urge to go straight and serious to prove they can act. Tom Hanks going from Bosom Buddies to Philadelphia (and like every movie after that forever). Jim Carrey going from Ace Ventura Pet Detective to Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Will Ferrell going from Anchorman to Stranger Than Fiction. Okay, so those were all solid examples of great, serious movies... my bad. What I was trying to get across, though, is that I love these guys because they bring the funny.
Do you guys like Flight of the Conchords? Murray is Jim Carrey's hilarious bank boss that loves a theme party more than anyone else ever could. Zooey Deschanel - an Elf alumnus so naturally I love her - is the prerequisite love interest in a romantic subplot. She's a super cute Katy Perry lookalike that lives her life somewhat spontaneously and randomly and she gets to show off her pipes yet again in an interpretive band named Munchausen By Proxy. Did you know she has an album in real life? But I digress...
I laughed a lot at Yes Man. Most of the chuckles arose from absurd silliness that requires suspension of disbelief but it was funny nonetheless. It's nice to know there is still a place in cinema for cheesy comedy. The 80s would be proud.

12.26.2008

Boxing Day Haiku Friday

Buzz and I were hosts
We made Christmas Eve dinner
Meat pies and brie soup
***
Grandpa had been sick
And later that night, he fell*
He was just too weak
***
Opening our gifts
Without the grandparents there
Unconventional

*Don't worry, Grandpa is feeling better now.

12.25.2008

Christmas Hotness

Could it be on Christmas morn,
An "HNT" resembling porn?
Rocking my dog's blinged out collar,
Come on y'all, let's hear a holler!
Yes, this was a Christmas gift
Giving the boys' trousers a lift.
Wishing and hoping oh so badly
That they could be my leather daddy.
Sorry boys, don't be mistaken...
This girl's heart's already taken.

Happy HNT & Merry Christmas
Now get off the internet and kiss your family.

12.24.2008

Workin' On Xmas Eve


MORAL OF THAT STORY: I have eaten twenty four tiny chocolates in anticipation of Christmas Eve. Now that it's here, and I'm at work... it's a little anticlimactic.

Hope you all have a very Merry Christmas. Fuck all that "happy holiday" noise. It's Christmas. So I said it, so it shall be done.

12.23.2008

Pop Culture 101

While I haven't technically finished this book yet (I've got a couple pages to go), I thought it was worthy of a book review. I also wanted to prove to you, loyal blog readers, that I am currently keeping on schedule with my book-a-week goal. I'll do anything for praise.
Anyhoo, Sex Drugs and Cocoa Puffs is basically a bunch of random essays about different aspects of pop culture like porn, serial killers, music and film. From what I understand, Chuck Klosterman used to be a writer for magazines so this book reads a lot like something you'd get from Entertainment Weekly or Rolling Stone only with more expletives.
It has been entertaining for the most part and I've definitely had my share of laughs but a lot of times I feel it's a bit... pretentious? Is that the word? Like... this guy has a lot to say about a lot of things and drops a lot of names and big words in the process a la Kevin Smith's Clerks. But? He's from North Dakota so he has that average Joe feel to him. I dunno. The book was on the Buy Two Get One Free table at Borders. I bought it. I read it. I enjoyed it. Ultimately, though, it should be designated as a bathroom reader for those sporadic trips that require you spend some quality time on the porcelain throne. You know... make it last.

12.22.2008

Weekend Wrap Up

  • Christmas should actually just be called "Cookie" because that was all I ate and baked this weekend and will probably be all I eat for the remainder of the month.
  • Buzz is carrying on a family tradition of meat pies that has lapsed for the last couple years and he spent most of last night pounding meat (that's what she said).
  • Rolled out sugar cookie dough is harder than it appears. After three hours I came away with approximately one dozen good looking cookies in the shapes of snowmen, candy canes, snowflakes and gingerbread dudes.
  • How many football games can occur in one weekend? Good. Lord.
  • Julie Andrews is simply magnificent in The Sound of Music.
  • The closest I got to shopping this weekend was going to the market. Malls be damned.
Only three more days 'til Cookie!!!

12.19.2008

Ode To The Santa Float Haiku Friday

A cavalcade of
Police cars and fire engines
Traveling up my street
***
Santa on his sleigh
Pulled by nine tiny reindeer
Shouting "Ho ho ho!"
***
I got all choked up
A staple of my childhood
Oh, sweet nostalgia

12.18.2008

Reading For Pleasure!

I actually started One Good Turn on the flight back from Michigan back in October and never really picked it up again until the fall semester ended. I had read Kate Atkinson's Case Histories last November and I really enjoyed it. One Good Turn is the author's second fiction book starring Detective Jackson Brodie as the lead character. Once again she takes a half a dozen stories that seemingly have nothing to do with one another and ends up weaving them up nicely and neatly together by the end of the novel. I guess some would say this book is a character study and I doubt they'd be far off base. For me, I just like a good page turner and this happens to be one. I would recommend it if you are into murder mysteries that aren't utterly cliche. Atkinson has a fabulous ability to tell a good story and she has a fantastic sense of humor. It's taking all my will power to not run to the bookstore to purchase the hard cover of her third Brodie installment: When Will There Be Good News? So... Santa? If you're reading...

12.17.2008

When A Stranger Comes Calling

Last night while I was doing my laundry I was surprised by a knock at the door. In my family, we don't generally just drop by even though we all live within a 5-mile radius of one another. And friends? Well they just don't come by unannounced. That's just the way it is in cold-hearted California I guess. Anyway, I stared out my peep hole and I saw that there was a clean cut looking gentleman on my stoop. I thought twice and then figured "What the hell, it's before 8" and I opened the door.
What I was greeted with was an unusual undulation of vowel sounds that I could only assume was this gentleman trying to communicate with me. When I cocked my head to the side like a confused canine, he repeated the same multi-syllable, unrecognizable word. After my deductive reasoning kicked in, I realized he was asking for a person by their last name. I told him there was no one at my residence with that name and he seemed genuinely befuddled that I was the one opening the door at Apartment A.
What I found most amusing about his befuddlement was that he announced to me that he worked for the City of Ventura. I'm not exactly sure why that justified him coming calling at my door. Then he asked, "Sorry your first name?" And I replied "Randi" as that is my first name and then he in turn cocked his head at me like a confused canine waiting for me to supply my surname. I supplied it, not sure why, but then wondered, if he wanted my full name why not just ask for it?
After convincing him I'd lived there since June, the stranger then departed, apologizing for taking up my time. After a quick shake of the head I returned to my housekeeping duties. I didn't think anything of this particular encounter until I told Buzz about it and he suggested the gentleman may have been scoping out our apartment to see if anyone was home, that way he could rob us. Hmm... I never thought of it that way.

MORAL OF THAT STORY: Either I'm naive or my fiance is paranoid.

12.16.2008

Take 5 Tuesday

I thought I'd try a new meme today since TMI Tuesday is a bit risque. So these questions are from here.
  1. 5 things on your Christmas wish list.
    PS3, Guitar Hero, that my folks love their gift, that we show my man a good time since it's his first Christmas away from home and that my nephew isn't the devil that day.
  2. 5 things on your tree, (if you’ve put one up yet.)
    Home-made Wizard of Oz ornaments, balls dating back to my first Christmas, new ornaments for Buzz and Kiyah, white lights and a Santa on top.
  3. 5 of your Christmas traditions.
    Advent calendars, baking ricotta cookies, making pizzelles with Ma & Gran, playing Secret Santa with the family, Christmas morning in our pajamas.
  4. 5 things you like about Christmas.
    Carols, decorating, traditions, presents and extra QT with friends and family.
  5. 5 things you don’t like about Christmas.
    The pressure, the early merchandising, the dudes ringing bells outside of the market, so many damn treats everywhere and rude folks at the mall.
It's hard to believe Christmas is only 9 days away and I've only just started to feel festive. The weather has finally shifted from mid-80s to low 40s and 50s. There is snow on the mountains. Christmas shopping is done. This is my last "traditional" Christmas since next year I will be married and we'll be celebrating with my husband's family. Ha. Husband. I hope all of you are feeling the Christmas spirit. Better get off your ass and finish shopping.

12.15.2008

Weekend Wrap Up

Jury duty on Friday is lame. I spent the whole day reading Kate Atkinson's One Good Turn. I like it a lot. It did not, however, keep me entertained enough to help me avoid falling asleep and snoring in my chair. I hope someday someone finds a way to make jury duty effective and efficient because as of right now it is a huge waste of time and energy.
This weekend was one of those weekends that we didn't do anything highly significant but we got a lot done. Saturday was Christmas shopping. I am pleased to report I didn't lose my shit once at either Costco, Target or the mall. That in and of itself was so monumental we decided to join my brother and his wife for a celebratory dinner. Actually we were celebrating the end of the semester and my stellar grades but still. The restaurant we went to was referred to us solely because of the margaritas. My lord were they strong. I rarely get a good buzz on (ha, that's what she said) but this margarita took me to happy town in an instant. Not willing to let a good thing end, we went to T.G.I. Fridays afterward. I can say for the record their pomegranate margaritas have nothing on the ones they serve at Latigo Kid in Agoura Hills.
Sunday was seriously kick ass. We were busy and productive and didn't even have time for lunch. We got presents wrapped, the house clean, the dog washed... I mean we couldn't have done more than we did. But we did! I baked delicious cookie bars and Buzz made Miss Kitty his neighborhood famous carne asada tacos. She's going for surgery after all. It could very well be one of her last meals.
You know, I never realize how busy I am when school's in session but now that it is out I feel so relaxed. Like I have so much time to do whatever I want. It's a good feeling.

12.12.2008

Jury Duty Haiku Friday

His name is Barkley
Just like Big Bird's puppy dog
He was a surprise
***
I hold down the house
And my Finance takes notice
Then he spoils me so
***
So I say thank you
By getting good grades - Two Bs!
And walking his dog

12.10.2008

Hump or Dump?

RESULTS - 1 HUMP, 2 DUMPS, 5 CHUMPS

Please see the poll on the right of my blog. If this was your formerly ink-free "fuck buddy" and he came home with those tattoos... would you hump him or dump him?

This will be in lieu of a new post tomorrow. Just in case you were wondering.

School's Out For Winter!

UPDATE: Grades were posted. 2 Bs. 95/100 on my 5 page paper. Average grade? 86.

I'm not exactly sure where to go with today's post. My semester officially ended yesterday when I handed in a 5 page paper written entirely in Spanish. I got a B on Monday's final so that was awesome. It feels like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I have until January 20th to chillax. No homework. No reading of text books. No papers to turn in. No tests to study for. No group projects to stress out over. It's such a fantastic feeling.
Winter break is just the right amount of time to be off school. It's only a month so you feel like you're getting a breather but it doesn't seem too long. By the time the three month break of summer is over I'm anxious to get back to school but not at all ready for the huge change of my daily schedule. Wait, did I just say I was anxious to go back to school? I sure did.
That makes me wonder, when the 6 classes and a capstone I have left are over, what the hell will I do with all my free time? I never liked school. I love learning but I never liked the rigidity of classes and tests. Now after 12 years of off and on, part-time college attendance, I can't imagine my life without it. Go figure.

MORAL OF THAT STORY: La universidad me ha convertido en un estudiante por vida que habla español.

12.09.2008

TMI Tuesday

1. Do you consider sexy underthings a present for you or your partner?
No, dude. Seriously that stuff is fun for like two seconds but ultimately the goal is to let the boobies be free, not to bind them up in corsets and under wires.
2. What are 3 characteristics of "your type"? Have your best relationship(s) been with your type or when you have gone against it?
Three characteristics of "my type" used to be: Spanish speaking, bad boy, and utterly unattainable. That totally didn't work out for me. Now I'm with my fiance who couldn't be further from "my type" and it's the happiest I've ever been.
3. What is on your Santa list this year?
All I really want for Christmas is to see my nephew get excited over his presents. And? Guitar Hero.
4. Generally speaking, who has historically had a higher libido, you or your partner(s)?
I'd say it was pretty equal up until Prozac happened. Now, I'll do the deed but I don't necessarily have the drive for it. Feel me? Good times! But seriously I love the secks.
5. The unsculptured female bush seems to have passed from fashion. What about men, do you think they need to trim and shave "down there"?
I would go ahead and say I prefer the manscaping over having Buckwheat in a scissor lock twixt the ol' thighs.
Bonus (as in optional):What are a few of your favorite things (both sexual non-sexual)?
Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens
Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens
Brown paper packages tied up with strings
These are a few of my favorite things

Cream colored ponies and crisp apple streudels
Doorbells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles
Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings
These are a few of my favorite things

Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes
Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes
Silver white winters that melt into springs
These are a few of my favorite things

As for sexual? Well that's for me to know and Buzz to find out.

Questions are from here.

12.08.2008

POST #700

Mine & Buzz's First Christmas Tree

It's finals week... I really don't have much to say.

12.05.2008

Bathtub Party Haiku Friday

School is almost out
One more test and a paper
Then it's Christmas break
***
Need to get a tree
Buy some stocking gifts and stuff
Last minute shopping
***
December's busy
Oh Nine before you know it
So little time, man!

12.04.2008

TMI Thursday

1. What are your turn-ons?
Intelligence, sense of humor, good teeth

2. What are your turn-offs?
Poor hygiene in general, liars, flakes

3. Not counting your turn-ons, what's the best trait a person can have?
Dedication

4. Not counting your turn-offs, what's the worst trait a person can have?
Dishonesty

5. What's your biggest pet peeve?
Waiting, whether it be for a traffic light or a guest to arrive. I don't like it.

Bonus (as in optional): Describe your best and worst experience.
Best experience: Being proposed to.
Worst experience: Finding out I was being cheated on.

Questions are from here.

12.03.2008

He Ain't Heavy

He's my brother...
Big Sister, Little Brother

So this picture was the only one I could find where Curtis has facial hair and his glasses on. The reason I bring it up is because I never really thought we shared similar features. He's more long and thin and Ichabod Crane-y and I'm more... well... "sturdy" yet soft.

For a school project I had to dress up like a dude so I threw on some jeans, a collared shirt and cowboy boots. Grabbed Buzz's old denim ball cap with the hunting dog motif. Figured I was good to go. My hair's short so I'm halfway to masculine already. Had a classmate put a mustache and beard on me with some brown eyeshadow and a blusher brush and voila!



I'm my brother.

MORAL OF THAT STORY: I'm either a pretty man or a handsome woman.

12.02.2008

HAPPY BELATED, BABE!!!!

Babe in a beer glass
It was BFF's hubby, Babe's birthday on November 28th.
Not only did I forget to call, I forgot to give a blog shout out.
I would like the record to show that I love Babe very much.
I am a terrible friend and deserve to be strung and quartered.
xoxo

Happy Birthday, Britney!

Support your local Britney and buy her new album.
xoxo

12.01.2008

11.28.2008

Haiku Black Friday

Me? At the mall? No.
Never have been nor will be
Not on Black Friday
***
Used to work retail
Mandatory shift that day
Oh. My. God. Nightmare.
***
Screw saving money
I'm saving my sanity
Well... what's left of it.

11.26.2008

Incredibly Bad Thanksgiving Poetry

Rain, rain - go away
For tomorrow's Turkey Day

Buzz and I will be on the road
Heading toward the mother load

Thanksgiving with Beanie and Miggie
Celebratin' Friday - gettin' jiggy

Santa Rosa here we come
For some food and some fun

Hope your tryptophan works fast
Spend the day on your ass

Watching football with the boys
Come on Cowboys - make some noise!

MORAL OF THAT STORY: I lack inspiration and thus am little more than BFF's follower.

11.25.2008

TMI Tuesday

1. What is your favorite Thanksgiving food?
I would have to say I love it all but if you are serving yams (sweet potatoes) with melted and toasty marshmallows on top I might have to kiss you on the mouth.
2. You can flip a switch that will wipe any band or musical artist out of existence. Which one will it be?
If I had to pick a man, Billy Corgan (Sorry, Maine). If I had to pick a woman it'd have to be Alanis Morissette.
3. You seem to be having an excellent day because you just came across a hundred-dollar bill on the sidewalk. Holy crap, a hundred bucks! How are you gonna spend it?
I'm going to apply it to the wedding rings we have on layaway!
4. What is your favorite curse word?
Hands down - FUCK but really I love all of them as if they were my own.
5. Rufus appears out of nowhere with a time-traveling phone booth. You can go anytime in the PAST. What time are you traveling to and what are you going to do when you get there?
I think I would go back in time and make sure the Floridians didn't fuck up their tallies so Al Gore could have spent the last 4 years as our president instead of that other dipshit. A war could have been cut short and the economy could possibly not be in the shitter. Who knows, maybe all of the United States would be green by now.
Bonus (as in optional):You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what's even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What's it gonna be?
The ability to blink and be in another location instantaneously. Hello more frequent visits to friends, goodbye long and costly flights!

Questions are from here.

11.24.2008

WALL·E

I will be the first to admit that I had no desire to see this movie when it was in the theater. I don't know why... maybe it was WALL·E's resemblance to the robot in Short Circuit. Either way? I didn't go to see it in the theater but I did watch my ma's DVD.
Can I just say that I was totally wrong about judging WALL·E by his appearance? It turns out he's the cutest darn robot west of the Mississippi. And EVE is Angelina Jolie animated robot style... At least in my opinion.
The first half of the movie is pretty much without dialogue though sound effects are a plenty. Even with a limited vocabulary, WALL·E captured this cold, black heart of mine. Need proof? I wept at the end. There. I said it. I wept.
And naturally for Pixar, John Ratzenberg voices a character. Of all the people in the world, I wonder how they picked Cliff Clavin. Sigourney Weaver is the ship's voice and she sounds just like a lullaby. Such a handsome woman.
Anywho, this disjointed blog post is a very serious recommendation. Buy the dang DVD. You won't regret it.

11.23.2008

Happy Birthday Crusty!

crusty & princess randi
I know this was from my birthday...
a loooong time ago... But we look hot.
Go wish her a happy happy.

P.S. SIX MONTHS TIL MY WEDDING!

11.21.2008

Kings Won Haiku Friday

Hockey and fighting
Those two things go hand in hand
It gets me amped up
***
Overzealous "guards"
Confiscating my zoom lens
Like it was a bomb
***
Not letting me pee
Stupid bitch "fan" I had to
Tell "Shut the fuck up!"

11.20.2008

Because My Fiance Is Funny

"Two Disney Characters, animated for children, formed into ceramic, meant to dispense seasoning. But, through isolation comes... unrequited love. Love that knows not the bounds of forbidden inter species attraction, and thrives without regard of what Tigger might think. Because he isn't bouncing anywhere near.... "Brokeback Stovetop"

So Wrong

11.19.2008

A Delectable Fall Dessert

Moose's wife made this Apple Crisp for our engagement party while we were in Michigan. I made it myself this past weekend and it's just so yummy I have to share.

Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Butter a 13x19 pan.

Peel and thinly slice approximately 6 large apples until you have 8 cups of apple slices. I used green Granny Smith apples and they were absolutely delicious.
Combine your apple slices with the following ingredients and evenly distribute them in the pan:
1/2 tsp. cinnamon
1/4 tsp. nutmeg
1 cup white sugar
1/4 cup flour

Blend the following ingredients until crumbly:
1 cup flour
1-1/2 cups packed brown sugar
1 cup rolled oats
1-1/2 tsp. cinnamon
1-1/2 tsp. nutmeg
2/3 cup softened butter

Spread the crumble over the apples and bake for approximately 30-35 minutes or until the apples are tender. Serve with vanilla ice cream and it will resemble this:
In the haste of preparing dinner and dessert for 8 in our tineh apartment, I accidentally baked this scrumptious concoction with the pan covered in tin foil. It took away the "crisp" aspect of the desert but didn't take away from the taste. To "fix" what I'd done, I baked uncovered for another 5 minutes and my, did mouths water.
MORAL OF THAT STORY: There is such a thing as a happy accident.

11.18.2008

I Got Nothin'...

1. When did you last use your cellular telephone as a flashlight?
What a fascinating question! Finance did just this weekend. Weird.
2. On a scale from 1-10, how comfy are you being naked?
At my own home? 10. In front of people I'm not intimate with? 1.
3. What is the longest you've ever been celibate after having lost your virginity?
Probably a few months. I'm a serial monogamist. Or? A whore. Not sure who keeps track of this sort of thing though...
4. Have you ever had sex in a car? If yes, since you were a teenager?
Yes I have but not since I was a teenager as since then I have acquired this thing called dignity.
5. When did you last use food or drink as medication?
Um... always? I eat because I'm unhappy, I'm unhappy because I eat. Oh, Fat Bastard. Thanks for the inspiration.

Bonus: Name three words that:
a) get you excited --- Dessert, Beer, Money
b) make you squirm --- Twat, Eyeball, Vein
c) make you laugh --- Didgeridoo, Tickle, Fart
Not sure if that was sposeda be 3 words for each or 3 total. My blog? My rules.

Questions from here.

11.17.2008

An Open Letter

Dear hoodlums in my 'hood,
I could see if you were actually creating some sort of work of art with your graffiti but as far as I can tell? That shit just looks like chicken scratch. And do you really think you are a bad ass if you're tagging the sidewalk so far from the street on a sidewalk inches from the beach? There's clearly no way the police or anyone will see you or catch you so I'm not sure there's even a thrill to it. All I know is that my walk is ruined because you're scrawling all over the place - benches, fences, you name it, your stupid, misspelled gang name is on it.
And speaking of benches? Whomever is stealing the bronze memorial plates on the benches lining the oceanfront should be ashamed of themselves. Why not just start grave robbing? Families spend their good money to commemorate a loved one and then you steal their gorgeous plaque, sell it for scrap metal and then I'm assuming smoke the money you made from it. Fucktards. And the people buying those to melt them down? You're just fucking jerks. Period. Have you no shame?
Anyway I guess all I want to say to you is: keep our beaches clean and fuck your mother.
xoxo,
Randi

11.14.2008

Xoloitzcuintli (show-low-eats-quint-lee) Haiku Friday


Mexican Hairless
That's an ugly dog, you guys
Looks like a hell hound
***
Skin like warm leather
Mr. Bigglesworth - dog style
Sort of repulsive
***
Thank you to Craigslist
We got ourselves a Dogloo
And a freak show, too.
The "New" Igloo


P.S. Happy birthday, Moo Lady. 61. Damn, you're old but still sexy as ever.
My Nephew's Year 2 Portrait

11.13.2008

Reef Endorsement

If you're like most of the Southern Californian men I know, you drink and you like to wear flip flops. Last weekend I purchased two quality products that would suit you perfectly if you find yourself fitting in both categories:

Reef Dram


Your eyes do not deceive you. There is a compartment built into the sole of this flip flop where you can store liquor. A flask of a shoe, if you will. It comes with funnel and a key as well. Perfect for a long flight if you're too cheap to foot the bill for a cocktail. See what I did there? Foot the bill? Never mind.

Reef Fanning

This bad boy has a built in bottle opener on its sole. As Buzz and I messily discovered, however, it is advised you remove the shoe when you put it to work. If you decide to do a crane stance or open the bottle while seated, the perpendicular angle of the bottle will cause it to explode and foam all over your living room carpet. Or so I hear...

So there you have it! Two gift ideas for the upcoming holiday season. No need to thank me, this is what I was born to do.

11.12.2008

Progress or Regress?

Lately I have been seeing machines like these popping up all over the place. The first time was at my local Ralph's grocery store. That experience was less than satisfactory. I noticed that there was not a single checker in the lanes but there was one woman manning four of these self-service check out stations. Needless to say, the people checking themselves out were no less than frustrated to realize they had to help themselves on a machine that was completely foreign to them. Sure, the touch screen gave directions but who wants to deal with that first thing in the morning? I hadn't even had a cup of coffee yet, my brain sure as hell wasn't functioning at full speed. When I commented on how ridiculous it was to not have checkers, I was told the manager wanted to try it this way and I pretty much swore I wouldn't go back. And you guys know my word is bond. Yeah right.
This weekend, we went to The Home Depot to buy spray paint for the used Dogloo XT we purchased via craigslist for more than half off! On a Saturday, long lines are pretty much commonplace so we went to the self checkout willingly. But? What sense does that make when you need to show the checker your ID before you can leave the store with spray cans? No sense at all. I still needed human assistance.
And Monday? I went back to the Ralph's I'd swore I wouldn't return to because I wanted to bring some snacks into the office. I checked myself out without throwing a fit and lo and behold, I get an error message on the damn checkout machine that I needed to retrieve my change from the checker. Oh so futuristic yet I still need the assistance of an actual, living, breathing cashier. What the fuck is the point?

MORAL OF THAT STORY: If I wanted to ring my own groceries, I'd work at a grocery store.

11.11.2008

Happy Veteran's Day

I think a lot of people, just like me, are just thrilled to have a day off of work or school. But we can't forget that there is a reason the rest of us get to chill today - Veteran's Day.
I am the fiancee of a veteran. I am the daughter of a veteran. I am the granddaughter of a veteran. Who knows? Someday I may be the mother of a veteran.
Today is a very important day and I hope you take the time to say thank you to someone you know who served their country selflessly to protect our freedom and basic rights.
We may not support the war, but remember to support the troops.

11.10.2008

Happy Birthday, Curtis!

A happy 27th birthday goes out to my "little" brother today.
Happily married and a father. Unbelievable. He's a man.
Mom, Brother, Gran - Old Photos
Jesus Christ I feel old.
I think I totally take after my Gran though...
a beer bottle in every shot.

11.09.2008

Zack & Miri Make a Porno

After a month's hiatus, I finally made it back to the movies yesterday. I was hesitant to see Zack and Miri Make A Porno because I am just not a huge fan of Kevin Smith's movies. I find Kevin Smith as a person to be really interesting and hilarious but his movies tend to be a bit too chatty for my liking. And even though I cuss like a sailor, it sometimes makes me cringe to hear excessive amounts of foul language in a movie. I know. I'm a mystery wrapped in an enigma. What can I say?
I finally folded and went to see Zack and Miri because my mother and father, both in their 60s, saw it before me and I can't have them being hipper than I am. Also? I love Seth Rogen and Elizabeth Banks. The Apatow Connection is strong in this film but not strong enough to make me love it. I definitely laughed and enjoyed myself but some of the scenes just didn't have the oomph they needed. I guess you can sum this movie up by saying it's a love story for guys that love titties and sexual references. I have to say, though, Justin Long and Craig Robinson of The Office fame really steal the show. I'd say they made it worth the price of a matinee admission.

11.07.2008

Lucky 7 Haiku Friday

Thank God it's Friday
It has been a crazy week
I think I am spent
***
First was the time change
Then the president elect
And of course Prop 8
***
I can't forget school,
Work, taking care of my home
Where does the time go?

11.06.2008

Prop 8

Might as well address the elephant in the room and get off this political blogging high I have been on for the past... forever. As some of you may or may not know, Proposition 8 - an amendment to the California Constitution eliminating the rights for same sex couples to marry - has passed. It passed with 52.5% of the votes. You heard me correctly. Just over half. 47.5% of California voters said NO. I am sure this is not the end of this matter as it is clear the "majority" did not rule.

I'm not sure what to say about this. I'm thrilled Americans came together and voted an African American into the presidency. However, that elation is not nearly as high now that I know while most people may no longer be racist, they are still homophobes. The idea that Prop 8 will "restore" or "protect" marriage is absolutely absurd. The divorce rate is still somewhere between 40 and 70% in the United States. Infidelity is rampant. Multiple marriages are not unheard of. Clearly there is some sort of gay agenda or gay cult we should all be terrified of.

But really? Who decides to be gay? Who looks at the newspaper or the television and thinks "You know, that's the lifestyle for me."? Being gay is not a choice. It is not something you decide. It is inherent and it is HARD. Let's face it. Bigotry against homosexuals is blatant as is discrimination. And for those minorities that voted for Prop 8? How dare you. How. Dare. You. You of all people should be sympathetic to the very hardships homosexuals face in today's society.

So that's that. I'm going to get back to the light stuff now. I just wanted to voice my piece of mind. I'm extremely saddened that I have an uncle that needed to leave the United States to marry his boyfriend. When will the United States really practice what it preaches in its equal rights amendment? "Equality of rights under the law shall not be denied or abridged by the United States or by any state on account of sex."

Please read this blog entry by one of my favorite gays. It's very well written.

11.05.2008

Obama Is President!

We did it! What a monumental occasion. History in the making. Whatever the cliches are they just seem to be so real today. I cannot express in mere words the pride I feel to be an American voter today. Katie Couric was getting on my last nerve last night with her consistent playing of the race card and her vapid smile so I switched over to CNN and got my news from the divine Anderson Cooper. I applaud John McCain for his speech requesting unity at this time. I was so disappointed in the crowd booing Obama's win. Obama. Just typing that name puts a smile on my face. His speech gave me chills. Hearing the crowd repeat after Obama "Yes We Can" was practically a religious awakening for me. Last night I felt proud of the voters that came out and stood in long lines. I felt so pleased that the apathy of today's youth seemed to have been lifted for at least this very important election. I feel hope today. Hope for a better country. To think that we have an African American president is such a sign of the times. But aside from his race, Obama is simply a spectacular man and I put my faith in him completely and look forward to supporting his presidency for at least the next four years.

MORAL OF THAT STORY: Yes We Can. Voting does work.

11.04.2008

Bad Luck

Have you ever just had a string of dumb things happen and not know why or if there is an end to the stupidity in sight?
So far I have...
  • Broken one of my favorite figurines
  • Gotten a C on my test (unacceptable)
  • Totally ruined breakfast (don't ask)
  • Torn a hole in my sock and thus in my foot
  • Broken two watches in two consecutive days
Let's see if together we can't break the string of bad things happening. Please remember to Barack the Vote and vote NO on Proposition 8.

11.03.2008

Feeling Patriotic

  • Please remember to VOTE tomorrow
  • That would be No on 8 and Yes for Obama
  • The American flag is not a decoration, it is a symbol of our great nation. If the flag you are flying is tattered, it is time to retire it. If you use our country's flag to make your campaign poster pop, make sure that flag isn't lying on the muddy ground or my fiance will want to beat your ass and I will support him.
  • Here is a link to Flag Rules and Regulations.
I pledge allegiance to the Flag
of the United States of America,
and to the Republic for which it stands:
one Nation under God, indivisible,
With Liberty and Justice for all.

11.02.2008

HAPPY 31ST BIRTHDAY, BFF!!!

BFF & Me
God wanted today to be long for you.
Don't forget to fall back.
Go wish BFF a happy happy. Now.

10.31.2008

Happy Halloween Haiku Friday

We carved our pumpkin
Pretty serious business
We named him Harold

No kitty this year
Wanted to be a rock star
Maybe a groupie?

Please note the fauxhawk
My Bret Michael's kissy face
Skulls and crossbones, yo.

10.30.2008

Vote.

For the first time in my life I voted by way of absentee ballot. Finished it up yesterday and dropped it off at the post office after work. I didn't get a sticker saying I voted. I didn't get to pull a lever. All I got was the sense of satisfaction that I just got to voice my opinion. After all, isn't that what voting is? Giving your opinion? It is beyond me how someone could not vote. How hard is it to take a few minutes to fill out a piece of paper and mail it in? Your work HAS TO GIVE YOU TIME OFF TO VOTE. It's the law. So no excuses.
My brother is a convicted felon. Even though he served his time, he is unable to vote without going through a lengthy process. Even though his right to vote has yet to be reestablished, he is still very vocal about and interested in this election. His wife was a bit apathetic before about voting but seems to have pulled a 180 and is also very involved in political discussions with us.
This is a monumental year. Glass ceilings are being broken left and right. Make yourself heard. Now is not the time to "forget" or to stand by without making your mark. What if the vote you didn't submit was the one vote that could have made the difference?
Remember, California voters - NO ON PROP 8!!!

10.29.2008

Me in Michigan

Coquettish
In front of an old barn
Fall With Me
In the midst of Fall
Me On A Quad
On a quad

Weather and wide open spaces are definitely lacking in my neck of the woods (a.k.a. Oxnard). Who knew I'd be able to blend right in like an old pro?

MORAL OF THAT STORY: Adaptability and experimentation are essential ingredients for a happy life.

10.28.2008

TMI Tuesday - Firsts


1. Who and when was your first crush?
My buddy Patrick. I think it started in the first grade and ended only recently. Heck I may still have a crush on the fella - he's that awesome. Thank goodness our friendship survived all that. It's still going strong.
2. Who and when was your first date?
I doubt the person I was with even considered it a date but I think it was meeting Kevin at the little league park to hold hands in seventh grade. I may still have pictures from a photo booth at the local Golf N' Stuff.
3. Who and when was your first kiss?
Aaron when I was just a bit shy of my 16th birthday so I never got to say "Sweet 16 and never been kissed." He was probably in his twenties. Makes me shudder now. Right after Aladdin so 1992. Crust, you were there. HA!
4. Who and when was your first partner while "fooling around" in car?
I will probably say Doug my junior year. We went to the beach to make out in a parking lot and they ended up locking us in. Can't remember if it was before or after but we also got busted by the cops in a parking lot. I was under 18, he was in his twenties. Ew. Sense a theme here?
5. Who and when was your first partner while "fooling around" in a house?
I think it might have been Patrick when I was a sophomore. We got to kissing and realized we're more like brother and sister, freaked out and that was the end of that.
6. Who and when was your first love?
My fiance. Right now and God willing forever.
Bonus: Whose blog did you first comment on?
BFF's. I think it was the only blog I knew...

Questions are from here.

10.27.2008

In Michigan I:


  • Waited in Detroit for an hour for my luggage
  • Was awoken at the crack by my enthusiastic niece and nephew-to-be
  • Had a chicken fried steak breakfast extravaganza for less than $7
  • Watched a high school football game in the chilly rain
  • Met my new in-laws: folks, cousins, aunts, uncles and brothers
  • Went to the world's biggest Christmas store
  • Rode a quad around a farm
  • Had pictures a plenty drawn for me by my nieces-to-be
  • Attended a "Dish to Pass" and ate my weight in food
  • Saw a dead doe being hauled behind a jeep - huntin' season
  • Heard some amazing Midwestern accents
  • Learned my fiance is not as innocent as he appears
  • Drove through a hail storm
  • Felt right at home

10.22.2008

Haiku Humpday?

Off to Michigan
Catching my flight tomorrow
Meeting the in-laws
***
Because of dial up
I'm taking a hiatus
A wee blogging break
***
Headed to Mayville
Population: One thousand
Maybe Mayberry?
MORAL OF THAT STORY: I clearly take my blogging themes very seriously.

10.21.2008

Now I Get It

I never know how personal to get on this blog as I met my fiance via blogger and clearly he blogs too and reads my blog pretty much on the daily. So I'll just run with it and if it comes back to bite me on the ass I'll know better for future postings. I was watching How I Met Your Mother last night. If you don't watch it, you're missing out. It's a really funny show and I generally am not a fan of prime time basic cable sitcoms. Its lead in, Big Bang Theory, and its follow up show Two and a Half Men are mini versions of torture for me.
Anywho.
***SPOILER ALERT FOR THOSE WHO DVR***
Last night's HIMYM was supposed to be Ted and Stella's wedding. One of the dilemmas was Ted is still good friends with his ex, Robin, and Stella was not pleased that he invited her to their wedding. Ted ends up inviting Stella's ex and (backfire of the century) Stella ends up reuniting with her ex and leaving Ted just before the wedding.
Do you guys see where I'm going here? Until viewing last night's episode, I was convinced that it should be fine if exes remain friends. I actually considered inviting my ex, who used to be one of my closest friends, to our wedding. Now? No. Now? I have no desire to even remain friends with my ex. Know why? BECAUSE HE IS MY EX. He's my ex for a reason. He's been nothing but a headache for poor Buzz and I have been blindly trying to force our "friendship" on him.
Man I feel like a douche. How I Met Your Mother got the message through to me but BFF couldn't? What kind of a fucking moron am I?
And what was the straw that broke this camel's back? Seeing a "dream sequence" where Robin is shaking Stella's hand and saying "You know, your husband used to give it to me good like 3 times a day." Awkward...
So tell me, what are your thoughts?

10.17.2008

Happy Birthday, Ethan Haiku Friday

Buddy
Look who is two now!
I can't believe how time flies
You're such a big boy
***
You're talking so much
When you say "Auntie" I melt
My little buddy
***
You say "No!" and "Mine!"
But your laughter makes it cute
The terrible twos

I LOVE YOU, MONKEY BEAR!!!

10.16.2008

Pfffffffffffffffft

That's the sound of the Dodgers post season games coming to an end. I'm a fan. Always have been, always will be. The blue is in my blood whether I like it or not. Right now, however, I'm sad. Sad and utterly disappointed. I look around my office cubicle and am bombarded with Dodgers paraphernalia. On the car - my license plate ring and an antenna topper. At home I've stored away the Dodgers baseball caps I wear daily, many articles of clothing and a pair of team flip flops.
It's over.
I have to say Manny Ramirez has been a blessing for our team and for the fans. He's incredible and makes it look so easy. The fans in the crowd rocking their faux dreadlocks welcomed him with open arms. Joe Torre is a helluva coach and I'm glad he chose the left coast. This year's team was strong.
Until last night.
Stupid errors. Little league style mess ups. Terrible pitching. God awful at bats. It was painful to watch.
I'm no sportscaster. I can't give you stats and names at the drop of a hat. But I love me some Dodgers baseball and am sad to see the season end this way. I have no desire to watch the World Series now. Not when we were so close to being in it.

10.15.2008

National Grouch Day

According to my desk calendar anyway. Though I've been told to throw the calendar away as it's a bed of lies upon which I rest my head. Took these shots this morning:
Mountain range visible at the end of our block.The Channel Islands
The rest of the Islands with some human (and doggie!) interest.
See the moon?

MORAL OF THAT STORY: Clearly I need to clean my lens. And kick my writer's block. BFF posted my PowerPoint presentation en español about Berlin culture shock if you'd like to check that out.
Go Dodgers?