12.19.2007

Hump Day Morals of Stories

First and foremost, Jamie Lynn Spears. Pregnant at 16. Was allegedly living with her 19 year old boyfriend. Listen, Mrs. Spears, mother of Britney and Jamie Lynn, you are fucking up hard core here with this whole parenting thing. I see you with Jayden James and Sean Preston and you look like you're trying super hard to be a good granny but how about you focus on being a mom for a bit. Mmmkay? Your daughters clearly need you.
Moral of that story: Kids aren't meant to be bred into show business so they can be their parents' meal ticket.

I babysat this past weekend. Three days with three boys who were not mine. Ages 7, 10 and 14. Dragging them all over LA County to fun places like the movies and hockey games. Over the course of the weekend, I was forced to use popular phrases like: "When I was your age", "Because I said so," and "Is that where you found (fill in the blank)." I turned into a drill sergeant and was running a tight ship but the whole time I was popping aspirins and antacids like they were candy. Add to that mix an obsessive compulsive, ball chasing Schnoodle and a dumb as a rock Labradoodle that thought pissing in my room was a good way to let me know I should no longer be sleeping and you have a recipe for a good time.
Moral of that story: When you retire from babysitting, stay that way.

Taking Prozac in the morning when all along you've been taking it before bed time can seriously affect one's mood for the remainder of the day. Your boss may mention that he'd like advanced notice on the days you are going to be manic. You may or may not end up bouncing off the walls and threatening to throw hot candle wax in the eyes of your employer. You may at one point after being shot in the eye with a rubber band by said employer, end up chasing him down the hallway to run and hide in the men's lavatory causing his partner to come out of his office to see what the hell is going on. You may also try and retrieve paperwork from a warehouse employee and cause him to fear for his life and also bolt to take cover in a safe haven.
Moral of that story: Don't mess with prescription pills.

4 comments:

JsTzznU said...

HAHAHAHA Hump Day Morals Wicked Randi!!

Hey JsT noticed the 805 reference, I'm guessing that's like the 90210 or the 909 everyone likes to be a part of in/or/around LA...

=)

Randi said...

Nah I'm just super proud to be in Oxnard. L.A. can suck it save for the Kings and the Dodgers.

exile said...

in regards to...

MORAL #1: "when the tiger attacked the zoo keeper, witnesses said the tiger went crazy. bull shit, the tiger didn't go crazy, the tiger wend tiger"

we can't change the way these people are cause it's it what they are.

Moral #2: ducttape works like no baby sitter can

Moral #3: instead of calling in sick, you can call in "crazy"
(don't hurt me, i'm funny)

Itchy said...

I can't help but hope that the people you babysat for have a Schnoodle and a Labradoodle because that was just what they had at the SPCA/pound/rescue group and not that they went to breeders to get them. Yup. I'm that person.

I'm not against the mutts...I love mutts. My first baby was a mutt. But don't purposely create a mutt when there's thousands in the shelters dying everyday.

/soapbox