11.07.2007

Familiarity Breeds Contempt

You may lack ambition, but not the ability to succeed
***
Since I already dumped this on Miss Kitty and Buzz I figured I would throw it up on the blog for lack of better material. It seems I am suffering from a bit of writer's block. Or maybe it's just apathy. All I know is that something is off. Mind you, it's not depression or sadness... it's just a feeling that all is not right in Randi's world. And the fact that I just referred to myself in the third person probably says much. Hell, the fact that I think I have a world of my own is one step away from crazy in and of itself. I've done a bit of pondering why I am in such a funk but can't really grab onto anything tangible.
Ever since I moved out of my parents' house when I was 19 I have pretty much bounced between living arrangements every year or so, maybe two years max. I've been living in my current abode for about a year and a half and am getting that itch to move again, not because I dislike my apartment per se, but because I have been in one place too long.
The same applies to work. Since my first job at the age of 17, I've pretty much worked a max of a year and found something new. That was mostly retail until I found the job at Camp and worked there for four years. I guess now that I'm grown I'm not exactly going to be looking for a new job every year and I think that's what is giving a stagnant feel to my life.
School is progressing nicely and I still have my eye on the prize but I still have 10 classes until I can finally call that bachelor's degree my own. This semester has been a bit of a bust as I had to drop one class and will have missed about 6 days of the other. I just don't have the same kind of motivation as before. It's like I need a new goal or a new focus and I just can't think of anything to devote my attention to.
BFF and I have basically discussed, and will continue to discuss, diet and exercise to death and I just don't want losing weight to be something I obsess about any more. As a matter of fact, after work I have plans to buy pants in size 12 just because I'm tired of worrying about what number is on a tag inside my clothing that no one but me needs to see.
Maybe it's Oxnard and knowing that my secret getaway to San Francisco is no longer an option as my tio has moved to Germany. Maybe I'm overdue for a vacation and knowing that I'm negative hours for at least 6 months is secretly gnawing away at my soul. Maybe I miss BFF and Crusty. Too many maybes.
So that's where I am and why I've been scarce on the blog posting. I am evaluating my life and determining what needs to happen from this point on. Is it my biological clock ticking? Is it the desire to have a yard and a puppy? Is it that I want a family of my own? Is it the Prozac? I guess only time will tell.

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