Dear Britney

You're the girl everyone loves to hate. They follow your every move, criticize your every step, yet they won't leave you alone. If they're that disgusted with you, why don't they just stop taking your picture? They say you're out of shape, but I think you look great. Curved like a woman. After two kids, I'd even call you a MILF. Hell, if you're out of shape, I should be bedridden due to my obesity. Your hair? Well, I think you should have just kept the buzz cut. That's just my humble opinion, though. If you're happy with how you look, I'm happy. When I watched your performance last night, I was smiling the entire time. Sure, I expected more, but your song is great and I enjoyed just watching you prance around in your skivvies. Anyone who expected you to sing was kidding themselves but you might have wanted to actually practiced your lip-synching. This was your big chance and you sort of blew it. Where was the magic? Not only the Criss Angel kind, but the kind you had when you made out with Madonna, did a faux-strip tease or writhed around with a boa as in the VMA days of yore.
What can I say? I have love for you, girl. With the help of your CDs, I got through a very rough time when I was about 25. Now, you're 25 and you're going through some rough times of your own. I don't know if it's a coincidence or not, but at the same time you shaved your head, I had a breakdown and ended up on Prozac. You can get through this. But if your heart isn't in the music biz any more, consider a sabbatical. You've got more money than God. Get out of the public eye for a while. Get some family counseling and patch things up with your mom. Make it a Blockbuster night with the kids at home instead of hitting the hot spots. And fuck Sara Silverman. She might be a comedian but bagging on children is simply below the belt.

P.S. I will totally buy your new album without shame the day it comes out.


Itchy said...

I hate the media. And this is a prime example of why. I just watched her performance for the first time and yeah, it sucked. She should have been able to do better with the lip syncing. BUT...her weight? Or shape? Come on people. There is nothing wrong with how she looks. NOTHING. And media reports about how out of shape she is and how paunchy she is in the belly probably goes a long, long way in explaining why I feel I should wear a sack to the beach instead of a bikini. For if Brit is fat? I'm huge. If Brit is out of shape? I'm a blob. The media needs to bite me.

Sassy One said...

I didn't see the performance, but all I heard about was how out of shape she was...
Uhhh...2 kids and she looks like that?! Fek! I'm screwed! I didn't look like that before!

And, I really do think people should find other ways of being 'funny' without saying hurtful things about other people, especially innocent kids.

exile said...

i think she looks better than she did before.