Sports Themed Haiku Friday

Dodger game tonight
My last game of the season
They better not lose
October's coming
That means it's hockey season
Nice little segue
Football's fun I guess
Root for the Dallas Cowboys
That's my brother's team


I Go Out Walking

Stuffy. Menstrual. Achy. Sleepy. Stressed. Poor. Unmotivated. Those would be the names of my internal Seven Dwarfs. Vehicular ended up costing a lot of money yesterday. I had gone in thinking it would be the expensive service, got the good news it was actually the $100 service and by the time I picked her up, she'd acquired about $500 worth of charges. I know she's worth it, but I'm broke as a joke and this is the last thing I needed. It's tough being single and living alone but I do it because it's liberating and if it doesn't kill me it will only make me stronger. But considering it's my time of the month and I've been feeling less than stellar lately with a cold that won't quit, I sort of got burnt out last night.
When I got home from work, I threw on my walking shoes and my MP3 player and headed out the door for a solid, 45-minute walk. Something about the autumn air really refreshed me. Being alone. Working up a sweat. Singing along. I was invigorated. I'm either super gung-ho about diet and exercise, like when I was on my allergy diet, or I'm falling off the wagon and eating candy and fast food like a college freshman on her own for the first time. There has to be a balance. I have to believe that if I took better care of myself and ate properly, I wouldn't have so many aches and pains and wouldn't feel like sleeping constantly. Frankly, I'd rather not have 6 different prescriptions to get my bowels moving, to level my thyroid, or alleviate my depression. I just want to be healthy. And if a side-effect of a healthy lifestyle is a slimmer bod, well more power to me. But for the first time it's not about the size of my clothes or how I look in a swimsuit. It's simply about feeling good.


Hump Day Happenings

  • A very happy birthday shout out goes to my Hetero Life Partner today! She is the ripe young age of 31 and looking better than ever. I still can't believe I've known this woman since the first grade and still decide to remain her friend after all these years of abuse. Love you, chica!
  • Dropped off Vehicular this morning for her 50K mile service. So many miles she and I have travelled yet I have no idea where we've been.
  • Really want to drop my Business Finance class. I have no idea what I'm doing there. Apparently, though, I need the prof's permission. That blows. Truly? I just don't see myself ever doing stocks and bonds or calculating capital interest yields blah blah blah ever in my life. Nor am I able to commit to memory the many formulas I will need to do such things.
  • Went to the doctor yesterday and he doubled my Prozac dosage. I don't know if it's too soon to tell but last night I actually stayed up until 10:30 (monumental) and woke up bright-eyed and bushy-tailed before the alarm goes off. That? Never happens.
  • The Dodgers have decided to give up before the end of the season and are currently breaking my heart. The only reason I even want to go to the game on Friday is to see Buzz (yay!) and eat one last dog. Sigh. Thank God for hockey.


TMI Tuesday

1. Who did you think you would marry in elementary school?
I totally thought I would marry my friend Patrick. Well, he's my friend now. In elementary he was sort of my bully. I wonder if that has anything to do with why I fall for the bad boys that want nothing to do with me. Oh, PJP. He was super cute when we were wee. Now it would be sort of incestuous.
2. Which Muppet is your favorite? Why?
I guess since I can't pick all of them, my favorite would be the grumpy old guys in the theater, Statler and Waldorf. Do those two count as one? Can't have one without the other... They're my favorite because I too am a grumpy theater goer. And? They're hilarious.
3. Which politician would you most like to screw? [For pleasure or revenge]
Probably Bill Clinton just because I hear he's very charismatic. I'd like to see if he lives up to the reputation that precedes him. 4. How did you first find the g-spot?
I've been pretty familiar with the big M word since before I was old enough to know what sex was so I can't really nail an exact time but me and G have been tight for some time.
5. What is the best costume you've ever worn?
The best was when I was very young, maybe two or three years old, and I was dressed as a leopard. Damn I wish I had a scanner. It was a complete suit with the covered head with ears and it even had a tail. I was a freakin' cute kid. Bonus (as in optional):Does pornography liberate or deteriorate society?
I don't think there's anything wrong with a healthy dose of pornography. I think some porn should be illegal however. I once watched one that had a guy thrusting his doo-dong so violently down this gal's throat her eyes were bulging. That? Scarred me for life. If porn makes you comfortable with your sexuality and body, then more power to you. How we can be so concerned about sex and nudity yet allow violence and moral corruption to reach our children and entertain our society is beyond me. We all have "private parts." Most of us have sex. Time to get over it.

Questions are from here.


Action And Consequence

I'm seriously thinking of making these into a greeting card. Perhaps my Xmas cards? There's a life lesson there we all need to learn.

At Home Haiku Friday

A rainy Friday
Not 100% right
Lying in my bed
I'll watch The Office
Season 3 on DVD
New season next week
Maybe do homework
It's a day for pajamas
Curled in a blanket


Talk Like A Pirate Day

Yup. It was today. And I wasted it NOT talking like a pirate. Buzz did tell a nice joke:
What's a pirate's favorite kind of sock? Arrrrgyle
Yeah. So I went and got a tattoo...

OMG, if you click that you can totally see my Yeti-like leg hair.
This is for you Uncle Bubbo. You're moving to Germany soon. Every time I look at this, I'll think of you. I'll think of my many trips to visit you in SF and how I had to get a Skurvy item every time. A sweatshirt from Market because the weather changed. An umbrella, scarf and beanie from Sausalito after a spectacular day of ferries and ice cream. I'll think of how you had the Skurvy tee first and I totally copied you. I'll think of the socks you got for Christmas. I'll think of driving Vehicular, who has her own Skurvy, those almost 400 miles each way, each visit, all by myselft to the Castro.
I'll think of you. And I'll miss you. And I'll love you.
This is my fifth tattoo. The others can be seen here.

On The Train With BFF

1. Friend you saw: QuasiBeau
2. Talked to on the phone: Bossman
3. Text: Buzz, both ways.
4. IMed: John
1. Wearing? Black jeans, gray sweater, black Chucks
2. Better than yesterday? Too early to tell
1. Is: one day closer to the weeekend
2. Got any plans: Tattoo?
3. Dislikes about tomorrow: That it has to be spent at work
1. Number: 7
2. Color: Blue
3. Season: Fall
1. Missing someone: Yes
2. Mood: Headachy
3. Wanting to: be at home watching Season 5 of Family Guy
1. Have you ever really cried your heart out? Yes
2. Have you ever cried yourself to sleep? Nope
3. Have you ever cried on your friend's shoulder? Too often
4. Do you cry when you get an injury? Depends
1. Are you a happy person? For the most part
2. What can always make you happy? Ethan
3. Do you wish you were happier? I'd rather be happier than sadder
4. Is being happy overrated? The idea of perfection equating to happiness is
5. Can music make you happy? It can definitely cheer me up
1. Anyone besides your family ever said they loved you? Yes
2. Have you ever told someone you loved them? I pity the person that hasn't
1. Who do you actually hate? Paris Hilton gets me pretty pissed as does Dubya
2. Have you ever made a hate list? Wow. I'm not Columbine.
3. Are you a mean bully? I can be
4. Do you like George Bush? See above
E V E R :
[x] ridden in a taxi
[ ] jumped a ramp on a bike
[x] been used
[x] been fired
[ ] celebrated New Year's in Times Square or Disney World
[x] gone on a blind date.
[x] a crush on a teacher
[ ] celebrated Mardi-Gras in New Orleans.
[x] been to Europe.
[x] been to Australia
[ ] been to Asia
[x] skipped class.
[ ] played Spin The Bottle.
[x] had a sleepover.
[x] gone ice skating.
[x] had your tonsils taken out
[ ] have or had a truck
[ ] totaled a car.


TMI Tuesday

1. What is one thing a your significant other could do to you to rock your world?
He could do anything that is unexpected and/or unrequested. There's really nothing better than a sweet, thoughtful surprise. It could be something as simple as washing the dishes without being asked or just deciding that today would be a nice day to bring me some daisies. I'm not too difficult to please. It thrills me if he just knows my favorite color.
2. Which super power (ability to turn invisible, ability to read people's thoughts, or invulnerability) would you take and why?
Invulnerability if those three are my only choices. And why you ask? Because I am super vulnerable to many things and I think it is a detriment. I'm vulnerable to indulgences and constantly worry about my weight. I'm vulnerable to the needs of others and therefore put my own needs to the side. Also, there are times when people will say something in jest or off the cuff and I will take it to heart in the worst way... So it seems like a selfish super power to have but that's ok. I'm done saving everyone. I'll leave that to Batman.
3. Would you rather be tied up or tie someone else up? Why?
I would not really love being tied up and here's why. Have you ever read Stephen King's Gerald's Game? There's your answer. That book effed me up.
4. What is your best physical and non physical asset?
I think my best physical trait is my eyes though the men I work with would probably pick my Hugh Jass or perky bosoms. Non-physical? I would say it is my loyalty. It makes me a good friend and a reliable employee. But I guess you didn't ask why this time.
5. If they were naming new dwarfs beyond the seven what would your name be and why?
Since Sleepy is taken I guess I would call myself Spastic. It seems pretty self-explanatory but frankly I think I am a weirdo. I also have very unpredictable moods and a strange sense of humor. I just think it's fitting. GET OFF ME!
Bonus: What's the most embarrassing thing you ever bought?
Aside from questionable CDs in the vein of Color Me Badd? I guess it would have to be my super nifty "toy" with two vibrating and rotating speeds and a beaver with an extended tongue to tickle that special place. There. I said it.

Questions are from here.


This Post Brought To You By The Letters A.D.D.

This weekend was full of nephew time and some serious housekeeping. I also did some "personal inventory" and thought I'd throw up some random, weekend wrap-up business. What else is there to do on a Monday? Surely not work...
  • I put a diamond and emerald ring for myself on layaway on Friday. I have six months to pay it off. I'm using it as incentive to better my life.
  • The weight gain monster has revisited me. I am currently banning myself from candy, soda, fast food, and beer drinking/pot smoking during the week. Weekends won't be a free-for-all but I definitely won't be so strict then.
  • School needs to be on the forefront of my priorities. I actually read a chapter for school yesterday. And will continue to do my homework as assigned henceforth seeing as this shit ain't cheap so I might as well stop robbing myself.
  • How is it that I used to be able to wake up at 5 a.m. to exercise before work and now can't seem to rise and shine before 7 a.m.? I'm going to try and start walking before I come into the office lest I surrender my butt to its inevitable destiny of "OFFICE ASS" which looks something like this: (_Y_)
  • I bought tickets to see Travis in concert in November and couldn't be more enthusiastic about it. Such a good band. You should check 'em out.
  • I had bought tickets for a Tom Jones concert on the 28th and then realized I already had tickets for that same night for a Dodger game that I had invited Gerg, his new fiance and Buzz to. Whoopsie! Now mom and dad get to find out "What's new, pussycat?" and I will cheer on the boys in blue.
That about does it. Have a good week, y'all.


Swear Word Haiku Friday

Seven dirty words
Cocksucker, motherfucker
Shit, piss, fuck, cunt, tits
Want more? Fart, turd, twat.
My! Such colorful language.
Thank you, George Carlin
Cuss like a sailor
Couldn't speak without bad words
What's your favorite?


What I Want For Britney


  • Shana Tova! It's Rosh Hashanah (In English: Happy New Year, It's Jewish New Year!)
  • It's also Ramadan so watch out for hungry Muslims
  • Miss Molly is getting fixed today so please keep her soon-to-be-barren ass in your thoughts.
  • Season 3 of The Office is now available on DVD and I have it and I love it and don't understand how Pam and Jim aren't a couple in real life though I am sure Jenna Fischer is quite happy in her marriage. ***I stand corrected. Apparently Jenna has separated from her hubby of 6 years.
  • If you're looking for a good book to read, I'd like to take this opportunity to recommend Sara Gruen's Water For Elephants. Now that school is back in session it may very well be the last book I read for pleasure for some time. There are two stories going on simultaneously, one is the present life of an elderly man in a nursing home and the other is his flashbacks to his youth spent working as a veterinarian for a circus. It's also a period piece so it's quite colorful and there is a delicious little love triangle for added drama.


Climb Every Mountain

chal·lenge to arouse or stimulate especially by presenting with difficulties:
She wants a job that will challenge her

OMG, Merriam-Webster, you totally read my mind. For the last couple of weeks it has been pretty slow here at the old workplace. I have definitely not extended myself effort-wise in some time. The brain, she is chilling. Way too much time spent on tabloid websites and MSNBC. Not enough time firing off synapses. This, in turn, leads to a very cranky Randi. A bitch, if you will. I'm irritable because, contrary to popular belief, I am super smart. Oftentimes, I feel micromanaged and spoken down to. In my HRM class we did an evaluation on Schein's Career Anchors (what will keep you happy at a job) and my main two were Pure Challenge and Autonomy/Independence. Go figure.
So after another long day of "work" (working hard or hardly working?) I headed off to my Business Finance class. My mood was questionable to say the least but I sucked it up and headed into that classroom with every intention of getting something out of it. And boy did I. For those of you that are new to the blog, I have a horrific past relationship with mathematics. Well, wouldn't you know it, this class is filled to the brim with word problems and equations. Excellent. Only, last night, with the support of a very patient and intelligent classmate, I totally knew how to do the work! Not only that, but I actually helped others. Needless to say, this put me in a great mood. I now realize that just because I'm not challenged right now at work, I am challenged in school. And eventually, after that degree is mine, I will be able to pick a position that fits my needs. Look at me smile.
Sigh of relief.


Eve - Tambourine

Love this song. Love this video.

6 Years Later

I wasn't going to do the 9/11 memorial post because, well, it's been done. However, last night in my Human Resource Management (HRM) class, we discussed a firm that I feel warrants acknowledgement. We read this article about how Sandler O'Neill rebuilt after their devastating loss on 9/11. This? Is a company that should set the standard of how all other companies should be. It seems as though in this day and age, we forget about the very human aspect of a business. One is made to feel that they are replaceable. If, God forbid, I died tomorrow, someone else would have to take my place. But? What happens when you lose half of your employees? Does business just go on as usual? No. It goes on, but it certainly calls for a re-evaluation of what is really important. Is it location, location, location? Is it all profits and dollars? We mentioned Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs to sort of put things in perspective.

So while a lot of people think of 9/11 as the beginning of this stupid war, politics and a shift towards terrorism-inspired paranoia, we really need to remember the very human aspect of that day. So many lives were lost. Moms and dads. Sons and daughters. Brothers and sisters. Friends and family. Sandler O'Neill has a lovely site set up to honor those they lost here. I truly recommend you read the article, though. It is inspiring to say the least.


Dear Britney

You're the girl everyone loves to hate. They follow your every move, criticize your every step, yet they won't leave you alone. If they're that disgusted with you, why don't they just stop taking your picture? They say you're out of shape, but I think you look great. Curved like a woman. After two kids, I'd even call you a MILF. Hell, if you're out of shape, I should be bedridden due to my obesity. Your hair? Well, I think you should have just kept the buzz cut. That's just my humble opinion, though. If you're happy with how you look, I'm happy. When I watched your performance last night, I was smiling the entire time. Sure, I expected more, but your song is great and I enjoyed just watching you prance around in your skivvies. Anyone who expected you to sing was kidding themselves but you might have wanted to actually practiced your lip-synching. This was your big chance and you sort of blew it. Where was the magic? Not only the Criss Angel kind, but the kind you had when you made out with Madonna, did a faux-strip tease or writhed around with a boa as in the VMA days of yore.
What can I say? I have love for you, girl. With the help of your CDs, I got through a very rough time when I was about 25. Now, you're 25 and you're going through some rough times of your own. I don't know if it's a coincidence or not, but at the same time you shaved your head, I had a breakdown and ended up on Prozac. You can get through this. But if your heart isn't in the music biz any more, consider a sabbatical. You've got more money than God. Get out of the public eye for a while. Get some family counseling and patch things up with your mom. Make it a Blockbuster night with the kids at home instead of hitting the hot spots. And fuck Sara Silverman. She might be a comedian but bagging on children is simply below the belt.

P.S. I will totally buy your new album without shame the day it comes out.


Get Fuzzy Haiku Friday

You read this comic?
I highly recommend it,
Animal owners
Some good, silly fun
Rob, Satchel and Bucky Katt
Make quite the trio
Watch out for ferrets
Lemurs, Capuchin monkeys
Guess you'll have to read


Happy 60th, Poo!

August 002
I'm pretty sure the look on his face in this picture is the same look he saw in the mirror this morning when he realized he's a 60-year old Grandfather. Funny how time flies. It still shocks me that my daddy has a balding, silver head, wrinkles and liver spots. But he's never looked better. Like fine wine (his favorite), he just gets better with age. Love you, Big Dado.


More For Me Than You

He does things for me.
Not enough things.
He's good to me.
Not good enough.
And that was the conversation my brother and I had last night. It went on into further detail obviously but it's time for me to make some decisions if I'm going to get the things I want. Like a house. A husband. And 2 dogs named Dodger and Boni, short for Zamboni of course. And 2 kids named Jack Christy and Stella Christin, note how I want the dogs first. Like stability. And someone who really loves me. And wants to do things for me. And that will say thank you when I do things for him. Someone that will be proud to say, "Yup. That's my woman."
Then, this morning, my horoscope gave me a warning (that rhymed!): Realize that you may be putting certain restrictions on your life without really even knowing it, dear Taurus. It could be that you have said no to people in certain situations and now they are simply not asking you anymore. Pretty harsh, right? But it is so true. I'm so used to my routine that the second someone shows interest in me I immediately try and sabotage it. Why do I do this? Why don't I think I deserve SO MUCH BETTER. Is comfort in mediocrity worth risking something that has the potential to be amazing even though it might possibly be uncomfortable? Even though that discomfort may just be temporary?
Sigh. I let my prescription for the Prozac slip a couple days and I'm not sure if that accounts for this funk I'm in but I'm feeling like I'm having another mini breakdown. Little things are adding up. My moods are swinging. My thoughts are far too intense. Things that normally wouldn't amount to a hill of beans, are turning into an avalanche of beans. Mmm... beans. Beans, beans are good for your heart. The more you eat, the more you fart. The more you fart, the better you feel. Beans, beans with every meal.
Sorry, had to lighten that shit up real quick.


TMI Tuesday

1. What did you eat for dinner yesterday?
A cheeseburger, a hot dog and baked beans. Washed down by several beers. Hooray for Labor Day BBQs.
2. How much cash is in your wallet right now?
$35, why did you need some? Is this a stick up?
3. What have you done to avoid being flirted with by someone you didn't like?
I usually clam up when I'm uncomfortable. Lately, though, I simply tell the person in a nice way not to waste their time. As if I'm being constantly flirted with. Or if I can even be choosy at this stage in my life.
4. Do you believe the theory "Once a cheater always a cheater"?
I don't believe that theory. I think if you want to cheat you will, if you don't want to you won't.
5. Describe your sex life in two words.
Fairly consistent.
Bonus (as in optional): Would you/have you ever paid money for sex?
I would not pay for sex, no. Will I accept money from someone I'm having sex with? Absolutely. But that's generally not for services rendered. I just like taking money from people.
Questions came from here.


Coincidence? I Think Not

For the Daily Double: Movies set in October featuring boobs. What is the theme of Randi's viewing on Saturday, Alex? Correct!
It sure has been a while since I actually rented a DVD so I thought I would give my two cents on the one I watched last night: Beerfest, brought to you by the good people that gave cinematic life to Super Troopers. First and foremost I would like to say that Cloris Leachman is truly underrated. I think the time she spent on The Facts of Life overshadowed her comedic ability. She is a goofy old broad and in Beerfest she gets to reinvent Frau Bl├╝cher as a whore of a great grandmother. And is there anything funnier than people drunk on beer or the dangers of drinking from a glass in the shape of a boot? And on that note, is there anything more appealing than Oktoberfest, an event centered around beer drinking and sausage consumption? This movie is seriously funny, especially when accompanied with three or more Fat Tires. Jay Chandrasekhar is an absolute riot in his dry presentation and his drunken/fantasy/love scene sequence is truly hysterical. Oh Mo'Nique. After a season of Charm School, seeing you in this only makes me love you more. I don't know how this one slipped under my radar but a shout out goes to Buzz for his recommendation. It's a gem.

Premature Halloweenulation

Is anyone else curious as to why they released Halloween on August 31 instead of, you know, October 31? Did Rob Zombie think that was just too cliche? Should I try to italicize at least one word in each sentence? Just for impact purpose? No? Ok.
Since I am the world's biggest pussy when it comes to scary movies, I'm not exactly sure why I actually wanted to see this in the theater the weekend it came out. All I know is that Mr. Zombie is pretty kickass and Michael Myers is one scary mo-fo. Just seemed like a good combo. Only... not really. There is a lot of background as to how MM got to be the crazy that he is and at times that makes the momentum drag a bit. The murder scenes are vicious and brutal but I thought with Zombie's touch they'd be a little more campy. But that mask? Is still seriously creepy. I believe it's supposed to be William Shatner if my memory serves me correctly. Well, Captain Kirk, but really aren't they one in the same? Oh, and there are plenty of nubile, young, half-nekked, screaming teen girls to serve as eye candy for the horny teenage boys in the audience. Or the preteens whose breeders feel it is appropriate to bring to an R-rated matinee. Frankly, I think the original served its purpose as a fright fest but this pre-quel didn't really scare me, per se. It more made me squirm and jump a couple times. Plus, you know, Jamie Lee Curtis is not in this one... Maybe I'm just not feeling Halloween-y seeing as it's Labor Day weekend and the sun is shining and the weather is warm. Or maybe, just maybe, this movie sucked. Hmmm... that could be it.


I Fucking Love Julie Andrews

I watched The Sound of Music last night on ABC Family.
I'm that lame.
Mary Poppins? This woman... yeah. She's amazing.