7.12.2007

Hairy Pooter & The Order of the Phallus

So... um... not so much. First, a little back story. I had asked HLP to buy our tickets in advance on Tuesday for the 8 o'clock showing of HPTOP thinking it was going to be an absolute zoo at the theater after all the hype that has surrounded this release. We even arranged to arrive an hour beforehand to get in line. When we got there, however, nary a line or crowd was to be found. Not even at the box office. We instead made use of our early arrival to grab Coldstone's and enjoy the promenade. By the time the movie began, only half the theater was full. I'm not sure if it was because it was a Wednesday night or if the people of Oxnard are psychic and knew what a bore this movie would be. Do you know how much it pains me to type that last sentence? Though I have been mocked before because of my love of the Harry Potter book series, at least those are undoubtedly entertaining. Not that HPTOP wasn't, per se, it simply didn't live up to my high standards of what a Harry Potter movie should be. The actors are darling but this story, sadly, solely served as a transition between movies. And while the book has several stories simultaneously occurring, this film was unable to juggle more than one plot. Is it visually satisfying? Yes indeed. Are the characters and the actors that portray them extraordinary? Absolutely. There simply wasn't enough action. And it was long. And why cast Helena Bonham Carter as Bellatrix Lestrange if you're only going to give her five minutes of screen time? It simply doesn't make sense.
So now that I've made my stance on the movie clear, I'd like to briefly note what an awful experience movie going is becoming. I may need a break. Parents, there is a PG-13 rating for a reason. This is not a movie for those under that age. Period. Your 6-year old will be scared and won't be afraid to tell us all in his outside voice that he is frightened. Or ask a million questions about the plot. People, I can see your fucking cell phone light from a mile away. Shut it off. You're not that important that you can't go 138 minutes without talking to or texting someone. Also? Shut the fuck up or learn how to whisper quietly. And for God's sake do you need to make so much noise coming and going to the restroom? Eating? Breathing? You're not the only people in the world. I'm sitting right next to you. Movie theaters, I recommend headphones and blinders. There's my solution as it seems society has lost all of its manners when it comes to going to the movies.

7 comments:

Buzz said...

138 minutes?

Damn.

Itchy said...

Yeah, so...Hairy Pooter and the Order of the Phallus still makes me giggle. So it's got that going for it...

Coodence said...

Ha! Yeah, I can't wait.

(it's like i didn't even read your review.)

Sassy One said...

I have a sick obsession and true love of Harry Potter. The fact that I didn't go on opening day shocks some people! I can't wait to see it though. I'm just worried I won't be able to make it through without having to leave for the bathroom!

Sassy One said...

Harry Twatter and the Chamber of Secretions??

Shora said...

Nooooo, say it isn't so!!!! I keep hearing this movie isn't great. Damn! Like you, it's an obsession for me... even more so than for my kids. I'll be taking them this weekend, and the book is already on pre-order.

138 minutes is short these days.

You should start a blinders-and-headphones business just outside the movie theatres. You'll make a fortune!

Happy weekend babe.

David's Traveling said...

So I got home from Brazil yesterday and went off to see the movie first thing.

I did read you post before hand, so at least I wasn't expecting the movie to be over hyped.

I thought of you when a baby cried in the back row. Luckily there weren't any mobile phones going off.

I liked the movie - and thought they did a good job squishing such a large book into a couple of hours, BUT, I was completely PISSED OFF that they changed a couple of substantial facts from the book.

This was the very first movie that took liberties with the story and I am not impressed.

Otherwise, I would have been happy to sit through another hour, if that gave them a chance to develop more characters and plotlines...