5.31.2007

Is Chivalry Dead?

My hetero life partner recently celebrated her one-month anniversary of liberation from a bad relationship. Now that she is back in the dating pool, we were discussing who is supposed to make the first move for a kiss at the end of a date. I began to ponder this because generally I am the one to go in for the smooch or ask for a number or a date. I guess it's because I know what I want so I just go after it. Aggressive much? Truth be told, I can't remember the last time a guy made the first move... it has been that long. Anyway, we got to talking about women's lib and how our quest for independence has changed the game when it comes to the rules of dating. I was just wondering what you guys thought of this. Has this fight for equality between men and women killed the idea of chivalry and romance? Is it now a level playing field? Do men prefer that women go in for the kill now? Or have we just scared you all to the point where you don't know what the hell to do? Do dates still happen or has it dissolved into simply hanging out and seeing where things go?
I happen to love the idea of a man asking me out on a real date. Of holding hands. Of making out instead of effing on the first date. Of being taken out to a nice dinner and a show. Of my date walking on the curb side of the street. Little gestures like this that I haven't had in YEARS. Oh.
Any feedback is much appreciated.

2 comments:

Itchy said...

You know...I know I'm some old married chick so my thoughts probably aren't what you are looking for...but I'm gonna chime in anyway.

Say I was going out on a first date, or even a second, I would still expect the dude to make the first move. No matter how much I'm itchin' for the move to be made. Unless there is alcohol involved, then nothing I'm gonna say is valid because I'll just go for it if I'm drunk.

Anyway, even as a married gal I still expect certain things from the husband. He doesn't necessarily have to hold doors open for me or walk me to my side of the car and all that...I was never big on that. But sometimes, if we're actually on what we may consider a date, I expect the nicer treatment. The out of the ordinary stuff that we don't do when we're just going to see a movie.

But I do think that dudes are confused about what women want and how we want them to act. Hell, I just recently heard that most men are afraid to even pay a woman a compliment for fear that the woman will take it the wrong way and accuse him of sexual harrassment. These people are robbing me of the compliments that I need to survive! ha...

I think I got off the topic....um....anyway. Yeah...I do think guys are confused. What with us womens getting all independent AND I also think with the Internet, too.

It is hard to take women (I'm generalizing here...) seriously when we say that we want to be taken seriously and we want to be strong and independent and we want to be viewed as more than just our boobs and then you go to MySpace and see what Boobs galore! We (generalizing again) do sent mixed messages in a way. Hell, I think I'm guilty of it myself!

So...I don't think I had a point. Other than to say that I think we're all confused when it comes to the dating thing and what who wants and who should do what first and blah blah....

And even though I've been married for years and years...I agree with your last paragraph. A real date. Holding hands. Making out. All good stuff. All good stuff that still needs to happen and not become extinct.

Inferus said...

Real man here. I don't think chivalry is dead. It's just that women are difficult enough to figure out without the "equality card" confusing us even more. Do I ask her out and face the possibility of a sexual harassment suit? She had a few drinks tonight. Should I go in for the kiss or worry about an attempted rape charge? See. Confusion!

I'm old fashioned, though. I don't mind asking a girl out. Been a while since I got a yes, but I don't mind trying (masochist in me). I refuse to sleep with a girl on the first date. I've been offered but always refuse. For me, a date should be dinner, conversation, a nice walk, and then whatever follows follows. And no, I don't mean sex.

I want to get to know a girl before anything else. Spiritual beauty has always been more important to me than physical beauty, hence the love of conversation. Problem is most girls these days believe if you don't go for it on the first date or they don't put out after that first hello then it's all destined for failure. I know, dating is far too confusing in these modern times.

But back to the point, we chivalrous guys are still here. We're just a bit more hesitant.