I happen to love the idea of a man asking me out on a real date. Of holding hands. Of making out instead of effing on the first date. Of being taken out to a nice dinner and a show. Of my date walking on the curb side of the street. Little gestures like this that I haven't had in YEARS. Oh.
Any feedback is much appreciated.
About a month ago I read an article excerpt from this book in the pages of Maxim magazine. The book's author, Gil Reavill, is a regular writer of their true crime features so it is very casually written. Not scientific at all. The stories of the dark side of human behavior made this book a must have for me. Though I rarely purchase a hardcover, I made an exception. For those of you that don't know, Aftermath, Inc. is an actual business that deals with the clean-up of hazardous materials and biological waste that is left after a violent crime or accident has occurred. This book is chock full of interesting information about all things crime scene. And a plus side for the squeamish? No gory pictures. If you have any interest in this sort of genre at all, this is a must read. Plus it's super easy.
Like your mom.
1. It was going to be long
2. It was going to be confusing
3. It was going to be visually stimulating
And just as I expected, it was all of those things. Technically, you can go in at the last hour and be satisfied. However, I do not recommend that you see this 168-minute movie after a work day and a few cocktails at happy hour. You may very well fall asleep. There is not nearly enough swashbuckling and way too much story. To quote Elvis, this movie would have been much better with "a little less conversation, a little more action." Newcomers Chow Yun-Fat and Keith Richards were great additions with not nearly enough screen time. Who knew the Rolling Stoner had acting chops? The Will Turner-Elizabeth Swann-Jack Sparrow love triangle is stale by this point and quite frankly there is no chemistry between any of them as far as this viewer is concerned. I will finally admit, though, that Keira Knightley is a very pretty girl when she isn't speaking. Her complexion is flawless. And Orlando Bloom and Johnny Depp are frickin' hotties. End of discussion.
It may sound like I'm complaining but I'm not meaning to. Visually, this is a gorgeous movie. The make-up, costumes and locales are, in one word: Rad. The special effects are impressive to say the least. I think the Pirates franchise is a great form of fantasy for grown-ups that are kids at heart but I have no idea how children keep up or find entertainment in these films. Naturally, this third installment left the future wide open for many sequels to come if they so choose to take that course. Chances are good that, just like the first three, I'll go to the fourth and leave the theater wondering why.
And for what? To signal that my Aunt Flo was coming for a visit? Thanks, but I don't need advance notice. She's been visiting for 18 years. I'm very aware of her imminent arrival. And? I really do not need to be leaving work early because of the ridiculous discomfort. But I did. I had no choice. While I wish I had taken my medicine at the first sign of the migraine, I didn't. My pills were at home. But when I finally took them, I fell into a deep nap that lasted about 2 hours. By the time I woke up, my migraine had disappeared. I was left with a little bit of wooziness but that passed. This morning I'm suffering from what I like to refer to as a "migraine hangover" where traces of that pain are still there only not to the degree they were yesterday. At this time I would like to suggest that if you, too, are a migraine sufferer, talk to your doctor about Imitrex. It's an amazing little pill and while the side effects sound terrifying, I have had no better prescription for said ailment. Also? BenGay Pain Relieving Patches for tension of the neck, shoulder and back. I stock these at home and suggest you do the same. They're a godsend.
First and foremost I'd like to give a hearty congratulations to the Dodgers for ending their stupid losing streak. Well played, boys. Keep up the good work.
Secondly, I'd like to give a round of applause to BFF and myself as we both went to work out last night at almost the same time on opposite ends of the country. I am loving me some gym right now. My legs are burning and it feels really good. Though, I'm pretty sure my efforts on the elliptical trainer were essentially cancelled out by the grub fest smack down I enjoyed last night. I don't know how many of you get the munchies but Chex Mix is the shit. That's pretty much all I can disclose at this time.
I was going to try to run with the moral of the story hump day theme I've had going for the last couple weeks but I just don't know that I have one in me today. Maybe you do?
Also, BFF and I were discussing the pros and cons of MySpace and what makes it so freaking addictive. I said that it is because it is voyeurism at its finest. Thoughts?
And in case you didn't notice, that was twice I asked for you to type in your opinion. Think I'm comment hungry? Or just lazy? Show a bitch some love.
I've been a bit lazy lately with the physical fitness and the eating right. Birthday celebrations and out of town visitors will do that to a gal. My pants are still loose though and I still feel pretty good. I'm back to measuring out my Cheerios, eating fruits for snacks and having salads chock full o' veggies for lunch. The boozin' has got to come to a screeching halt or at least slow down a bit. I can't remember the last time I went on a bender like this last one (I'm talking weeks) but drinking daily just isn't my bag, baby. And it's not doing the Buddha belly any favors. My new goal is to fit into some size 10 Calvin Klein capris that I've had for years. Slipped 'em on this morning and they "fit" but the material was screaming as it stretched over my ass, hip and thighs. I heard it.
I just realized I've been watching The Simpsons for 20 years. More than half my life. It all started on The Tracy Ullman Show. My little brother Curtis and I used to bond over that cartoon family upstairs because my mom would not allow it on the downstairs TV. Will that show ever get cancelled? The 24 inspired 400th episode was hilarious. What is it about a woman in a dumpster? It's so nice that I was able to replace the Saturday morning cartoon experience with Sunday nights on Fox.
SPOILER ALERT FOR CHARM SCHOOL SO STOP READING IF YOU CARE. Macca, that means you...
Can you believe that Schatar and Darra got expelled on Charm School? Those bitches Larissa and Shay have GOT to go. Ghetto asses. Grrr. I don't know why I love this show so much. In case you've missed it, be sure to tune in next week. New York is making a cameo. Let the drama begin. Cattiest. Women. Ever.
- I totally watched Better Off Dead last night and it was great! The only thing better than an 80s movie is an 80s movie that has its closing scene at Dodgers stadium. No wonder I love it. HDW and Itchy, I wish you could have been there. I totally would have shared my pita chips and hummus. Though my sole beer would have been mine. All mine.
- I also took my chemistry final and think I did quite well. I mean, I absolutely passed so that's really all that matters. Never did slip my prof the digits but I still rocked a mean crush on him the whole semester.
- Officially felt "old" when I shushed some peeps in the library. I actually used the words, "Could you please keep it down? I'm trying to study." Awesome.
- Another final tonight and then NOTHING! All summer! Reading for pleasure? The gym? Not driving to campus every night? Yes, please! Next semester is going to be a cinch. I'm only taking 2 classes, 2 nights a week as opposed to 3 classes, 4 nights a week. Hooray for free time.
- My nephew's tooth is on the bottom right in case any of you were wondering. He is now a vampire monkey though my brother has said no blood has been drawn via said tooth as of yesterday.
- And as for the photo below, my nephew is NOT feeling me up. Sickos.
Disclaimer: Snippets will hopefully come to a screeching halt next week when I'm not cramming for finals during work hours.
- Ethan got his first tooth today!!! He'll be 7 months old tomorrow.
- I am not pregnant. LOL. A few people have suggested I may be since I booted yesterday morning. I went to the OBGYN yesterday for my annual exam and I asked for a pregnancy test. When she asked when my last period was and I told her 2 weeks ago she cocked her head like a confused puppy. When she asked if I was on the pill and I responded in the affirmative, she laughed at me. Moral of that story? Peace of mind costs $15.
- I got an A- in my Multicultural Drama class. She gave me 30 seconds to plead my case on why I should get an A and I said "Nuh uh. A- is fine."
- Found out I only have to take 11 more classes until I'm eligible to graduate. Holler. I'll be 32 and still in college but whatevs. At least it seems attainable.
- Had an awful dream last night about Miss Kitty. We were at a friend's wedding and there was a crazy man shooting up the place. Peeps dead all over the reception. She and I survived and hugged and wept. No point to that story really but it was some sad shit.
- Other than that, I've got two finals in the next two days and then it's summer time and the living's easy. Sup with you guys?
Pointless pic of Auntie and Ethan in stripes courtesy of BFF
1 lb. Sausage
1 lb. Cream Cheese (1 brick/8oz.)
8 oz. Shredded Parmesan Cheese
Cook sausage. Add cream cheese until well blended. Turn off heat. Fold in Parmesan cheese. Stuff and bake. 350 degrees for 1 hour.
*Jalapeños should be cut in half and cleaned out and placed into water overnight (if you want to lessen the spice)
If you want them a little spicy...as you cut in half and clean, place in a bowl of water (the day of) and remove as you start stuffing.
- Standing me up so he could watch the Lakers game (or in another season, Raiders game)
- Going out with me and then leaving with his cousins any time he got a better offer
- Not inviting me to the better offer with him
- Late night drunken booty calls
- Never taking me on a date
- Me not wanting him at my birthday party
So what's the window thing? Well Quasibeau lives with his sister, her husband and their children. Apparently, even though he is the ripe age of 27, he shudders at the thought of them knowing that he has "sessual" relations with the wimmins. Like if he'd spend the night at my house, he would freak out in the morning that his sister would know he was with me. Um, k. Well one night he gave me a drunken booty call and I thought it was only fair that I go to his place. When I arrived he was standing at the open window beckoning me to crawl through. Stupidly, I obliged. He's on the ground floor so it wasn't like I had to climb on the roof or something ridiculous. When I got in I shook my head at myself in disappointment. A 29-year old woman crawling through a window for a booty call? You have got to be kidding me. Flash forward several months and I get another drunken call begging me to come over. On the phone I warned him, "If you expect me to crawl through the window, I will drive my car through the front of your house." Pretty clear, no? I get there and he's standing in the open window. Again. After being warned. Nuh uh. Not this time. In no uncertain terms I told him to walk around and open the "FUCKING" front door and stubbornly stood my ground until he did. Why didn't he want to? Because there were people working on the house. Strangers. Workers. And he was ashamed because I, his "girlfriend" was going to spend the night. The moral of that story? If you have to hide that you're with me, you won't be. Sweet Jesus, I'm fly paper for the freaks.
What I was in for was disappointment. Plain and simple. Tobey Maguire can still fill out the suit but as Peter Parker his wide-eyed, dorky innocence wore on me. His alter-ego was more cheesy than dark. Plus he was rocking some ridiculous emo Pete Wentz-wannabe hair-don't. Too much Perez Hilton has turned me against Kirsten "Drunkst" aka Snaggletooth. There was not enough of Venom and too much of Sandman though I will say the FX were pretty dope. Seing Eric Foreman and Lowell as bad guys was a bit of a stretch, though. The story was long and disjointed and too often I found myself bored and wanting more action. Ron Howard's daughter was gorgeous as Gwen Stacy but her role was pretty pointless. And did every character have to cry? Really? Sigh.
You guys have no idea how much it pains me to type these words. Congratulations on a big opening weekend but you let me down, Raimi Brothers. Let me think of something nice to say... the cameo by Bruce Campbell of Evil Dead fame as a French Maître d’ was hilarious. There.
Wanna make me feel better? Buy me the first two on DVD for my birthday. FOUR MORE DAYS!
- Paris Hilton is going to jail!
- De La Hoya fight was weak!
- Flavor of Love Charm School Starring Mo'Nique RULES!
- Spiderman 3 tonight!
- BFF is coming on Wednesday!
- Crusty is coming Thursday!
- Dodgers game with fireworks on Friday!
- Birthday party on Saturday!
- Mother's Day on Sunday!
- Last week of classes!
- Lots of work to be done and homework to finish!
I also love the fact that I don't have any more major presentations to do. The Multicultural Drama performance was over with on Tuesday night. My oral presentation for the LGBT class was last week. I'm letting out a big sigh of relief.
The only things I have for the rest of the semester are 3 papers, a final exam and a couple revisions to make portfolios. Quite frankly, I plan on wrapping the majority of that up this week and/or over the weekend. That's it! Two weeks from today and school's out for summer.
I have a quick question and would love to know your opinion. My prof said you cannot begin a sentence with "because." I disagree. What do you think?
2. Dying alone
3. Spiders when they fall out of no where onto your body
Three People Who Make Me Laugh
1. Will Ferrell
2. Steve Carell
3. Seth McFarlane (Family Guy Creator)
*Three Things I Love
1. My nephew's smile
2. NBC's Must See TV Thursday
3. The Dodgers
*Three Things I Hate
1. San Francisco Giants
2. Sucky drivers
3. Food that isn't delicious
*Three Things I Don’t Understand
2. People who stay in abusive relationships
3. Why more kids aren't taught about birth control
*Three Things On My Desk
1. Pictures of Ethan
2. A calendar proclaiming my 30th birthday on the 12th
3. A wee radio
*Three Things I Want To Do Before I Die
1. See the world
2. Get married
3. Earn this mother-effing Bachelor's Degree
*Three Things I Can Do
1. Bake a mean batch of cookies
2. Make a sound like a wookie/Jetson's car
3. Flip my eyelids
*Three Things I Can’t Do
1. Hold grudges
3. Find a good man
*Three Things I Think You Should Listen To
1. Your mom
2. Your best friend
3. Your first instinct
*Three Things You Should Never Listen To
2. Smashing Pumpkins
3. Outspoken Republican Bible Bangers
*Three Things I’d Like To Learn
1. How to not tolerate douchebags for boyfriends
2. How to be fluent in Spanish
3. How to cook without using a cookbook or a recipe
*Three Favorite Foods
*Three Things I Regret
1. Not going away to college
2. Not going on antidepressants sooner
3. Certain gentlemen I've shared my bed with
- Eat a salad at least 4 lunches a week. And not a calorie-laden taco salad, either. I'm talking fresh veggies and a tablespoon of a vinaigrette-type dressing. I use a soy ginger organic dressing and my salads generally consist of the following: romaine, cauliflower, broccoli, carrots, mushrooms, cherry tomatoes, snap peas and a smattering of chicken breast.
- Have a snack every three hours. I like a banana at about 10 a.m. and an apple around 3 p.m. Just say no to chips and cookies.
- Drink water, water, water.
- Splenda instead of sugar in your coffee.
- Subway sandwiches are a great substitute for fast food, which is a HUGE no-no now. I eat there at least twice a week for dinner.
- Measure out a cup of cereal for breakfast rather than pouring straight into the bowl. I'm currently enjoying Multi Grain Cheerios. And I switched from 2% to 1% milk.
- Like a smoker craves ciggies, I crave snacks. The same way I don't buy cigarettes, I no longer stock the fridge with diet ice cream or keep candy handy. If it's not around, I don't eat it.
- Only eat half of what is served at a restaurant or make sure there is always food on your plate when you leave the table. I cover mine with a napkin to avoid picking at it while we sit there.
- When cravings strike allow yourself a Hershey miniature rather than eat a whole candy bar. Rather than deny yourself, just limit your indulgences.
- Limit alcohol consumption to the weekends (if you can). Pick wine over beer.
- If you have a bad day and binge and fill up on the bad stuff, don't give up. Tomorrow's a new day.
And those are my tips. Follow them or don't. All I'm saying is it's working for me. I even wore a bikini over the weekend. Not that I looked like Tyra Banks, but I wasn't mortified by my reflection so it was a personal victory. Can you imagine what would happen if I actually had time to go to the gym???