When I thought about what I wanted to blog about this morning the most important thing I could think about sharing was that I'm wearing a pair of pants I'd bought right after I stopped going to Weight Watchers that I haven't worn in about a year. Man, that was a long sentence. But pants? Dieting? I mean, could that be any more boring? I feel like we should talk about something new. Something fresh.
And speaking of fresh, I've decided to make some changes in my life. The other day I did a MeMe and it asked me to tell you something that you don't know about me. At the time, I couldn't come up with anything but this morning it came at me like a freight train. What you don't know about me is that for the past four years, hell maybe even my whole life, I have been putting my needs and my own happiness on the backburner. This particular case was to get someone I thought I wanted. Turns out, I don't think I really want him after all, just the idea of him.
Have you ever done this? Led yourself to believe your own lies because you were too scared to be alone? Changed who you are to fit the person you thought you wanted to be with? Realized that your own needs were not being met and that you've wasted way too much time?
That seems pretty drastic but that's pretty much what I have been up to. A long, vicious, torturous cycle that leads to some very dark thoughts, self-loathing and all-around unhappiness. Ask BFF, she knows all about it. There's something about that big number three-oh looming on the horizon that's telling me I need to wake the fuck up already. I need to take care of me. Be selfish to a degree. Seek happiness on my own, not by way of someone. Because the longer I try to change someone, the longer my dreams are put on hold.
So it was said, so it shall be done.