Moral of that story: Live your life to the fullest and as though today might be your last.
Sam: We're smoking reefer and you don't want no part of this shit.
Dewey Cox: You're smoking *reefers*?
Sam: Yeah, 'course we are; can't you smell it?
DC : No, Sam. I can't.
Girl Groupie: Come on, Dewey! Join the party! [takes a hit off a joint]
Sam: No, Dewey, you don't want this. Get outta here!
DC: You know what, I don't want no hangover. I can't get no hangover.
Sam: It doesn't give you a hangover!
DC: Wha-I get addicted to it or something?
Sam: It's not habit-forming!
DC: Oh, okay... well, I don't know... I don't want to overdose on it.
Sam: You can't OD on it!
DC: It's not gonna make me wanna have sex, is it?
Sam: It makes sex even better!
DC: Sounds kind of expensive.
Sam: It's the cheapest drug there is.
DC: [at a loss and out of excuses] Hmm.
Sam: You don't want it!
DC: I think I kinda want it.
Sam: Okay, but just this once. Come on in.
Preheat oven to 350 degrees
For the cookie:
1 cup softened butter
2 cups granulated sugar
15 oz. ricotta cheese
2 tsp. anise
4 cups flour
1 tsp. salt
1 tsp. baking soda
Combine these ingredients, bake from 10-12 minutes until golden brown and then let them cool.
For the frosting:
1/4 cup softened butter
1/2 tsp. vanilla
3-4 tbsp. milk
3-4 cups confectioners sugar
When the cookies have cooled and you've gotten your frosting to a nice spreadable texture, throw the 2 together and decorate with sugar crystals or sprinkles. This recipe makes a whole lotta cookies that are divinely rich and indulgent.
Moral of that story: Kids aren't meant to be bred into show business so they can be their parents' meal ticket.
I babysat this past weekend. Three days with three boys who were not mine. Ages 7, 10 and 14. Dragging them all over LA County to fun places like the movies and hockey games. Over the course of the weekend, I was forced to use popular phrases like: "When I was your age", "Because I said so," and "Is that where you found (fill in the blank)." I turned into a drill sergeant and was running a tight ship but the whole time I was popping aspirins and antacids like they were candy. Add to that mix an obsessive compulsive, ball chasing Schnoodle and a dumb as a rock Labradoodle that thought pissing in my room was a good way to let me know I should no longer be sleeping and you have a recipe for a good time.
Moral of that story: When you retire from babysitting, stay that way.
Taking Prozac in the morning when all along you've been taking it before bed time can seriously affect one's mood for the remainder of the day. Your boss may mention that he'd like advanced notice on the days you are going to be manic. You may or may not end up bouncing off the walls and threatening to throw hot candle wax in the eyes of your employer. You may at one point after being shot in the eye with a rubber band by said employer, end up chasing him down the hallway to run and hide in the men's lavatory causing his partner to come out of his office to see what the hell is going on. You may also try and retrieve paperwork from a warehouse employee and cause him to fear for his life and also bolt to take cover in a safe haven.
Moral of that story: Don't mess with prescription pills.
Why's he hiding his crotch?
Why after 5 years of acquaintance do we stand beside one another like we just met?
Why does the flash make it look like I'm wearing dangly earrings?
Why didn't my dad get my saucy, brown fishnet tights and leopard stilettos in this shot?
Why can't I be the subject of a photograph where my eyes aren't red (seriously, scroll 2 posts down)?
Help me out, people.
Dudes, I am DONE shopping! Woot Woot!
2. What is your favorite cartoon (current or past)?
I'm going to have to go with Family Guy here.
3. On a scale of 1-10, how competent are you on home repair projects?
I give myself an 8 here. I'm no pro but I'm definitely picking up the slack when it comes to my no skills having dad.
4. What is your favorite holiday tradition?
Hands down I would say it has to be making pizzelles with Ma and Gran though I have to miss it this year. Sad.
5. Describe your favorite kiss? Do you give it or receive it?
Any "kiss" coming from Ethan is always a good time. I mostly give because receiving would require me being covered with his slobber. Oh, babies and their open mouth kisses.
Bonus (as in optional):What is the best holiday gift you have ever gotten? Best you've given?
I am always happy with all my gifts. The most useful has been my camera that I got last year but my favorite is probably my diamond earrings. Best I've given? Well... I don't know. My gifts tend to border on safe and practical as opposed to outstanding.
Questions are from here.
I'm finished shopping
- Animal Vagina
- Arab Women Smelly Vaginas
- "Going in my pants"
- Burnt Armpits
- Happy Poo Dodger Game
- Lesbian Faeces (who spells "feces" like this?)
- List of names given to the ways in which you pass faeces in relation to the shit list (I did not make that up.)
- Secret Vibrator Hiding Places
- Urge to poo during my period
- Whale vag
There are also A LOT of boob searches yet nary a boob to be found here but me.
1. Patrick Warburton has the best voice in show business.
2. I like Renee Zellweger a lot better when I don't have to look at her pinched up little face.
3. Jerry Seinfeld and Oprah Winfrey must be tight like two butt cheeks if he managed to get her high-falootin' ass to do a voice over.
4. The dwindling bee population has dire consequences.
5. And everyone's job, no matter how little, is important.
I really enjoyed watching this movie. I'm sure the fact that it was both born of Dreamworks and is animated has a lot to do with that. Ultimately, though, if I was a chirruns, I think I would be utterly bored by it. But that's just my opinion. I especially like the pushpin/bee stinger sword fight between a loading dock worker and Seinfeld's character and there were a few other laugh out loud moments but I don't think I'm telling anyone to rush out and see this one. I'm just glad I got to go for free! Oh yeah, watch out for the bear in the courtroom. Hilarity.
It has been years and years since a "partner" has purchased me something sexy but I think he had both of us in mind.
2. What are 3 characteristics of "your type"?
b.) Great smile
c.) A "bear" of a man
3. On a scale of 1-10, how good a cook are you?
Dude, I don't cook. I'm a preparer of many food items but cooking isn't my bag. I guess I'd give myself a 5 here. Average.
4. Tattoos: Love them or hate them. On you? On a partner?
I love them! I have 5. If the art is good what's not to like? I take a pass on dudes that have "Trust No Bitch" tattooed on their neck though.
5. Stubble: Good or bad? How often do you shave?
Stubble can be good but it can also itch like a mo'fo. I shave a couple times a week if the spirit moves me. I suppose if I was gettin' frisky with someone I'd shave more often.
Bonus (as in optional):What are a few of your favorite things (both sexual non-sexual)?
Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens
Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens
Brown paper packages tied up with strings
These are a few of my favorite things
Cream colored ponies and crisp apple streudels
Doorbells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles
Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings
These are a few of my favorite things
Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes
Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes
Silver white winters that melt into springs
These are a few of my favorite things
Nah, just kidding.
Sexual - cuddles and kisses on the neck.
Non-Sexual - puppies, coffee and Ethan.
Per usual, questions come from here.
1. I attempt to get out of bed in the morning multiple times before I actually emerge from the sheets, at times sitting completely up and throwing off the covers and then immediately lying back down and re-covering myself.
2. I am an obsessive deleter of all things. This means I am constantly purging old emails and clearing my cell phone's Recent Calls and text messages. I seriously don't know what I'm trying to hide.
3. I seem to have mastered "whistle-speak" that you may recognize from such cartoon characters as Herbert from The Family Guy or the beaver from Lady and the Tramp.
5. I love Britney Spears unconditionally even if she is a trainwreck. I am well aware that she lacks the ability to sing. My love has nothing to do with her making fabulous music or how she looks. I don't expect anyone to share these feelings or to understand them.
6. At home I rarely drink water from a glass. I mostly use my Nalgene 32 ouncer or drink from a plastic bottle. And I will NEVER be able to sip water through a straw. Ick.
7. When turning a corner, 9 times out of 10 I will hit the curb with the rim of my tire. I blame poor depth perception, Eli tells me I just don't drive very well.
I'm not much of a tagger these days but feel free to play along! Or you can list the random things I do... Cod? Hair? Hmm?
Today I was able to register for next semester so I'm feeling a metamorphosis coming on. Like emergence from a cocoon, shedding my current class will be oh so nice. I'll be just like a butterfly/student hybrid. Watch out for my giant proboscis. Don't actually know where I'm going with any of this. I guess I was just looking for an excuse to use a big ol' scientific word. Crusty should be proud.
So yeah. School. I'll be taking two classes. My Spanish class (finally! a class pertaining to my major!) will be Monday and Wednesday from 2-4 pm. I'm getting some beef about this but I doubt my work will be affected that much with 4 hours of absence a week. Then it will be back to work for some catch-up and a return to campus from 6-7:15 for a California History and Culture class. Learn a bit about my roots. Or something. I like the idea of this schedule. Leaves lots of time for gym going. Cuz I rejoined. And stuff. Wow... days like this I wonder if it's even worth blogging. What a bore!
a combination of delight and amazement."
- My health has been much better since the tonsils were removed
- My ability to make the Jetson's car/Wookie sounds has returned
- My family is close even if sometimes it leads to drama
- My nephew has taken his first steps
- My car has only 12 more payments
- My friends all manage to keep in touch even though they live far away
- My schooling seems like it's almost over
- My parents bought me a La-Z-Boy for Christmas
- My job hands out fat bonuses
- My finances seem to be in order
- My lengthy holiday weekend starts in 9 hours
I hope you all have a fantastic Thanksgiving and that you can make a list twice as long as mine.
Happy Turkey Day a day early.
It's funny, the other day my bong, which I use to smoke tobacco products of course, rolled off the counter top and the bowl broke. Wouldn't you know it? The next day I won that football pool and was able to get it fixed without it hurting my already depleted funds. Then I started to stress about Christmas and going to Disneyland with Crusty and how I could afford all of it when I get an email from the family I used to nanny for. They want me to house/dog/babysit for a weekend. I told them that if they covered the cost of my gas that would be awesome and she countered with paying me $250 instead. I don't know who is watching out for my finances because it certainly isn't me but I just want to say THANK YOU!!!
That's my mom and today she is enjoying her birthday on a cruise ship in Bermuda. Must be nice. Since she left a week ago I have a new found appreciation for her and all the things she does when she's here. It wasn't long ago that I realized she and I weren't just relatives but we were friends, too. Know how I knew? She bought me a pillow that says, "A daughter is just a little girl who grows up to be a friend." Cheesy but true. She's a great mom, grandma, daughter, sister and friend. Three cheers for the elderly!
Do you see it too? Or are you too distracted by the chichis?
HLP is the hard rocker in this relationship, I tend to lean more towards cheesy pop. Sue me. Evanescence is a nice blend of the two. The lead singer (I think her name is Amy?) has a very classical voice. It almost sounds like she should be singing in a Broadway musical like The Phantom of the Opera... It's quite a juxtaposition to the hard rocking guitars and drums. Plus? She plays the piano and that is possibly my favorite musical instrument so I was pleased.
Perhaps the best part of the concert, however, was the people sitting in front of us. They were no stranger to the flask and man did they like to sing along. I'm a nosy son of a gun so you know I was eavesdropping and the boy in the striped hoodie in front of me was turning 18 the next day so his compadres decided to get him good and wasted. He kept swaying to and fro in the fashion one does when they are about to boot. It was pretty hilarious. I wonder if he ever chummed or if he was able to tough it out. For HLP's sake, I threw a grito to the band before we left. All in all, a super way to spend a Sunday.
Ever since I moved out of my parents' house when I was 19 I have pretty much bounced between living arrangements every year or so, maybe two years max. I've been living in my current abode for about a year and a half and am getting that itch to move again, not because I dislike my apartment per se, but because I have been in one place too long.
The same applies to work. Since my first job at the age of 17, I've pretty much worked a max of a year and found something new. That was mostly retail until I found the job at Camp and worked there for four years. I guess now that I'm grown I'm not exactly going to be looking for a new job every year and I think that's what is giving a stagnant feel to my life.
School is progressing nicely and I still have my eye on the prize but I still have 10 classes until I can finally call that bachelor's degree my own. This semester has been a bit of a bust as I had to drop one class and will have missed about 6 days of the other. I just don't have the same kind of motivation as before. It's like I need a new goal or a new focus and I just can't think of anything to devote my attention to.
BFF and I have basically discussed, and will continue to discuss, diet and exercise to death and I just don't want losing weight to be something I obsess about any more. As a matter of fact, after work I have plans to buy pants in size 12 just because I'm tired of worrying about what number is on a tag inside my clothing that no one but me needs to see.
Maybe it's Oxnard and knowing that my secret getaway to San Francisco is no longer an option as my tio has moved to Germany. Maybe I'm overdue for a vacation and knowing that I'm negative hours for at least 6 months is secretly gnawing away at my soul. Maybe I miss BFF and Crusty. Too many maybes.
So that's where I am and why I've been scarce on the blog posting. I am evaluating my life and determining what needs to happen from this point on. Is it my biological clock ticking? Is it the desire to have a yard and a puppy? Is it that I want a family of my own? Is it the Prozac? I guess only time will tell.
Keep her waiting for hours
This post was brought to you by the number 12 and the letter F.
My second viewing was BFF recommended and Eli approved. The Watcher In The Woods is more of a family fare horror flick so you won't find any rape and torture here. It's Disney circa 1980 so it was a nice follow up to the sickness we'd just seen. While Bette Davis is always creepy (Hello, Whatever Happened To Baby Jane), I was more creeped out by the little girl who called her dog Nerak. For those of you not in the know, that's Karen (the missing girl) spelled backwards. Yeah. This is almost sci-fi by the time the ending clears things up. The best part about it? I had to rent this bad boy on VHS. Dude. I don't even have a VCR. I can see how this movie would scare a twelve year old and make someone super scared of reflections but after witnessing the fucked up shit I just did, it was a cakewalk.
Session 9 I had never heard of prior to a web-based list of the 50 scariest movies of all time. I can sort of see why as it doesn't really have any major stars in it but this was a great psychological thriller. A sort of "whodunnit" that keeps you wondering which of these haz-mat workers cleaning up an old, abandoned mental institution has lost his damn mind. I can sort of relate to the creepy feel of the set because I attend college in a former state hospital and just being on campus in the dark is enough to spook me. As in the prior two movies, it too is set in the woods so you get that that feeling of terror that only comes with isolation.
And for our grand finale after a marathon weekend of scary movie viewing, we chose C. Thomas Howell's The Hitcher. This is another suspenseful and somewhat realistic scenario and it also teaches us very valuable lessons:
- Don't pick up hitchhikers
- Don't go on long distance drives alone
- Don't talk to strangers
Holy moly. Who knew that there were such psychos in the world. This hitchhiker was hell-bent on killing Soul Man. They just don't make horror movies like they did in the 70s and 80s. I would pick any of these psychological thrillers over gore-porn any day. There's nothing like the feeling of squirming in your seats. I would recommend any of the above for a good scare... Halloween is only 2 days away...