My Holiday Wishes For You

Sorry, lurkers. Not you. Just the peeps on my "blog roll" (in the same order here as they are on the right)... a bit of a variation from what Os asked for but c'est la vie:
Darkness: A record deal for Nonetheless so generous as to afford you a lifetime supply of Tang and bacon.
Laurie: A pirate ship to sail in your new pool from which you could force the victims of your shank to walk the plank.
April: A realistic looking prosthetic like Paul McCartney's soon-to-be-ex wife's so you can wear open toe shoes again. Or that menage a trois I was talking to you about... Your call.
CP: A revival of your crutch-shot on that 25 peeps page. Not "crotch" shot, people. Minds out of the gutter. Or, you know, the world domination you're so suited for.
BFF: The completion of your paper, never-ending consumption of M.I.L.'s Christmas snackies without any weight gain and undisturbed R&R.
Rachel: A distinguished gentleman carrying flowers and a bottle of bubbly waiting for you in a limo just like in Pretty Woman to whisk you off for the date of your life.
Cute Overload Animals: Treats and woobies for you to play with!
Exile: One of those things like in Star Trek where you can "beam" from place to place in a snap so it would be easier for you to see Hella.
Buzz: A job in the 805!
The Ladies @ GFY: A never-ending parade of tacky dressers and an end to leggings.
HDW: A cruise that will erase only the bad memories of the one you took with Fyrchk.
Shora: A delicious bottle of my favorite Wild Horse Chardonnay... to be shared over a chat with me, of course!
Y: A refurbished kitchen so you needn't be ashamed even though it's really not that bad and people wouldn't take their eyes off G-Unit anyway.
Trucker: For all of your "fantasies" to come to life!
Hella: See Exile's wish above and reverse.
Fyrchk: A gang-bang by the hot firemen in the e-mail I sent you. But in a nice way!
Itchy: All the cute graphic tees you've ever searched for only in a perfect fit EVERY time because you're never to old to wear those. Never.
Crusty: Your PhD already so you can move back to Cali where it is warm and the ocean and Santa Barbara are only a stone's throw away.
Trent: For the celebs to continue acting like fools so you never run out of blog fodder.
The Senders-in at Post Secret: The comforting knowledge that you're not alone.
Rhys: A lifetime membership to Netflix so you can keep me posted on what movies I need to see.
Sassy: Your very first tattoo or that you can find our you're preggers just like Mary did 9 months and 2006 years ago. Sorry, Mr. Sass! It's immaculate all the way!
Macca: A naughty little minx in a nurse's outfit and white stiletto heels to do your bidding.
JJ & The Boys: For The Codes to get a record deal and for people to continue doing vulgar and strange shit so you can keep providing the commentary that tickles me so.
The Men, The Myths, The Legends: A lighter/easier course load so that you can be able to write more rants for me more often.
Dirk: For a book deal to put you on the top of the New York Times Best Seller list thus establishing a healthy boost to the ol' self-esteem thus leading you to the love you long for.

And Maine, though you blog no more, I wish you lots of bacon and Billy Corgan. Beetle, I hope you take 'em to town with the fantasy football that took you away from Stonecutters 2.0. Ok, lurkers, you win. I wish you all a very happy holiday whether it be celebrating the birth of baby Jesus, some miraculously long-burning oil lamps, Kwanzaa or simply giving mad props to Satan for a job well done on humanity as a whole these days. So... what do you wish me?
Speak up, lurkers! I can't hear you!


Buzz said...

Well thank you! I hope you rock on through your 90 day goal!

Dark Damian said...

You forgot about the hot blonde with a potty mouth. It was ON the LIST!


Laurie said...

I'm right here, dumbass. Pipe down.


Dark Damian said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dark Damian said...

Well, you got the "potty mouth" part down.

Tighten up those roots and you'll be a solid 2 for 3.

Laurie said...

1- I have a potty mouth.
2- Must dye hair.
3- I'm not hot.

Wow. Thanks for ruining my Christmas. I don't think I'll ever recover all because some big eared freak doesn't think I'm sexy. When will the hurting stop?

Dark Damian said...

Maybe when you stop sitting on that cactus. I mean, honestly.


Who knew?

ceedee said...

You're pretty! I wish you meatpies galore, no family fights on Xmas, lots and lots of nephew-auntie time. Oh, and maybe a little Crusty-Randi time, too! Can't wait to see you! LYLAS and Merry Christmas!

Shora said...

What a great post! I would so love to share that bottle of wine with you babe.

For you, happiness. Pure and simple. Whether it be single or attached, size 10 or size 6... pure happiness. xoxoxo

Itchy said...

Oh Randi!!! Thank you sweetie. I love it. If I get home today and Threadless has made a delivery I'll know it was because of you and I'll have to do something extra special fantastic for you.

I'm with Shora. I just want you to be happy. Purely, blissfully, 100% happy. You are too wonderful not to be.

April said...

New leg AND a 3some for me!!! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!

dirk.mancuso said...

Randi, thanks for the very sweet wish for me (from your mouth and keyboard to God's ear...).

And may the new year bring you all kinds of happiness and yummy goodness -- whether it's on the gym front or the man front (and gawd, don't we ALL need well wishes when it comes to those pigs!).

Hella said...

Randi, you are so sweet!

Thanks for the wishes babe!

Have an awesome Christmas and a rockin new year chicky!


exile said...

awwww, my very own teleporter

you shouldn't have

i just hope there isn't a malfunction and part of me doesn't make the trip (i need that part...)

Macca said...

Thanks for my gift (or wish).


Sassy One said...

You are the bestest bestest!
Hmmmm I wonder if it happens immaclulately...could I still *ermmm* cum in the process?

Sooo not a Christmas thought. I probably made baby Jesus cry.