12.19.2006

Freaks

So I think I've mentioned before that I'm a freak magnet and it got me thinking about my one of my very first experiences in freakdom. His name was James. When I was a wee girl and would go grocery shopping with my mom he used to bag our groceries. His looks were parallel to Brad Pitt with his chiseled features, blonde hair and hazel eyes. He was a looker, I tell you. I used to anticipate the trips to Lucky's. Haha. That's how long ago that was. Lucky's is now Albertson's and I now hate the market. Anyhow, I digress. James would always smile at me at the end of the check stand and once I even gave him a flower I had picked on the way into the grocery store. Puppy love? It didn't have anything on what I had with James.
Years later James left Lucky's for the local Texaco station. By that time I was driving and my mom wasn't around to cock block. There was flirtation once again between me and James. Once, after I was done filling my tank, I proceeded to drive off when James sort of threw himself behind the car and flagged me down to stop me. I assumed I'd left the cap off but no. James wanted my phone number. I was on cloud 9, people. A girl of 17 (?), I was ready for my first love affair.
After many a phone call, James decided it was time for us to go on a date. One rainy day he picked me up from my house in a grandpa-style car that, to me, was the epitome of cool. I was so nervous. We lit up a joint and drove down to Main Street and I had no idea where we were going. It turns out, we were going to the Army Surplus store. Apparently, James collected weapons of all sorts as well as gear to make his own bomb shelter. My handsome pin up of a date was really a freak in fear of the apocalypse. For all I knew, he was in a sect of a cult. My vision of him was shattered.
Naturally, I cooled it off with James. It didn't stop him from telling me he loved me and wanted me to be his wife and we could go off and live in the woods in safety happily ever after. Oh, James. Honey. No. And so began my never ending experiences of being deceived by good looks only to find weirdos in hot-guy clothing.

6 comments:

Buzz said...

All the good guys wear hoodies and boots and jeans with a dip can ring in the back pocket and a "Mayville Football" hat.

Wait.


That's a little too much like ol' Buzz today...


-buzz

Itchy said...

Awww...he wanted to build you a bomb shelter of love. hee hee

Shelter meeee with yourrrr love....

Isn't that a song? Hmmm...

Dark Damian said...

At least he gave you a spliff to smoke. You got SOMETHING out of the deal.

fyrchk said...

Sometimes the Surplus Store has some good stuff man. I don't blame on building a bomb shelter anytime soon, but if I were going to, I'd invite you to come live in it.

You bring the weed.

Sassy One said...

As long as you didn't drink the Koolaid.

Maybe don't look for love in a grocery bagger k?

fyrchk said...

BTW, in my comment "blame" should read as "plan".

I'm cool like that.