11.20.2006

Whiny Ass

First and foremost, thanks to you, my fellow blog buddies. Your encouraging words on that shameful post below really put a smile on my face. It's a cyclical thing where I beat the ever living shit out of myself for being human and then at the end of the day I look back and say, "Overreact much, Randi?" Honestly, I blame the booze. It's doing my waistline, my pocket book and my mindframe no favors. I think I'll hop on the fabled wagon for a bit. Or, you know, just stop binge drinking like I'm some college frat boy. Stick to a glass of wine and some water? Maybe a pint of beer instead of a half gallon? Just some points to ponder.
Also? The school thing? Yeah... the truth is I'm totally up to speed on my assignments even though I could really be better about the reading and I'm pulling As (maybe Bs) in my classes as of this post. I was under the misconception that the rough draft research paper was due today when in reality it was just an optional thing if you wanted the professor's feedback. She actually complimented another related assignment I'd turned in and said she liked my topic and my writing style. So really? All that ranting below? Totally and utterly pointless.
What this really boils down to is I'm a perfectionist. People can tell me I'm doing a great job until they are blue in the face and I can get nothing but positive reinforcement but I will still find flaws in what I've accomplished. Some way I could have been better. Work is a bit stressful still because I am still catching on and I think it stems from that. The fact of the matter is, however, I'm doing a bang up job there and no one is complaining. Just me.
And? I'm an eensy weensy bit jealous that my brother is living the life I thought I'd be living by now - a sig other, a kid, a place in the nice part of town and a good paying job. All my life I've felt like I've worked really hard to get to where I am but it all seems to come so easily for him. So this is really my shit and I need to work it out without beating myself up. After all, I'm only human, right? Tomorrow I'll try and be funny again.

2 comments:

Shora said...

Holy crap hon, once again you're proving you're me... only young and unwrinkly. xoxo

Don't apologize! There's no need.

Sassy One said...

All in it's time right?

Yeh...and let's start worrying when we are old and wrinkley k?

Smooches to you.